Having a dancer at one’s bachelor or bachelorette party isn’t perhaps the norm, but many couples are ok with it. As with any relationship, it’s always good to run things by your partner but this can be hard when there are a lot of insecurities at play.

A woman turned to the internet for advice after a disagreement with her fiancé over the gender of the exotic dancer at her bachelorette party. As a bisexual woman, she wanted it to be a woman, which seemed to cause her partner a lot of concern, never mind the dancer he hired for his party. We reached out to the woman via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.

Getting an exotic dancer for a pre-wedding party is a time-honored tradition

Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)

But one woman upset her fiancé when she wanted a female dancer for her bachelorette party

Image credits: Kohanova/Envato (not the actual photo)

She later gave some more details in an edit

Image credits: aitawomanstripper

Bachelor parties tend to be a bit wild

Image credits: Kampus Production/Pexels (not the actual photo)

The idea of a pre-wedding party for one or both of the couple is ancient, as most cultures have at least a handful of traditions related to it. The 5th century B.C. Spartans, for example, would host a males-only feast and toast the soon-to-be married man. However, the more modern version, involving raucous parties and dancers, might still be over a hundred years old.

In 1896, Herbert Barnum Seeley, grandson of the infamous P.T. Barnum, threw a stag party for his brother that ended up being raided by the police. In a twist relevant for this story, the police were concerned about rumors that there would be a nude belly-dancer performing. For modern readers, this seems par for the course as far as bachelor’s parties go. It’s also worth considering that most likely Herbert Barnum Seeley didn’t just get this idea out of the blue, he was no doubt inspired by similar stories from his peers.

Seeley actually sued the police officer involved, which just helped shed public attention on the sorts of things that might be happening in high-society parties. As so often is the case, upper-class habits trickle down into the middle class, making these sorts of things more common. These days, there is a lot less judgment over this kind of behavior.

The root cause of his issues might be some latent insecurities that they need to work through

Image credits: Tim Douglas/Pexels (not the actual photo)

This is all to say that having an exotic at a bachelor or bachelorette party isn’t that strange. Certainly, it’s not for everyone, but if both parties agree, more power to them. The real issue in this story is the man getting very defensive over his partner’s desire for a female dancer. On paper, this really should make her more relatable to him, as he is also getting a female dancer. However, it would appear that there is some latent biphobia going on.

In short, some folks, either due to homophobia or insecurities, are “worried” by bisexual people. As the woman notes in the edits, her partner does not seem to be homophobic, so this just leaves us with the latter possibility. Some readers and commenters do insist that he must be homophobic, but it’s best to leave those sorts of value judgments up to the people who actually know him in real life, not through a handful of sentences on the internet.

Simply put, there is a decent chance that this man has a latent fear that his partner will leave him for a woman. After all, he might simply believe that a woman can give her things he never could, so he can’t even compete. This might seem silly, but many of us really do struggle with some sort of insecurities here and there.

Ultimately, this truly is a double standard from the man’s side. Why should he get an exotic dancer while denying his partner one. If he thinks she will suddenly have second thoughts after seeing a female dancer, he is really not ready to get married. After all, she will also see multiple women while heading to the grocery store. If he is afraid of her cheating at her bachelorette party, this really seems like a self-tell. After all, his party will feature an entertainer, should she be concerned?

Many readers thought she did nothing wrong

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