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31 Truly Strange And Hilariously Cringe First Messages From The Universe Of Dating Apps
Interview With Expert
The world of modern dating can be cray-cray. More and more, people are turning to dating apps in the hopes of meeting their perfect match, but this doesn’t come without its pitfalls. With the ever-present hookup culture, unsolicited adult pics, catfishing, and profiles that use photoshopped images or filters, online dating is a potential minefield.
One Reddit user recently turned to the community to ask the question, “People who use dating apps, what is the weirdest message you’ve gotten to start a conversation?”, and the results were truly mind blowing. Keep reading for 31 of the strangest messages online daters have sent as an icebreaker.
More info: Reddit
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#1
Opened our initial conversation on PlentyofFish by asking for my detailed zombie apocalypse survival plan.
I fell in love immediately. We've been married for almost 12 years now.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 6 months ago
They found the only normal person on Puddle of Freaks. A friend of mine met two girls from PoF. The first basically just used him to move house, and the second's opening gambit was "I don't like to be touched".
RELATED:
#2
I once got an opening message that said something like “you might not be the prettiest girl on here, but beauty is only a light switch away.” This was over 10 years ago, and I bet that dude is still single.
#3
My brother sent this girl a message on Hot or Not: "Do you like burittos?"
They've been together for 17 years and married for 11 now.
As you can tell from looking at this list, there’s no end to the weirdness when it comes to starting a conversation on dating apps. You’d think that people would want to make the best first impression, but that’s clearly not been the plan when it comes to these truly odd messages.
Some are a little insulting, while others are just plain out there. Perhaps the people who sent these messages are trolling, or maybe they truly think kicking a convo off with a strange message will set them apart and make them stand out from the crowd.
Still, if you’re looking to put your best foot forward, it might not be the best idea to come on too strong or too strange, at first. Asking a potential mate what they do for a living, or what their favorite books or shows are, is a good bet. At least you have less of a chance of scaring them away with your opening salvo.
That being said, sometimes it can work. One user’s brother used Hot or Not to ask a prospective mate whether or not she liked burritos; the couple has now been together for 17 years and married for 11. That’s a happy ending in anyone’s books.
#4
A girl once messaged me with something along the lines of “do you ever see a bunch of cheese and say damn, I want to eat that cheese. And by cheese I mean my p***y”. I couldn’t help myself and replied that I’m lactose intolerant.
#5
A friend got the message “Wow. Your eyes could start a cult”.
james stevenson 6 months ago
"That's funny because I actually use them as prisons for demons. Isn't that such a coincidence?"
#6
The weirdest first message I've received was "My hovercraft is full of eels", and I can't imagine what sort of conversation she expects if the person she sends the message to doesn't happen to be a Monty Python fan (we're getting old and rare here).
It is possible that weird can be wonderful. Just consider the ‘Manic Pixie Dream Girl’ trope made popular in more than a few of cinema’s recent years. The term “manic pixie dream girl” (MPDG) was first used by film critic Nathan Rabin in his review of “Elizabethtown” to describe Kirsten Dunst’s character in the movie.
Rabin wrote that the MPDG exists “solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.”
In her article for popular Hollywood website, Backstage.com, Crystal Duran says a manic pixie dream girl is the embodiment of a certain male fantasy: a charming woman who “isn’t like other girls” and has no desires of her own. While she may possess personality traits or a backstory that suggest a fully fleshed-out character, the story gives her little to no space to develop, learn, or advance her own interests.
Duran goes on to say that this type of character exudes an aura of ethereal, quirky unattainability and that you can find MPDGs everywhere in popular culture, almost always in stories written and/or directed by men.
#7
Matched with a woman. Her first message was, “I guess you’ll do.”.
#8
“I want my wife to have your eyes.”
I don’t think it was meant like that, but my first thought was that the dude wanted to cut out my eyeballs.
#9
I was the weird one. I’d start off commenting about something in the background of a pic. If I couldn’t think of something funny I’d just say “how do you feel about geese?” Most people have strong opinions.
Jess Smith 6 months ago
My mom got chased by lots of them for bread once as a kid (which someone filmed instead of helping for some reason? Like, in the family?) so I have been raised with a strong hatred of geese.
On social publishing platform, Medium, author PsychoMarcus writes relatable insights on mental wellness, relationships, self-discovery, and personal growth. In his article titled, “Navigating the Competitive World of Online Dating: A Man’s Perspective”, he takes a closer look at the challenges and opportunities that men face when dating online.
He says that, while dating in the digital age has made it more accessible and convenient for people to meet potential partners, online dating can be highly competitive and challenging, especially for men. He goes on to say that making a good first impression is essential, but it can be difficult when there are so many other men vying for attention.
Not to say it isn’t as challenging for women. More than a few men walking this planet have been known to give online dating a bad name with their inappropriate advances and general bad behavior.
#10
"Excuse me good sir, would you kindly like to hook up?"
She was clearly wasted. 5 minutes later she unmatches. Apparently she didn't like I wasn't available immediately. This isn't a f*****g Wendy's.
#11
After my girlfriend and I started dating, she showed me her dating profile so I could see how many messages she was getting. About 50-70 per day, most of them were just “hi”. A few were really creepy (“you look like my daughter/student/sister”), but one stood out to us and we laugh about it to this day.
“you ever get f****d by a marine baby”
No punctuation or question mark, so we asked ourselves “what, like a baby shark? Baby whale?” lol… In the end she had 1500 unread messages when she deactivated her account.
#12
I am a sterile man and a woman messaged me first on Tinder with "It's a shame you can't have kids. I mean, what if we fall in love after we f**k and I want to have your babies and I can't? I'm sorry, I don't think this is going to work." After I replied, she ignored it and unmatched a few days later. We were both looking for casual so extra weird.
As a bonus, when I moved to a new area, I decided to use Bumble BFF to make friends. I didn't realize that apparently gay dudes use it to low-key try to pick up straight men. The first message I got was a dude asking me if I would fart in his face with my cheeks spread open. I turned it off after.
Need advice on picking a pleasing path through the forest of dating apps? In an article for healthcare provider MindBodyGreen, an LLC based in Brooklyn, New York, contributing relationships editor, certified sex educator, and holistic dating coach, Kelly Gonsalves, says that the first key to successful online dating is picking the best dating app or dating site that’s most suited to what you’re looking for, and sticking with it.
Bored Panda reached out to Gonsalves to get her opinions on unconventional first lines from the world of dating apps.
When we asked her whether she had any advice for online daters who've received strange or odd opening messages, she had this to say, "If someone sends you a quirky opening line, I wouldn't necessarily write them off right away. A lot of people on dating apps are just trying their best to stand out because they know there's so many other options to scroll through."
Kelly goes on to say that some people might spring for an eyebrow-raising comment or edgy joke in the hopes that you have a genuine reaction of laughter (or even just "WTF?") that makes you want to respond.
Says Gonsalves, "Unless humor isn't your thing, I think it's totally fine to exchange a few messages with such people to see if there's more there beyond the jokes."
#13
Whose d**k do I have to suck to suck a d**k around here.
#14
As a man, I didn't get any opening messages. Got some doozy responses. One that still haunts me is when I sent this woman a nice opening message, talking about some of the things in her profile we had in common and asking a few open ended questions to start a conversation.
Her response was: "With all the hot military guys in town, you need to put your aim lower."
Then she blocked me. I thought I already had low self esteem, but it took another hit that day. lol.
#15
I was on hinge for a while and saw someone had “can’t text/call/meet on weekends because I’m in jail.” I thought this was a joke. It was not. She was doing time on the weekend for assault.
#16
Some gay dude offering me a free place to live if I s**t in a box and gave it to him every time I s**t.
I was neither gay nor looking for a place to live and I didn't bother to ask what the s**t was for.
When we asked Kelly why she thinks people come up with odd opening lines to woo a potential partner, she says that, on dating apps, many people feel like they need to do whatever they can to stand out amongst all the hundreds of options and messages people might be sifting through.
Kelly says that "If you can make someone laugh, they might actually stop and respond to you even just to send an equally funny response. Then you've got a little banter going, and you can start to have an actual conversation from there."
She adds that some people also just enjoy humor and silly banter in general, so it makes sense that they'd use something like that as an opening line.
#17
"You want to be my first dark skin ;)?"
Some gay dudes really have no shame.
#18
"You're cute , hate dogs though"
(I had very my cute dog in a photo).
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 6 months ago
That's a no from me. Could not live with someone who hated dogs. Dogs are life. Sorry, dogs and cheese are life (gotta be consistent with earlier reply)
#19
I was on Bumble, and got asked my Myers Briggs personality type. When I responded, she unmatched immediately.
Gotta respect the hustle.
Joshua Seaman 6 months ago
I once read that "Myers Briggs is basically corporate astrology", and that is so on point.
#20
"WHY DON'T YOU SKYDIVE INTO THIS P***Y!!!" and then immediately unmatching me when I was like, "Woah now...".
Bored Panda had one final question for Kelly: What would you suggest as the perfect opening message in the world of online dating?
Gonsalves says there's no one single message that's going to work on every single person. "We're all different in terms of what we find interesting and attractive in a potential partner, so my biggest tip is to adapt your message to whoever you're messaging."
She says a good go-to approach is to actually read through the person's profile thoroughly and respond to something they wrote, whether that's asking a follow-up question about something to spark conversation or making a joke that jumps off something they mentioned.
"And remember to have fun with it and show genuine curiosity! We can usually sense when it feels like the other person is just slogging through the process to try to get someone to respond to them, and it's not so cute." added Gonsalves.
Have you come across anything weirder than the come-ons in this list? What do you think of strange first approaches on dating apps? Interesting or just icky? Let us know in the comments!
#21
Ah man. There were a few.
"What is your credit score?" (literally their first line after I messaged a greeting)
"Do you want children? I want to start having them in the next year." (this is coming from someone in their late twenties)
"I like it when people are mean to me. Can you f**k me up?" (that's baggage I can't handle even at the best of times)
"CNC?" (translates to "Consentual Non-Consentual"... hard no for me)
"You're not my type. But my gay friend thinks you'd be a good 'daddy.' Can I give him your number?" (kinda flattering, I guess?)
"My husband died last year and I am looking for someone to be a part of my family." (she had 3 kids, all sub 10 years old)
"You're white. I only date black guys." (so why'd you match with me???)
The list goes on. Needless to say, I periodically rage-quit dating apps after a month or two of this.
#22
‘Hi there! You look like Anne Frank’ 🙁.
Jess Smith 6 months ago
That's inappropriate on so many levels. Like, she was a *kid* when she died. And, probably more importantly, SHE DIED IN THE HOLOCAUST SERIOUSLY GUYS!
#23
My ex got messaged by the Swiss Cheese Pervert on OK Cupid.
He started out respectful enough but by the 3rd paragraph was talking about how he likes to [enjoy some alone time] with cheese.
She told her friends but no one believed her (she blocked him so the messages disappeared) until he started [being a bit too intimate] with cheese in public, got caught and went viral.
Jess Smith 6 months ago
Okay, wait, is this talking about a guy fûcking cheese? Including in public? Or am I reading this wrong?
#24
I matched with a guy who taught at my old HS. I was in his homeroom class for 1 year, so we didn't really talk much, but he gave me an entire essay confessing his love to me. He told me how he noticed me but never made the move, and was glad I finally reciprocated.
#25
Whenever a girl starts a conversation too [intimately] or wants [intimate pics] right away, I know it's a scam.
Apatheist Account2 6 months ago
I'm confused - what needed to be replaced with the first "[intimately]"?
#26
I’ve been in a relationship for five years but I was regularly on Tinder before that.
I had my job title and company on my profile, which back then was an administrative/management job for a UK parcel company.
Girl messaged me asking if I could track her parcel for her. I didn’t know if she was joking or not but she just kept asking me weird things about parcels and then blocked me.
Forever wondered what was the point?
#27
My buddy got a self-esteem slaughterer of a response once.
He asked her about the book series she mentioned in her profile.
She replied, “Too far. Too fat.”
And that was it. Killer.
#28
In 2016 I once got “Is your name Harambe? Because I want you to drag me around in public”.
#29
One guy asked me for a pair of dirty panties.
One offered to make me dinner at his house and gave me the address.
One guy asked me if I would go with him to burning man.
A guy asked me how much I made an hour, because he wouldn’t date anyone who made less than 20 an hour.
Yet another asked me if I knew what BDSM was, and demanded that I be a submissive. (I am no where near submissive, except with one human being.)
I had pretty much given up on online dating for years, now.
Dumb teenager 6 months ago
I don't get whats wrong with number 2 and 3, although all I know about burning man is what I learned from 30 seconds of reading wikipedia (kinda sounds similar to the local music festivals)
#30
A woman on her first message, which was literally sent just to moan about how I was "in my 30's and didn't own my house", like I could magically find a solution for that. That was all she messaged for, as far as I can tell.
Didn't even bother to reply and tell her that I was renting because I'd given my house to my ex-wife rather than fight over it.
#31
I had on my “about me” that I was an artist. She flew off the handle that I had a regular job as a sign designer. Called me “fake”. How about “responsible”?
Final score:
13points
#32
A girl matched with me and messaged me that “She’s older than me and men’s egos are very fragile”. No idea how she thought that was gonna go..? She was a year older….
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 6 months ago
My partner is almost 20 years older than me... it works for us, doesn't bother me, and none of our friends think it's weird. We're both over 40, by the way.
#33
heard one about someone who got asked do you eat p**sy and he responded with no only pork. lol
Final score:
6points
#34
Not me , but on Omegle (an old website were you basically FaceTime strangers) sooooooooo many old men showing their peepee to young girls.
Final score:
4points
MrsFettesVette 6 months ago
The strangest thing I ever saw on Omegle (or maybe it was Chatroulette) was someone wearing one of those balloon suits, like Missy Elliott in the 90s, you know, Supa Dupa Fly. Head to toe black inflatable puffy suit, even covering his face and eyes. Then proceeded to just have a totally normal conversation with me where I didn't mention what he was wearing (wanted to see if he brought it up first, never did)
#35
An old school friend DM'D me... "I see your surname changed [back]."
Final score:
1point
Hoi-Polloi 6 months ago
Overheard at a funeral: "So, Vivian... I understand you're single again."
#36
This isn’t from a dating app, but one that I found.
“Are you Lebron James? Because you are my sunshine”
Final score:
1point
ITalkToChickens 6 months ago
This is a memer. This is a fairly well known meme- in a tiny subsection of the internet called gen z brain rot memes.
What do you think ?
Dumb teenager 6 months ago
Humans never fail to exeed expectations, especially when the internets involved
Load More Replies...
MrsFettesVette 6 months ago
And by some miracle I met my husband online. We don't really know quite how it happened, either
Dumb teenager 6 months ago
Humans never fail to exeed expectations, especially when the internets involved
Load More Replies... MrsFettesVette 6 months ago
And by some miracle I met my husband online. We don't really know quite how it happened, either
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