It’s hard to let go of a person. Especially the one you swore you would hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part.

Coincidentally, Reddist user Bdhshxbeuaita55wed realized this at his sister’s wedding.

The guy noticed a woman, they danced, and he got her number. However, she was recently separated and her ex was not only also on the guest list, but he saw the two of them hitting it off.

After the men’s confrontation, Bdhshxbeuaita55wed decided to tell the story to the internet and ask everyone what would have been the best way of handling the situation.

This guy got called out for dancing with a recently separated woman at his sister’s wedding

Image credits: Danik Prihodko / pexels (not the actual photo)

However, his initial instincts told him he hadn’t done anything wrong

Image credits: Andrii Olishevskyi / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Donny Jiang / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Anna Alexes / pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: bdhshxbeuaita55wed

It sounds like the ex is still living in the past

Image credits: Malachi Cowie / unsplash (not the actual photo)

American writer and psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb says she and her colleagues talk a lot with their patients about how the past informs the present—how our histories affect the ways we think, feel, and behave, and how at some point in our lives we have to let go of the fantasy of changing the past.

However, it sounds like the ex of the woman hasn’t yet managed to do so and remains stuck.

By focusing on the thought that the woman was the last person he had the strongest romantic relationship and potential with, he prohibits himself from moving forward.

“Most of us are drawn to romantic partners because our unconscious pulls us toward the familiar—the characteristics of whoever cared for us growing up, even if they made us feel edgy or confused or unseen,” Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone, explains.

“It’s no coincidence that people who had angry parents often end up choosing angry partners; or that those with alcoholic parents might be drawn to partners who drink quite a bit; or that those who had distant or critical parents find themselves married to somebody distant or critical.”

Some therapists describe it as “our repertoire of relational themes.”

Could it be that the ex is seeking the familiar even though it causes him pain? Perhaps. If that is the case, sooner or later, he will need to confront these (unconscious) patterns and work through them to build new healthy relationships and stop controlling his former partner.

Until that happens, Bdhshxbeuaita55wed needs to ask himself if he wants to continue being entangled in this emotional mess, even if he is in the right.

People who have read the story think the ex was out of his depth

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