Bride’s Parents Mock Groom’s Culture, She Responds By Uninviting Them From The Wedding
Weddings are supposed to be a pretty balanced mix of love and laughter, with the occasional side of drama. Between blending cultures, managing expectations, and dodging those “helpful” relatives with unsolicited advice, it’s like navigating an obstacle course in heels.
But what happens when you toss in some cultural traditions that ruffle a few feathers? Well, let’s just ask our Redditor, as her wedding went from fairytale to a spectacular clash of traditions and egos, when her parents refused to participate in her fiancé’s cultural wedding tradition.
More info: Reddit
Weddings are supposed to bring families together, but sometimes they tear them apart instead
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One bride decided to uninvite her parents from the wedding after they refused to participate in her fiancé’s cultural ceremony
Image credits: Ivan Samkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The fiancé allows the woman to organize the wedding however she wants, but says that his only wish is to have a traditional Chinese tea ceremony with the families
Image credits: TeaCeremonyAita
The bride’s parents call the ceremony “absurd and stupid” refusing to participate, so she uninvites them from the wedding because of it
Our bride was 29 when she got engaged to her 31-year-old fiancé. They come from different cultural backgrounds – she’s white, he’s Chinese-American. But, while she’d been dreaming about her Pinterest-worthy wedding for years, her fiancé had just one non-negotiable: a traditional Chinese tea ceremony. Reasonable request.
Now, if you’re not familiar with it, the Chinese tea ceremony isn’t just some cute, Instagrammable moment. It’s a deeply symbolic ritual where the bride and groom show respect to their parents by serving them tea. In return, they receive blessings, gifts and maybe even some happy tears. Sounds like a good deal to me.
So, the fiancé took it upon himself to organize this ceremony. But, when the OP (original poster) brought it up to her parents, they hit the brakes with a big no. They dismissed the tradition as “absurd and stupid,” refused to participate, and didn’t even bother with a decent explanation. They went from “bride’s parents” to “wedding grinch” in record time. Very classy, folks.
Of course, our OP wasn’t having it. She told her parents that if they weren’t willing to honor this important tradition, they didn’t have to come to the wedding at all. And that’s when the group chat apocalypse started. Messages flew, accusations of “bridezilla” behavior were hurled, and a dramatic silent treatment from her parents topped things off. Because nothing says maturity like ignoring someone on WhatsApp, right?
I don’t know about you, but I think asking your parents to respect your partner’s cultural tradition isn’t exactly an outrageous request. Especially when your fiancé allows you to go wild and do your thing for the rest of the day. But our OP’s parents obviously missed the memo, and instead of appreciating the meaning behind the tea ceremony, they made it all about them. Talk about missing the point.
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
But, why is including cultural traditions in your wedding such a big deal? Well, think of it as more than just a nod to your roots—it’s a way to celebrate the unique story that brought you and your partner together.
Whether it’s a tea ceremony, a Scottish handfasting, or a funky dance number your cousins invented, these moments add depth and personality to your day. Plus, it’s a reminder that weddings aren’t just about fancy cakes and flower arrangements. They’re also about honoring the people and traditions that shaped you.
Wedding planners say that including cultural elements into your wedding adds a personal touch to the event, allowing you to express yourself and show people who you are.
Whether you choose traditional clothing, dances specific to your culture, readings, specific foods, or any other rituals that are part of your identity, incorporating traditions into your wedding is a great opportunity for educating your guests about the culture you treasure.
As for the Chinese tea ceremony itself, it’s so much more than sipping tea. It’s about respect, love, and family. Serving tea to your elders is like saying, “Thanks for everything, and we’ve got your back moving forward.”
In return, the couple receives gifts, often in red envelopes filled with money, and heartfelt blessings for a happy future. A little wedding bonus, anyone? It’s intimate, emotional, and a beautiful way to bridge generations. There’s absolutely nothing absurd about it, mom and dad!
Meanwhile, our bride made it clear she’s all in on embracing her fiancé’s culture, even if her parents want to sit this one out – and by that I mean the actual wedding itself, as the OP decided to uninvite them. And honestly? Good for her. If they want to stew in their negativity, they can do it from home.
What do you think of this story? Did our bride handle it right, or should she have found a compromise? Let us know in the comments!
Netizens side with the woman, saying she is not a jerk for banning her parents from the wedding after they refused to attend the tea ceremony
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Wow....I was shocked to read nucleic acid felt the same as the bride's family......in this day and age. How sad such racism still exists. I am Chinese and German, my husband is English and Swedish and we honored ALL our heritages at our wedding. Good for the bride for standing by her man! No one who sides with her parents ethnocentric attitude should be welcome on her special day. The Chinese tea ceremony is all about honor and respect and gratitude to the parents who raised you. Bride's parents are ignorant and closed- minded!!
I reacted to that comment too, what a racist prick.
Load More Replies...Chinese culture doesn't merit respect? Tell me you're racist in just a few words. I don't think the parents understand the significance of the tradition but if it has been fully explained and they double down, enjoy your lovely tea with your new family.
I wonder if the Bride's parents fully understand the meaning behind the tea ceremony--maybe that's why they are resistant? Like many of the commentors said, the tea ceremony signifies the acceptance of the groom and bride into each other's families, but it is also when groom and bride express their gratitude and their filial piety to their parents for bringing life to them and caring and loving them their whole life. The parents, in turn, will give little gift (red envelope, some gold jewelry, doesn't have to to anything fancy) and will say something to the effect of, "you are now starting a family, be kind and loving to each other, may you have a loving marriage, etc". So the ritual is for both generations to express their gratitude, acceptance, and best wishes. If it is stupid and absurd to the Bride's parents to tell their daughter and their SIL they love them and best of luck, then why even coming to the wedding at all?
It's a beautiful tradition. My best friend is Vietnamese and I went to her tea ceremony and I thought it was very meaningful and lovely. To see all 4 parents and the new couple serve eachother and appreciate eachother...well it was pretty emotional and the significance is very obvious to anyone witnessing. If that's a silly tradition then so are weddings in general. Her parents are missing out, this is a ceremony meant to honor them in part. It's pretty ironic that they're calling it silly because to honor people like those parents does sound silly to me so maybe they're correct.
Load More Replies...All wedding rituals are ridiculous. Walking down the aisle, cutting the wedding cake, throwing the bouquet, the garter toss, all of it. Having a tea ceremony would be nice for any event, but especially for a wedding. These parents should be ashamed. It's their own daughter's wedding, and they're making it all about them. And calling an ethnic tradition "stupid" is racist. It's tea.
I'd say, "I'm so ashamed of you right now. So ashamed that my parents are such selfish bigots that can't even be bothered to put there own preference aside for one day, but are instead humiliating me in front of my future in laws and making our entire family look like worthless white trash. You don't need to come to the wedding at all, and I don't think you'll be much involved in my life at all going forward, should you continue this course of action." I'd tell sisters that they can be uninvited from the wedding and my life as well if they want to be nasty, horrible bigots.
My FIL got married earlier this year. His fiance is from Taiwan, and we got to sit in on the traditional tea ceremony. It was an experience I'll never forget and everyone was wearing traditional Chinese outfits and looked amazing!
They couldn't explain why they thought it was "stupid". I suspect it's because they don't want to say, "Well, honey, it's because your mom and dad are racists and we just don't want to be a part of it".
Can you imagine as a parent, you get an invite to actually participate in an important part of the ceremony and be there for your child on such a momentous day - and you call it stupid and say you won't do it. I hope OP told them to f off and cut them off. What awful people.
It doesn't matter whether the tea ceremony has big or small significance to any of the parties. Fiancé invited both set of parents to sit together, share a nice beverage and express mutual respect and acceptance.
A) now I want a tea ceremony at my wedding. B) MotherOfRoommates has the right take on what to do even if you think the tea ceremony is “stupid” C) MotherOfRoommates has a great username
There's something so much deeper here than just a tea ceremony. But this is important to your future husband, and he's your family now. Your parents sound totally insane for not participating. It's their way of telling you that they will not accept him. Being your husband, you and your new family will not have to accept them as well. They sound like rude white supremacists, and I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
I can't imagine. If my daughter married somebody with a cultural tradition to negate that. I'd love to be a part of a fun wedding with traditions I'm not used to!
Good for the OP. I married a half American/White and half Japanese man. Even though he has lived the majority of his life in the US, Japanese is half his culture and I can't imagine not embracing and accepting it. I love our fusion/confusion at holidays - we have turkey, ham, and sushi and sukiyaki. It's great and people love to come to our holiday meals.
It's not the ritual that's absurd and stupid - it's the bride's parents. They're using this opportunity to deal a blow to the marriage. Race might even have nothing to with it - these two may be equal opportunity POS.
Ha ha, “these two may be equal opportunity POS.” Very true and I temporarily forgot that option.
Load More Replies...i hope OP went low contact with her parents for a while after this
Another "article" from 4 years ago. Can't you scrape the current barrel for more recent stuff?
If you join reddit, you can get the most recent material and respond directly to the ones who posted it.
Load More Replies...Hopefully OP + her hubs went NC with her parents. :) I agree with the "seems racist" remarks.
When you come to think about it, there is a lot of odd stuff going on at a traditional western wedding, e.g. throwing rice at the couple, or insisting that the bride must wear something blue. So I suspect what makes the tea ceremony odd to the parents is just that they haven't met it before, because it surely sounds like one of the more sensible, and harmless things you could do linked to a wedding (unlike the bachelor party). Before you rule something out, a wise thing to do is to get a good grip on what it entails, and it doesn't sound like the parents have done that, but that they instead of an open approach just choose to be very stubborn, narrow minded and only able to focus on themselves and their needs. Where is the harm in doing something for the couple?
It's so weird to see these Reddit threads from 4 years ago. Why are they just being posted here now?
Wow....I was shocked to read nucleic acid felt the same as the bride's family......in this day and age. How sad such racism still exists. I am Chinese and German, my husband is English and Swedish and we honored ALL our heritages at our wedding. Good for the bride for standing by her man! No one who sides with her parents ethnocentric attitude should be welcome on her special day. The Chinese tea ceremony is all about honor and respect and gratitude to the parents who raised you. Bride's parents are ignorant and closed- minded!!
I reacted to that comment too, what a racist prick.
Load More Replies...Chinese culture doesn't merit respect? Tell me you're racist in just a few words. I don't think the parents understand the significance of the tradition but if it has been fully explained and they double down, enjoy your lovely tea with your new family.
I wonder if the Bride's parents fully understand the meaning behind the tea ceremony--maybe that's why they are resistant? Like many of the commentors said, the tea ceremony signifies the acceptance of the groom and bride into each other's families, but it is also when groom and bride express their gratitude and their filial piety to their parents for bringing life to them and caring and loving them their whole life. The parents, in turn, will give little gift (red envelope, some gold jewelry, doesn't have to to anything fancy) and will say something to the effect of, "you are now starting a family, be kind and loving to each other, may you have a loving marriage, etc". So the ritual is for both generations to express their gratitude, acceptance, and best wishes. If it is stupid and absurd to the Bride's parents to tell their daughter and their SIL they love them and best of luck, then why even coming to the wedding at all?
It's a beautiful tradition. My best friend is Vietnamese and I went to her tea ceremony and I thought it was very meaningful and lovely. To see all 4 parents and the new couple serve eachother and appreciate eachother...well it was pretty emotional and the significance is very obvious to anyone witnessing. If that's a silly tradition then so are weddings in general. Her parents are missing out, this is a ceremony meant to honor them in part. It's pretty ironic that they're calling it silly because to honor people like those parents does sound silly to me so maybe they're correct.
Load More Replies...All wedding rituals are ridiculous. Walking down the aisle, cutting the wedding cake, throwing the bouquet, the garter toss, all of it. Having a tea ceremony would be nice for any event, but especially for a wedding. These parents should be ashamed. It's their own daughter's wedding, and they're making it all about them. And calling an ethnic tradition "stupid" is racist. It's tea.
I'd say, "I'm so ashamed of you right now. So ashamed that my parents are such selfish bigots that can't even be bothered to put there own preference aside for one day, but are instead humiliating me in front of my future in laws and making our entire family look like worthless white trash. You don't need to come to the wedding at all, and I don't think you'll be much involved in my life at all going forward, should you continue this course of action." I'd tell sisters that they can be uninvited from the wedding and my life as well if they want to be nasty, horrible bigots.
My FIL got married earlier this year. His fiance is from Taiwan, and we got to sit in on the traditional tea ceremony. It was an experience I'll never forget and everyone was wearing traditional Chinese outfits and looked amazing!
They couldn't explain why they thought it was "stupid". I suspect it's because they don't want to say, "Well, honey, it's because your mom and dad are racists and we just don't want to be a part of it".
Can you imagine as a parent, you get an invite to actually participate in an important part of the ceremony and be there for your child on such a momentous day - and you call it stupid and say you won't do it. I hope OP told them to f off and cut them off. What awful people.
It doesn't matter whether the tea ceremony has big or small significance to any of the parties. Fiancé invited both set of parents to sit together, share a nice beverage and express mutual respect and acceptance.
A) now I want a tea ceremony at my wedding. B) MotherOfRoommates has the right take on what to do even if you think the tea ceremony is “stupid” C) MotherOfRoommates has a great username
There's something so much deeper here than just a tea ceremony. But this is important to your future husband, and he's your family now. Your parents sound totally insane for not participating. It's their way of telling you that they will not accept him. Being your husband, you and your new family will not have to accept them as well. They sound like rude white supremacists, and I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
I can't imagine. If my daughter married somebody with a cultural tradition to negate that. I'd love to be a part of a fun wedding with traditions I'm not used to!
Good for the OP. I married a half American/White and half Japanese man. Even though he has lived the majority of his life in the US, Japanese is half his culture and I can't imagine not embracing and accepting it. I love our fusion/confusion at holidays - we have turkey, ham, and sushi and sukiyaki. It's great and people love to come to our holiday meals.
It's not the ritual that's absurd and stupid - it's the bride's parents. They're using this opportunity to deal a blow to the marriage. Race might even have nothing to with it - these two may be equal opportunity POS.
Ha ha, “these two may be equal opportunity POS.” Very true and I temporarily forgot that option.
Load More Replies...i hope OP went low contact with her parents for a while after this
Another "article" from 4 years ago. Can't you scrape the current barrel for more recent stuff?
If you join reddit, you can get the most recent material and respond directly to the ones who posted it.
Load More Replies...Hopefully OP + her hubs went NC with her parents. :) I agree with the "seems racist" remarks.
When you come to think about it, there is a lot of odd stuff going on at a traditional western wedding, e.g. throwing rice at the couple, or insisting that the bride must wear something blue. So I suspect what makes the tea ceremony odd to the parents is just that they haven't met it before, because it surely sounds like one of the more sensible, and harmless things you could do linked to a wedding (unlike the bachelor party). Before you rule something out, a wise thing to do is to get a good grip on what it entails, and it doesn't sound like the parents have done that, but that they instead of an open approach just choose to be very stubborn, narrow minded and only able to focus on themselves and their needs. Where is the harm in doing something for the couple?
It's so weird to see these Reddit threads from 4 years ago. Why are they just being posted here now?
36
34