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Right as we emerge out of all the seasonal celebrations, there is one more day to celebrate in winter. The day when everything is about hearts, roses, and chocolate. The day you either love or love to hate. Yes, I’m talking about St. Valentine’s Day. 

Now whether you truly enjoy celebrating this day with someone special or sincerely couldn’t care less, here is an idea for a bit of a new approach you could try this year. Every year, when preparing a card for your valentine, you either have to struggle to come up with something cute and original to write on it, or you have to put up with the cheesy Valentine’s lines the manufacturer printed for you. How about this time you try some Valentine’s Day jokes instead?  

Cute jokes can have as much impact on the receiver of your card as any romantic line, if not more. Because, let’s be honest, no one is above a good punny joke. And if you are approaching your crush for the first time, a funny Valentine card will stand out and help break the ice.

Don’t know any jokes about love? We’ve got you covered! In this article, you will find tons of funny Valentine jokes you can dedicate to anyone in your life. Choose the ones that tickle you the most, and jot them down on the card. And don’t forget to come back and let us know later how the recipient liked it!  

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What do you say to your single friends on Valentine’s Day?

"Happy Independence Day!"

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#2

Why should you never laugh at your significant other's choices?

Because you’re one of them!

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#3

What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?

February 14th.

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j_eckert421 avatar
Zelda Fitzgerald
Zelda Fitzgerald
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My Safeway was selling 4 s****y looking chocolate covered strawberries for over 5 dollars 😒

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#4

What's the difference between love and marriage?

Love is blind, while marriage is an eye-opener!

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#5

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?

One is bored over a man the other is a man overboard.

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#6

Why didn't the two dogs make serious Valentine's Day plans?

It was just puppy love.

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#7

What did the octopus say to the other octopus on Valentine's Day?

"I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand."

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#8

Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine's Day?

All they wanted to do was spoon.

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#9

How can you save money on Valentine's gifts?

Become single.

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#10

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush Why did the dad approve of his daughter's goalie-boyfriend?

He was a real keeper.

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#11

How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

It gave her a ring!

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John Anderson
John Anderson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I got a little change in pocket going jangle langle lang 🎶🎶

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#12

Why would Forrest Gump be a good Valentine?

He'd probably gift a box of chocolates.

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#13

"If he doesn't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango."

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#14

What do Italians say to each other on Valentine's Day?

"You’ve got a pizza my heart."

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K-Hey
K-Hey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anybody else start humming Loverboy's "working for the weekend"

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#15

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush Who always has a date on Valentine's Day?

A calendar.

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Haru
Haru
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I was a calendar but, alas I was born a failure

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#16

What did the girl squirrel say back to the boy squirrel on Valentine's Day?

"You're nuts so bad yourself!"

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#17

What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine's Day?

"My heart beats for you."

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#18

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?

I find you very attractive.

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#19

What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts!

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#20

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine's Day?

"You're one in a melon!"

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#21

What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine's Day?

"You can always count on me."

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Darius Strolia
Darius Strolia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Been sittin' here for an hour .. still no words between pencil and The Calculator. Will continue to monitor. Happy birthday YouTube

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#22

Why did the skeleton break up with her boyfriend before Valentine's Day?

Her heart wasn't in it.

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#23

Why couldn't the mineral water ever get a Valentine?

All of his friendships were so platonic.

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#24

"If I were to lay eleven roses next to you, you'd make the perfect dozen."

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#25

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush Why were the scientists a perfect match?

Cause they had great chemistry!

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#26

How do chefs show their love?

They whisk you off your feet!

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#27

"You came home early from your date," John observed to his roommate. "What happened?" "Well," said the flatmate, "after dinner she invited me up to her flat. We had a couple of drinks and she put on some soft music. Then she reached over and turned out the lights." "So, what next?" asked John, eyebrows raised. "I can take a hint," said his flatmate. "I came home."

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#28

What did the bat say to his girlfriend?

"You're fun to hang around with."

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#29

When do bed bugs fall in love?

In the spring.

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#30

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What's the most popular shape on Valentine's Day?

A-cute triangle.

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#31

"Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?"

"No, they had an apple!"

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charlesbosse avatar
Phyzzi
Phyzzi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

(it never specified an apple, actually, but still funny)

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#32

What did one flame say to the other on Valentine’s Day?

"We're a perfect match!"

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#33

What is it called when your aunt went off to get married on Valentine's Day?

Antelope.

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#34

What did the pickle say to the other on Valentine's Day?

"You're a big dill to me."

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#35

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush How did the tennis ball flirt with the racquet?

By saying, "Hit me up!"

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#36

What does Kevin Bacon say to his wife?

"Don't go bacon my heart."

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Darius Strolia
Darius Strolia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope, I refuse to accept this exists. What did Kevin Bacon say to his wife? "I forgot why I came in this room. I guess I'll have a cheat day and cut a piece of some footloose

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#37

Why are artichokes so beloved?

They're known for their hearts.

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#38

What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?

"I'm stuck on you!"

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#39

What kind of flowers should you not give on Valentine’s Day?

Cauliflowers!

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#40

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine's Day?

"I'm nuts about you!"

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#41

What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine's Day?

"You're purr-fect."

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#42

Where do all the hamburgers take their girlfriends on Valentine's Day?

To a meatball.

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Darius Strolia
Darius Strolia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oooooio . Lady Ga-Ga and I taking to the spotlight.. which is just a heating lamp it seems

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#43

What did the Valentine get arrested for?

For stealing someone's heart.

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#44

What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine's Day?

"Lovesick."

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#45

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush How do sheep share their feelings with each other?

By saying, "I love ewe."

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#46

What can get you in trouble with the law on Valentine's Day?

Stealing too many hearts.

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#47

Why does Cupid always make so much money at the casino?

Because he’s a Valentine’s Card Shark.

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#48

"Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?"

"He fell in love with a pin cushion!"

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#49

What did the couple say after they were struck by Cupid's arrow?

"Ouch!"

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Haru
Haru
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, I'm pretty sure getting shot in the heart with an arrow is pretty painful

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#50

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What did the chef give to his wife on Valentine’s Day?

A hug and a quiche.

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#51

What did one light bulb say to the other on Valentine’s Day?

“I love you a whole watt.”

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#52

What did one volcano say to the other?

"I lava you."

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#53

What do you call a very small Valentine?

A valentiny!

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#54

What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day?

"Somebunny loves you!"

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#55

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What did one cappuccino say to their shy crush?

"Espresso yourself."

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#56

What are insects called when they're dating?

Lovebugs.

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#57

"I once fell in love with someone who only knew 4 vowels. They didn’t know I existed."

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#58

"What do you call a ghost's sweetheart?"

"A ghoul-friend."

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#59

What did the painter say to her sweetheart?

"I love you with all my art."

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#60

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?

It made him wed his plants!

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#61

What did the romantic sing after she got a paper cut?

"I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love!"

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#62

Which new Taylor Swift tune is the best couple's song for two ghosts to share?

"Invisible String."

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#63

What do you write in a slug's Valentine's Day card?

"Be my Valen-slime!"

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#64

How did the two prunes confirm dinner plans?

They said it was a date.

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#65

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush "What did the scientist say to her valentine?"

"I think of you periodically."

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#66

"Do you know what this shirt is made of?"

"Hubby/wifey material."

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#67

Why should you fall in love with a pastry chef?

He'll never dessert you.

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#68

What do elephants say to one another on Valentine's Day?

"I love you a ton."

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#69

What Valentine's message can you find in a honeycomb?

"Bee mine."

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#70

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What did one piece of toast say to the other?

"You're my butter half!"

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#71

Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

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#72

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?

Sure, they're very scent-imental!

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#73

What do farmers give for Valentine's Day?

Lots of hogs and kisses.

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#74

What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine's Day?

"I love you berry much."

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#75

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What kind of Valentine's Day candy is never on time?

Choco-late.

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#76

What did one bee say to the other?

"I love bee-ing with you, honey!"

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#77

What did the ghost say to his wife on Valentine's Day?

"You look so boo-tiful."

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#78

What did the whale say to his sweetheart on Valentine's Day?

"Whale you be mine?"

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#79

What did the baker say to his sweetheart?

"I'm dough-nuts about you!"

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#80

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What do you call a colorful heart that loves books?

"Well-red."

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#81

What's the most romantic ship?

Courtship.

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#82

Why did all the other fruit ask the banana to be their Valentine?

She was very a-peel-ing.

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#83

What did the baker say to his wife on V-Day?

"Gimme some sugar!"

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#84

Why was the canoe considered a heartthrob?

He was so row-mantic.

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#85

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush Which type of flower is the best at giving smooches?

Tulips.

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#86

What does Nicolas Cage say on Valentine's Day?

"You've caged my heart."

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#87

"Is your name Chapstick?"

"Because I think you're da balm!"

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#88

"Do you have an ice pack?"

"I bonked my head falling for you."

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#89

"Why is loving you like an old pair of dentures?"

"Because I can’t smile without you!"

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#90

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush What did one sheep say to the other sheep on February 14?

"I love you baaaaaaack!"

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#91

"Do you like "Star Wars"?"

"Because Yoda only one for me!"

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#92

Why do you need a charcuterie board on Valentine's day?

It’s the best way to say brie mine, Valentine.

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#93

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Eyesore."

"Eyesore, who?"

"Eyesore do love you a lot."

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#94

What did one muffin say to the other on Valentine's Day?

"You're my stud-muffin!"

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#95

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush "What did one mushroom say to the other on Valentine's Day?"

"There's so mushroom in my heart for you!"

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#96

What is the most romantic city in England?

Loverpool.

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#97

What did one owl say to the other owl on Valentine's Day?

"Owl be yours!"

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#98

Where did the high-heel take its date?

To the football.

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#99

How did the vegetable politely ask for a date?

"Peas be my Valentine."

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#100

100 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes To Amuse Your Crush Why are we like chips and avocados?

"You guac my world!"

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