Woman Is Sick Of Catering To Husband’s “Mysterious Symptoms”, Starts Cooking Only For Herself
Many people believe that the way to someone’s heart is through their stomach. Bring your crush freshly baked cookies or a warm, comforting lasagna, and you’ll have them swooning in no time. But as much as food can bring us together, it can also create huge problems in relationships when partners don’t see eye to eye.
One woman recently reached out to Reddit seeking advice on her marriage after she decided that she was tired of accommodating her husband’s extreme dietary preferences. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies readers shared.
This woman does all of the cooking and cleaning in her home, on top of paying the bills
Image credits: artfolio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
So she finally decided that she’s had enough of trying to accommodate her husband’s restrictive diet
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: inkyflossy
Many people would refuse to date someone who doesn’t follow a similar diet
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Food is a huge part of our lives, so it’s understandable that couples want to be on the same page when it comes to their diets. I feel so lucky to have a partner who thinks I’m a great cook and who loves spicy food as much as I do. And it just melts my heart when he tells me how delicious my tiramisu is.
According to a survey conducted by TODAY.com and Match.com, our food preferences might even inform who we choose to date. This survey found that nearly a third of meat eaters would refuse to date someone just because they’re a vegetarian.
Another poll found that 53% of respondents would turn down a date from someone who liked their steak prepared differently than they do. Delish also delved into this topic and asked readers to share some of their dealbreakers when it comes to food opinions.
If you don’t like pizza, drink cow’s milk, refuse to share, don’t like dessert, can’t handle spicy food or are a picky eater in general, you might have a harder time finding love.
But it’s important to be sympathetic towards other people’s dietary preferences or restrictions, because there might be a perfectly valid reason why they refuse to eat gluten. I’ve been vegan for 8 years, and I would never return to eating animal products due to ethical reasons. But I’ll happily eat anything that tastes like meat, as long as it was made from plant sources.
Some people also have severe allergies or health issues that prevent them from being able to eat nuts, gluten, eggs, dairy, certain fruits or spices and more. And, of course, being neurodivergent might also play a role in some people’s eating habits.
It’s common for neurodivergent individuals to be more selective about what they’ll eat
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman who shared this story mentioned that her husband is neurodivergent, which does not automatically explain his diet, but it could certainly help us understand it. According to a review looking at the prevalence of eating disorders in those on the autism spectrum, 22.9% of autistic individuals struggle with eating disorders, as opposed to only 2% of the general population.
Another review also found that those with ADHD are four times more likely to be diagnosed with an eating disorder than those without ADHD. ARFID, or avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder, is also common among those on the autism spectrum, as one study estimates that over one fifth of autistic people will struggle with ARFID at some point during their lives.
One study from the United States also found that over two thirds of autistic children display unique eating behaviors. This might include being extremely selective about what they’ll eat or being hypersensitive to certain food textures. Neurodivergent children are also more likely to choose or avoid foods based on texture than other kids.
The Institute for Optimum Nutrition also notes that it’s common for neurodivergent individuals to develop hyperfixation cycles when it comes to food. They may choose to eat the same meals over and over again because they’re safe, comfortable, and they always know what to expect.
But that doesn’t mean that it’s always going to be easy to accommodate these dietary preferences, especially when you’re already working full-time, paying all of the bills and doing all of the chores in your household. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation down below, pandas. Then, if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar issues, look no further than right here!
Later, the woman shared some more background information about her situation
Many readers left supportive comments and encouraged her to start taking care of herself
However, some readers blamed the wife for getting herself into this situation
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It's hard. I'm disabled. Verified, documented. the whole thing. In a chair, with sensory issues that just today I couldn't eat what my mom cooked. It broke her heart cuz she was trying to help. This, this ain't it, sis. This is, quite honestly, abusive.
Yes, exactly. Just because he's ND doesn't mean he isn't also abusive. It sounds like everything in their relationship revolves around him. And I do know that some health conditions are weird, but the description of his symptoms as "mysterious and variable" is setting off alarm bells. I think he's malingering and using his health problems are a way to browbeat OP into doing everything for him. I find myself really hoping she leaves him, for her own mental/physical health. Honestly, even if he's being entirely honest about his symptoms, she may still need to leave him. She genuinely might not have a choice, when it comes to her own health needs.
Load More Replies...This man needs to start taking responsibility for his condition, including seeing the appropriate doctors and therapists, taking any appropriate medications, and applying various tools and coping behaviors. He seems to be doing none of these, and she needs to *stop* overextending herself on his behalf.
I'm pretty sure he has no condition apart being an as.shole . He doesn't want to see a doctor .It feels like she went from an abusive father to an abusive husband
Load More Replies...You're not failing as a wife, he is failing as a husband. Shows no interest in getting medical help makes me wonder how much he's exaggerating. Ultimatum time - seek medical help by xxxx. If he doesn't leave with the dogs. Good luck.
Yes, and he's also making her problems all about him so that SHE'll cater to HIM instead of expecting HIM to support HER in her time of need. "Your bad mood (caused by the traumatic death of your father) is just soooo bad for my mental health! Worry about ME now!"
Load More Replies...Is the husband really ND ? Why won't he try to get medical help ?ND is just a wastebasket term for various psycho - neurological disorders. I believe the OP needs to look after herself more and let the husband do his own thing, as he seems to be taking full advantage of her considerable efforts.
I have ASD and OCD, and honestly, I get the part of mental symptoms becoming physical. I get terrible vertigo, lose sensation in my legs, can’t breathe, when I get a compulsion to look up into the sky and feel like I’m about to impossibly fall up. But I have a diagnosis and coping habits; the husband needs to see a doc and develop coping habits asap, because he’s leaving his wife stranded.
If she divorces him he will have to cook his own damn meals and take care of himself like a damn ADULT
The husband is an incompetent human being, period. The OP should move in with her mother temporarily so she can concentrate on resolving that situation. Her husband will assuredly find some way to keep himself from starving if she is not there to cater to his nonsense. Perhaps then OP will see that he really brings nothing to the table (bad pun, sorry) and unload him permanently.
He sounds like a narcissistic, passive aggressive tyrant. Nothing wrong with him. If there was he would have seen a doctor. So he probably eats lunch out, works with people who use a gas stove,ect and it doesn't bother him? You need a divorce lawyer.
Even if he truly has all these things and treatment wouldn't work, you still have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. A burnt out caretaker helps no one well, and caretakers can't be expected to stop their lives every time someone needs something. But he's not. He's actively manipulating and destroying his wife. And his wife has been letting him do it. It's long past time for divorce papers, NC, and therapy to change why she feels the compulsion to help people who will neither reciprocate or be thankful.
Also, I have stage 4 breast cancer , live alone and have to do all these things for myself. I prefer to stay as independent as possible. At one point after 10 rounds of radiation and chemo ( the chemo d**g I could not tolerate) my 2 daughters stepped in and helped me with everything. I don't understand how this man behaves like a petulant child and cant do anything for himself?
Load More Replies...Being with my husband 15 years, 13 of those he's been sick, he has CUCI (a very complicated-non curable colitis), and needs special diet. Althoug we both cook, the most of the food is made by him, to acommodate his diet, and sometimes he even make things he can't eat just for me to enjoy, he makes 2 meals, so both have the food we like and enjoy. He says that he is responsable of following his diet, not me. When I cook I made food he can eat, and I add something else to my plate to make it more to my taste.(sorry if my english is not the best).
The YTA brigade are trolling again! This husband is an absolute disgrace! There’s nothing wrong with him! He’s making your life hell and doesn’t give a s**t about you! Why isn’t he doing ANYTHING or paying for ANYTHING! Honestly run, run before he runs you into the ground. I don’t know how You’ve put up with this and I would fallout of love with someone one let’s their partner reach this level of burnout! Selfish and manipulative he is. Please leave before you completely break down!!
OP needs to get her husband to an Integrative and Functional doctor. Insurance will pay for little of the diagnosis or treatment.
As ND myself (Autism, Anxiety, ADHD, OCD and so on...), I see a doctor every 3 months for my meds, my psychiatrist every 2 months for my head and my therapist nurse every month for everything else. I have meds, I go to group cessions to help me understand the world I'm living in (and believe me, you all "normal" people, you are soooo weird !) and my nurse sent me to a fundation to help me with outdoor activities. I'm 40, I'm single and I can't take care of myself but I take care of my cats and try to be a good friend and a good sister. All this just to say : if you are ill (mentally or physically) and you want to be better, you see a doctor (or 5). If you don't see any doctor, you are not ill. That's that.
Hubby seems to be one of these guys who is ok to live with as long as she is looking after him and catering to his various problems. When she doesn’t do that, he become unlivable. I recommend a separation where OP determine what she wants and hubby starts managing his issues.
It's hard. I'm disabled. Verified, documented. the whole thing. In a chair, with sensory issues that just today I couldn't eat what my mom cooked. It broke her heart cuz she was trying to help. This, this ain't it, sis. This is, quite honestly, abusive.
Yes, exactly. Just because he's ND doesn't mean he isn't also abusive. It sounds like everything in their relationship revolves around him. And I do know that some health conditions are weird, but the description of his symptoms as "mysterious and variable" is setting off alarm bells. I think he's malingering and using his health problems are a way to browbeat OP into doing everything for him. I find myself really hoping she leaves him, for her own mental/physical health. Honestly, even if he's being entirely honest about his symptoms, she may still need to leave him. She genuinely might not have a choice, when it comes to her own health needs.
Load More Replies...This man needs to start taking responsibility for his condition, including seeing the appropriate doctors and therapists, taking any appropriate medications, and applying various tools and coping behaviors. He seems to be doing none of these, and she needs to *stop* overextending herself on his behalf.
I'm pretty sure he has no condition apart being an as.shole . He doesn't want to see a doctor .It feels like she went from an abusive father to an abusive husband
Load More Replies...You're not failing as a wife, he is failing as a husband. Shows no interest in getting medical help makes me wonder how much he's exaggerating. Ultimatum time - seek medical help by xxxx. If he doesn't leave with the dogs. Good luck.
Yes, and he's also making her problems all about him so that SHE'll cater to HIM instead of expecting HIM to support HER in her time of need. "Your bad mood (caused by the traumatic death of your father) is just soooo bad for my mental health! Worry about ME now!"
Load More Replies...Is the husband really ND ? Why won't he try to get medical help ?ND is just a wastebasket term for various psycho - neurological disorders. I believe the OP needs to look after herself more and let the husband do his own thing, as he seems to be taking full advantage of her considerable efforts.
I have ASD and OCD, and honestly, I get the part of mental symptoms becoming physical. I get terrible vertigo, lose sensation in my legs, can’t breathe, when I get a compulsion to look up into the sky and feel like I’m about to impossibly fall up. But I have a diagnosis and coping habits; the husband needs to see a doc and develop coping habits asap, because he’s leaving his wife stranded.
If she divorces him he will have to cook his own damn meals and take care of himself like a damn ADULT
The husband is an incompetent human being, period. The OP should move in with her mother temporarily so she can concentrate on resolving that situation. Her husband will assuredly find some way to keep himself from starving if she is not there to cater to his nonsense. Perhaps then OP will see that he really brings nothing to the table (bad pun, sorry) and unload him permanently.
He sounds like a narcissistic, passive aggressive tyrant. Nothing wrong with him. If there was he would have seen a doctor. So he probably eats lunch out, works with people who use a gas stove,ect and it doesn't bother him? You need a divorce lawyer.
Even if he truly has all these things and treatment wouldn't work, you still have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. A burnt out caretaker helps no one well, and caretakers can't be expected to stop their lives every time someone needs something. But he's not. He's actively manipulating and destroying his wife. And his wife has been letting him do it. It's long past time for divorce papers, NC, and therapy to change why she feels the compulsion to help people who will neither reciprocate or be thankful.
Also, I have stage 4 breast cancer , live alone and have to do all these things for myself. I prefer to stay as independent as possible. At one point after 10 rounds of radiation and chemo ( the chemo d**g I could not tolerate) my 2 daughters stepped in and helped me with everything. I don't understand how this man behaves like a petulant child and cant do anything for himself?
Load More Replies...Being with my husband 15 years, 13 of those he's been sick, he has CUCI (a very complicated-non curable colitis), and needs special diet. Althoug we both cook, the most of the food is made by him, to acommodate his diet, and sometimes he even make things he can't eat just for me to enjoy, he makes 2 meals, so both have the food we like and enjoy. He says that he is responsable of following his diet, not me. When I cook I made food he can eat, and I add something else to my plate to make it more to my taste.(sorry if my english is not the best).
The YTA brigade are trolling again! This husband is an absolute disgrace! There’s nothing wrong with him! He’s making your life hell and doesn’t give a s**t about you! Why isn’t he doing ANYTHING or paying for ANYTHING! Honestly run, run before he runs you into the ground. I don’t know how You’ve put up with this and I would fallout of love with someone one let’s their partner reach this level of burnout! Selfish and manipulative he is. Please leave before you completely break down!!
OP needs to get her husband to an Integrative and Functional doctor. Insurance will pay for little of the diagnosis or treatment.
As ND myself (Autism, Anxiety, ADHD, OCD and so on...), I see a doctor every 3 months for my meds, my psychiatrist every 2 months for my head and my therapist nurse every month for everything else. I have meds, I go to group cessions to help me understand the world I'm living in (and believe me, you all "normal" people, you are soooo weird !) and my nurse sent me to a fundation to help me with outdoor activities. I'm 40, I'm single and I can't take care of myself but I take care of my cats and try to be a good friend and a good sister. All this just to say : if you are ill (mentally or physically) and you want to be better, you see a doctor (or 5). If you don't see any doctor, you are not ill. That's that.
Hubby seems to be one of these guys who is ok to live with as long as she is looking after him and catering to his various problems. When she doesn’t do that, he become unlivable. I recommend a separation where OP determine what she wants and hubby starts managing his issues.
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