Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
281
Man’s World Turns Upside Down 5 Years After Wife Deleted A Text He Got From His Pregnant Ex
Jealousy is often associated with an increased love for another person. However, there comes a point when these intense feelings can become unhealthy and destructive to a relationship.
In this story, a woman’s jealousy pushed her to delete a message between her husband and his ex-girlfriend. While the incident happened five years prior, her actions caused the estrangement between her spouse and his daughter.
Living with regret and resentment toward his wife, the man struggled to accept his reality. This whirlwind of emotions led him to the Relationship Advice subreddit to seek answers and clarity.
RELATED:
People blinded by jealousy can sometimes act in ways that may cause irreparable damage
Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual photo)
A man was deprived of a relationship with his daughter because of his partner’s jealousy-driven actions from years prior
Image source: throwRAshton
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
The author provided an update to his story, stating that things became more complicated
Image credits: Pressmaster (not the actual photo)
The drama extended to his immediate family, who got themselves involved
Image credits: jm_video (not the actual photo)
Image source: throwRAshton
Jealousy is “hard-wired” in all human beings
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
People like the author’s wife may struggle to rise above jealousy and prevent it from getting the better of them. That’s because it’s a “hard-wired” emotion in every human being.
According to a 2023 study published in the Evolutionary Psychological Science Journal, jealousy’s roots run deep in the human psyche on a psychological and evolutionary level. The research explains that romantic jealousy reduces the catastrophic effects on everyone involved by inducing strong yet negative emotions to urge corrective action.
Neuroscientist and Harvard University researcher Dr. Baland Jalal supports this theory, adding that jealousy also motivates the person to secure the survival of the person and their offspring.
However, these supposed “corrective” actions may urge a person to respond in ways that may cause a breach of trust. As Awake Therapy lead psychologist Dr. Mark Travers explains, such behaviors may include looking through their significant other’s phone, something the author’s partner did.
But what exactly pushes a person to act unhinged? According to Dr. Jalal, the brain’s emotion centers, which also trigger jealousy, are separately wired from the region where logic and reasoning occur. As a result, emotions get the better of a person, and they abandon rationality altogether.
“What began as a partnership of equals can degenerate into an unhappy relationship of guard and jailer,” adds University of Oxford clinical psychology professor Dr. Daniel Freeman.
A realistic perception of forgiveness can help rebuild the broken trust from jealous behavior
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
The story’s author admitted to being at a loss, not knowing how he and his wife could move forward. His inability to forgive, coupled with the heavy regret of unintentionally abandoning his daughter, is likely weighing him down.
If so, he may fall into the same trap most people experience when their spouse breaks their trust. According to licensed therapist Stephanie Manes JD, LCSW, many believe forgiveness is simply about putting the past behind them and moving on, something she describes as “unrealistic and unnecessary.”
Instead, she urges a shift in mindset toward acceptance. As she explained in an interview with Well and Good, it’s about seeing such trials and tribulations as strengthening the union in the long run.
“Over time, it can become part of a bigger story you can write about your relationship,” she explained.
Manes adds that jumping into big decisions about the future is unwise. As she explains, the fallout of dishonesty in a marriage can put the couple in crisis mode. The wrong mindset may cloud the decision on the next move.
Instead, Manes recommends “letting the dust settle” and focusing on healing before determining whether or not it’s worth it to stay together.
The author stated he and his wife have gone their separate ways for the time being while he deals with his emotions. He may be on the right track, as it also allows his spouse to realize the consequences of her actions.
What do you think, readers? What other options does the author have that may help save his marriage?
The author answered reader questions to provide more insights
Commenters responded with their pieces of advice
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
I can't believe someone who was obviously so concerned about an ex, that she went onto their partner's phone to select a message and then went onto block the sender didn't at least skim the message. So I think she's still lying. Either way, that's pretty extreme behaviour, and a huge breach of privacy. This was early in the relationship, or the timeline wouldn't work. I wouldn't go into my partner's phone dig around, and we've been together ten years. Imagine what else she's done in the meanwhile. If her friends are distancing themselves, it probably means this isn't out of character. If it was one crazy thing she did years ago, they might not approve, but they'd be telling her husband how much she's changed, or trying to support her. It sucks that you've now mixed your DNA with this woman, but she's manipulative and comfortable lying to you. She probably a vindictive person based on this whole situation, so get a custody agreement asap.
Ms.GB 2 months ago (edited)
I also think she read it. She may have thought his ex was lying but she read it. On the other hand I can't believe you wouldn't try harder to at least speak to the person who got you pregnant. One text with no answer and you're done? Wouldn't you call or file for child support or talk to extended family before the 5 year mark? Even if the father doesn't want to be in baby's life grandma and grandpa would probably at least like to know they have a grandchild. You wouldn't try to contact the other side of the family even after the child was born?
Load More Replies...
Kit Black 2 months ago
The ex can say that she's going after child support and full custody, and not going to let him see the child, but no judge is going to go along with that. Unless he has a history of any kind of domestic violence, he is going to ask for visitation or joint custody, the judge is going to order child support - and a step up plan that allows him to spend time with the child, and as long as he complies to gradually move towards more visitation and likely eventual joint custody. The wife is absolutely lying here and he should take that into account - but it's very odd that the ex only sent one message and then nothing else. If that's accurate, and she says so in court - it's definitely going to work against her notion of not letting him see his child...
Secret Squirrel 2 months ago
She sent a message saying she was pregnant and was instantly blocked. That seems like a pretty clear response. Until I was in dire financial straits, I wouldn't have contacted him again either. If she didn't feel at the time the financial support was worth the emotional toll, that seems reasonable. They'd broken up for a reason and maybe she thought he'd be a terrible father and was relieved, maybe she thought he'd contact her when he was ready to step up. But it's not unreasonable to take being blocked after you poured your heart out as an invitation to f-off.
Load More Replies...
Virgil Blue 2 months ago
Jealousy being hardwired is a new thing for me. I have moments were I'd want / like something others had but never in a "I hate it's them and not me" kind of way. It always struck me as weird that people could get like that.
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
It is weird, those people are being cruel and blaming jealousy. Jealousy is exactly what you said, you want something someone else has. It's cruelty that would make you then do horrible things to them. They pretend it's natural/instinct so they don't have to admit they just like hurting people.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
I can't believe someone who was obviously so concerned about an ex, that she went onto their partner's phone to select a message and then went onto block the sender didn't at least skim the message. So I think she's still lying. Either way, that's pretty extreme behaviour, and a huge breach of privacy. This was early in the relationship, or the timeline wouldn't work. I wouldn't go into my partner's phone dig around, and we've been together ten years. Imagine what else she's done in the meanwhile. If her friends are distancing themselves, it probably means this isn't out of character. If it was one crazy thing she did years ago, they might not approve, but they'd be telling her husband how much she's changed, or trying to support her. It sucks that you've now mixed your DNA with this woman, but she's manipulative and comfortable lying to you. She probably a vindictive person based on this whole situation, so get a custody agreement asap.
Ms.GB 2 months ago (edited)
I also think she read it. She may have thought his ex was lying but she read it. On the other hand I can't believe you wouldn't try harder to at least speak to the person who got you pregnant. One text with no answer and you're done? Wouldn't you call or file for child support or talk to extended family before the 5 year mark? Even if the father doesn't want to be in baby's life grandma and grandpa would probably at least like to know they have a grandchild. You wouldn't try to contact the other side of the family even after the child was born?
Load More Replies... Kit Black 2 months ago
The ex can say that she's going after child support and full custody, and not going to let him see the child, but no judge is going to go along with that. Unless he has a history of any kind of domestic violence, he is going to ask for visitation or joint custody, the judge is going to order child support - and a step up plan that allows him to spend time with the child, and as long as he complies to gradually move towards more visitation and likely eventual joint custody. The wife is absolutely lying here and he should take that into account - but it's very odd that the ex only sent one message and then nothing else. If that's accurate, and she says so in court - it's definitely going to work against her notion of not letting him see his child...
Secret Squirrel 2 months ago
She sent a message saying she was pregnant and was instantly blocked. That seems like a pretty clear response. Until I was in dire financial straits, I wouldn't have contacted him again either. If she didn't feel at the time the financial support was worth the emotional toll, that seems reasonable. They'd broken up for a reason and maybe she thought he'd be a terrible father and was relieved, maybe she thought he'd contact her when he was ready to step up. But it's not unreasonable to take being blocked after you poured your heart out as an invitation to f-off.
Load More Replies... Virgil Blue 2 months ago
Jealousy being hardwired is a new thing for me. I have moments were I'd want / like something others had but never in a "I hate it's them and not me" kind of way. It always struck me as weird that people could get like that.
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
It is weird, those people are being cruel and blaming jealousy. Jealousy is exactly what you said, you want something someone else has. It's cruelty that would make you then do horrible things to them. They pretend it's natural/instinct so they don't have to admit they just like hurting people.
Load More Replies... You May Like Man’s Cruel Two-Year Prank Leaves Wife Questioning Their Marriage: “Can I Stop Distrusting Him?” “Her Body, My Choice”: Woman Rethinks Relationship After BF Sabotages Her Birth Control “Tears Each Christmas”: Man Ruins Christmas For Wife Every Year, Pushes Her To Consider Divorce
Gabija Saveiskyte
Rugilė Žemaitytė
Gabija Palšytė
Related on Bored Panda
20
55