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Funerals, by and large, are not the sort of events one attends to hear something funny, unless the deceased had a sense of humor and wanted to play one last joke. However, there is something about the mixture of loss, grief and brief, public attention that can somehow produce downright comical results, if one is willing to look past the morbid context.
A netizen asked “What’s the weirdest thing you ever heard in a funeral?” and people shared the wildest and most unhinged statements folks made. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to add your own thoughts in the comments section below.
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#1
I was at a funeral recently for a friend who committed [self-harm]. Largely in part because he was gay and his family wouldn’t accept him. His dad was a seventh day Adventist and the preacher was saying that we all have a guardian Angel. That his guardian Angel could have saved him but he didn’t because it’s gods plan.
“And we thank god for the train that hit him, we thank god.”
We absolutely do not thank god, he was 20, I wanted to punch that guy in that mouth.
Spidercat 2 months ago
Suicìde? I mean really BP, please stop censoring perfectly normal words.
LB 2 months ago
Exactly. Besides, self harm is something else already. Not all people that self harm are trying to die... Most aren't probably.
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Earthquake903 2 months ago (edited)
Again, religion teaches hateful people it's ok to be hateful as long as you can spin a Bible verse to fit your particular brand of intolerance
Luke Branwen 2 months ago
Once again using "religion" where "three weird flavors of Christianity" should be. Or did I somehow missed the part where all religions started to abide by the Bible?
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Farnzy 2 months ago
I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue. I know we all think we'd know what we'd say in these situations, even so I feel like my body would compel me to react
LB 2 months ago
I think I'd just be too flabbergasted to say anything and just cry very loudly after the service
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Barbara Burns 2 months ago
My God, what a deplorable thing to say! And out of the mouth of a preacher, no less!
Kiyoko_tanaka 2 months ago
I completely agree. It is BP censoring things.
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Gabriele Alfredo Pini 2 months ago
Blasphemers that use the name of God to justify their fears.
_-DungeonKeeper-_ 2 months ago
Hi. A Christian. We don't thank God, we throw a brick at pastor.
arthbach 2 months ago
Oooh, I would not have been able to keep my mouth closed in such a situation. I would have walked up to the front, and said his parents, and his church could have saved him if only they had shown the love and compassion demonstrated by Jesus. And that I would pray that each member of his family and congregation would meet their own 'personal train', and we would rejoice with them.
Teresa Spanics 2 months ago
Same here and I would have brought a pentagram to show everyone there that they have been judged and found wanting!
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Alexandra Nara 2 months ago
wtf... if this was gods plan he may be a sarcastic monster, not much to believe in love,justice and grace then...
Diana Schlafer 2 months ago
I had a friend that "unalived" herself (thanks, BP) years ago. At the funeral the pastor, who was also her UNCLE, kept saying it was God's will and that she had been "called home" and we shouldn't be sad. She was 30 and newly married. Her husband finally asked someone to remove the pastor or shut him up.
WindySwede 2 months ago
💰💰💰 so BP will get good listings on search engines and so on? = sponsors.
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Hobby Hopper 2 months ago
The f**k is wrong with people?! I grew up religious, and yeah, I've heard some eye raising stuff, but this is just sick.
Bored Trash Panda 2 months ago
I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut, especially if it was my best friend. That is such a horrible thing to say!
Cassandra Howard 2 months ago
Commit suicide, is an actual think. Commit (self harm), is not. WTH?
Kiss Army 2 months ago
My in-laws were not religious people so when it came time for their funeral (FIL was terminal when MIL passed away so we saved her cremains and had a joint service 2 months later when FIL passed away) we had a military chaplain because we did not have a clergy member to perform the service. Anyway, his whole service, after reading their obituaries, was a sermon on what a sin suicìde is and how anyone who dies this way will be condemned to hell... everyone was looking around at each other like WTF? First of all, neither one died that way and second of all why was this appropriate for ANY funeral?
Marat Singh Farout 2 months ago
Really? You change suicide to self harm? Self harm is bad internal dialogue, bulimia, cutting, d**g abuse, maybe masturbation ,if your a Pentecostal hypocrite. Suicide is killing yourself. Don't cheapen our language or our pain.
Learner Panda 2 days ago
The saddest thing is that the phrase is still used that someone "commits suicide." This dates back to when it was a crime.
Lene 2 months ago
A priest spoke at my grandma's funeral. I am not Christian and I think this was before I became Ásatrúar, so I was in some state of Atheism but still confused about my faith or lack thereof. I became SOOOOO angry with the priest when he talked about how my grandma was now alive in Heaven and sitting by God's side and all that. No she was not. She was in that coffin right there in front of me. And then afterwards, because it's a super divided and toxic family, there was no wake afterwards. Not that me or my mom knew of anyway. So our "wake" was held in my stepdad's work van and consisted of a can of Christmas beer (it was not Christmas anymore. Lol). It was the one time I actually enjoyed a Tuborg beer. And it calmed down my anger so much. I still hate the priest for talking about my grandma being alive in Heaven, though.
daniel ikelman 2 months ago
BP is a bunch if cowards. You can't print the word suicide? Go f**k yourself
veirdbuttrue 2 months ago
I can't believe you wouldn't accept your gay son and then preach that it's gods will when the poor kid "self harms". That is so f****d up
ohjojo (you/your's) 2 months ago
But did you yell What the ffuck really loudly and leave? That would have been my exit music. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I hope they are having a grand time in the afterlife
Learner Panda 2 months ago
I would have spoken up saying he would still be here today if his family had not been religious bigots.
RELATED:
#2
My grandfather with dementia at my grandma funeral yelled out "what the f**k was that all about" when the minister/ pastor finished his speech.
Not too weird, but it was hilarious at the time. Miss that ol guy a lot.
#3
My good friend’s dad was an alcoholic. He shot himself after shooting his girlfriend in a drunken argument. My friend was to give the eulogy. “All my dad taught me was how to open a beer with a lighter” and walked away.
#4
"We all know he isn't going g to Heaven, he didn't go to church "
As a believer of Christ I would never say this at a funeral. It's not our place to question or judge others.
#5
“Ah she makes a lovely corpse”
Gotta love old Irish women.
#6
The minister decided to preach to us about how being gay is a sin that leads to hell. This was at my 83 year old, totally not gay, great aunts funeral. He mentioned all sorts of sins that lead to hell but didn't mention a single time how my great aunt was a devout Christian and literally nothing he said applied to her. Guy forgot it was a funeral and went right into his insane bigoted Christian b******t.
#7
Not said but felt really out of place when someone handed me popcorn..
My great uncle was an author who worked with Ripleys and covered alot of odd and spooky history. But his favorite subject was the circus so they hung old circus banners and handed out popcorn to everyone.
Hands down an amazing funeral full of laughs and interesting people.
The popcorn was the equivalent of Phoebe on Friends handing out 3D glasses at her grandmother's funeral.
#8
Preacher was talking about my mom (the deceased) and how she was a woman of God, a God-fearing woman, and one who walked with Jesus in her heart and all of this religious stuff. The only time my mom set foot in a church was when she was getting married. She might have burst into flames if she was ever forced to go to a church service. She took my Grandma to church when Grandma was unable to drive and was happy sitting in a cold car in the parking lot rather than coming inside.
Me, my husband and my daughter had to suppress a case of the giggles when the preacher said that. We couldn't look at each other bc we definitely would have started laughing.
#9
I used to play in a brass band that was booked for a lot of funerals. At one funeral when I was about 13 the mistress of the dead bloke came in wailing. His wife came in with an English mastiff (think big scary looking dog) and sang ding dong the b***h is dead and then left. According to the son of the dead man his dad was awful and he only came to dance on his grave and enjoy the inheritance money, why he was telling a teenager this, i have no idea. It was a f*****g weird one. We also had to play you give love a bad name and the theme from titanic.
#10
We put a can of beer in my father's casket. We're pretty sure we heard it pop open at the cemetery, before he went into the ground.
#11
Not so much weird but funny. When my grandmother passed, the priest sat with the family and asked for some fun stories about her to share at the service. My dad mentioned she “worked the polls,” referring to her working at the county during election season. The priest took “polls” to mean “poles”….
#12
My best friend died 5 years ago in a motorcycle accident. He was a fun-loving guy who always said “go forth, do cool s**t.” And that became the theme of his funeral. The pastor during the service was a bit uncomfortable saying it and when he did, he stammered a bit and nervously giggled which offered a slight laugh from all who were in attendance.
#13
I think the lady giving the eulogy was trying to say that even though the mother passed away her love is still with us, or something like that. But she started that section of the eulogy with
"Now that you are officially orphans..."
I couldn't believe it.
#14
Priest: “the day (child’s name) died was the best day of my life”
He was trying to make a point about how god was teaching him a lesson through the child’s death but holy s**t what a way to phrase it. You could feel the oxygen sucked out of the room as everyone gasped at the same time.
Earthquake903 2 months ago
I really hate religion. How can you try to spin a child's death into a wonderful lesson from God? I tell you this, when my baby brother died, NO ONE WAS THANKING GOD!
#15
"Down I go!" a lady who was about to faint from the heat loudly exclaiming. Then THUD.
#16
A woman kicked her husband's coffin and spat on it, all while screaming that she hoped he was rotting in hell.
He [took his own life] and left her with five children to raise all by herself.
#17
The priest kept referring to the deceased as “Nanette”, but her name was “Ann”. Then went further, mentioning how unfair it was that she died at 20, but it was an open casket for a 94 year old woman.
#18
My parents told me about a funeral they attended where the man had [taken his own life]. The song the funeral home chose to play was Frank Sinatra's I Did It My Way.
Talk about awkward.
#19
At the end of her eulogy, the wife of the deceased introduced the girlfriend of the deceased, who then gave her own eulogy.
#20
My BIL was a beloved redneck and Civil War Reenactor. At his funeral he had a Confederate flag and honor guard. My wife is black. Knowing what was coming I begged her not to go, but she gritted her teeth and suffered through it for my sister’s sake. As the service concluded they were going to play “Dixie” but luckily (for me) they couldn’t get the music to work. I thought I had dodged a bullet when some a-hole in the back stood up and yelled, “Come on folks, you know the words!”. Everyone in funeral stood up and sang “Dixie” in the church, even the pastor. We sat quiet and arms crossed on the front row. My wife and I laugh about it now but I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life!
Lyoness 2 months ago
Not downvoting, but I'd imagine the offensive part was that it was the rallying cry of the Confederacy. You know, the guys fighting to keep slavery legal. Sarcasm aside, it's not the lyrics or melody that bothers people, it's that it was the hymn of the south during the civil war.
#21
Not me, but my father. When he was 16, his best friend drowned. The canoe they were in tipped over when one guy they invited decided to goof off and stand up. My father's friend couldn't swim and ended up drowning about 15 feet from the shore.
At the funeral, the jerk that stood up in the boat showed up. The first thing he did was approach the mother, father and sister of the deceased friend and ask them if he could have his vinyl collection.
#22
At my grandfathers funeral, when the rabbis had to come to us to tell us that they brought the wrong body.
#23
The thud of someone collapsing and dying.
A lady had a sudden heart attack and died at my grandma’s funeral.
#24
So, my uncle Joe passed recently, and in the haste of putting together a ceremony, a random officiant was hired off Craigslist. Think Carol Baskins from Tiger King with a sing-song voice and woo-woo-crystal vibes. Initially, the ceremony seemed to be going really well - a series of community members shared really lovely and heartfelt eulogies honoring my uncle, I'm crying, we're all loving on this guy, and then.
Apropos of nothing, having literally zero connection to my uncle or the family, frickin Carol Baskins takes back the mic and decides that as officiant, she also needed to say her piece, to professionally set our grieving hearts at ease.
What follows was the most absurd ten minutes of my life - hot on the tail of lovely testimonies from people who actually knew and loved my uncle, Carol proceeds to describe what she imagined he might have been like. Namely, she strongly felt that he probably lived in the present moment, much as one does when they are walking down the stairs with a cup of coffee and they trip and fall (her exact words).
In that moment, she says, (rising into a tone of triumphant revelation) there is no time for anger, or fear, there is only joy and acceptance, because you are living in the present moment, just as she felt my uncle definitely probably did.
You see, she says, it's sort of like one of her spiritual adherents once told her - they had been driving down the interstate in Wyoming, and they hit a slick patch at 70 mph. Wait, was it slick, or was it slippery? Nono, she thinks it was slick. And so the SUV - it's an SUV, by the way - starts rolling, and in that moment time slows down, and her spiritual adherent feels a sense of serene calm come over them, and they have the presence of mind to stop their head from smashing into the windshield, and they pull their leg back into the SUV before - ah that's right, the window was down, so it must have been slippery - pull their leg back into the SUV before it was snapped off as the car rolled.
"And you see, that's what Joe's life was like, she thinks. Just a beautiful, extended SUV rollover crash where he lived persistently, stubbornly, in the present moment."
Now, all through this dada-esque scree, my partner and I are sitting on the hard wooden pew, our grief short-circuited into utter bemusement, and we are literally shaking with mirth at how surreal and inappropriate it was for this stranger to hijack a nice ceremony with her weird woo-woo worldview, and how inappropriate it was for us to be responding this way. And the thing about the wooden pews is they perfectly convey the vibration from the other person's repressed laughter, and so we sat hunched over for the entire presentation, trapped in this cycle of inappropriate laughter reverberating back and forth between us, trying to quietly gasp for breath and thinking of anything that wasn't this insane experience. At one point, we have to mask our gasping laughter as a quiet sob, which is equally inappropriate.
She proceeds, "I would have really liked to know Joe, and if I did, I think I would have thought of him as a comet, always moving forward, leaving bits of himself wherever he went. Dim the lights, please."
This is the part where we pretty much black out from lack of oxygen.
The lights dim, the haunting melodies of Enya fill the small chapel, and up on the projector screen, the slideshow images of my uncle's face are replaced with a four-minute montage of spiraling galaxies and nebulae and a single comet image, straight out of a mid-90s Bowl-a-Rama. This is clearly a video of her own design, she chose it for this occasion over her other greatest consolatory hits (waterfall.wav, sunlitmeadow.wav, SUVrollover.wav), and it means a great deal to her - she stands watching it intently for the full four minutes, and then turns to us with great gravity as the lights rise, and says, "To Joe, our shining comet. We miss you."
The ceremony ends at this point, and my partner and I absolutely hustle out of the chapel, making no eye contact, and Quasimodo-ing away with our heads down to go scream-laugh in the back alley behind the funeral home.
Later, we apologized to my aggrieved uncles/aunts/cousins at the reception (horror of horrors, we had been sitting right behind them the entire time), and everyone assured us it was one of the more bizarre performances they'd ever seen. But dammit, Joe would have liked it, beautiful rollover crash/comet that he was.
To this date that funeral is the most uncomfortable I've ever felt. It was hilarious, but holy hell.
#25
Is there any food in the box over there? An old lady who pointed to the coffin.
#26
My grandfather had a whole secret family show up to his funeral. Myself, and my Dad, and uncle all know about the secret family.......the rest of the family did not.
The only saving grace was the my family speaks English and doesn't know much Spanish. Grandads secret family was mainly Spanish speakers.
I will never forget comforting my grandmother that day. She was so confused as to who these other people were and why were they so sad and upset.
It was like watching a car wreck in slow motion.
#27
My dads funeral. My younger sister’s friend stood up and said that when she was a teenager she used to stay at our house JUST to see my dad and then went off on how they used to drink downstairs when everyone was asleep.
#28
My ex mother in law got up at her dad's funeral and did a speech almost entirely about her own horse.
#29
It's not really weird, but it got me to laugh, and i still laugh
"STOP ARGUING, THIS IS MY HUSBAND'S LAST FUNERAL"
And another on the same day by the same woman
YOU LIAR, YOU PROMISED ME 50 YEARS AND ONLY GAVE ME 48
and to add, i had some clothes i thought looked nice, but i guess they were not because she was pacing back and forth before finally saying
"Come here, you are not wearing that to my husband's funeral."
Then she gave me one of his old suits to wear XD.
Rachel Pelz 2 months ago
Last funeral...the other seven, he maneged to make his way out of the coffin..
#30
Kinda tame by the standards here, but at my uncles funeral, his ex wife (who had walked out on him to go off partying. Leaving him to raise two teenage boys alone) started taking on the role of grieving widow.
“I can’t believe he’s gone. He meant so much to me. Blah blah blah.”
While she was there with the guy she was living with who supported her through her tears.
Funny thing is she’s our actual blood relation, but we kept him in the family. Called him Uncle but just used her name when talking to her.
#31
Had an uncle go on a extended racist diatribe about "those people". I was expecting the person who was in the coffin to come back and beat the s**t out of him because that is the last thing they ever wanted to hear.
#32
My X wife’s family were the faith-healing type and some of them were convinced they were going to pray the recently deceased up out of the casket. People throwing themselves on the ground, weeping, having to be removed, slowly realizing he wasn’t going to wake up and actively experiencing the finality of death in real time. It was awful.
#33
"Hello.
I'm here as a fellow human to acknowledge that Lester has, as we know, passed on.
Lester was a man. Also, Lester was an employee of the Waystar company for 40 years.
And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day. In this case, it is Lester who has done so.
Lester was alive for 78 years. But no more. Now he is dead.
Lester's wife is Maria. They were married for 15 years. Now she is sad.".
#34
At my granny’s funeral, the pastor that was leading her service, was giving his little speech about her life and all that. Keep in mind, this man had known my granny just about his whole life, decided to go on a tangent about people dying with MS and Cystic Fibrosis. He barely spoke a word about her life or her accomplishments etc. My granny died in her sleep and other than having a few strokes years prior, was in decent enough health. It completely ruined the funeral for me.
Rachel Pelz 2 months ago
At all the funerals I've attended, the priest had spoken with a member of the family and would make that the basis of his account of the deceased's life. Sometimes even refering to that conversation, like: " as you (widow) told me".
#35
I recently went to a memorial service at a rock church kinda place and was absolutely shocked at how they twisted the narrative of this dead man to be a super manipulative recruitment fair for their church. It was shameless. A phrase they repeated often throughout was “the best thing about NAME was his deep love for god” and at the end they asked people to come up and be saved. Wtf?!
#36
The widow accidentally confirmed what many had suspected for years; she had cheated on her first husband with her now deceased husband. She talked about how they met and going down to visit him in another country for several years; you could literally see people doing the math in their heads.
#37
Old woman saying "how is your father? I haven't seen him for a long time. " to the son who lost his father.
#38
In college, my girlfriend’s friend (Samantha) had been dating this guy (Pete) for a while. Pete was a depressed guy who was regularly drunk. He ended up hanging himself and was found by Samantha. In his suicide note he apparently had detailed some things he would like to be done at his funeral.
Everything was relatively normal about the funeral until the pastor noted that Pete left some instructions for the following songs to be played at the funeral. Cue Clay Walker’s version of Holding Her and Loving You being faded in over the speakers. For those that don’t know it’s a song about a guy who is with one woman while loving another. This song provided an awkward contrast to the room of sniffles and tears as basically everyone learned how their deceased loved one was cheating on Samantha. After that song was over Free Bird started playing. Yes it was the full version and yes the preacher abruptly stopped it halfway through the eight minute guitar solo.
Found out later that not only was the other mystery girl in attendance at the funeral but that Samantha had known about her and Pete the entire time. She was fine with it.
#39
In my dad's eulogy for his father, he told everybody that grandpa tried to [end] him by allowing a tractor to tip over on him.
Oddly enough, a friend of the family had died when a tractor he was riding tipped over and pinned him to the ground.
It's pretty weird.
#40
At Glenn’s funeral the priest said reluctantly, “And now we will recite the Lord’s Prayer…with edits by Glenn.”
There was also a prerecorded message from Glenn.
#41
A random dude approached us and said "My bad." Then f*****g left the ceremony.
Captain McSmoot 2 months ago
"' I'm sorry' and 'I apologize' mean the same thing... unless you're at a funeral." Demetri Martin
#42
I wouldn't say weirdest, but definitely most "unspoken truth." My dad's extended side of the family is more well-off and as a result, pretty distant from us common folk, so we never see them, except for at funerals because a lot of them just can't be bothered with any other attempt at a family event.
Back in 2009-2014, we had a series of deaths, starting with a great uncle and ending with (sadly) my grandmother. A couple months before my grandmother passed, my dad's oldest sister lost the battle to ovarian cancer. I remember after the service, one of my dad's brothers was leaving and just kinda held up his hand and said, "welp! See yall at the next one!" and left.
The next one was his mom. Wonder if he felt bad about it or even remembered that he said that. I should ask him when I see him at a funeral in two weeks.
Rachel Pelz 2 months ago
At a Roman Catholic funeral: "now let us pray for the deceased and for all of us who assembled here today, and especially for the one of us who is to die next." Felt like, OK, have the deceased throw the bouquet now...
#43
My gran. 96 years old. All that could be said about her life was summed up (to the ten people in attendance) by the vicar as "she kept a clean house". That's it. And that was a lie. I hope hell is fun Gran!
whodunnitfan2013 2 months ago
My grandmother wasn't a good person, either. I just skipped her funeral, despite my parents trying to manipulate me into going (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...).
#44
"God needed him more than we did" - some priest.
Rachel Pelz 2 months ago
WTF? Like, if you believe in God, a person can't be close to God when alive?!?
#45
"Sorry for your loss. Move on.".
What do you think ?
arthbach 2 months ago
The best I've heard at a funeral was, "Well... how can we describe Joe? ... It's a tendency to describe the deceased as a saint, but that wasn't really Joe's style. He was a grumpy, cantankerous man, who um... had his particular ways of doing things." The family gave a huge sigh of relief that they weren't going to hear a string of platitudes.
BrunoVI 2 months ago
My mother sang funerals. She came back exasperated that once again, someone had asked her to sing, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" at a Catholic funeral. She said, "When I die, please don't let anyone sing from the Wizard of Oz" We had to hug her and tell her how much we loved her, because my sister and I couldn't help laughing and signing on perfect cue, "Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead."
Skadi Lifdis 2 months ago
"HEY!! HE'S KINDA SQUISHY!!" my 6 year old cousin shouted to the church before and after she poked his cheek. I was dying trying to keep from laughing while everyone else sobbed and our older cousin rushed up to move her from the open casket. First off, Grandpa was green because the mortician was not so skilled with the makeup. But also, they had told my younger cousin grandpa was sleeping. She asked when he was going to die because, duh, funeral. Our older cousin told her he had died, she started crying and walked up to the open casket. And proceeded to poke him in the cheek. Twice. Good times.
Sarah 2 months ago
My cousin and I dared each other to touch the body at my uncle's funeral. She flaked out, but I poked him in the cheek hard enough to smear the pancake makeup.
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UKGrandad 2 months ago
The funniest I heard was as the attendees were filing out of the crematorium after the service. The deceased's family were by the doors saying a few words to everybody as they left. The widow thanked the couple in front of me for coming then said that she couldn't quite place them and asked how they'd known her husband. The woman replied "To be absolutely honest, we didn't know him. We were supposed to be at the funeral in the other room but we arrived late and walked into the wrong room, and it just felt wrong to turn around and walk back out".
Vinnie 2 months ago (edited)
My sister-in-law started life as the daughter of a well-off lawyer in an upper-crust neighbourhood. She is now a middle-class prosecutor in a middle-class neighbourhood. What changed? As a teenager, she attended a funeral for someone who died young. Before going in, her rich friends were gossiping about what other people wore. My SIL was so upset at their lack of concern for the deceased and mourners that she went to cry somewhere. She's a lovely person and never wanted to associate again with such shallow people. (Prosecutors aren't poor, but corporate lawyers make a lot more money - and she specializes in prosecuting sex offenders, which caused burn-out at one point)
IamMe 2 months ago
After my grandfather's funeral, a son nobody but his brothers knew about showed up at his house for the reception. Unfortunately, my grandma was the one to get the door, and told the man to go away. She didn't mention it to my dad, or his siblings for years. By then, their uncles had also died, so they had no way to get in contact with their newly found, older brother. The reason she kept it secret, was because it would uncover other secrets. You see, the son was from Korea. My grandpa had apparently had a relationship with his mother the whole time he was serving there in the 1950s. Meanwhile, my grandma was home doing her own thing, and had my eldest uncle. They were not dating during the war, my grandpa knew the oldest wasn't his, and another uncle the same age, from another country would let everyone else know, too. The math wouldn't math. Maybe, someday we'll be able to find my Korean uncle, or a cousin, but we don't even know his name. My grandma burned all the letters.
PattyK 2 months ago
My cousin was married to a marine but was never in any armed service herself. At her funeral the military chaplin kept going on and on that she was a warrior for god and served her country well. She was not religious and earned a military funeral only as the spouse of someone in the service.
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
My older sister, a legend in the family, came out at our mother's funeral. She tried to upstage my dead mother! I appeared, dressed as a nun in our llocal gay bar, singing "My Sweet Lord" and it wound up being passed around the internet. My sister called me to inform me I didn't belong in gay bars if I, myself, am not gay.
Tempest 2 months ago
Not so much as said but happened. When I was in primary school one of my classmate’s dad passed away and our school decided to let our class of around 26 students attend the funeral viewing along with two teachers. We were really young so we just followed the teachers. It was at a massive parlour which had several halls with funerals happening at the same time. Anyway once our school bus dropped us off our teachers shepherded us into the hall right at the entrance and instructed us to walk in line and bow at the coffin and come out. Halfway through this we were all suddenly ushered outside with no explanation. Turns out we visited the wrong hall! The people in there must have been so confused as to why a whole bunch of kids in their school uniforms just walked in and started paying homage to their deceased. My friend’s dad’s funeral was at the hall next to what we visited. We were too young to be embarrassed but the two teachers were mortified.
Blaze Onyx 2 months ago
Not so much weird, but I felt the oxygen leave the room when it happened. We had a catholic funeral for my Great Grandmother, who lived next to the church and went consistently. As the priest was swinging the incense thing around her casket, (IDK what it's called- I'm not religious) he HIT THE CASKET. The gasp let out by my entire family and the sheer silence right after was insane.
BookFanatic 2 months ago
My cousins and I (all adults) were the reason our grandfather's funeral was awkward. We all got the giggles right before we had to bring the communion offering up to the priest. My mother was glaring daggers at us the whole time, which of course made it even funnier. Pretty sure Grandfather was chuckling along with us.
Erin Lazzarini 2 months ago
Catholic church, funeral for a friend's father. "For all you believers, know that he is with the lord. For all of you atheists, I got nothin" So that was cool
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 2 months ago
I attended a funeral that has been brought forward by about a week. I asked the widow about it and she said the crematorium had originally been booked up, but had called to offer her an earlier appointment as they had a cancellation. Who cancels a funeral?! "Oh, sorry, we were a bit previous booking the crematorium. Great Aunt Nelly got better after all." 🤷🏼♀️
Roberta Surprenant 2 months ago
My grandmother's surname was Heath, rhymes with death. At her funeral, the officiant started talking about her using the pronunciation of "heeeth", we all expected her to burst out of the coffin to correct him.
Damned_Cat 2 months ago
When my ex's grandfather died and his son, who had not been seen for many years, showed up. His adult niece took the opportunity to loudly confront him in front of everyone about how he had molested her as a child and how the perceived "scandal" caused her parents to treat her like a pariah all her life.
Penny Hernandez 2 months ago
At my great-grandfather's funeral (he died at 96), my mother's uncle, a Lutheran minister. mentioned during his eulogy that my great-grandfather had been a smoker for 88 years (true) and hadn't died of lung cancer. This was a dig at his wife who made him smoke his cigars only in his study.
arthbach 2 months ago
The best I've heard at a funeral was, "Well... how can we describe Joe? ... It's a tendency to describe the deceased as a saint, but that wasn't really Joe's style. He was a grumpy, cantankerous man, who um... had his particular ways of doing things." The family gave a huge sigh of relief that they weren't going to hear a string of platitudes.
BrunoVI 2 months ago
My mother sang funerals. She came back exasperated that once again, someone had asked her to sing, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" at a Catholic funeral. She said, "When I die, please don't let anyone sing from the Wizard of Oz" We had to hug her and tell her how much we loved her, because my sister and I couldn't help laughing and signing on perfect cue, "Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead."
Skadi Lifdis 2 months ago
"HEY!! HE'S KINDA SQUISHY!!" my 6 year old cousin shouted to the church before and after she poked his cheek. I was dying trying to keep from laughing while everyone else sobbed and our older cousin rushed up to move her from the open casket. First off, Grandpa was green because the mortician was not so skilled with the makeup. But also, they had told my younger cousin grandpa was sleeping. She asked when he was going to die because, duh, funeral. Our older cousin told her he had died, she started crying and walked up to the open casket. And proceeded to poke him in the cheek. Twice. Good times.
Sarah 2 months ago
My cousin and I dared each other to touch the body at my uncle's funeral. She flaked out, but I poked him in the cheek hard enough to smear the pancake makeup.
Load More Replies... UKGrandad 2 months ago
The funniest I heard was as the attendees were filing out of the crematorium after the service. The deceased's family were by the doors saying a few words to everybody as they left. The widow thanked the couple in front of me for coming then said that she couldn't quite place them and asked how they'd known her husband. The woman replied "To be absolutely honest, we didn't know him. We were supposed to be at the funeral in the other room but we arrived late and walked into the wrong room, and it just felt wrong to turn around and walk back out".
Vinnie 2 months ago (edited)
My sister-in-law started life as the daughter of a well-off lawyer in an upper-crust neighbourhood. She is now a middle-class prosecutor in a middle-class neighbourhood. What changed? As a teenager, she attended a funeral for someone who died young. Before going in, her rich friends were gossiping about what other people wore. My SIL was so upset at their lack of concern for the deceased and mourners that she went to cry somewhere. She's a lovely person and never wanted to associate again with such shallow people. (Prosecutors aren't poor, but corporate lawyers make a lot more money - and she specializes in prosecuting sex offenders, which caused burn-out at one point)
IamMe 2 months ago
After my grandfather's funeral, a son nobody but his brothers knew about showed up at his house for the reception. Unfortunately, my grandma was the one to get the door, and told the man to go away. She didn't mention it to my dad, or his siblings for years. By then, their uncles had also died, so they had no way to get in contact with their newly found, older brother. The reason she kept it secret, was because it would uncover other secrets. You see, the son was from Korea. My grandpa had apparently had a relationship with his mother the whole time he was serving there in the 1950s. Meanwhile, my grandma was home doing her own thing, and had my eldest uncle. They were not dating during the war, my grandpa knew the oldest wasn't his, and another uncle the same age, from another country would let everyone else know, too. The math wouldn't math. Maybe, someday we'll be able to find my Korean uncle, or a cousin, but we don't even know his name. My grandma burned all the letters.
PattyK 2 months ago
My cousin was married to a marine but was never in any armed service herself. At her funeral the military chaplin kept going on and on that she was a warrior for god and served her country well. She was not religious and earned a military funeral only as the spouse of someone in the service.
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
My older sister, a legend in the family, came out at our mother's funeral. She tried to upstage my dead mother! I appeared, dressed as a nun in our llocal gay bar, singing "My Sweet Lord" and it wound up being passed around the internet. My sister called me to inform me I didn't belong in gay bars if I, myself, am not gay.
Tempest 2 months ago
Not so much as said but happened. When I was in primary school one of my classmate’s dad passed away and our school decided to let our class of around 26 students attend the funeral viewing along with two teachers. We were really young so we just followed the teachers. It was at a massive parlour which had several halls with funerals happening at the same time. Anyway once our school bus dropped us off our teachers shepherded us into the hall right at the entrance and instructed us to walk in line and bow at the coffin and come out. Halfway through this we were all suddenly ushered outside with no explanation. Turns out we visited the wrong hall! The people in there must have been so confused as to why a whole bunch of kids in their school uniforms just walked in and started paying homage to their deceased. My friend’s dad’s funeral was at the hall next to what we visited. We were too young to be embarrassed but the two teachers were mortified.
Blaze Onyx 2 months ago
Not so much weird, but I felt the oxygen leave the room when it happened. We had a catholic funeral for my Great Grandmother, who lived next to the church and went consistently. As the priest was swinging the incense thing around her casket, (IDK what it's called- I'm not religious) he HIT THE CASKET. The gasp let out by my entire family and the sheer silence right after was insane.
BookFanatic 2 months ago
My cousins and I (all adults) were the reason our grandfather's funeral was awkward. We all got the giggles right before we had to bring the communion offering up to the priest. My mother was glaring daggers at us the whole time, which of course made it even funnier. Pretty sure Grandfather was chuckling along with us.
Erin Lazzarini 2 months ago
Catholic church, funeral for a friend's father. "For all you believers, know that he is with the lord. For all of you atheists, I got nothin" So that was cool
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 2 months ago
I attended a funeral that has been brought forward by about a week. I asked the widow about it and she said the crematorium had originally been booked up, but had called to offer her an earlier appointment as they had a cancellation. Who cancels a funeral?! "Oh, sorry, we were a bit previous booking the crematorium. Great Aunt Nelly got better after all." 🤷🏼♀️
Roberta Surprenant 2 months ago
My grandmother's surname was Heath, rhymes with death. At her funeral, the officiant started talking about her using the pronunciation of "heeeth", we all expected her to burst out of the coffin to correct him.
Damned_Cat 2 months ago
When my ex's grandfather died and his son, who had not been seen for many years, showed up. His adult niece took the opportunity to loudly confront him in front of everyone about how he had molested her as a child and how the perceived "scandal" caused her parents to treat her like a pariah all her life.
Penny Hernandez 2 months ago
At my great-grandfather's funeral (he died at 96), my mother's uncle, a Lutheran minister. mentioned during his eulogy that my great-grandfather had been a smoker for 88 years (true) and hadn't died of lung cancer. This was a dig at his wife who made him smoke his cigars only in his study.
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