“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals

Funerals, by and large, are not the sort of events one attends to hear something funny, unless the deceased had a sense of humor and wanted to play one last joke. However, there is something about the mixture of loss, grief and brief, public attention that can somehow produce downright comical results, if one is willing to look past the morbid context.

A netizen asked “What’s the weirdest thing you ever heard in a funeral?” and people shared the wildest and most unhinged statements folks made. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to add your own thoughts in the comments section below.

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“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My grandfather with dementia at my grandma funeral yelled out "what the f**k was that all about" when the minister/ pastor finished his speech.

Not too weird, but it was hilarious at the time. Miss that ol guy a lot.

anon , Alena Darmel/pexels Report

168points

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parmadillo 3 days ago

Hopefully someone carried on the tradition at grandpa’s funeral.

93points

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I was at a funeral recently for a friend who committed [self-harm]. Largely in part because he was gay and his family wouldn’t accept him. His dad was a seventh day Adventist and the preacher was saying that we all have a guardian Angel. That his guardian Angel could have saved him but he didn’t because it’s gods plan.
“And we thank god for the train that hit him, we thank god.”
We absolutely do not thank god, he was 20, I wanted to punch that guy in that mouth.

girlwithcowpup , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

166points

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Spidercat 3 days ago

Suicìde? I mean really BP, please stop censoring perfectly normal words.

186points

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“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My good friend’s dad was an alcoholic. He shot himself after shooting his girlfriend in a drunken argument. My friend was to give the eulogy. “All my dad taught me was how to open a beer with a lighter” and walked away.

Ok-Excuse-4461 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

158points

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Mike F 3 days ago

Sometimes you just need to be honest, especially when it's all you've got.

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“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals "We all know he isn't going g to Heaven, he didn't go to church "
As a believer of Christ I would never say this at a funeral. It's not our place to question or judge others.

justmyusername47 , Ron Lach/pexels Report

142points

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WindySwede 3 days ago

And yet so many happily does!?

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“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals “Ah she makes a lovely corpse”
Gotta love old Irish women.

anon , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

138points

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Mike F 3 days ago

"...she was the happiest corpse I've ever seen." - Liza Minelli, Cabaret

53points

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The minister decided to preach to us about how being gay is a sin that leads to hell. This was at my 83 year old, totally not gay, great aunts funeral. He mentioned all sorts of sins that lead to hell but didn't mention a single time how my great aunt was a devout Christian and literally nothing he said applied to her. Guy forgot it was a funeral and went right into his insane bigoted Christian b******t.

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eric p 3 days ago

The only good religion is no religion

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“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Not said but felt really out of place when someone handed me popcorn..

My great uncle was an author who worked with Ripleys and covered alot of odd and spooky history. But his favorite subject was the circus so they hung old circus banners and handed out popcorn to everyone.

Hands down an amazing funeral full of laughs and interesting people.

The popcorn was the equivalent of Phoebe on Friends handing out 3D glasses at her grandmother's funeral.

PinkRawks , Gustavo Fring/pexels Report

134points

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Lyoness 3 days ago

Great uncle sounds cool.

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“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Preacher was talking about my mom (the deceased) and how she was a woman of God, a God-fearing woman, and one who walked with Jesus in her heart and all of this religious stuff. The only time my mom set foot in a church was when she was getting married. She might have burst into flames if she was ever forced to go to a church service. She took my Grandma to church when Grandma was unable to drive and was happy sitting in a cold car in the parking lot rather than coming inside.

Me, my husband and my daughter had to suppress a case of the giggles when the preacher said that. We couldn't look at each other bc we definitely would have started laughing.

floridianreader , RDNE Stock project/pexels Report

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Lyoness 3 days ago

The bursting into flames made me snort out loud. I think we're related.

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“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals I used to play in a brass band that was booked for a lot of funerals. At one funeral when I was about 13 the mistress of the dead bloke came in wailing. His wife came in with an English mastiff (think big scary looking dog) and sang ding dong the b***h is dead and then left. According to the son of the dead man his dad was awful and he only came to dance on his grave and enjoy the inheritance money, why he was telling a teenager this, i have no idea. It was a f*****g weird one. We also had to play you give love a bad name and the theme from titanic.

anon , Dolores Reyes/pexels Report

120points

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Ria C. 2 days ago

English Mastiffs aren't scary imo. Slobber machine yes!

65points

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#10

We put a can of beer in my father's casket. We're pretty sure we heard it pop open at the cemetery, before he went into the ground.

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cadena kuhn 3 days ago

One for the road

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#11

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Not so much weird but funny. When my grandmother passed, the priest sat with the family and asked for some fun stories about her to share at the service. My dad mentioned she “worked the polls,” referring to her working at the county during election season. The priest took “polls” to mean “poles”….

BowRange , Ron Lach /pexels Report

108points

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eric p 3 days ago

Maybe she did both. Her civic duty and seductive duty

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#12

My best friend died 5 years ago in a motorcycle accident. He was a fun-loving guy who always said “go forth, do cool s**t.” And that became the theme of his funeral. The pastor during the service was a bit uncomfortable saying it and when he did, he stammered a bit and nervously giggled which offered a slight laugh from all who were in attendance.

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WindySwede 3 days ago

Sound like decent advise?

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#13

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals I think the lady giving the eulogy was trying to say that even though the mother passed away her love is still with us, or something like that. But she started that section of the eulogy with

"Now that you are officially orphans..."

I couldn't believe it.

pignewton , Mikhail Nilov/pexels Report

103points

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J K 2 days ago

Could have been a mistake. Hopefully when the pain dulls enough with time they can laugh about it.

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#14

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals "Down I go!" a lady who was about to faint from the heat loudly exclaiming. Then THUD.

samit2heck , Jawm Ling/pexels Report

98points

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WindySwede 3 days ago

If you gotta go, you gotta go.

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#15

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Priest: “the day (child’s name) died was the best day of my life”

He was trying to make a point about how god was teaching him a lesson through the child’s death but holy s**t what a way to phrase it. You could feel the oxygen sucked out of the room as everyone gasped at the same time.

stuntmike , Samuel Peter /pexels Report

95points

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Earthquake903 3 days ago

I really hate religion. How can you try to spin a child's death into a wonderful lesson from God? I tell you this, when my baby brother died, NO ONE WAS THANKING GOD!

152points

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#16

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals The priest kept referring to the deceased as “Nanette”, but her name was “Ann”. Then went further, mentioning how unfair it was that she died at 20, but it was an open casket for a 94 year old woman.

FlannerysPeacock , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

93points

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justagirl 3 days ago

whoops! got the obituaries mixed up! hold on...

32points

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#17

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals A woman kicked her husband's coffin and spat on it, all while screaming that she hoped he was rotting in hell.

He [took his own life] and left her with five children to raise all by herself.

jacobr1020 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

93points

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Lyoness 3 days ago

That's sad on so many levels.

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#18

My parents told me about a funeral they attended where the man had [taken his own life]. The song the funeral home chose to play was Frank Sinatra's I Did It My Way.

Talk about awkward.

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eric p 3 days ago

It's not wrong... morbid but not wrong

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#19

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals At the end of her eulogy, the wife of the deceased introduced the girlfriend of the deceased, who then gave her own eulogy.

cat-clowder , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

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Lyoness 3 days ago

It'll sound ironic but that's actually classy, the wife being a big enough person to allow the GF to speak at the funeral.

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#20

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My BIL was a beloved redneck and Civil War Reenactor. At his funeral he had a Confederate flag and honor guard. My wife is black. Knowing what was coming I begged her not to go, but she gritted her teeth and suffered through it for my sister’s sake. As the service concluded they were going to play “Dixie” but luckily (for me) they couldn’t get the music to work. I thought I had dodged a bullet when some a-hole in the back stood up and yelled, “Come on folks, you know the words!”. Everyone in funeral stood up and sang “Dixie” in the church, even the pastor. We sat quiet and arms crossed on the front row. My wife and I laugh about it now but I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life!

4everGM , Pavel Danilyuk /pexels Report

81points

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Lyoness 3 days ago

Not downvoting, but I'd imagine the offensive part was that it was the rallying cry of the Confederacy. You know, the guys fighting to keep slavery legal. Sarcasm aside, it's not the lyrics or melody that bothers people, it's that it was the hymn of the south during the civil war.

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#21

Not me, but my father. When he was 16, his best friend drowned. The canoe they were in tipped over when one guy they invited decided to goof off and stand up. My father's friend couldn't swim and ended up drowning about 15 feet from the shore.

At the funeral, the jerk that stood up in the boat showed up. The first thing he did was approach the mother, father and sister of the deceased friend and ask them if he could have his vinyl collection.

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Lyoness 3 days ago

Clearly the wrong person drowned.

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#22

At my grandfathers funeral, when the rabbis had to come to us to tell us that they brought the wrong body.

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Mike F 3 days ago

Awkward.

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#23

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals The thud of someone collapsing and dying.

A lady had a sudden heart attack and died at my grandma’s funeral.

MrLanesLament , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

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whodunnitfan2013 3 days ago

Death at a funeral

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#24

So, my uncle Joe passed recently, and in the haste of putting together a ceremony, a random officiant was hired off Craigslist. Think Carol Baskins from Tiger King with a sing-song voice and woo-woo-crystal vibes. Initially, the ceremony seemed to be going really well - a series of community members shared really lovely and heartfelt eulogies honoring my uncle, I'm crying, we're all loving on this guy, and then.

Apropos of nothing, having literally zero connection to my uncle or the family, frickin Carol Baskins takes back the mic and decides that as officiant, she also needed to say her piece, to professionally set our grieving hearts at ease.

What follows was the most absurd ten minutes of my life - hot on the tail of lovely testimonies from people who actually knew and loved my uncle, Carol proceeds to describe what she imagined he might have been like. Namely, she strongly felt that he probably lived in the present moment, much as one does when they are walking down the stairs with a cup of coffee and they trip and fall (her exact words).

In that moment, she says, (rising into a tone of triumphant revelation) there is no time for anger, or fear, there is only joy and acceptance, because you are living in the present moment, just as she felt my uncle definitely probably did.

You see, she says, it's sort of like one of her spiritual adherents once told her - they had been driving down the interstate in Wyoming, and they hit a slick patch at 70 mph. Wait, was it slick, or was it slippery? Nono, she thinks it was slick. And so the SUV - it's an SUV, by the way - starts rolling, and in that moment time slows down, and her spiritual adherent feels a sense of serene calm come over them, and they have the presence of mind to stop their head from smashing into the windshield, and they pull their leg back into the SUV before - ah that's right, the window was down, so it must have been slippery - pull their leg back into the SUV before it was snapped off as the car rolled.

"And you see, that's what Joe's life was like, she thinks. Just a beautiful, extended SUV rollover crash where he lived persistently, stubbornly, in the present moment."

Now, all through this dada-esque scree, my partner and I are sitting on the hard wooden pew, our grief short-circuited into utter bemusement, and we are literally shaking with mirth at how surreal and inappropriate it was for this stranger to hijack a nice ceremony with her weird woo-woo worldview, and how inappropriate it was for us to be responding this way. And the thing about the wooden pews is they perfectly convey the vibration from the other person's repressed laughter, and so we sat hunched over for the entire presentation, trapped in this cycle of inappropriate laughter reverberating back and forth between us, trying to quietly gasp for breath and thinking of anything that wasn't this insane experience. At one point, we have to mask our gasping laughter as a quiet sob, which is equally inappropriate.

She proceeds, "I would have really liked to know Joe, and if I did, I think I would have thought of him as a comet, always moving forward, leaving bits of himself wherever he went. Dim the lights, please."

This is the part where we pretty much black out from lack of oxygen.

The lights dim, the haunting melodies of Enya fill the small chapel, and up on the projector screen, the slideshow images of my uncle's face are replaced with a four-minute montage of spiraling galaxies and nebulae and a single comet image, straight out of a mid-90s Bowl-a-Rama. This is clearly a video of her own design, she chose it for this occasion over her other greatest consolatory hits (waterfall.wav, sunlitmeadow.wav, SUVrollover.wav), and it means a great deal to her - she stands watching it intently for the full four minutes, and then turns to us with great gravity as the lights rise, and says, "To Joe, our shining comet. We miss you."

The ceremony ends at this point, and my partner and I absolutely hustle out of the chapel, making no eye contact, and Quasimodo-ing away with our heads down to go scream-laugh in the back alley behind the funeral home.

Later, we apologized to my aggrieved uncles/aunts/cousins at the reception (horror of horrors, we had been sitting right behind them the entire time), and everyone assured us it was one of the more bizarre performances they'd ever seen. But dammit, Joe would have liked it, beautiful rollover crash/comet that he was.

To this date that funeral is the most uncomfortable I've ever felt. It was hilarious, but holy hell.

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Brenda 3 days ago

OMG! That's terrible and freaking hilarious all at the same time! Why didn't anyone stop her!?!

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#25

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Is there any food in the box over there? An old lady who pointed to the coffin.

EllJayEss140988 , Mario Wallner/pexels Report

66points

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Jo Maxwell 3 days ago

Yes

55points

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#26

My grandfather had a whole secret family show up to his funeral. Myself, and my Dad, and uncle all know about the secret family.......the rest of the family did not.

The only saving grace was the my family speaks English and doesn't know much Spanish. Grandads secret family was mainly Spanish speakers.

I will never forget comforting my grandmother that day. She was so confused as to who these other people were and why were they so sad and upset.

It was like watching a car wreck in slow motion.

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Kinak 2 days ago

how does one have a secret family (im not suspicious wdym)

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#27

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My dads funeral. My younger sister’s friend stood up and said that when she was a teenager she used to stay at our house JUST to see my dad and then went off on how they used to drink downstairs when everyone was asleep.

anon , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

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WindySwede 3 days ago

😬?

31points

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#28

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My ex mother in law got up at her dad's funeral and did a speech almost entirely about her own horse.

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Rachel Pelz 3 days ago

Priorities, I guess.

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#29

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals It's not really weird, but it got me to laugh, and i still laugh

"STOP ARGUING, THIS IS MY HUSBAND'S LAST FUNERAL"

And another on the same day by the same woman

YOU LIAR, YOU PROMISED ME 50 YEARS AND ONLY GAVE ME 48

and to add, i had some clothes i thought looked nice, but i guess they were not because she was pacing back and forth before finally saying

"Come here, you are not wearing that to my husband's funeral."

Then she gave me one of his old suits to wear XD.

ElGuero93 , Esma Atak/pexels Report

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Rachel Pelz 3 days ago

Last funeral...the other seven, he maneged to make his way out of the coffin..

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#30

Kinda tame by the standards here, but at my uncles funeral, his ex wife (who had walked out on him to go off partying. Leaving him to raise two teenage boys alone) started taking on the role of grieving widow.

“I can’t believe he’s gone. He meant so much to me. Blah blah blah.”

While she was there with the guy she was living with who supported her through her tears.

Funny thing is she’s our actual blood relation, but we kept him in the family. Called him Uncle but just used her name when talking to her.

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Wolf princess quinn 2 days ago

We always wanted my bil to replace our sister!

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#31

Had an uncle go on a extended racist diatribe about "those people". I was expecting the person who was in the coffin to come back and beat the s**t out of him because that is the last thing they ever wanted to hear.

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Chonky Panda 2 days ago

Why don't anyone stop these people when they begin their rant??

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#32

"Hello.

I'm here as a fellow human to acknowledge that Lester has, as we know, passed on.

Lester was a man. Also, Lester was an employee of the Waystar company for 40 years.

And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day. In this case, it is Lester who has done so.

Lester was alive for 78 years. But no more. Now he is dead.

Lester's wife is Maria. They were married for 15 years. Now she is sad.".

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eric p 3 days ago

How do you do fellow humans

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#33

My X wife’s family were the faith-healing type and some of them were convinced they were going to pray the recently deceased up out of the casket. People throwing themselves on the ground, weeping, having to be removed, slowly realizing he wasn’t going to wake up and actively experiencing the finality of death in real time. It was awful.

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Rachel Pelz 3 days ago

Part of their way of mourning maybe?

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#34

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals At my granny’s funeral, the pastor that was leading her service, was giving his little speech about her life and all that. Keep in mind, this man had known my granny just about his whole life, decided to go on a tangent about people dying with MS and Cystic Fibrosis. He barely spoke a word about her life or her accomplishments etc. My granny died in her sleep and other than having a few strokes years prior, was in decent enough health. It completely ruined the funeral for me.

Averagedadof8 , cottonbro studio /pexels Report

49points

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Rachel Pelz 3 days ago

At all the funerals I've attended, the priest had spoken with a member of the family and would make that the basis of his account of the deceased's life. Sometimes even refering to that conversation, like: " as you (widow) told me".

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#35

I recently went to a memorial service at a rock church kinda place and was absolutely shocked at how they twisted the narrative of this dead man to be a super manipulative recruitment fair for their church. It was shameless. A phrase they repeated often throughout was “the best thing about NAME was his deep love for god” and at the end they asked people to come up and be saved. Wtf?!

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WindySwede 3 days ago

Gotta get em moneys!

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#36

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals The widow accidentally confirmed what many had suspected for years; she had cheated on her first husband with her now deceased husband. She talked about how they met and going down to visit him in another country for several years; you could literally see people doing the math in their heads.

blackpugstudios , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

46points

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P R 2 days ago

Not the time nor place to talk about that

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#37

Old woman saying "how is your father? I haven't seen him for a long time. " to the son who lost his father.

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Rachel Pelz 3 days ago

Early stages of dementia?

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#38

In college, my girlfriend’s friend (Samantha) had been dating this guy (Pete) for a while. Pete was a depressed guy who was regularly drunk. He ended up hanging himself and was found by Samantha. In his suicide note he apparently had detailed some things he would like to be done at his funeral.

Everything was relatively normal about the funeral until the pastor noted that Pete left some instructions for the following songs to be played at the funeral. Cue Clay Walker’s version of Holding Her and Loving You being faded in over the speakers. For those that don’t know it’s a song about a guy who is with one woman while loving another. This song provided an awkward contrast to the room of sniffles and tears as basically everyone learned how their deceased loved one was cheating on Samantha. After that song was over Free Bird started playing. Yes it was the full version and yes the preacher abruptly stopped it halfway through the eight minute guitar solo.

Found out later that not only was the other mystery girl in attendance at the funeral but that Samantha had known about her and Pete the entire time. She was fine with it.

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Marat Singh Farout 2 days ago

Did everyone hold up their lighters

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#39

In my dad's eulogy for his father, he told everybody that grandpa tried to [end] him by allowing a tractor to tip over on him.

Oddly enough, a friend of the family had died when a tractor he was riding tipped over and pinned him to the ground.

It's pretty weird.

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nicole ツ 2 days ago

That might not be a coincidence

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#40

At Glenn’s funeral the priest said reluctantly, “And now we will recite the Lord’s Prayer…with edits by Glenn.”

There was also a prerecorded message from Glenn.

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Rachel Pelz 3 days ago

So what were Glenn's edits?

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#41

"Sorry for your loss. Move on.".

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eric p 3 days ago

Nothing to see here

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#42

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals A random dude approached us and said "My bad." Then f*****g left the ceremony.

Quazeroigma_5610 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

39points

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Captain McSmoot 2 days ago

"' I'm sorry' and 'I apologize' mean the same thing... unless you're at a funeral." Demetri Martin

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#43

My gran. 96 years old. All that could be said about her life was summed up (to the ten people in attendance) by the vicar as "she kept a clean house". That's it. And that was a lie. I hope hell is fun Gran!

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whodunnitfan2013 3 days ago

My grandmother wasn't a good person, either. I just skipped her funeral, despite my parents trying to manipulate me into going (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...).

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#44

I wouldn't say weirdest, but definitely most "unspoken truth." My dad's extended side of the family is more well-off and as a result, pretty distant from us common folk, so we never see them, except for at funerals because a lot of them just can't be bothered with any other attempt at a family event.

Back in 2009-2014, we had a series of deaths, starting with a great uncle and ending with (sadly) my grandmother. A couple months before my grandmother passed, my dad's oldest sister lost the battle to ovarian cancer. I remember after the service, one of my dad's brothers was leaving and just kinda held up his hand and said, "welp! See yall at the next one!" and left.

The next one was his mom. Wonder if he felt bad about it or even remembered that he said that. I should ask him when I see him at a funeral in two weeks.

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Rachel Pelz 3 days ago

At a Roman Catholic funeral: "now let us pray for the deceased and for all of us who assembled here today, and especially for the one of us who is to die next." Felt like, OK, have the deceased throw the bouquet now...

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#45

"God needed him more than we did" - some priest.

KronosMaximus Report

36points

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Rachel Pelz 3 days ago

WTF? Like, if you believe in God, a person can't be close to God when alive?!?

16points

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Note: this post originally had 55 images. It’s been shortened to the top 45 images based on user votes.

What do you think ?

arthbach 2 days ago

The best I've heard at a funeral was, "Well... how can we describe Joe? ... It's a tendency to describe the deceased as a saint, but that wasn't really Joe's style. He was a grumpy, cantankerous man, who um... had his particular ways of doing things." The family gave a huge sigh of relief that they weren't going to hear a string of platitudes.

10points

Skadi Lifdis 2 days ago

"HEY!! HE'S KINDA SQUISHY!!" my 6 year old cousin shouted to the church before and after she poked his cheek. I was dying trying to keep from laughing while everyone else sobbed and our older cousin rushed up to move her from the open casket. First off, Grandpa was green because the mortician was not so skilled with the makeup. But also, they had told my younger cousin grandpa was sleeping. She asked when he was going to die because, duh, funeral. Our older cousin told her he had died, she started crying and walked up to the open casket. And proceeded to poke him in the cheek. Twice. Good times.

Sarah 1 day ago

My cousin and I dared each other to touch the body at my uncle's funeral. She flaked out, but I poked him in the cheek hard enough to smear the pancake makeup.

0points

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BrunoVI 3 days ago

My mother sang funerals. She came back exasperated that once again, someone had asked her to sing, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" at a Catholic funeral. She said, "When I die, please don't let anyone sing from the Wizard of Oz" We had to hug her and tell her how much we loved her, because my sister and I couldn't help laughing and signing on perfect cue, "Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead."

7points

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