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Woman Wonders If She’s A Jerk For Not Supporting Husband When His Dad Did What He Did To Her

Woman Wonders If She’s A Jerk For Not Supporting Husband When His Dad Did What He Did To Her

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Pregnancy is an emotional ride—a thrilling one with ups and downs that are enough to cause concern. For couples, finding out they are pregnant is a moment to be enjoyed and absorbed for themselves before making it public.

However, today’s Original Poster (OP) couldn’t relate to that as her husband went about spilling the news to friends and family after she pleaded with him not to mention it yet.

More info: Reddit

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    The moment you tell someone not to do something, it suddenly just becomes irresistible to them

    Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    The author found out she was pregnant, but asked her husband not to mention it for some time, just so they could adjust to the news

    Image credits: Ok-Establishment7358

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    Image credits: Liliana Drew / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    The husband didn’t do much of a good job keeping it in as he went around informing friends and family, except his grandfather

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    Image credits: Ok-Establishment7358

    Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    His father then told him that he would announce the news to his grandfather if he didn’t do it on time, but that made him angry

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    Image credits: Ok-Establishment7358

    After venting his frustration to the author, she told him that he had put her in the same position when he went around announcing her pregnancy

    Once she had discovered she was pregnant with her second child, the OP asked her husband to keep it a secret from everyone for a bit. Being a pregnant mother, just like every other mother, she needed time to adjust to the massive news without the necessary round of congratulations and questioning immediately. Her husband was too excited, though, to keep the secret to himself.

    Within minutes of talking with her, he had informed his work friend and another friend. While she was upset, he brushed it aside, telling her he would be keeping it a secret from then onwards. That promise did not last long. Throughout the weeks, he pressured her to break the news to his family before she was ready. When she didn’t, he “accidentally” blurted it out over casual coffee with his parents.

    The pattern repeated itself, and the husband kept going on and on spreading the news without her consent. He had, however, not informed his grandparents. His dad then issued an ultimatum: reveal the news to his grandparents or he would. Suddenly, the husband was on the receiving end of the very behavior his wife had been upset about. Frustrated and irate, he complained to his wife about his father’s insensitive actions.

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    Her response was a calm yet pointed observation: now he knew how she felt when she had asked him to keep the pregnancy announcement to themselves for a bit and he didn’t respect it. The comment, while valid, was not well-received. Instead, he accused her of being selfish and stuck in a “victim mentality.” That sparked a heated argument that left them both stewing in silence for the rest of the evening.

    Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    According to the BBC, there is no definitive “right” or “wrong” time to announce a pregnancy. What truly matters is approaching the conversation with care, ensuring it takes place when the woman feels ready. This is particularly important, as she carries the greater emotional burden during pregnancy.

    The OP’s husband breaking his promise after assuring her that he wouldn’t speak about the pregnancy yet was dangerous, and Insights Counseling Center affirms that. They explain that breaking promises in a marriage weakens the trust that is vital for a strong relationship as it could lead to unhealthy communication patterns and emotional distance.

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    Straight Talk Counseling highlights that hypocrisy occurs when individuals claim moral standards they fail to uphold themselves. Often, this involves excusing their own behavior while judging others for the same actions.

    They suggest it stems from ego, self-righteousness, and a lack of humility, which can mask deeper issues such as fear or low self-esteem. Hypocrites may justify their actions as being more noble or well-meaning than others’, using hypocrisy as a defense mechanism to avoid self-reflection or accountability.

    The OP feels she was wrong to have mentioned it. What do you think? Do you think she was right to point out the irony to her husband, or should she have approached it differently? We would love to hear your thoughts!

    Netizens called the author’s husband out for being a hypocrite and completely unreliable

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    Ifeoluwa Adesina

    Ifeoluwa Adesina

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I'm a writer and bookworm (eyes glued to an e-book, more accurately) who happens to have a suspiciously deep knowledge about pop culture. When I'm not writing, I can most likely be found taking yet another online quiz to find out which soda matches my personality.

    Read less »
    Ifeoluwa Adesina

    Ifeoluwa Adesina

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    I'm a writer and bookworm (eyes glued to an e-book, more accurately) who happens to have a suspiciously deep knowledge about pop culture. When I'm not writing, I can most likely be found taking yet another online quiz to find out which soda matches my personality.

    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Hi! Nice to meet you~ I'm very passionate about animals, especially cats, photography, small DIY projects, music and so much more! Could say I am the TV show The Office connoisseur since I have seen it at least a dozen times~

    Read less »

    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Hi! Nice to meet you~ I'm very passionate about animals, especially cats, photography, small DIY projects, music and so much more! Could say I am the TV show The Office connoisseur since I have seen it at least a dozen times~

    What do you think ?
    Add photo comments
    POST
    Suzie
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So the husband can dish it out but he can't take it.

    lenka
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The first red flag was him disrespecting your privacy and feelings. The second much bigger red flag was him blaming you for something he did.

    ElfVibratorGlitter
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Poor lady, she's not even that far along. I accidentally told a coworker I was pregnant at like 9 weeks, and it got super weird when a few months later she asked how it was going and my reply was, "miscarriage". Soooo, I get being excited and wanting to share, but respect your wife's wishes dude.

    AK
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, with my son we didn't tell anyone till 16 weeks, with my current we didn't even tell my son till 20, then others after that. Losses are sadly too common.

    Load More Replies...
    Secret Squirrel
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just plead morning sickness and skip family events if you don't want the fuss.

    Nina
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, she married wrong. Good luck raising a kid with that hypocrite. She's in for a lot more arguments just like this one.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Mr. Unaware of 2025, Ladies and Gentlemen." I agree with the above comment that says: "Keep stuff to yourself if you don't want hubby blabbing about *your* business."

    FlamingRed
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All I kept on thinking while reading this is, "Why are you having another child with this glassbowl?"

    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    1 day ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's not the same situation. What the husband did is 100x worse. Once the parents start telling people, you can ask them to keep it a secret, but basically that's it - your big news is out there, and your ability to control it is limited. You can't really be that mad when someone of the multitudes you've told wants to tell someone else. In fact, it's arguable that you should be grateful for them coming to you before spreading the news. However, when you betray your nervous spouse by telling people, you have absolutely f**ked up.

    Queenie G
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA, but next time you get pregnant keep it to yourself (don't tell hubby) until you are ready for everyone to know or you will be dealing with this all over again.

    Lisa Maynard
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I swear, there are at least four things on the internet every day that make me glad I wasn't able to have children and that I'm divorced.

    Rick Seiden
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guess the husband will find out about the third kid (if there is one) in the delivery room.

    zims
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want to say she should have waited for him to calm down, but that's just a lifetime of walking on eggshells around my dad talking. His emotions are his to manage, you shouldn't have to swallow down your anger to baby him through his.

    marina
    Community Member
    11 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Greetings to everyone that is reading this testimony of my i want to appreciate the good work of Dr Etiosa. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster called Dr Etiosa, help a lot of women to get back there husband and i gave him a reply to his Whatsapp number +2347065856438 and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 12 hours that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because my husband come back home after the spell work within 12 hours all thanks to his good work:: You can also contact him on E-mail :: Doctoretiosa58@gmail.com

    Doodles1983
    Community Member
    2 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    So. It's not "her" news to just keep private. Like it's not solely "his" to share. So there are issues with them both about boundaries and communication. And it's not entirely the same as dad is a, step further away from the news. It was "their" news. Dad is in the next circle. I know I'm in the minority here but she can't be possessive over news that's theirs. They should have communicated better and made a clear plan.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lots of women wait they're at least 12-16 weeks pregnant to make sure everything is going well.

    Load More Replies...
    Suzie
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So the husband can dish it out but he can't take it.

    lenka
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The first red flag was him disrespecting your privacy and feelings. The second much bigger red flag was him blaming you for something he did.

    ElfVibratorGlitter
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Poor lady, she's not even that far along. I accidentally told a coworker I was pregnant at like 9 weeks, and it got super weird when a few months later she asked how it was going and my reply was, "miscarriage". Soooo, I get being excited and wanting to share, but respect your wife's wishes dude.

    AK
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, with my son we didn't tell anyone till 16 weeks, with my current we didn't even tell my son till 20, then others after that. Losses are sadly too common.

    Load More Replies...
    Secret Squirrel
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just plead morning sickness and skip family events if you don't want the fuss.

    Nina
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, she married wrong. Good luck raising a kid with that hypocrite. She's in for a lot more arguments just like this one.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Mr. Unaware of 2025, Ladies and Gentlemen." I agree with the above comment that says: "Keep stuff to yourself if you don't want hubby blabbing about *your* business."

    FlamingRed
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All I kept on thinking while reading this is, "Why are you having another child with this glassbowl?"

    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    1 day ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's not the same situation. What the husband did is 100x worse. Once the parents start telling people, you can ask them to keep it a secret, but basically that's it - your big news is out there, and your ability to control it is limited. You can't really be that mad when someone of the multitudes you've told wants to tell someone else. In fact, it's arguable that you should be grateful for them coming to you before spreading the news. However, when you betray your nervous spouse by telling people, you have absolutely f**ked up.

    Queenie G
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA, but next time you get pregnant keep it to yourself (don't tell hubby) until you are ready for everyone to know or you will be dealing with this all over again.

    Lisa Maynard
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I swear, there are at least four things on the internet every day that make me glad I wasn't able to have children and that I'm divorced.

    Rick Seiden
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guess the husband will find out about the third kid (if there is one) in the delivery room.

    zims
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want to say she should have waited for him to calm down, but that's just a lifetime of walking on eggshells around my dad talking. His emotions are his to manage, you shouldn't have to swallow down your anger to baby him through his.

    marina
    Community Member
    11 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Greetings to everyone that is reading this testimony of my i want to appreciate the good work of Dr Etiosa. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster called Dr Etiosa, help a lot of women to get back there husband and i gave him a reply to his Whatsapp number +2347065856438 and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 12 hours that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because my husband come back home after the spell work within 12 hours all thanks to his good work:: You can also contact him on E-mail :: Doctoretiosa58@gmail.com

    Doodles1983
    Community Member
    2 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    So. It's not "her" news to just keep private. Like it's not solely "his" to share. So there are issues with them both about boundaries and communication. And it's not entirely the same as dad is a, step further away from the news. It was "their" news. Dad is in the next circle. I know I'm in the minority here but she can't be possessive over news that's theirs. They should have communicated better and made a clear plan.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lots of women wait they're at least 12-16 weeks pregnant to make sure everything is going well.

    Load More Replies...
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