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Growing up, we all hear the same pieces of wisdom: “Trust your gut,” “Ignore the bullies,” or “Ask for forgiveness, not permission.” These sayings are meant to help us, but do they always work in real life?
Some Reddit users think these popular tips don’t always deliver as promised. We’ve put together a list of advice that people believe might not be as useful as it seems. Check it out below and let us know if you agree or not!
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#1
When there's a bully, just ignore them. Sorry but most bullies won't stop just cause you ignore them. Sometimes you gotta put them in their place.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
My mom told us to "just ignore the bullies." "They're only trying to get a rise out of you." That turned out not to be the case. What they were trying to do was to obtain gratification by beating up smaller kids.
R Dennis 1 year ago
My mom told me to punch them in the throat and if there were more than two, she told me how to cause permanent damage... I was pretty much the only poc in my city. If I needed to protect myself, she was okay with me leaving a wake of destruction.
Load More Replies... CK 1 year ago
The truth is, there's often no way for the victim to beat the bully. The bully is stronger and/or has more power in the situation. Attempting to deescalate doesn't work because the bully is having fun tormenting the victim. Fighting back doesn't work because the bully wins. It can be necessary for a third party to intercede sometimes.
Alexia 1 year ago
Treat a bully like you'd treat a malignant tumor. Do you ignore a malignant tumor, hoping that it will leave you alone? If yes, it will spread all over your body and suck you out. Call out the bullying or mobbing, fight it, put it where it belongs. Most of the bullies are cowards; and even if they're not, they have for sure emotional issues that make them extract validation and energy from humiliating others.
Lost Panda 1 year ago
I was never told to ignore them. I was told give them one chance to stop and if not use whatever means necessary to beat them down
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 1 year ago
As a society., if we tackled bullying effectively in schools perhaps there'd be a lot fewer a-holes for adults to contend with too.
Raluca Neacsu 1 year ago
i tried to follow the advise of my professors back then for about a semester. to ignore the bullies because she will talk to their parents. well. thing is... i got fed up with both the lack of action from the professors and the continuous bullying so i ended up beating them up a few times. they realized that there's consequences to their actions and ain't all that powerful. safe to say i had a carefree life back in school after that. sorry for my bad english
Orysha 1 year ago
When there's a bully, send them to the hospital. Violence is the only thing they understand.
Dumb teenager 1 year ago
Might be good to try reasoning with them first. May not help but if there just being a pain in the a*s because they don’t know when stuff stops being a joke then you might save both yourself and them from ending up in a difficult situation
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#2
"Stay for the kids/avoid a broken home."
Honey, if your parents loathe eachother, you not only see it, You feel it, You suffer from it, and you probably blame yourself.
Theres like radial emotional and mental abuse and fatigues and everything. On the kid. The person who allegedly not separating is suppose to help.
Stop f*****g yalls kids up and admit you hate eachother. You can be AMAZING coparents and never see eachother face to face.
Two STABLE homes is far happier than one in turmoil.
Papa 1 year ago
I would like to amend this one. While I agree that people shouldn't stay in a bad marriage only for the sake of the children, having children can be a motivator to work on the marriage to make it better. My mother left when I was almost grown, and that was rough enough on me. I didn't want to do that to my children (and my wife felt the same way). We worked to make our marriage better, and while it's still not perfect it's much better than it was. If we didn't have children we might have just given up, because after all that's the easy thing to do.
Alexia 1 year ago
I grew up in such a dysfunctional family. My parents hated each other and used to constantly scream, threaten and insult one another. Moreover, they were fighting their wars through me: "You learned this [insert whatever habit] from your stupid mother!" "You are a lazy b***h, just like your father!" At some point during these terrible years, I decided I'd never get married (rather than live like them) and never have kids (rather than perpetuating the abuse).
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
I’m 63. My parents should have divorced way before I was born—-and there’s a reason I was born, because my mother was a SAHM who never had a job and never even had a drivers license, and she was terrified of being on her own. But my father was no angel, and (according to my older brothers) was very obviously behaving like he was ready to abandon his whole family and disappear. So having me was her way of buying 18 more years. Didn’t improve or solve anything. Their relationship just stayed bad, but with a streak of frustration on my father’s part for being trapped. Being the youngest, after my older brothers grew up and moved out, it was just me having to live with and deal with them, and all their nasty c**p directed at each other, and sometimes at me too, all by myself. Needless to say, at 18 I left, went 100% NC, and never looked back. Believe me when I say that staying together “for the kids” is pure unadulterated b******t. I know this from experiencing it as a child. I would’ve much preferred to have COME from a broken home than to have been forced to LIVE in one. At least my brothers and I would’ve maybe had a shot at getting at least one decent stepparent out of it, maybe even two, as both of my parents were very attractive people, and would’ve remarried well, and quickly. If you have kids, and are on the unsalvageable verge of a divorce, just split up and try to make your own lives as happy as possible. Your kids will be much better off splitting their time between the two of you than if you stay together and they have to deal with your arguments, and your anger and deep unhappiness with each other ending up spilling over and being directed at them. Way to f**k up your kids’ heads, make them shy of committed relationships, AND leave home as soon as they can and you never see them, or hear from them, ever again. I say all this from personal experience.
Libstak 1 year ago (edited)
Both can be true. There are a lot of couples, especially who are dependent on having a partner just to survive, they could not make it on their own and that would lead to a bad environment for the kids on a lot of levels. Sad but unfortunately codependency is a real issue.
Alexandra Nara 1 year ago
I told my best friend in a quite abusive marriage,that she's a rolemodel for her daughter and instead of suffering she could teach her to take control of her life. Turns out , now that she and her daughter are in abusive relationsships,she is still promoting and validating the suffering victimstyle for both. I'm glad my daughter is her daughters best friend and convinced her to visit a therapist.
#3
'If she says NO, pursue her harder.' WORST dating advice
winterwidow87 1 year ago (edited)
I blame romantic movies for this one. The guy who doesn't take no for an answer and starts stalking the girl always ends up with her.
Terran 1 year ago
These were still based on a time where pursuit was sort of necessary. Modesty demands that a woman shouldn't just say yes to any flirting attempts, and has to act "hard to get". Being open to a romantic/sexual relationship was a no go for women. The "advice" is a remnant of a cultural code that died out during the last decades.
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Fabian Bernard 1 year ago
Old world dating ...sadly most of my generation has been raised like that
DC 1 year ago (edited)
I remember a listicle here a year ago or so, where a boy, getting rejected by a crush the first time, talked to somebody about that (aunt, older sister, dunno anymore) and she asked him if he knew what to do. He answered "Yes ... try harder", in a way indicating he's already tired of the thought of it, but accepted being supposed to do so. They set him straight, to his relief. I pretty much avoided dating, and never really came across such advice, but it seems ingrained in some that "No" is identical to "Not yet". Is it so? No. And not not yet!
Chelsea McKee 1 year ago
People need to learn how to communicate because in 9 out of 10 instances no means no. There is a certain understanding and relationship between two people who engage in consensual non consent or similar.
#4
“Forgive and forget” should be “forgive, but don’t forget” because 9/10 times peoples poor behavior is a part of a behavioral pattern. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me for giving you the chance.
Alexandra 1 year ago
'Forgive and forget' is often used by people who just don't want to deal with problems. 'It's family' is another one. 'Be the bigger person' is a third one and fourth is 'you should try to keep the peace'. It's okay not to forgive and/or forget.
The Other Guest 1 year ago
Don't forget "take the high road." I agree, those are all codes for "It's easier on me/us if you let them treat you like dirt, so just let them walk all over you, m'kay?"
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Guess Undheit 1 year ago
Don't forgive, and don't forget. Document it and record it so you can provide evidence to their next victim. Multiple witnesses are more powerful thank lone accusers.
Katharina Sei. 1 year ago
Everyone can make mistakes or can have bad days, therefore forgiving is a good way to deal with obe time violations. However you can still remember it. In the German language there is a saying: "Vergeben aber nicht vergessen" . This means that you no longer hold a grudge because of the incident, but it still has consequences. (e.g. you don't tell the person any more secrets if they have previously divulged them)
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Lost Panda 1 year ago
I tend not to hold grudges for the simple fact of "It does nothing for me" at the same time, that doesn't mean that I will keep in contact with the offender.
The Other Guest 1 year ago
Whereas I can hold a grudge like nobody's business. When I was a kid, the mom of my friend C would sometimes take us horseback riding. Out of all the times she offered, once - once! - my mom said I couldn't go. It's been at least 48 years since then and I'm still a little peeved about it.
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Traveling Lady Railfan 1 year ago
"when someone shows you who they really are, believe them" and "give people a second chance but never a third". Forgive, but don't forget. Don't hold a grudge if it's a one-time thing
Heffalump 1 year ago
Exactly, forgiving does not imply forgetting. It's just a letting go of the anger at the other person, and is at least as much for the benefit of the forgiver as the one forgiven. I can easily forgive almost anything in the knowledge that I just don't have to put myself in a situation where that person can do that to me again.
Schmebulock 1 year ago (edited)
instead, learn to practice petty revenge! You can get quit good at it in no time.
#5
Forgiveness is seen as this high achievement of humanity that all should strive for.
No. Sometimes people shouldn’t be forgiven. Some things are unforgivable.
Lotekguy 1 year ago
Especially if they have no sense of remorse and will do the same at the next opportunity.
Winter 1 year ago
Sometimes, the only thing they're really sorry for is getting caught! They tearfully say how sorry they are, etc., etc., but the tears of sorrow and (fake) remorse is only for the fact that they were found out!
Load More Replies... Doctor Strange 1 year ago
Forgiveness has to be earned. You can move on, let go of the anger and hurt instead of dwelling on it, but you do Not have to forgive. Even if they apologize, only the person hurt can decide if that earns forgiveness or not.
Robert Benson 1 year ago
Forgiveness isn't for the other person. It's for yourself. It allows you to move on and let the past go. Just because you forgive someone, that doesn't mean you trust them. It simply means that you are no longer allowing their previous actions to hold a central position in your life. The opposite of love might be hate, but the effect of forgiveness is to turn hate into indifference. Learn from the past, but don't live in it.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
The god I was brought up with demanded a blood sacrifice and got it. And in front of the symbol of that sacrifice, we are ordered that *we* have to forgive. Go figure.
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Michael Largey 1 year ago
What is recommended as forgiveness is often just removing the poison in your system that person placed there. That kind of forgiveness is sometimes good advice.
Fluffy Cat Sleeps 1 year ago
This is so true and as long as it doesn't hurt you that you can't forgive them, f**k forgiveness. I'll never forgive the adults that abused me when I was a child or, for that matter, the adults that abused them when they were children.
Camber Hollywood 1 year ago
Not forgiving always hurts you. Some people are just unable to see the impact on their lives and those around them.
Load More Replies... Angrykitten 1 year ago
I have this disagreement with my sister about the need to forgive. She takes the typical stance of forgiveness. I say some people don't deserve forgiveness but what I needed was acceptance. What happened in my childhood can't be changed or undone and it wasn't my fault. My mother was incapable of remorse. I had to accept that she would never say what I needed to hear and I stopped looking for the mother I was never going to have. Acceptance was liberating for me. I got to stop bashing my head against a wall and walk away for my own sanity.
Schmebulock 1 year ago
If we were less forgiving maybe there would be less doing the things that are causing the need for it.
#6
Everything happens for a reason/there's a purpose in everything that happens. Awful advice for any type of situation where someone was a victim.
Goose of the Ahonkalypse 1 year ago
It's also pretty prevalent in the new age/manifest your life instagram community. Either way it's a terrible thing to say to someone experiencing grief or trauma.
Load More Replies... winterwidow87 1 year ago
Yeah me being sêxually assaulted by an adult at 13 didn't happen for a reason. I always hated this "advice".
Bob Brooce 1 year ago
It happened for a reason, but the reason was the adult's major problem(s) and definitely not some god that was working in mysterious ways.
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viimatar 1 year ago
This is usually the people trying to rationalize or somehow justify the awful things that have happened to them (note: not committed by other people, but accidents or illnesses etc.). Things feel like there needs to be some greater meaning for them, a purpose behind it all. It's a very basic human need to find partial answers, and explanations for their existential crises. I know. I've been there. It just isn't right to impose them on others.
Toothless Feline 1 year ago
My favorite take on this comes from an episode of Babylon 5: “I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be much worse if life *were* fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them?’ So now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.” That’s the reality. Everything happens at random. The universe isn’t trying to accomplish anything. It simply is.
Depressed Lesbian(she/they/he) 1 year ago
Me personally, I have to believe this for myself out of self-preservation. I know survivors of SA and I would never DREAM of telling them this. Insensitive and minimising.
January Tempis 1 year ago
This will make you stronger, they say. You'll learn so much from this, they tell you. I say, I am the only one who gets to say what I am learning from my trauma. And only when I am ready. Everyone else can STFU.
#7
God gives you what you can handle. No. This is not true. If it were then people wouldn't commit [self-harm]. People's lives and mental health can implode all too easily.
winterwidow87 1 year ago (edited)
If god gives cancer patients and their families (especially pediatric patients) what he thinks they can handle, then god is a dîck who doesn't deserve worshipping.
TotallyNOTAFox 1 year ago
Ever read the bible? God is a him damn psychopath from a medical POV
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Stygtand 1 year ago
God does not give a flying f*** about anyone. And his followers are insane.
Mason Kronol 1 year ago
People downvoting you have probably been to that ark thing in Kentucky.
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iseefractals 1 year ago
god....doesn't give you anything, because god is a fictional creation of sad people desperately trying to cope with their own mortality.
Serena Myers 1 year ago
However, some folks believe in it/him, others in the Goddess (Wicca), others that if they blow themselves to oblivion taking as many other people with them that they can, that they will have 75 virgins waiting for them (I always wondered about that one, do these virgins become re-virginated every night after they have lost their virginity?) You just have to fight for yourself and hope that everything will be ok.
Load More Replies... Doctor Strange 1 year ago
“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” Epicurus
Verena Fiori-Jambor 1 year ago
According to this god gives war, rape, torture, child abuse, animal cruelty, Nazis…
kansasmagic 1 year ago
I once heard a "Christian" explain the he used to have doubts about god because of the Holocaust - but then he "realized" that it was okay, because "god was with them in the camps." I thought that was awfully convenient - for him. Every evil can be excused with "god works in mysterious ways."
Crescent 3 1 year ago
As a former pastor, this one in particular irritates me for two reasons: 1. It is objectively and provably wrong. People are dealing with things that are more than they can handle EVERY DAY. Terminal illness, childhood trauma, the deaths of loved ones, job loss ... the list is endless. People are put in your life to HELP you deal with the things that are too much too handle; that includes friends, family, clergy, doctors, therapists, and many others. 2. The second reason it bothers me is that it is a misinterpretation of the scripture that it' based on. The scripture that people use to make this point is 1 Corinthians 10:13, which reads: "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." The scripture is not about general hardships and difficulties. It's about dealing with temptation.
stacyshorts13 1 year ago
This saying has always pissed me off. Especially when someone is struggling with a loved one who is sick or has passed away from said "sickness". Like God is witnessing this from somewhere and just nodding his/her head saying "oh, these people can handle the heinous time I am sending their way". F that, truly.
#8
Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life. This might work for 1% of people. It makes the rest of us feel like we're doing it wrong.
iseefractals 1 year ago
It doesn't matter how much you start out loving something, work ALWAYS becomes "ugh...work" because it's no longer a choice, it's an obligation, it's not an escape or a means of relaxation...it's a means of survival, and what you love as a teenager or someone in their early 20's....is absolutely not what you're going to love a decade later. A job, is a job, is a job. It facilitates your life, it shouldn't define it.
viimatar 1 year ago
Never ruin a beloved hobby by trying to make it your living. It turns out miserable, and ruins your dearest emotional escapes and coping mechanisms for you for a long time.
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Alexandra Danu 1 year ago
It is important not to hate your job. I am happy doing my job and it feels not like I am wasting 8 hours a day, but living the hours. It is very important to like what you are doing.
R Dennis 1 year ago
It isn't about loving your job, but you shouldn't hate it. I am a firm believer that life is too short to be miserable at work. I quit every job I was unhappy at after giving me and them time to make it better. This has ranged from six years to eight days. It really depends on the environment.
winterwidow87 1 year ago
This one clearly doesn't apply to healthcare workers. I really love my job and couldn't see myself doing anything else, i still work and am exhausted by it.
Scotira 1 year ago
I think for some of us and in certain medical professions it is more of a calling than a job. I fe would still treat my cancer patients even if I had millions in my bank account.
Load More Replies... Schmebulock 1 year ago
If everyone did the job they loved and not the one that is needed society would break down.
FlamingoPanda 1 year ago
I have found a job I can tolerate (most days) and can do sufficiently well which makes the work day bearable. Then find joy outside of work. And in random little moments during the day.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago
OK I want to be a billionaire who lives off interest from my investments for the rest of my life. Where do I apply? Oh that's not a job I can apply for. Well I guess I'm screwed working for a living.
#9
“Trust your gut.” I have anxiety, my gut is virtually always telling me to panic and never do anything lol.
Lotekguy 1 year ago
Only after your gut has earned credibility from its instinct in enough other situations.
James Doe 1 year ago (edited)
Nope. The issue is that the "gut" / instinct is shaped by the last 50.000 years. 49.975 of those have very little to do with our current lives in the information age. Hence we react massively wrong to current stimuli (confrontation with worldwide bad news, bubbles of information, dopamine traps by doom scrolling, social media,...)
Load More Replies... Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago
I suffer from random panic attacks. My gut tells me I need to vomit my guts out and curl up into a corner all the time.
Cindy Brick 1 year ago
Then try listening to your instinct, instead. That's what "gut" actually means, in this case.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago (edited)
PTSD, anxiety etc can cause havoc on your actual gut... I once "terror farted" in front of the attending police officers... I kinda started laughing (not in the "it's funny!" way) and it weirdly eased the situation for me! Me - "Oh sorry!!! I didn't say that!", Police officer - "We won't add that to your statement!" They knew me by then btw and how I react so it wasn't bad 🙂
Rinso The Red 1 year ago
"Trust your gut" has caused more problems than almost anything in my life. I have a HORRIBL gut. I'm much better off taking a little time to think things through.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
I have depression and my "gut" doesn't say much - but my brain does. Sometimes I have to remind myself to be ruthlessly empirical: Forget what I *think* (or at least set it aside), and just focus on what I can *see*.
#10
This may be an unpopular opinion, but 'You can't expect anyone to love you if you don't love yourself first.' I get it, but I think a lot of people say that because they don't want to deal with certain types of people. Listen, not everyone can be filled with self-love. It can take years to learn this. In fact, some people can interpret this as they shouldn't even attempt to find love because they don't love themselves, and I think that is so wrong.
In most people's lives, there are others who love them just as they are. In my opinion, that is proof that you are lovable to others, even if you struggle to love yourself. And sometimes other people's love is what is needed to help you see that you can love yourself too. That's not to say that this advice is purely terrible, but it doesn't work for everyone. Just be smart about it.
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
I always share this when I can. No, you don't have to love yourself first. Many people need to be loved before they can love themselves. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201001/you-dont-need-love-yourself-first
keyboardtek 1 year ago
I agree. When I met my wife, my whole life turned around because of her affection.
Load More Replies... viimatar 1 year ago
How can you love yourself, if no-one else ever gives you anything positive? Crushed by the environment, it's damn hard to glow and rise above it.
Alexia 1 year ago
I agree it's hard, I've been there too. I realize how shallow that sounds, but you can find that positivity inside of you. And there is a person you need to treat with kindness and to take care of. Wanna see him/her? Look into the mirror.
Load More Replies... Emma S 1 year ago
I take this to mean you can't use a relationship to 'fix' yourself, which I agree with.
Terran 1 year ago
To 'fix' yourself? What does that even mean? Will a relationship magically fix you? No, probably not. But it might be what gives you the energy and capacity to fix yourself.
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Panda McPandaface 1 year ago
"Be kind to yourself", " learn to love yourself" - easier said than done.
#11
"Tough it out"
No. Do not tough it out. Talk about it, take breaks, have a meal and think it over. If you are sick toughing it out won't fix that. If you are depressed, toughing jt out won't fix that. If you are hurt, toughing jt out won't fix that. Take care of yourself and then keep going, or you'll run yourself into the ground.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
I felt sorry for the 12 year old boy at my daughter's martial arts class whose father was an ex military MAGA type jerk. He made his kid take a beating.
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LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 year ago
When I was very depressed as a child/teen, my egg donor would say "laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone". Like, thanks for the Shakespeare, b***h, but I was looking for a little comfort, not you diminishing my feelings and isolating me.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
Along with "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" - no, sometimes it leaves you a broken wreck.
MaximumKarmaSaint 1 year ago
NEVER TAKE THIS ADVICE. Letting yourself understand that you have been wrong and taking breaks or talking about it are the things that make you stronger, toughing it makes it worse.
ImAcoywolf?? (EverestWolf) 1 year ago
If you tough out depression you can’t get help, and if you have chronic depression it will never end. Taking. That advice literally WILL kill you.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
Treat your mental health as you would a broken leg... You cannot "Tough out" a broken leg so why would you treat your mental health any differently? You're not "broken", just maybe a bit "wonky" right now and that's perfectly okay. Talk to others, even us! If we can help, I'm sure that a lot of us will. You're not alone
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
Or get to the other side that makes you stronger to the point where you literally own idiots who couldn't 'get there.
#12
This was never true, but I heard it everywhere in pop culture. Treat women like c**p. They love it. No, they don't.
TotallyNOTAFox 1 year ago
Oh, lots of young girls are fans of rappers that basically preach that as well
Load More Replies... Tabitha 1 year ago
My British husband said some loser once told him, long before we met, “Treat them mean, keep them keen”. When he told me about it, I told him the truth is “Treat them mean, watch them leave your miserable a*s”. That’s when he said the person who told him that was someone with multiple divorces and a longtime drinking problem. I said it figures, and I hope he realized they were talking straight out of their a*s. He said, since his own parents were divorced, that he had seen the results of that c**p firsthand, as a child, so already knew it was b******t long before hearing it from that drunken loser. That kind of b******t advice had to have been devised by someone who was angry and bitter over their own failed relationships, and blamed them on the OTHER people—-but who didn’t have the self-awareness and emotional maturity to realize that THEY are the only common denominator in all those failures.
#13
“Only date people in your league”. Leagues don’t exist. You never know who a person will be attracted to.
Glen Ellyn 1 year ago (edited)
If you're concerned about "your league," you're a shallow person.
Mere Cat 1 year ago (edited)
True, but also could be because of a poor self-esteem (as I have had). As in, "he's way too awesome to be interested in someone like me" :/
Load More Replies... viimatar 1 year ago
You know, if NHL players could only date their peers, it would get all weird pretty soon.
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
By any objective measure, my wife is way, WAY out of my league--she is smokin' hot, popular, and wildly successful, but she says that I make her happier than any man she's ever known, and somehow we've been together going on 30 years. Don't box yourself in because you think you aren't good enough.
Papa 1 year ago
Same here. If my wife followed that advice I'd still be single. She saw some value in me that others didn't.
Load More Replies... Jon Stuart 1 year ago
Yes, we are attracted to those who we intellectually match with. You really think (and I know disney promulgate this) a prince wants anything to do with an uneducated peasant?
Tabitha 1 year ago
I don’t think it’s intellectually marching as much as intrinsically matching, which goes deeper. If the peasant is a lovely person, as well as the only person the prince can talk about anything with, who has a great sense of humor and makes him laugh and feel really great and happy when he’s with them, then hell to the yes, the prince WILL want to be with that peasant. We just have to hope his parents, the king and queen, see the value in them too, or their life together will be fraught with adversity. Royalty aside, some of the most wonderful men I dated before I met my husband were not GQ handsome and/or were not wealthy, but I enjoyed being with them, I could talk openly to them about anything, and they all had a terrific sense of humor. It’s just that my husband was the only one who shared those qualities BUT also had that little something extra that I truly cannot adequately explain, and that’s why I married him.
Load More Replies... Schmebulock 1 year ago
Never heard this one before, but date whoever you want that will date you back.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
"Only in my League"... 😄 We ain't playin American Football or Soccer my Darlin! This is almost as bad as the "Stick to your own kind" remarks I've heard over the years.
Chelsea McKee 1 year ago
There are leagues. Various leagues from cleanliness of home, to work performance, to appearances and presentation.
#14
"Ask for forgiveness not permission." So shockingly obvious how this could backfire in any number of personal or professional scenarios.
Soy 1 year ago
This is one of those phrases you weren't ever supposed to take literally or apply universally, like "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".
Bob Brooce 1 year ago
That pretty much applies to all of the posts I've read so far. They may have some truth or reality to them, or they might even be generally true, but other than physical laws there are few things that are always and absolutely true.
Load More Replies... Stephanie L Thesing 1 year ago
The original correct quote says, “it is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask permission”, which means something altogether different. This version makes little sense..
Peter Bear 1 year ago
"When I was young, I prayed to God to give me a bicycle, until I realized that's not how God works. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness. Later, I became a Cardinal."
Terran 1 year ago
Reminds me of that one priest in my hometown. There is this 400 year old church and there where multiple parking spots directly in front of it and he wanted them gone because it looked horrible and it would have been a real nice spot for wedding pictures and other occasions. But the town magistrate wouldn't let him close the area for cars. After a few years he saw an opportunity. The small area with the parking lot needed some renovation and had to be completely redone. So he decided to just dig up the area, placed two bushes there and surrounded all of it with steel poles. He basically made all of this within a day and we the town magistrate realised what he has done, they complained about the missing parking spots but couldn't really do anything about it. While the area belongs to the town,.the priest had offered to pay for the renovation with church money and they magistrate was happy the town doesn't have to pay for it. But now the town would have to pay to reverse it.
Max Fox 1 year ago
It was expressed by Rear Admiral Grace Hopper, who said that it is often better to ask forgiveness than for permission. However, she didn't mean "break the rules and then say sorry", but rather more along the lines of "in situations that are not black and white, do what you think is right, and then manage the consequences".
#15
Give 100 percent in everything. No. Give enough to get it done at a decent level. Extra effort usually doesn't pay off. .
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
Also, I can't give something 110%. it's literally impossible. Irritates me.
Geoffrey Scott 1 year ago
I told my daughter, after her having a professional challenge "Good enough usually is, while perfect is a pain in the a*s and rarely worth the extra effort. Unless you are a machinist (her husband) or a doctor".
iseefractals 1 year ago
Yeah...if something is worth doing, it's worth doing well, and that means doing it to the best of your ability. If you're not doing that, whatever the problems you see in your life, they all have a foundation in you and your apathetic, half assed attempts at doing things.
CK 1 year ago
Not everything worth doing is worth giving 100% to. For example, I find it's worthwhile to make myself a cup of coffee. I could hand-grind the beans, use a slow pour process, and use a scientifically engineered ideal cup. Or I can have a quick cup of regular drip coffee and actually have time and energy to get other things done.
Load More Replies... Barry Fruitman 1 year ago (edited)
Save the 100% effort for things you're really passionate about
XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 1 year ago
I only somewhat agree. Not everything needs to be at 100%. TBS, like your Nan told you, there is a time & place for everything. No, you don't have to make that sandwich at "110%!" (ugh!) However, when I'm trying to save an animal's life, I need you to be present, focused, and yes, giving 100% I have no use in my field for people who want to half-a*s things, and all the animals that have come through my practice appreciate that I would accept nothing less.
#16
They’re just jealous. 90% of the time they’re not jealous, they just don’t like you.
PeepPeep the duck 1 year ago
We had some adult come to school and did a pep talk about how ‘people only hate because of jealousy’ and I was confused as to what I’d be jealous of hitler and osama bin laden over 😂 (it was 2001)
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, it can be a factor in some hatred, but it doesn’t apply to all of it, because hatred is not a one size, or reason, fits all emotion. You can even have hatred that is actually good and really healthy, your Hitler and Bin Laden references are great examples of that. Hating evil people like that can help you not become one of them, and hopefully help keep your children from becoming like them too. But that’s really the only healthy kind of hatred. Most people fear things they don’t understand, and tend to lash out, often violently, at them. Change (including diverse new people and concepts they’re not familiar with) and advancements terrify them, and they vehemently resist and fight against them, especially when they subconsciously realize (without being able to understand or explain it) that they are due to be left behind and discarded while everyone else moves forward. That’s the part that terrifies them, and sows the seed of hatred toward anything and anyone who represents that move forward, even though they are probably not at all consciously aware of it.
Load More Replies... The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
We did a grave disservice to our children when we started teaching them that everybody should like you, all the time. Some people are just not going to like you, many for no discernable reason that you will ever find out.
Chelsea McKee 1 year ago
Or the person you are claiming to be jealous has another understanding or different perspective. You'll see as you get older.
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
lol sounds like white supremist Christians in the USA, a******s, no concept of the bible just cretins who only care about their own uneducated stupid ideals.
#17
"Don't be afraid to do what you love, and the money will follow"
This can be true but also could get you in a lot of trouble.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
The money *might* follow. Meanwhile, you've turned fun into work.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
That book's author took a lot of criticism because many people took her advice and went broke. She corrected her view by adding that it still takes a ton of work and risk to be successful.
Load More Replies... Kirsten Kerkhof 1 year ago
My hobby is a money pit and no matter how hard I would hustle, it would never pay my bills. That's why it's a hobby, and my day job funds it. Plus, not everything needs to be monetized, darnit!
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
Bonnie and Clyde loved robbing banks. The money did follow But so did 187 bullets...
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
True if you are great at what you do, delusional if you are terrible at what you do.
#18
Happy wife, happy life.
If you hear a married man say that in a serious manner, it's almost 100% that neither he nor his wife are happy.
Stefan 1 year ago (edited)
Happy spouse, happy house (why should only just the one person be happy. Surely it’s better if both are happy).
Winter 1 year ago (edited)
Is the plural of "spouse", "spice"? :D If it isn't, it should be, because if they're both happy, life *will* be sugar and "spice"! ;)
Load More Replies... Lost Panda 1 year ago
The men I know who say this tend to be miserable trying to live up to unobtainable expectations
Ace 1 year ago
I've only ever heard it used as a "joke", usually by a third party when a man defers to his wife on matters of choice, like the salesman in a furniture shop. Joke or not doesn't make it any less misogynistic .
Sue User 1 year ago
I always saw it the opposite. As in the man becomes a doormat and does everything just to make the wife happy.
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iseefractals 1 year ago
The wife could quite easily be happy, but it's almost guaranteed that the man is not.....because that's kinda how it works when you're operating on the assumption that only one person's needs and desires are important. But yes, it's equally possible that neither are happy, on the basis that one person expects the other to "guess" as to what will make them happy, and while the other person clearly states what they want, that first person either ignores it and instead tries to guess, or impose what they "feel" should make them happy, or simply ignores it on the basis that it's not important and then acts like they're not being valued for "all i do for you"
John Nelson 1 year ago
I prefer a slightly annoyed wife, amused life. :) She knew she was going to be enduring bad puns and "dad jokes" going in, though!
#19
If you see a snake it’s probably venomous and you should kill it, especially if your kids are around
1. What the f**k? No it’s not and it’s not gonna try to kill you 2. It demonstrates an extremely low understanding of the ecosystem as snakes are a massive part of it 3. Not all snakes are venomous lol.
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
Never heard this advice, ever. I sincerely hope it's not a common sentiment.
actaeon cross 1 year ago
I don't agree with it, but it's pretty common for where I live in the Southern US. Most I've seen killed have been venomous (copperheads and water moccasins). My oldest nephew killed a handful of garden snakes this summer ripping out a neglected garden under my dad's supervision.
Load More Replies... PattyK 1 year ago
If you see a snake, don’t reflexively kill it. Educate yourself about snakes.
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
Snakes are a vital part of the ecology. We need them.
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Beak Hookage 1 year ago
In Australia back in the 60s it was considered the absolute "done thing" to kill all snakes on sight. Now the "done thing" is to let people know there's one in the area so be careful to avoid it and, if need be, calling in an expert to remove it. Killing them is considered cruel, because it is.
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
Late 60s, my mum looks out the kitchen window to check on my brothers playing, sees a snake doing a figure 8 around my brother's legs, grabs an axe and chops it bits - dad says it was in such small pieces he couldn't identify it😂😂😂 - totally agree we shouldn't do it but in this case...well...
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Virgil Blue 1 year ago
Most snakes don’t even want to bite you unless threatened. A created as big as you can’t be eaten and is useless to it. You are a waste of precious venom.
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
Don’t kill it unless it’s your last resort in the case of an attack (on you or anyone else). Once you come to the realization that animals are actually way more afraid of us than we could ever be of them, then you realize they only attack from fear or hunger. So the best thing to do is try to be aware of your surroundings and avoid coming in contact with them if you can. Otherwise, give them a wide berth to show them you mean them no harm. Don’t be foolhardy and think it won’t happen to you. Rely on the experts, like experienced park rangers, to educate you about behaviors of the local wild animals that you should be aware of and cautious about, and to get reliable information about preventing provoking those behaviors (like don’t leave food out when camping, as it will attract animals like bears to your campsite).
Michael Largey 1 year ago
If you see a snake and you think it's venomous, don't attack it. Head in the opposite direction.
stacyshorts13 1 year ago
I have known people who have driven over snakes on purpose. Like, wtf? You think you are danger in your effing car? People like that make me lose faith in humanity.
#20
Just be yourself.
The spirit of this, I agree with completely. But so many people think it means to act however they want and there should be no consequences. You still have to modulate your behavior in such a way that it is appropriate in a given social situation. Just be yourself means live in accordance with your own values and pursue your own goals. It does not mean to be a d**k and say everything vile thing that pops into your head and then be indignant when it’s received badly.
Becky Samuel 1 year ago
This is horrible advice to give to someone who is neurodivergent. The social judgement and ostracism is bad enough when I'm trying my absolute hardest to 'pass'. There's a lot of lip service given to acceptance but very few people back that up with actions.
Toothless Feline 1 year ago
It’s literally impossible for a person to just “be themselves”, because there is no one “you”. You are a different person in every situation, sometimes deliberately, sometimes not. All of these are equally valid selves, and you can’t be all of them at once. The only value in this advice is take the deeper meaning of “don’t pretend to be someone you’re not in the hope of that gaining you something”.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
I wish Donald Trump had learned to modulated himself. The country would not have so many people thinking it is now OK to be a jerk in public.
Schmebulock 1 year ago
It is best to be yourself so the rest of us can weed out the intolerable quickly!
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
This depends upon the context of the situation. "Be Yourself" in a situation where you have to stand up for yourself and possibly others in the face of something happening that is wrong with no possibility of danger to yourself and others? Then yes, be Your Strong, Brave Self. Like opposing anything that oppresses others. But do not "Be Yourself" if you are the one who is marginalising others. Putting them down to "feel superior".
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
NO!!! You exist in society where you have to take others into account. It's just not about you. If that's your vibe you are a selfish c**t.
#21
In dating “if it’s not a hell-yes, then it’s a no.”
More realistic is “you don’t need to know if you want to marry them someday, you only need to know if you want to see them again.”.
Poppy 1 year ago
I think the first comment is more regarding consent. I believe if you initiate intimacy with someone, if they don't give an enthusiastic yes, then it's a no. Maybe is a no, I'm not sure is a no etc
MC C 1 year ago (edited)
It could be about consent, but I think it's also how people judge a first date in this age of online dating, people today aren't even willing to give someone a chance unless they check off 100% of their LONG requirements list, which is why people lie on dating profiles, because we know what your requirements are, but they are insane
Load More Replies... #22
Be vulnerable at work. Complete horshes**t. Even the best workplaces have vindictive a******s who will take your vulnerability and use it to undermine you.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
It depends upon the workplace. Over a decade ago I was r*ped on the night before my birthday. I spent the night and into the following day at the police forensic suite. My clothes had been taken obviously for forensic testing etc. Anyway... I wasn't okay for a long time. But eventually got my posterior into therapy and started again. It was 2 years later, i was working but booked my birthday and the day after off. I was phoned to see if I could cover a shift, and I said "No, I'm sorry, I've booked these two weekdays off for a specific reason". I didn't go into details btw. The next shift though? The bar manager/supervisor said - "Glad to see you could make it in!" in a snarky way. I ignored her and just got on with it. I eventually told my boss why I needed certain days off, always during the week and not on bank holidays etc. I really didn't want to but it had to be done. I was in therapy still, one on one and then group therapy.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
But it was the reason why I couldn't deal with some of the comments about my piercings and my leather wrist cuffs. I've numerous scars which I cover up with different cuffs, arm warmers etc. "You must like it kinky!" was one comment from a regular customer which I told my boss about. But the amount of toxic questions and bullying there? From the upper staff? Unbelievable... I guess... Hold your head high and try to not let them get to you. Tell the management too. I left that job btw. Just didn't go back in after I'd had to call in sick with Norovirus. I was due in at 10am but I'd been on the phone with my doctors at 8am and advised to not go out. I couldn't get a sick note until a few days later because of being infectious. I called work as soon as I could but was told "I'm not a team player"!!! Yeah, I am! I don't want anyone else to be ill! I'm serving food and drinks! What do you think is gonna happen if I'm in the infectious stage??? I don't regret leaving there...
Load More Replies... #23
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
This line (from Eleanor Roosevelt) sucks. Of course people can feel bad about themselves based off of another person's comment without actually being bad!
Lotekguy 1 year ago (edited)
There's some truth in this one, but the "consent" is not necessarily a conscious or controllable response to the trigger. It may take a concerted effort to develop that psychological immune system.
Becky Samuel 1 year ago
Once you learn that people can't "make" you feel a certain way the freedom is immense. If a random stranger comes up to me in the street and says "I hate you" I don't feel much of anything other than a desire to get away from them. If the same phrase comes from someone close to me, I will have emotions, but it wasn't them that caused it, because if the words were the cause then they'd feel the same coming from anyone. The person causing the emotions is, and can only be, me.
Load More Replies... CK 1 year ago
This one does a lot of damage. Because not only are you made to feel inferior, now it's your fault because you consented.
Sue User 1 year ago
Yes, i have seen this used as " i can be a complete asswipe and if that makes you feel bad, thats on you, you are responsible for your own emotions"
Load More Replies... Cindy Brick 1 year ago
I dunno... this has given me courage to stand up to people over and over. I think it's worth considering!
Alex Boyd 1 year ago
Yeah, my addition to the original saying is, "but it still isn't fun when they try."
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Sarah Suelzle 1 year ago
I have never liked this one. I know that it is supposed to empower the one that has been hurt and if it does, that's wonderful. I think on some level it's true. But I have always felt like it let's the person doing the hurting off the hook. They get to excuse their behavior by saying that its your fault that their sh***y behavior hurt you. NOPE You are still responsible for how you treat people and if they say you hurt them, you don't get to say you didn't.
Marianne 1 year ago
The quote means that you can choose not to be intimidated, even if people want to make you small. Of course, you can't always control your feelings like that. But it's a reminder that you actually have a choice.
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
Problem is when it's the person who installed the invalidating button decides to press it
Load More Replies... Jon Stuart 1 year ago
The only person able to 'make' you feel inferior is yourself. Maybe it's the truth?
#24
You have to go to college if you want to get a good job.
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
Hahahaha. Yeah, no. No you don't. Trade schools seem to be where it's at these days.
Papa 1 year ago
Maybe it's not the same everywhere, but in many places getting an entry level job in a trade, and then being willing to work and willing to learn is really all you need.
Load More Replies... The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
Forty years ago this was probably (mostly) true. But then the government (at least in the US) decided that everyone should have a college degree, so they made it easier for people to get student loans. Which in turn allowed the universities to jack up their tuition rates, and start offering degrees in useless subjects line Etruscan Basket Weaving, or The Sociology of Taylor Swift. Student loan forgiveness is only going to exacerbate that problem. If you feel the need to get a degree, don't get one that only qualifies you to teach that subject to someone else. STEM or trade school is the way to go if you really want to be successful.
Jrog 1 year ago
I disagree with this. Actual stats show that universities and trade schools have similar employment rates 1 year after graduation (75 vs 79%); trade schools graduates have slightly higher wages right off the bat, but the trend reverses after 3-5 years and over the whole career graduates can expect to make about double a tradesman. Also, tradesmen are more likely to become entrepreneurs, but their companies are on average much smaller and more likely to go bankrupt than graduates'.
Jrog 1 year ago
In the EU, graduates have a far higher chance of finding a job than any tradesman (87 vs 78), and the pay difference is even higher.
Load More Replies... Helena 1 year ago
I know that I can't get an interview because I don't have a degree. And I've been doing this for 10 years. There is some truth in this statement
Pensive_Panda 1 year ago
I've been out of work for over a year, and almost every place requires a Bachelor's Degree (at minimum) to get an interview. I never finished mine due to being kicked out of my Grandma's home when she passed away, after I took care of her for nine years, while raising twin sons as a single parent AND attending college. I now over $38,000 in student loans and "loan forgiveness" doesn't apply to government loans, which mine are (U.S.)
Load More Replies... SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
If everyone in the world was an Architect? Who would make the bricks for the building?
Ava Shores 1 year ago
Hey I’m old AF and I fell for this BS too. I got a BFA which translates to “you are unemployable.” I’ve been telling people for years that college isn’t a guarantee to a job or success, but a trade school education will lead to both without accruing huge student debt and a frustrating search for employment, which often results in having to take low paying jobs after graduation when a trade would have guaranteed a good and sustainable living.
Load More Replies... #25
Kill them with kindness. Sometimes people are jerks who step way over the line, and I have no problem calling them on it. I’ve dealt with enough bullies in my life to stand up to people who start drama on the regular. I appreciate the same candidness from my friends.
Now that said, I rarely react to insults from people I’m not close with. If they aren’t important to me, I just don’t care what they think of me. The fact that I don’t even bother to respond really sets them off :).
PeepPeep the duck 1 year ago
I love this tactic personally as nothing infuriates at the angry yelling and tantrum throwing people than a huge smile and a nice tone, no matter how hard they try to get the reaction they want from you. It’s fun
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
Just use it wisely and keep the context of the situation in mind, or you may find yourself with a split lip or broken nose, from an indignant bully with a lack of impulse control and a mean left hook, who thinks you’re disrespecting them and is pissed off at you for that perceived slight. This goes double if you’re a woman and the other person is bigger and stronger, and there aren’t a lot of other people around (sad and infuriating to hear, but true nonetheless).
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Poppy 1 year ago
I use this in a customer service setting, I used to get REALLY snotty people talking to me and I found that the more polite and nice I am, the more they got annoyed but couldn't complain about it as what would they say to my supervisor? 'She's been really polite and kind and I don't like it!'
Schmebulock 1 year ago (edited)
No, fight fire with fire. If they throw a tantrum you throw a bigger (fake) tantrum.
Becky Samuel 1 year ago
This has a lot to do with the amount of defensiveness we tend to carry with us from childhood. This defensiveness prevents us from seeing the truth. Very often the person on the attack cannot hurt us - this is the time when you turn on the kindness. No matter how much they escalate, you do not. At first they will fight harder because they want you to feel a certain way, but they literally cannot win.
CK 1 year ago (edited)
There's a point to this, though. It's not that it's wrong to call them out on it. It's the same principle as "don't argue with an idiot, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." They know mean. They live mean. Be nice and it confuses the hell out of them.
Chelsea McKee 1 year ago
Killing them with kindness only works to an extent or in certain circumstances. Sometimes you need to step back because they will mistake your kindness for stupidity.
Virgil Blue 1 year ago
There was a Florida man in the news recently who attacked his neighbors with a bat that had “kindness” written on it in big letters.
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
Totally agree, don't give a s**t of other peoples opinion now I am a proven adult. Before that super important to define boundaries.
#26
Be the bigger person. Sometimes this is good advice but generally it means bowing down to someone who wants to hurt you.
TotallyNOTAFox 1 year ago (edited)
We have the saying "The smart one steps back" - Great, that means the idiots will be in charge and ruin everything
Nicole Weymann 1 year ago
"Der Klügere gibt nach" - bis er der Dumme ist.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 1 year ago
I take that advice as meaning to be smart and not immediately resort to violence or other negative behavior to resolve a problem. Walk away instead of fight. Take five and calm down before resuming an argument. Have a better, and more emotionally mature, reaction to a negative event than the other person or people. Be smarter and figure out a better way to resolve it. Don’t become an out of control animal like the other person. Things like that—-which, btw, will also keep you out of jail/prison. In other words, you can avoid totally f*****g up your life by being the bigger and better person in that context.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
It means "Take the larger view." That widened perspective will help you spot the best way to get even.
Richienotsorich 1 year ago
There's no such policy of being the bigger person. There is a policy about not being a dîck to people!
Kathy Dragonfly 1 year ago
Most of the time beeing the bigger person just leaves you with the smaller piece of cake...
Courtney Christelle 1 year ago
“Be the bigger person. Just do it to keep the peace.” Why? So you can continue to treat me badly while getting what you want from me?
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
Smart people see a bigger picture and walking back to enable a more powerful response is often the right response.
#27
*treat it as if it was your own.* treating it like it's someone else's that means I have to return it in as good condition as I found it, otherwise i'm a huge a*****e. if it's my own, then i don't have to return it at all, i can scratch it up, slop spaghetti on it, use it to wipe my a*s with.
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
I think "treat it as if you paid for it" might be a better way of stating this. Studies have shown that children will take much better care of a toy if they had to pay for it with their own money rather than just having it gifted to them. I think the same holds true for adults--we see a lot of stories on BP about entitled people casually destroying things (cars, electronics, whatever) because they've never had to pay for anything and just assume Daddy will buy them a new one. People who have to scrimp and save to purchase those items are going to be much more protective of them.
Geoffrey Scott 1 year ago
If I borrow it because I need to use it, and are too cheap to buy it, I ALWAYS try to return it in better shape, if possible.
Load More Replies... Rinso The Red 1 year ago
I was always told to return things in AT LEAST as good condition as I received it. I also never loan out anything I cannot afford to lose.
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
If I had a tenant who treated it as they owned it (which they do not) they would not only be kicked out but sued to hell.
devotedtodreams 1 year ago
I'm a librarian, and my only wish is that people treat our items with respect - not as if it's "their own", but simply because it does not belong to them. This same principle gets applied to an occasional car that I rent - because it's not mine.
John Nelson 1 year ago
There's only two people in my life who can borrow a tool. My father in law, and a friend of ours. Both will not only give it back, but often in better condition than when they borrowed it.
Bob Brooce 1 year ago
That you think "treat is as if it's your own" isn't good advice is because you're a moron, a*****e, or low-life scum. Or all three. "Treat is as if it's your own" means treating it as if you were responsible for it and didn't want it damaged.
Ace 1 year ago
I don't think that's fair, perhaps you didn't really understand it. They're saying that they will take extra care of something belonging to somebody else, compared with their own property which is less important.
Load More Replies... #28
It gets better. Like no it doesn’t “get better” it takes time and effort to get it “better” it doesn’t on its own.
False hope helps no own because when it doesn’t get better on its own you leave someone it a very vulnerable space.
winterwidow87 1 year ago
It doesn't get better if you don't do something about it. Talk to someone, go to therapy, and then you'll see the improvement. Don't just wait for things to get better on their own, especially regarding mental health.
A Jones 1 year ago (edited)
I agree, things can get better with effort (and yeah, luck). It's a hard take due to variables. At least taking action, take control will lead you out of that hole you fell in. The luck part is if the walls can be gripped and aren't slippery. The other variable is to also ask for help They be the people who can give you a ladder, rope, or encouragement. Pay attention to that.
Load More Replies... Ava Shores 1 year ago
I think this problem could easily be addressed by amending the statement to read “it CAN get better.” I know that isn’t a panacea, but it isn’t blowing smoke up one’s backside either.
Jonas Fisher 1 year ago
I see this as similar to the "This too shall pass" mentality. Most feelings are temporary. We can get caught up in strong emotions and act poorly if we don't allow time and room for those emotions to pass.
Becky Samuel 1 year ago
I wish more people could understand this one. Normal emotions are fleeting, they pass within a bearable length of time. If you have strong emotions that are continuing for hours or days on end - this is not normal and you should seek help.
Load More Replies... kansasmagic 1 year ago
Good advice, but not well stated. Another I've seen is something like "Yesterday sucked. Today sucks. Tomorrow could be awesome." It's an anti suicide PSA. I wonder how often you can keep hearing "tomorrow *could be* awesome" before it starts to sound like a cruel joke.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
It gets better... Again, it depends upon the context of the situation. Also what type of situation you are talking about at the time. Some things won't ever "get better", some will with help, assistance and work on your part, their help etc but we all need to watch our words when dealing with complex situations and issues. A simple platitude such as this? Isn't always going to be well recieved and we need to be mindful of that.
Panda Pandemic 1 year ago
So it doesn't get better but it does get better? This one was not worded/written very well so I am confused because they are contradicting themselves.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
It is important to understand the Yin-Yang cycle where life processes move from constructive to destructive and back around again. One needs to learn how realize that often there is hope to solve a problem. And to learn how get a stuck cycle moving towards the constructive direction again. Of course that does not apply to the end of one's life.
#29
As of late the whole advice to "spend today because there is no future". people who spout such rhetoric are beyond foolish. not looking forward to having to take care of them later in life because they done f****d up.
Bill Hankel 1 year ago
Totally taken out of context, Jean-Louis: From 1 Corinthians 15:32 ... "If I fought wild beasts in Ephesus as a mere man, what good did that do me? If the dead are not raised, Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die."
White Thunder 1 year ago
It seems like most "advice" from the bible is taken out of context.
Load More Replies... kansasmagic 1 year ago
No one really follows this "advice" anyway - at least no one who has to pay rent or the mortgage.
pep Ito 1 year ago
In school you used to read the fable of the The Ant and the Grasshopper. I don't know if they don't do it now because they have cancelled it because of the message it gives against the poor grasshopper.
Sue User 1 year ago
I never liked that story. If the ant shares out of the goodness of his heart, then this leads to some people being doormats and others feeling entitled. If the ant doesnt share then they are a d**k who doesnt care if his fellow man dies.
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#30
Fake it till you make it, uhh no. Faking anything doesn't make anyone feel better.
Bartlet for World Domination 1 year ago (edited)
The response does. Faking self-assuredness and extraversion when I first ventured out on my own brought me the friends I have now.
iseefractals 1 year ago
Yeah.....not good when it comes to orgasms, it is however valid when you're trying to overcome your own insecurities.
Schmebulock 1 year ago
Fake it tell you make it does work in business as long as your exaggerating and not outright lying.
MaximumKarmaSaint 1 year ago
It works in some situations, but serious work/relationship/family situations? You're almost bound to fail.
TotallyNOTAFox 1 year ago
I fake being assertive on the internet - works out quite well so far
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
Homer Simpson has been a nuclear safety engineer for more than 30 years without any idea of what he's doing, so obviously this one works.
#31
This advice, that I heard in various forms growing up. Sure, college isn't where everyone meets a lifelong partner and not everyone wants to date in college, but the advice that it's a good idea to *avoid dating* in college is dumb. There's no other time in your life where you'll be surrounded as consistently by other people your age and in your same stage in life. And if you think you're too busy to date in college, *ask yourself when you think you'll be less busy*.
Cyril Sneer 1 year ago
The university/college experience should be treated as half formal education and half social education. Have fun, you're only young once.
Becky Samuel 1 year ago
It's so sad that we have taken this aspect of college away from everyone except the wealthy. Nobody can be expected to have fun when they're working full time hours and trying to do college as well.
Load More Replies... Bob Brooce 1 year ago
Who the hell ever said you should avoid dating in college? Other than the deans at Liberty U and BYU, of course.
Rob Curran 1 year ago
Met my spouse of 34 years in college. Lucky for me that I didn't hear or buy into this one.
#32
The most important thing for your relationship is communication.
No, the most important thing for your relationship is to have two secure, stable, empathetic and self aware people. More communication won’t help your relationship if one of you is a raging narcissist.
Bob Brooce 1 year ago
Good thing that bad communication can't ruin a relationship between two secure, stable, empathetic and self aware people
Soy 1 year ago
It's almost as if there were no objective, scientific way to measure relative importance.
Load More Replies... Schmebulock 1 year ago
How are you going to know that person is a raging narcissist if you don't communicate?
#33
“You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.”
B******t. Sometimes you can do both. And sometimes you take care of yourself BY taking care of others.
Emma S 1 year ago
I agree with this one to an extent. If you aren't sleeping, eating, looking after your mental health because you're too busy looking after other best interests, then you'll make yourself ill and eventually won't be able to help anyone. I worked in substance misuse for several years and I've seen many family members sacrificing their own well-being in an attempt to get someone else off d***s and/or alcohol.
winterwidow87 1 year ago (edited)
This. Also the "you can't love another person if you don't love yourself" one is hôrseshit. It makes it seem like people with low/poor self esteem don't deserve to be loved, which is absolutely not the case. You can love someone else and at the same time learn how to love yourself.
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
I always share this. Its an important read. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201001/you-dont-need-love-yourself-first
Load More Replies... Ace 1 year ago
Not "B******t" Yes, of course you can do both, but this, and the earlier " you have to love yourself first" is really relevant to many people, for example those with low self-esteem who let themselves be walked all over, or someone who feels that just going along with everything for the sake of their partner or family will make them happy without ever doing anything because they actually want to for themselves. (Other examples may also apply).
Vanessa MacKenzie 1 year ago
saving someone from drowning, if you're banged up against the rocks, let the person you're saving take the brunt. You will both die if you get knocked out. Also parents need to take better care of themselves, if they don't put themselves first some of the time, and take care of themselves, then this is a time where you risk taking out your frustration on your loved ones with violence. (yes, I know that some people are naturally violent, I'm not referring to abusers, I'm referring to someone who is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted)
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
Airline 1o1, put the mask on your kids first then yourself. pretty much rule of life.
#34
I have always hated, “You get what you pay for”. Some inexpensive stuff is very good and some expensive stuff is total c**p.
Virgil Blue 1 year ago
I think you need to use it when comparing similar things where it’s often true. Mind you, quite often the middle option turns out to have the best balance I feel.
#35
“Follow your Dreams” …. Going straight for them could make you overthrow your own family and financials in process of chasing them.
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
Some people dreams are to be a dentist, a doctor, an accountant. They are probably the best people to go to if you have tooth, heart or financial problems.
Fellfromthemoon 1 year ago
But I don't want to ride a yellow pig in front of my final exam comitte.
Ace 1 year ago
A better advice about dreams is: be aware of your dreams, but don't chase them if they seem unachievable right now, but at crucial decision-points in your life ask yourself "does this bring my dream closer to reality or further away?". (Credits: my wife, who at the age of twenty or so dreamed of being a ski instructor living in a chalet in the French Alps. OK, the French border is a few hundred metres away...).
#36
You’ll find someone when you least expect it.
Marianne 1 year ago
I think the idea is that it's easier to fall in love in an unforced situation (like partying with friends) and not while on a date with a stranger, because it's easier to be yourself when you don't actively try to impress someone. It doesn't mean that you should wait in your home and Mr. Right will just pop up.
Papa 1 year ago
I agree. Trying too hard is rarely a successful strategy, and that is true for more than just dating.
Load More Replies... Doctor Strange 1 year ago
I hate this one. Nothing happens unless you make it happen. I had a friend who spent TEN YEARS waiting, saying "it'll happen when I'm not looking" and other such ridiculousness. When he finally stopped waiting, took my advice and actively started looking, he met the woman who he'd ultimately marry.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
Depends what you mean. Years of *actively* seeking dates and partners, "putting myself out there", etc. = years of rejection, dejection, and heartbreak. Going to a bar with friends that one particular time = one of those friends surprisingly kissed me, and the rest is history. (Well, her story, I guess; I'm learning to accept my "background character" role in life.)
#37
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well." Many things are worth doing adequately.
Holly Fraser 1 year ago
a basic sandwich day is better than not eating if you don't have the energy to cook anything. brushing your teeth for ten seconds it better than not bothering.
Ineke Pronk 1 year ago
And if your mental health is low, something worth doing, is worth doing poorly. Just gargling mouthwash instead of your normal brushing routine is better than not doing it at all.
Jonas Fisher 1 year ago
What does "adequate" mean if not "well"? Whoever posted this likely wants credit for doing things poorly, like a roommate who leaves dishes to "soak" but wants credit for cleaning the kitchen.
Leonie Löwenherz 1 year ago
I think this confuses well with perfect or excellent. Well ist just, well, in a sense that you dont have to redo it or are constantly annoyed by how not well you did it.
Bob Brooce 1 year ago
So you don't understand that if you're not doing it well then you're not doing it well?
#38
All the "advice" (rules) around respect.
"Respect is earned, not given."
"Respect your elders."
"Respect your higher-ups."
Objectively, these are right. But they do not take into account the fact that, guess what, the world is not fair. People love to say "the world isn't fair" and "life isn't fair" to dismiss complaining, but fail to address it when it isn’t an inconvenience to them. Anyway, that being said, the three "advices" (rules) above fail to take into account:
1) person in position of power ≠ authority on any other position
2) experienced person ≠ respectful person
3) inexperienced person ≠ child.
CK 1 year ago
To quote a Tumblr post: "Sometimes people use 'respect' to mean 'treating someone like a person' and sometimes they use 'respect' to mean 'treating someone like an authority' and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say 'if you won't respect me I won't respect you' and they mean 'if you won't treat me like an authority I won't treat you like a person' and they think they're being fair but they aren't, and it's not okay."
Depressed Lesbian(she/they/he) 1 year ago
I respect everyone as a human(exempting rapists, murders, etc), but respect of opinion/as authority? That must be earned.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"It hurts no one to be considered as a scoundrel worthy of respect until he has proven himself a friend deserving of trust." - Ambrose Bierce
stacyshorts13 1 year ago
I personally and others don't have to agree, that I will treat others with respect from God until they show that they don't deserve it. Especially when I am working with children. Children deserve to spoken to with some aspect of respect, do this by actively listening and not railroading them into what you think is best.
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
This advice comes from old people. Guess they no nothing with 50 years experience over a dumb twat that's just finished college.
#39
“life is about doing things you don’t want to do”.
Phoenix Burn 1 year ago (edited)
I'm not sure this is advice, but it is pretty much true. I suspect most of us spend most of our time doing things we don't want to do. I don't want to go to work, I don't want to deal with customers, spreadsheets, policies. I don't want to worry about my children and their futures. I don't want to do the chores, cooking, pay my hard earned cash over in taxes. However, these things do lead to the things I want; food, shelter, family, security, education, feeling validated and a worthwhile part of other people's lives. Just work out how much sh1te you are prepared to shovel for those moments of happiness.
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
Phoenix, life is actually about having to do c**p you or anyone doesn't want to do but the pleasure in doing this c**p make life worth living.
#40
You need three meals a day
This advice was predicated on a physical job with a long working day, like working on a farm or in a factory, and all domestic chores were done by hand. Most of us are just too sedentary as adults to require this many calories. Two meals is fine for many of us.
pep Ito 1 year ago
In Spain we have a light breakfast, a normal lunch and a normal dinner. That's three meals and totally healthy. From what I see in the US they have a normal breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and then a normal dinner. it is not normal to have a heavy breakfast, a heavy lunch and a heavy dinner which is what people who worked in the fields ate.
Bob Brooce 1 year ago
It's mostly predicated on a healthy diet. You'll get a day's worth of calories from a Big Mac (and fries if you've been really active), but three or more small meals per day is a very good idea.
Ava Shores 1 year ago
I’m good with one and maybe a snack. Or a martini. Hey that olive is a snack, bingo!
#41
"You can't heal in the same place you were hurt."
Absolute b******t. The fact that you're even thinking about change is healing. Attempting to heal is healing. Is it easier when you have space? Absolutely. But some people don't have ways to get away, and it's so harmful to say they can't heal because of circumstance.
#42
Treat people how you want to be treated.
You'll be taken advantage of. Instead, I treat people the way they treat me.
Soy 1 year ago
The Golden Rule is just a rule of thumb. It's often correct, but it doesn't take into account that all people are different.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"Do not treat others as you would have them treat you. Their tastes may differ." - Gerorge Bernard Shaw
Load More Replies... Bob Brooce 1 year ago
Sounds like it can be a great way to start a vicious circle, especially if you misunderstand somebody's meaning or intent.
Ineke Pronk 1 year ago
I would say, when meeting a new person treat them how you want to be treated, if they treat you badly, then mirror their behavior back.
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
I like the Buddhist version: Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.
Jonas Fisher 1 year ago
Missing piece of this person's philosophy: How do you treat people before they have treated you?
#43
"Everyone's entitled to their opinion" and "Agree to disagree" (maybe more sayings than advice, but both push people to let real dumb opinions and ideas continue to circulate.).
winterwidow87 1 year ago (edited)
Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but it doesn't mean dumb/unscientific opinions should have the same weight as others.
Nicole Weymann 1 year ago
"My stupidity is worth just as much as your knowledge" /S
Load More Replies... Bob Brooce 1 year ago
Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but that doesn't mean their opinion is worthy of consideration. asimov-ign...28589e.jpg 
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
People who insist that "all opinions are equal and deserve equal attention" just want their opinions put on a pedestal and never challenged. These people are known as bullying morons.
Jonas Fisher 1 year ago
The issue I see with this is that people don't know what an opinion is, or where it's appropriate. Facts don't require or welcome opinions. We don't need an opinion on whether or not climate change is real. It just is. On the other hand, someone can have a valid opinion, but lack complete information. I might say that vanilla is the best ice cream, in my opinion, and matters of taste are valid; however, if I've never had rocky road, then I need to be open to the possibility that my opinion might change, or not be as valid as that of a person who has tried far more ice cream flavors than I have.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, but not their own facts." - Daniel P. Moynihan
Geoffrey Scott 1 year ago
At 62, I have found neither one of us (that disagree) will change our position. But we WILL concede some points of agreement with each other, and imagine that, maybe change our outlook some and grow as a result. That works BOTH ways , by the way.
#44
Red wine is good for your heart. Smh. The American Heart Association and many other bodies, WHO asks increasingly government medical bodies of different countries all over the world, say that you should drink NO alcohol for heart health.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
No adult needs to rationalize their consumption of alcohol. If you want to drink it, you can do so, no matter if it's heart healthy or not.
ZuriLovesYou 1 year ago
If you have to drink alcohol to cope with your mental health, then you've got a serious problem.
Load More Replies... Jon Stuart 1 year ago
Society, especially while reading this post (taking a sip of wine) required alcohol. God how boring are you? You do know you are going to die? And you life is so nothing, bet your final breath will be full of remorse for not f**ing enough, not trying d***s and certainly not drinking.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!
Load More Replies... #45
Don't be yourself. Be the version of yourself that you want to become.
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
It's that old joke: They said "Don't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want." And now I'm sitting in HR dressed like Wonder Woman...
#46
Expect the unexpected.
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
How can you expect the unexpected? Think, use you tiny brain to work out why this bo*(*cks
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
But if you expect the unexpected, then doesn't the unexpected become the expected? (Not my original thought, but I don't remember where I read it first.)
#47
"It doesn't hurt to ask."
It can absolutely hurt to ask.
It can be a sign that you have no respect or care for someone's position or situation and that you may thoughtlessly be putting them in a situation where they need to tell you something you should already know.
Soy 1 year ago
This is taken out of context. For example, of you are in a store that sells X, and you are looking for Y, ask them if they happen to have Y. The worst that can happen is they tell you no.
Ace 1 year ago (edited)
Indeed, or to ask if they can do it for cheaper. That's all (obviously many other examples may also apply) this should ever be taken to mean.
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Jon Stuart 1 year ago
Aligned with, if you don't ask you don't get. And if you ask politely nobody is offended and you could get more.
Jonas Fisher 1 year ago
Yeah, I am fully on board with the nonsense of this one. I'm a teacher, and I've seen a marked uptick in students who come asking me to just boost their grades up for nothing. "I'm so close to an A! Can't you just give me the A??" No. When students do that, they burn up goodwill, leaving me less inclined to give leeway in the future.
Leonie Löwenherz 1 year ago
I think the hurting part refers to the asking person, not the asked. And it is usually said in situations where you require information not of a personal kind.
Geoffrey Scott 1 year ago
Has it occurred to people that if you DO ask, and the answer is no, finding out why not better prepares you for future decision making?
#48
“Take your time”. The truth is that life is short and opportunities don’t come around easily. It is very bad advice: lean in, get it done, whatever it is. You will waste your life being soft on yourself.
winterwidow87 1 year ago
Yeah this one depends on the situation. Sometimes you need to be soft on yourself, sometimes you need to get things done asap.
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#49
“You can’t always get what you want. But, if you try really hard, you can get what you need”.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
It's "but if you try sometimes, well, you just MIGHT find you get what you need"
#50
Breakfast is good for you.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
I don't know. But it *is* delicious, and that is sufficient.
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Cyril Sneer 1 year ago
No context to this one? Intermittent fasting, which might be good for you could mean you don't eat breakfast as a rule. But breakfast isn't bad for you in general.
winterwidow87 1 year ago (edited)
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Being healthy means not skipping meals, especially breakfast.
Geoffrey Scott 1 year ago
I find most days, if I eat a decent breakfast, I can skip lunch if needed.
CK 1 year ago
It is. Also, I don't care what the dictionary says, I still believe you can never skip breakfast, you can only delay it.
Papa 1 year ago (edited)
I'm with you. My first meal of the day is almost always breakfast. It doesn't matter if that meal is at 7:00 am or 3:00 pm.
Load More Replies... Lost Panda 1 year ago
The first thing you eat after waking up, no matter what time, is breakfast (breaking the fast)
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
Exactly. The common wisdom used to be that eating breakfast before you did anything else in the day was the best way to go. But studies have shown that it doesn't really matter when you eat your first meal. I know that I have to be up for a few hours before I can eat anything, which usually means I'm already at work.
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
Soy 1 year ago
Guess what, any wisdom you put in one sentence isn't gonna be universally true.
Angrykitten 1 year ago
I'm surprised never quit isn't on here. Sometimes it is absolutely the right thing to do.
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a d*mn fool about it." -Mark Twain
Load More Replies... The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
I think most of these are situationally true, but they don't apply in every situation, and they fail to account for the fact that there are bad actors in the world who will take advantage of you given the smallest chance. Advice needs to be tempered with wisdom.
White Thunder 1 year ago
Definitely the "love means never having to say you're sorry." Uh, love means always saying sorry! If you claim to love someone and you slight them and don't apologize, guess what? Your a*s is grass.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
Most of this isn't even "advice". Advice should be clear, practical, and specific; it should recommend a course of action. "Let the pan heat up before you drop the steaks, so you can get a nice sear" is advice; "everything happens for a reason" is not.
zovjraar me 1 year ago
someone gives me one of these lines, i reply, "that's great, but i have to live reality".
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
OMG, it's like listening to white supremacist Trump moron dumbass supporters.
Soy 1 year ago
Guess what, any wisdom you put in one sentence isn't gonna be universally true.
Angrykitten 1 year ago
I'm surprised never quit isn't on here. Sometimes it is absolutely the right thing to do.
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a d*mn fool about it." -Mark Twain
Load More Replies... The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
I think most of these are situationally true, but they don't apply in every situation, and they fail to account for the fact that there are bad actors in the world who will take advantage of you given the smallest chance. Advice needs to be tempered with wisdom.
White Thunder 1 year ago
Definitely the "love means never having to say you're sorry." Uh, love means always saying sorry! If you claim to love someone and you slight them and don't apologize, guess what? Your a*s is grass.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
Most of this isn't even "advice". Advice should be clear, practical, and specific; it should recommend a course of action. "Let the pan heat up before you drop the steaks, so you can get a nice sear" is advice; "everything happens for a reason" is not.
zovjraar me 1 year ago
someone gives me one of these lines, i reply, "that's great, but i have to live reality".
Jon Stuart 1 year ago
OMG, it's like listening to white supremacist Trump moron dumbass supporters.
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