I've apologized to my dog for accidently bumping her. Bless her heart, I have yet to hear her tell me it's okay, and she forgives me! :)

Honestly, that's one of the greatest things I've ever heard

I once asked how many slices were in an 8 slice pizza (apparently there's 8 who knew) instead of is there 8 slices in a medium...

It had to be at a church that just makes it

ahahahahahhaha XDDD so kind... so mean XDDD so EPIC

Ah.... Habits. ^_-

yes. brain too fast (or too automatic) tongue too slow ;)

This one is actually kinda cute.

A super salad sounds awesome!

DOH!!!! Um, Yeah.... Can you come in on Saturday AND Sunday? That'll be great.

Genuinely mad me laugh. Hahaha!

I bet they're all still laughing. :D

No sense of humor. I laughed

It was a lesser spotted zoo janitor XD

HAHAHAHAHA

why would he be picking out a gift for himself for father's day?

Hahahahhahahahahha! Oh, awkward starters are the worst. Lol

That's close enough.

Oooops.

It was an easy mistake. I think she should have continued to talk and let it go. By not saying anything only made matters worse than they need be.

Poor guy you know This could have been a great accidental pick up line.

I've yet to actually enjoy going to the bathroom

Well, some journalist did ask the Proclaimers where they first met. (They are twins)

See that's actually the right answer. I was always told ask a stupid question get a stupid answer. Dude deserved that

Hot guys make girls say and do the most bizarre things and vice versa with hot girls and guys

That's kind of sweet.

Honesty is the best policy... right

Oops lol

I learned a lonnng time ago, to make the right noises and lie when it came to babies and toddlers.

Never,just never make that mistake when you visit USA.Just don't.

I thought it was a god one ... I'd have a laugh

I hate it when someone asks for your name and you get a mental blank thinking "who am I again?" haha

Same story as me but someone wished me a happy birthday.

Then quit talking and go laminate those menus!

"I drink to forget the time"???? WTF?

I've asked for a "to go box" at the drive-thru

And I thought Jurassic park was a documentary

That's not creepy... *shutter*

I was playing a game with my 3 year old nice and my gf, the point of the game was that you remove the sticks from a container filled with glass balls. the point was to remove as many sticks as you can and have as little balls fall as possible. So I said first you play with a stick and then you play with the balls. To say the least, my gf was on the floor crying and then it hit me...

That's funny and you know it.

Could have been ayjay..

Awkward

Well, technically you did :)

Don't get it, but I am not native English speaker.. mus be some phonetic sense ?

actually, those two are related

My friend ordered a quesadilla in LA, and it didn't come with cheese. When she asked the waiter, the waiter said, "Our quesadilla don't come with cheese." :o

I can see me doing that cause I assume coffee to just be hot.

OMG hahah . I'm going to burn

I think"you too" is the most popular polite response it just sounds funny when it's misused

I hope you said 'bloood!' with guttural emphasis, like a vampire.

Not a good home but somehow still funny

I had a kid do that to me recently... I just said it's not a real baby just a food baby. The mother thanked me for being so nice about it

I like that actually.

always "a friend"..

O.o

More proof that “you too" is default

I was talking to my boss once and thinking in my mind that it makes sense to start this project after a month. I decided to say we should wait and ended up saying we should mate... #facepalm #whydidisaythat

Same reason ur kids do it's there. I talk to my fish knowing full well there not listening it makes you feel like ur not alone