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Everything is so hard, buti don't know how to talk to people and get help. I am about to go back to school after a break and I dread it so much because school is like a li one hell for me. I don't like any of my classes, I have a ton of social anxiety and usually have multiple panic attacks a day at school. I'm really behind in multiple of my classes but have no motivation to do better. The people I thought were becoming my friends don't talk to me and never invite me to stuff. I ran I to them when they were hanging out and they didn't even say hi. I'm so uncomfortable with ought a mask on because i dont like how i look so lunch is hard because obviously I can't eat with a mask on. I'm omnisexual but haven't told anyone and I really want to but I don't know how to say it. I have so many problems but I don't have any social skills,even around my family. I don't know how to talk to people about what I need help with because I feel like a burden as it is. I just don't know what to do at this point, I've tried to make it better but nothing helps. What should I do?
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#1
First, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with all of these issues. This is a difficult situation, and your feelings are valid. Second, know that you are not alone. There are so many people who have gone through, are going through, and will go through these types of things in life. I myself had no friends throughout my school life, I had learning disabilities, and I suffer from extreme social anxiety. What I'm about to suggest stems from my own experiences, but take a moment and think about whether these suggestions seem like they would help you. Everyone is different, so you may need to tweak these suggestions to suit you, or ignore some of them completely.
1. First, find something you are passionate about in life. This is more essential than you might think. As I mentioned before, I have extreme social anxiety, but I am able to speak to both people I do know and people I don't know because of the particular passion I have: stories. I have loved reading from a young age, and the truth is it has been scientifically proven that introverts, particularly introverts who read, are better equipped with social skills than extroverts. I highly suggest reading for this purpose - and I don't mean self help books, I mean novels that are fun. If reading isn't for you, still develop a passion, as it will give you some joy in life and something to look forward to after school. It could be painting, building models, etc. Eventually you could even join a group of people with that same hobby.
2. Understand that this time in your life may feel very, very long but the truth is that it's actually incredibly short. I know that sounds like a dumb adult thing to say, but the reason it feels like forever is that you are experiencing new things so often and your brain is processing all that. Eventually, this will be just a memory for you, and you can move on and live your life the way you want to. That being the case, start thinking about your future. Daydream. Plan how you want your life to look, with the understanding that not all of it will come to pass. Believe it or not, daydreaming about these things can give you the drive to do the things you need to achieve your goals. It can also give you reprieve from your current situation.
3. Once *you feel ready* and not before, consider talking to someone. This could be your school counselor, or you could ask your parents if they would send you to a therapist. This would give you an outlet to voice your anxieties, and a therapist would be able to give you the tools you need in order to gain control over your anxiety and panic attacks.
4. Consider journaling. You could write it out by hand, on a computer, or you could even record yourself talking. This will help you to process your emotions and thoughts, and it actually will help with your social skills, too, as you will be practicing expressing yourself.
5. Allow yourself to have the feelings you have. Don't compare yourself to others. Give yourself permission to cry, to be angry, and to be a little anxious - but don't let that anxiety control you or overwhelm you. Remember that most things in life that seem insurmountable are easier to handle when broken into little pieces.
6. When you think you are ready to build friendships, do not try to forge them immediately into tight-knit best friendships like you might see on television or in the friends groups around you. A lot of those friend groups began a long, long time ago and became that strong over time. First, try to find another person who is frequently off on their own and ask if you can sit with them at lunch. If they say "yes," start up a casual conversation. Maybe ask them how their lunch is, or tell them you like their shirt, something like that. Don't try to be best friends immediately, and give them space to back away if they want. Eventually, over time, you may be able to have deeper conversations with them, and one day you may find they are your best friend.
I hope these things help.
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Anonymousplease 2 years ago
Thank you so much! I will definitely try your advice and I'm sorry you went through a similar situation
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-logansucrose- (he/him) 2 years ago
well i understand not knowing how to talk to people. just know im always here to talk if you need. idk if youve gone back to school yet but thats how i felt going from remote to in person school after a year and a half. i promise it gets better after a month or two, it wont be as bad as your mind makes it seem. as for the panic attacks, ive found it helps to find someone you can go to when that happens. and if thats not possible, find a place that comforts you. personally for me its a certain bathroom in our school. i can sit in there and calm down, because its comforting for me to be there. For being behind in your classes, you could make a schedule or set alarms on your phone, or you could make it a reward system. take away things like watching TV or being on boredpanda until you do a certain assignment. If your "friends" dont talk to you, theyre not your friends. you can do so much better than them. i promise youll find people who accept you and wont do that. I understand being -
-logansucrose- (he/him) 2 years ago
-uncomfortable without a mask. Ive found it helps with dysphoria and insecurity and the sort. I cant help with the lunch situation because my solution is just: dont eat lunch. which isnt at all healthy and i discourage you from following my example. Being anything other than cishet and telling people is hard. Dont feel like you need to tell anyone. you can be perfectly fine with keeping that to yourself if thats what you need right now. coming out is something that you do when youre ready and comfortable, and if thats not for a while, thats just how it is. and thats ok. The feeling like a burden sounds like a self-esteem issue. You could try to find ways to get that up. I know it sounds cheesy, but complimenting yourself in the mirror every morning and night could work. it doesnt have to be anything big, it could be as little as "my eyelashes look nice today" or "i like my outfit today." If all else fails, find music. Find a genre or a collection of songs that make you feel good. It -
Load More Replies... -logansucrose- (he/him) 2 years ago
well i understand not knowing how to talk to people. just know im always here to talk if you need. idk if youve gone back to school yet but thats how i felt going from remote to in person school after a year and a half. i promise it gets better after a month or two, it wont be as bad as your mind makes it seem. as for the panic attacks, ive found it helps to find someone you can go to when that happens. and if thats not possible, find a place that comforts you. personally for me its a certain bathroom in our school. i can sit in there and calm down, because its comforting for me to be there. For being behind in your classes, you could make a schedule or set alarms on your phone, or you could make it a reward system. take away things like watching TV or being on boredpanda until you do a certain assignment. If your "friends" dont talk to you, theyre not your friends. you can do so much better than them. i promise youll find people who accept you and wont do that. I understand being -
-logansucrose- (he/him) 2 years ago
-uncomfortable without a mask. Ive found it helps with dysphoria and insecurity and the sort. I cant help with the lunch situation because my solution is just: dont eat lunch. which isnt at all healthy and i discourage you from following my example. Being anything other than cishet and telling people is hard. Dont feel like you need to tell anyone. you can be perfectly fine with keeping that to yourself if thats what you need right now. coming out is something that you do when youre ready and comfortable, and if thats not for a while, thats just how it is. and thats ok. The feeling like a burden sounds like a self-esteem issue. You could try to find ways to get that up. I know it sounds cheesy, but complimenting yourself in the mirror every morning and night could work. it doesnt have to be anything big, it could be as little as "my eyelashes look nice today" or "i like my outfit today." If all else fails, find music. Find a genre or a collection of songs that make you feel good. It -
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