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Being invited to a celebration, especially by a person you care for dearly, is an exciting moment. If it’s a wedding, you might think about how filled with romance the couple’s special day is going to be or if it’s a birthday, you might go straight to thinking about what’s the best gift to get them.

But some people surprise their guests by showing that romance is not what they're focusing on during said special day or that they’ve already chosen a birthday gift that they want to receive (often costing the guests an arm and a leg).

Needless to say, unexpected choices such as expensive gifts or unreasonable requests don’t exactly get the guests more excited about the upcoming event. On the contrary, they might start to dread it or refuse to go altogether, as some of the people on today’s list did.

Netizens on Quora were asked about the most unreasonable requests and demands that they’ve seen on an invitation to an event or received from a relative hosting a holiday celebration. They shared quite a few stories, each one more unbelievable than the other, so if you’re curious about what bridezillas and other celebrants were brave enough to demand, scroll down to find their requests on the list below.

Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with an event planner and designer, a wedding and entertaining expert, David Tutera, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about odd requests.

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#1

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow 1990. I'm married.

A male friend of ours is getting married and had asked my husband to be in the wedding party. He said yes. We had met his fiancée, Rachel, a handful of times but never got to know her on a personal level. Because of that, Rachel had suggested a get-together at her house prior to the wedding so that all the people who would be in the wedding could get to know one another. Makes sense.

A week later I got an invitation in the mail for the party, as well as a note stating:

“You are responsible for bringing 10 bottles of soda (must be name brand), home-made brownies for 25 people, 5 bags of chips (must be name brand). Each person can bring food to put on the grill but limited to a hamburger for each, or two hotdogs each, with a small piece of chicken. The rolls for these items have been assigned to “Luanne”, as well as all condiments (must be name brand).”

My eyes! I had to read it ten times to believe it was real! Bring our own food to fit on the grill? As well as other food?

My phone rang off the hook. Everyone was comparing their “YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS” list. She assigned one person to bring garbage bags and they were the clean-up crew. Another person was assigned decorations and linens.

I, along with several others, called Rachel to decline. Her response: “Okay. But you are still responsible for your list, so please drop those items off to my house ASAP”.

I told her that she is off her rocker.

Long story short, the party didn't happen. The wedding was postponed for over a year. It did finally happen. They divorced two years later.

Abby Nelson , Askar Abayev / pexels Report

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#2

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow We made an unusual request for our wedding.

We were a bit older (37 and 43, first wedding for both), and doing pretty well, so we decided to have a nice event. We both had lots of friends by this age, so it was to be pretty big. We both loved children, didn’t have any at the time, and had been to too many boring weddings, where the guests had all been told no children were to attend.

We decided to turn that upside-down, and informed all of our guests that had children that they were not to hire babysitters, bring the kids, and if they showed up without them would be sent home to get them. Our venue had a loft that we set up as a kids area, and we hired a couple young ladies to help make sure the kids were safe and attended to.

We had 185 guests, about 40 of whom were children, from 3 weeks old to teenagers. It was delightful. There was exactly one “disciplinary incident” when a boy, about 6, threw something and almost knocked over a glass of wine, and thus had to be told not to throw things any more, please.

So that was the unreasonable demand — bring your kids, or else! Still the best day of my life.

Philip Boncer , Rene Terp / pexels Report

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Mad Dragon
Mad Dragon
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would want the option of leaving my kids at home because they hate events like these and don’t do well in crowds.

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#3

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow Destination weddings. What possesses brides and grooms to believe that most of the people they know can afford to fly off to some exotic destination. And that all of their employers will have no problem giving them the time to do it. And that travel like that won’t be an issue for older people expected to attend … or young people who now have to figure out what to do with children for multiple overnights. I’ll toss one in for my pet owning friends … they’ll have to figure out what to do with rover and kitty for multiple days.

Even a destination a couple hours away can be a problem for some people. Those with no transportation, older people who can’t ride that far.

I’d have to say that the destination wedding is one of the most selfish and self serving wedding ideas I’ve heard of in my life.

Philip Klossner , Stephanie Lima / pexels Report

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Sue User
Sue User
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4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always thought a destination wedding was similar to an elopement, you just decided to bring a few close friends. And you would have a gathering for grandparents/ cousins/ etc back home. Who expects Uncle Bill, who has a dodgy hip, to travel thousands of miles on their own dime to see them wed?

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It’s safe to assume that celebrants tend to have odd requests not only for their guests, but the people who help make it all happen, too.

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In a recent interview with Bored Panda, the event planning aficionado, David Tutera shared that over the course of his career, he had a fair share of people asking him to execute ideas that are far from typical. Be that as it may, “My philosophy has always been to say YES,” he said, adding that when you say yes, you open a new door that leads to unique moments and opportunities.

“The success that I have received over all the years of creating once in a lifetime events is because I have said yes and I have found ways to make all my clients excited and grateful,” the expert shared.
#4

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow So I got invited to a birthday party of a woman, a friend at that time. The venue was a 5-star restaurant. I was humbled and loved her for the invite. A few days before the party, she called and insisted on me bringing everyone, including my children and husband to the party. I was hesitant. If I were having a party at such an expensive place, I would not invite spouses and families. I refused. She insisted, and I had to give in. I bought an expensive gift for her, just to appreciate her gesture and efforts. It was a cold November night, an extreme cold weather alert in place I remember. We arrived on time. The servers were running left right and center, keeping up to our demands. The food was good. I tried to limit ordering, assuming it would be a burden on her. She kept assuring me, "It's okay-order what number 1 wants" etc. As the party came to an end, a server showed up with a leather folder and extended it to me. I looked at my husband, he gestured to me to open it. Inside was the bill of our food. A few hundred bucks. I looked at my husband again.
He knew the look on my face.
He quietly motioned me to pay it.
Did I have a choice?
Edit: Just so I am clear, it was you pay for your own food, just that no one knew it was until the servers showed up with bills. I love pay-for-your-own-food hangouts. But when you 'invite' people for birthday parties and then insist on bringing anyone for your own fun, try to make things clear before-hand. Sure I had money and I could pay. What if someone could not afford to pay and was caught off-guard? Because I know some were!

Amber Hasan , Rachel Claire / pexels Report

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BewilderedBanana
BewilderedBanana
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The worst part was the insistence on bringing the rest of the family and to order whatever they wanted. If i'm trying to be careful with spending and the host says "it's ok, bring everyone and order whatever you want" it kind of implies that the host will be paying. Otherwise let me decide who to bring and what to order.

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#5

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow Ive not seen anything unreasonable on the invite but was in a wedding and was asked not to sit so we dont wrinkle our bridesmaids poofzilla dresses while we wait for brides mom to finally show up. Considering the circumstance it was quite unreasonable. Maaaan! Polyester gold dress with cheap a*s shoes in a room that was africa hot with 1 fan…oh yea bad combo for me. I stood, mom showed an hour late, we walked to the wedding song to the front where the pastor was and IT WAS FULL OF VIDEO LIGHTING! It was hot as the surface of the sun up there. So while the bride, groom and pastor were ramble ramble rambling on I just passed the f*** out. Didnt even try to stop it or grab anything or yell out. I just thought ‘Its hot as f*** and Im sick of all this crap. Feel like Im boutaaa…….BLAP!’ It was sooooooo awesome!!LMAOOO! Want to know the best part? You can rewind and forward over and over and I go up down up down up down..heeee heeee comedy!

Kimi Kimja , Bruno Massao / pexels Report

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Shark Lady
Shark Lady
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder what the bride thought about OP "stealing" the limelight by passing out! You just know she had some big feelings about it.

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However, saying YES to unconventional ideas might not always be the best route to take when it comes to unreasonable or dangerous requests.

“When a client asks for something dangerous or out of line or uncomfortable for the guests, you need to explain how it may affect the energy of the guests, or even make them feel awkward,” Tutera said, adding that they might feel unsteady with what they believe or deem to be too dangerous, scandalous, or simply odd.
#6

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow I’ve got one. I was invited to a baby shower. The invitation said “no cards, bring a children’s picture book and write a message for the new baby and mother on the inside cover.’ Okay, that’s a little bossy, but I can deal with it. It also said “only use clear wrapping paper for your baby shower gift” and gave a list of places where you could get this clear paper. That seemed odd, but I thought “okay,” and I just did it.

Here’s where it got demanding. I arrived at the baby shower with my required picture book with message inside, and gift wrapped in clear paper. I finally understood why. You see, when a gift is in clear paper, the Mommy-to-be doesn’t have to bother opening it to see what your brought. Okay, that seemed really weird — a baby shower where the Mommy-to-be doesn’t actually open the gifts in front of the guests.

So I sat down with my gift (as I was directed by the lady giving the shower) and then I was handed a “thank you card, envelope, and a pen.’ I couldn’t imagine why. We were all then instructed to put our name and address on the envelope so the Mommy-to-be wouldn’t be burdened by having to address them herself. Okay. Then we were told to open the preprinted thank you card, which had a line for us to fill-in what we had bought as a gift! So it said “Thank you for very much for your gift of ___________________________. Our new little one greatly appreciates you.” Yes, we were being asked to fill out our own thank you cards for gifts the Mommy-to-be was not even going to bother to unwrap or look at during the shower.

I also later found out from one of the other “participants” that by wrapping them in clear paper, it made it much easier to return unwanted, un-needed, or duplicate gifts directly to the store, because it showed the gift had not been opened.

They had a sheet cake, a punch bowl of punch made with frozen mix and ginger ale, and that was it. There was no gift opening or acknowledgement, no baby games, nothing. We all just filled out our thank you cards, put our gifts on or around a table, and then the guests talked with each other, and then we left. I don’t think the Mommy-to-be even said a word to me.

And the last straw? The Mommy-to-be never even bothered to mail those thank you cards she had us address and fill-out.

Jan Thomas , Kampus Production / pexels Report

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Sad Panda
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sincerely hope that was the last event of hers you ever attended.

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#7

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow I was the one making the request, but it wasn't on the invitation.

Having attended many weddings and other events from my wife's family, I knew there would be certain family members that would show up to ours in just T shirts and jeans. Not acceptable.

So in the weeks leading up to the wedding, I went to have tea with the aunts and cousins from her fily that loved to gossip and spread a rumor that some of my friends from the army that had been in special forces were going to stand at the entrance with paintball guns and shoot anyone who showed up in t-shirts and jeans.

Not surprising, not one showed up in casual clothes and a few people who I had expected to kept asking me where the special forces guys were.

Jacob Erickson , RDNE Stock project / pexels Report

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Somebodys grandmother
Somebodys grandmother
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4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🤣🤣. This is good!!!! Special forces- are known to hide...

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#8

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow I was chosen as a bridesmaid for one of my friend. However, the bridesmaid dress that she chose was way too expensive ( I was a student in University and money was tight ). In addition to that I had to pay for the package of skin and hair treatment prior the D-day at the spa that she chose. And on the D-Day itself I also had to pay for the hairstylist and the make up person that she ‘provided’ for us bridesmaids. Those things are seriously expensive! And she didn’t allow us to do the hair and makeup ourselves as she was afraid that we won’t look good in a pictures.

Also, she explicitly said that she expected us bridesmaids to gifted her something from the list of the wedding registry that she had prepared and those stuff were waayyy beyond my means . So nope..sorry girl, not gonna do that. Not ready to sell my kidneys yet. There were also 2 other girls that were unwilling to do that.

Hiro-o Ekimae , X L X L / pexels Report

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Tutera emphasized that the role of the event planner is to bring to life moments that have never been seen, which requires knowing your client well and researching how best to take it to the next level; yet there are times when they simply have to say no.

“Just because a client is asking us professionals to do something, we do not have to execute the idea; if you feel that it will tarnish your name, your career, or insult someone, you should take the high road and pass.

“Do not say you can do it; simply tell them that you will not be able to execute what they are looking for.”
#9

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow An invitation from a former friend’s granddaughter stated at the bottom, “No gifts valued at less than $100 will be accepted. See registry at ___________. Cash preferred.

How would they know whether it was $98 or $102? Does that $100 include tax, and shipping, if ordered online? At the time, I was not working and had a small fixed income. $100 might as well have been $1000.

I declined the invitation and simply sent the new couple a card wishing them well. I guess that might be why Grandma and I are now former friends.

Barbara Berney , Anna Pou / pexels Report

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Mad Dragon
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No gifts valued at less than $100 will be accepted? I would have interpreted that as, “No gifts.”

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#10

We got an invitation to a wedding from one of my friend’s daughter. She actually wrote that she “wanted” cash; $100.00 or more. Nothing else because she has exquisite taste and she could do her own shopping. (Lol. ). Her last statement said that if you could not give her the cash she requested, then stay home. Can you guess how I spent my Saturday? Lol. yeah, I know!

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AKA AKA
AKA AKA
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

she certainly does not have taste, sending out invites like that, litrally tastless

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#11

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow My first wedding was ginormous as my parents invited a gazillion people.

I had asked them for two things:

That I should personally know the guests, and
That the guests don’t get wasted and fight.
Both requests were apparently unreasonable and declined by my parents

Elena Ledoux , Danik Prihodko / pexels Report

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similarly
similarly
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's going on my next invitation: Must be prepared to get wasted and fight.

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Discussing the times he had to—or at least tried to—say no, David Tutera shared that he once had a client who wanted to be lowered down into the ballroom, seeking to make the moment come to life.

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“She wanted to be lowered down in her heavy wedding gown,” he recalled. “I said that the only way she could make this happen was if she took weeks if not months of practice.

“She did take on the challenge—I should have known she wouldn’t chicken out—and she did not make the moment come to life.”
#12

Every year my family has a xmas eve buffet at my brothers house since he has a very large home, with exchanging of gifts,my niece had to work xmas eve and said she was working till 7pm she knew her work schedule all week but waited till the last minute 12/24 to tell everyone she had to work, our family party was already planned & everybody was there and it started at 7pm, she demanded that we all wait till she got there ,before we all sat down to eat. We have several elderly family members that needed to eat as their sugar levels were dropping as it was now getting close to 8:30 and my niece didn't even bother call to let us know when she be getting there !

We had kids crying wanting to eat and the elderly that needed to eat, food getting cold, so we all decided to sit down and eat and guess what time princess arrived ? 9:45 ! She got off work at 8:00 and then went to her boyfriends house and spent time there , then she went home to get a shower and out of her work clothes and then came over to my brothers house and had the nerve to be mad and screaming at everybody,because we all had eaten and we were starting opening gifts without her ! Who in the hell did she think she was ? She never called to let us know, when she would be getting there,she was inconsiderate and downright rude ,no respect for anybody else or thinking about anybody else .

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Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No wonder the niece is psychotic if people actually entertained the idea instead of just saying no outright. You wait until everyone in the house is seated to eat, not everyone in the family!

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#13

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow There’s a slight chance that this is an exaggeration but my cousin is not one to tell tall tales.

He and his wife are both high-school teachers and they were invited to the wedding of a fellow teacher. The wedding ceremony and reception all took place at the same venue - outdoor ceremony and covered pavilion for the reception. The wedding invitation had declared that the reception would be alcohol-free and vegan, being “animal cruelty free”, but without providing serious details. Not a problem - but a bit of a surprise as their fellow teacher was not known for outspoken or strong beliefs. Well, upon entry, ushers were turning away guests who were not in compliance with this protocol.

What does that mean? Well, basically, people wearing leather shoes or belts, or carrying leather purses or wearing animal products (silk maybe, feathers?) were turned away by these ushers. A few women were able to ditch their purses in their cars, but not everyone was so lucky. My cousin had to show that he wasn’t wearing a leather belt, and his wife declared her shoes to be “imitation leather” even though they may have been real.

Several of their co-workers went home after being turned away because, well, not everyone brings a second pair of shoes with them for an outdoor, summer wedding. (What I mean is that most of the women wore sandals or wedges rather than stilettos because they don’t work well for walking outdoors on grass.)

So my cousin explained that this “WTF” moment was sprung on all the guests. The bride decided, last minute, that she had to do something to make her wedding “responsible”. She was a vegetarian (but not a vegan), and got this idea off the internet. But it’s shocking that ushers were literally “frisking” people. I don’t know if they checked pockets or purse contents for leather wallets or keychains, but this was beyond the pale.

I have heard of weddings being “dry” - alcohol free - and that certain untrustworthy individuals were checked for bringing in hip flasks, but that’s usually reserved for the alcoholic deadbeat brother-in-law specifically, and not the general public. For a wedding which invited people on the periphery of friendship, this was a bad idea and certainly didn’t endear the happy couple to any but their most hardcore, militant vegan friends.

anon , Tima Miroshnichenko / pexels Report

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ॐBoyGanesh
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is absolutely perforative. Cutting down on consumption and waste of the wedding is an environmentally conscious thing to do. Turning away people for the possessions they already have is in no way environmental or animal rights action. It’s just for show. I wonder how many of those people who left stopped at a fast food restaurant and got a burger or had a steak, since they weren’t fed that delicious vegan/vegetarian dinner. I bet you I can almost guarantee that there was more consumption of animal and animal products and more unnecessary environmental waste because of how they approached their wedding than had they simply had a nice ceremony with vegetarian and/or vegan food options.

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#14

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow “We will be having only our traditional foods, which everyone will be expected to share. Please set aside your usual dietary restrictions to come together as a family. No outside/unapproved food will be permitted.”


I'm f**king serious. I get that food becomes really complicated in a family with allergies, celiac, vegans, diabetics, and people on keto and WW, as well as religious restrictions, but your longing for a simplified table doesn't mean you get to make bulls**t demands.

Adrienne Flowers , Kseniia Lopyreva / pexels Report

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Another time the event planning professional remembers showing warning signs was when the father of a bride wanted to sing a song to his daughter, but did not want to practice; nor was he willing to pay for a second generator for power.

“I begged him to get the second generator,” David shared. “When it was time for him to sing, he stepped on the stage, and let’s just say he was beyond awful. You can’t say I did not try to have him not step onto the stage.”

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#15

My wife was asked to be a bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding. Then my sister proceeded to tell those in her wedding party that the wedding is on Eleuthera Island in the Bahamas, and the stay will be 3 days. There was no prior notice of this because she wanted it to be “a surprise”. All six girls declined - the costs would be over $3000 for each of them. To this day, sis still doesn't get why it was considered unreasonable.

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Michael Largey
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ask sis to fork up the $18,000 herself, and maybe things will be clearer to her.

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#16

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow “Lunch Party Tomorrow at 12”.

I received a work email for the following day from one of our team members. No reason was specified in the email, just the time and place to be. Usually, such lunch or dinner invitations are Project’s achievement related. I guessed this too was something similar.

Our entire team arrives, thirty people in total. It was a buffet lunch at Barbeque Nation.

After dessert, the boss of my boss excused himself to leave early for some urgent work. Before leaving he glanced at me, smiled and said “Thank You! “

I was confused but smiled back out of courtesy.

Another team member probably sensed my confusion. She said in a humorous way, whether I was aware that I am sponsoring their lunch. My jaw dropped!

Turns out people who got promoted are treating all the team members. A total of six people, out of which four are considerably senior and so is their hike!

The whole thing was their idea and I ended up becoming a clueless contributor. Who neither got to have a say nor had any knowledge about being one of the hosts!

Deya , Louis Hansel / unsplash Report

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Deborah B
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have submitted the bill to expenses, email attached.

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#17

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow This was the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen. I was not involved in the wedding, but you certainly couldn’t miss it.

Back around 1979, the daughter of a prominent local couple was getting married. They owned a big hotel, so were well off and built a new house in a very prominent place in town. The daughter got married.

However, after the wedding there was a huge article in the local paper about the wedding. This was not the custom, so I’m not sure if they paid to have the article put in there or what the deal was.

It described in great detail everything about the wedding including how much every thing cost. For example, “the brides mother Mary, wore a beautiful gown, costing $3,000.” It went on to list how much everything cost. I couldn’t believe it.

Then it went on to say how each guest was required to bring a money gift of at least $500. Which today would probably be about $1,500. I don’t know why anyone would attend a wedding like that.

It was the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen.

Richard Shaw , Анна Хазова / pexels Report

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similarly
similarly
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The writer got a dollar every time they included a number.

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D. Tutera revealed that sometimes he has to say no to his clients not only because what they are asking for is not safe, but because it might be harmful to himself, too. “When clients ask for ridiculous things, I sometimes say no because it comes back to me as the planner and the designer, and [the event] must represent who we are as a company.

“Everyone always remembers the last work we did,” the expert emphasized, adding that it’s important to make choices that will ensure that you stand out for all the right reasons.
#18

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow A good friend was dating a woman for some years, they moved in together, and got engaged. I was invited to the wedding. I regretfully declined.

The wedding was a 3 day event in the middle of nowhere Napa valley basically camping out. No amenities beyond a few communal cabins with cots. No showers. Very basic toilette facilities. Cooking on portable butane stoves…with food you brought yourself.

No thanks buddy.

Lance Larka , Clem Onojeghuo / pexels Report

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Iampenny
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd actually like that, but I get it's not everyone's cup of tea.

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#19

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow Think planes, trains, and automobiles. And boats.

The couple lived in a major American city but decided to have their wedding on a hard-to-get-to Caribbean island. The guests had to fly 4+ hours to one Caribbean island, then take a bus, then a boat to the destination island because that island was too small to have an airstrip. We left our house around 6am and didn’t arrive at the final destination until about 12 hours later.

We had to pay for our own cabs to the hotel — I mean, every single person was coming from the US and onto the same boat dock on the island, so why didn’t they at least have a shuttle to take us to the hotel? (Same when we went home a couple of days later — we had to pay for all transportation.)

Of course, we had to pay for our hotel rooms. And most meals. This was peak travel season, by the way, so prices were very jacked up.

It was sad that so many family members couldn’t make the wedding. It was right before Christmas, so (1) kids were in school, and parents didn’t want to pull them out for a destination wedding, (2) families couldn’t afford to spend so much right before a holiday, (3) the old people who did attend were highly uncomfortable with all the traveling — seasickness was just one issue, (4) it was like a mandatory vacation for the guests. I would never have chosen to vacation at that spot because it was highly inconvenient and extremely expensive.

I’ve had the misfortune to be invited to other destination weddings, but this one took the cake. It was as though they chose the most expensive and least accessible option they could think of. Very unreasonable to ask your guests to travel so far and spend so much, just so the couple could be “different.” Thus far, the difference between this and every other wedding I’ve attended is that I still get mad when I think about this one.

Anon , Asad Photo Maldives / pexels Report

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Fat Harry (Oi / You)
Fat Harry (Oi / You)
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand anyone who who acquiesce to these sorts of demands. If I were invited to a wedding like this, I don't care who you are, it would be a straight up no from me.

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#20

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow “This is my wedding going on, shut up everyone! Be serious!”

I had a distant aunt who was known for her eccentricities. Hindu weddings can have up to 4–5 hours of constant rituals on stage as the guests watch on or talk amongst themselves.

This was one of those routine weddings where children and parents meandered around the wedding hall meeting relatives while the couple performed ancient rituals in front of a fire. It is not meant to be a movie that everyone watches. There is nothing entertaining about it except the beginning and ending where the guests participate by showering rice on the couple.

Anyway, in the middle of the 3rd hour on a very hot Bombay afternoon, we heard the chanting stop and all the murmurs in the hall died down as the bride suddenly stood up and made her way to the microphone.

“This is my wedding going on, shut up everyone! Be serious!”

I can completely understand that the guests need to respect the occasion, however, the crowd wasn’t even all that loud. In fact, most of the kids were playing in the garden, the adults were eating, and the only people even having soft conversations were the seniors.

It was very awkward and her parents got extremely embarrassed. Her husband didn’t react but….now….15 years later…they are divorced and he got the kids.

Anushka Bhide , Vigneshwaran S / pexels Report

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Stardust she/her
Stardust she/her
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve attended so many weddings as a hindu and nobody besides the pandit, bride and groom focus on the wedding rituals. My family usually just sits at the end of the hall and chat with our other relatives

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#21

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow A bit of a background here. I have PTSD and I have anxiety and panic attacks. I am actually disabled due to them. I have ended up in the ER with them several times. I do not deal well with crowds. I do NOT do parties. There is to much noise and to many people. Holidays, including birthdays, in my family are done in a quiet fashion not a lot of people beyond immediate family. I drop in and say hi and leave as soon as my chest tightens. ALL of my family knows this about me. On to the unreasonable request.

My first grandchild was having his first birthday. LOTS of my son and DIL’s friends and her family were invited. Im talking 40 strangers to me. He and his parents live a four hour drive from me. When I received my invitation to the party I declined citing my PTSD. I said I would be very happy to come a day before or after at their connivance. I would be happy to bring the cake and ice cream and a pizza or what ever. I didn't want to put them out for a special day on their dime. My daughter in law threw a tantrum of epic proportions wondering why I couldn't just suck it up for one day, wasn't he special or important enough? I tried to explain No I couldnt just suck it up. I would be driving four hours one way to be there. I would be there a maximum of MAYBE 30 minutes and have to go. Then a four hour drive with a tight chest as the best case scenario. Staying at a hotel isnt an option as I mentioned I am disabled so not a ton of spare cash. She was so nasty to me I actually DID end up in the ER with a panic attack. I havent seen or heard from them for two years now.

So the unreasonable request was that I put out the money to drive an 8 hour round trip to go to a birthday party I could attend for 30 minutes max. One that would land me in the ER.

Keyvah Grant , Kindel Media / pexels Report

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MartiBob
MartiBob
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand this all too well, and feel for her. If someone tells you they don't handle social gatherings well because of PTSD/social anxiety, please cut them some slack!

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#22

This answer is really going to date me, but so be it. I received an invitation in which the bride and groom asked for money only. They wanted to take s 3 month tour overseas and wanted the guests to pay for it. It was suggested that you give $100 per person if a friend, $250 per person if a bridal party member and $500 if you were family. I was told they expected it whether you attended or not. I just thought it was rudely presented as a demand not a request. They expected us to give them $500 because our 3 children were invited. I haven’t even had a tour of Europe!

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Michael Largey
Michael Largey
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would only consider funding their tour if they promised not to return.

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#23

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow Had to be that time I was roped into a Bachelorette party where the bride (who was in the group chat with about 30 of her other ‘friends’) clearly stated she desired:

To go bar hopping,

In a pimped our bus, fully stocked with alcohol,

Then to go back to a hotel room with ‘all the girls’

Have dinner and more drinks, with dessert of phallic-themed cake,

Enjoying a performance by a male stripper,

Thence to open all her gifts.

She also wanted to do it all the Saturday before her wedding, fair enough; however it just so happened to be my birthday.

I quietly observed all the messages coming in. Lots of excitement over decor, bar options, games etc. None of those options were what I’d call fun.

A few days after came the costing from the maid of honour. No big deal, each guest would contribute the equivalent of US$150, plus a personalized t-shirt, in addition to bringing the bride a gift (lingerie, size small, purple is he favourite colour) and either a bottle of booze, or an appetizer.

I exited the group chat right after. I didn’t know the bride very well, we were acquaintances at best. I wasn’t even invited to her wedding, and she hadn’t reached out to confirm if I wanted to be a part of her bachelorette.

It was quite clear to me I was invited to make up numbers to lesson the cost of this extravagant event per person. The wedding itself had fewer that 100 invited guests, so I’m sure many others in the group were similarly roped in.

I politely declined to her via DM using my birthday clash as the excuse. She never replied and we haven’t spoken since.

Anon , Krista / flickr Report

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Sue User
Sue User
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4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Inviting people to bachorlette who are not invited to wedding ? Wow

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#24

We were invited to attend, and made plans to be at the wedding, which was across the country. We’d talked to the groom several times, and told him we were making a family trip of it. It was planned out to attend 3–4 months in advance. Less than a month prior, the groom told us we couldn’t bring our kid, and that the recommended hotel for attending didn’t have any services to watch our child. We’d booked tickets, bought clothes, and made arrangements to be there. They recommended that maybe we could leave the child, unattended (who was 2 at the time), in the room for the ceremony, and then I should stay with the child while my husband attended the reception. We didn’t go to the wedding, or take that trip. If the invitation had noted that no children were to attend, it would have been acceptable but that was not the case.

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Michael Largey
Michael Largey
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"leave the child, unattended (who was 2 at the time), in the room for the ceremony". Let's hope that this groom never becomes a parent.

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#25

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow This happened back in the mid to late 90s: we were having our then usual Christmas eve family get-together, but at our house (we usually didn’t host). It was to be for four adults and two babies. Then my aunt, who lived out of state, and was suffering from PTSD told us she would be with us. She gave us a week’s notice or so, and that was all fine, and I was happy to know she’d be with family at Christmastime.

My husband had decided to cook a special roast, a certain kind his grandmother used to cook. It was to be cut so that each person had a portion, and my husband had bought the roast based on the exact number of people, which was to be the five adults. Then, just a few hours before everyone was to arrive, my aunt’s daughter (my first cousin) announced that she would be coming, along with her spouse. And she would be spending the night at our house. I called around and all grocery stores were closed. We didn’t have enough to serve everyone, AND my husband had to “hack up” the roast in a manner that wasn’t the lovely way he had planned to cut it, for perfect portions.

I was prepared to tell my cousin I’m sorry, but we can’t accommodate you for dinner, but you’re welcome to come afterward and stay on our sleeper sofa. But my dad would not have that! And I didn’t want a fight at Christmas. So my husband and I ate less than planned, and no one but my husband and I knew how the roast portions were supposed to look anyway. So it all turned out ok—for everyone except me and my husband.

I know others will have answers about way more unreasonable situations. But this one really bothered me a lot. I don’t know how some people can be so inconsiderate and imposing, by showing up last minute as a dinner and house guest, especially on a holiday. And I know my cousin well enough to doubt that she would tolerate such behavior if I did it to her.

Melanie Knight , Tim Douglas / pexels Report

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Shark Lady
Shark Lady
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are too many people who demand standards of behaviour that they do not meet themselves. It's the height of bad manners to invite yourself to a celebration, but even worse when it is at such short notice.

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#26

The request (actually demand fits it better) wasn’t regarding the wedding per se, it was what was written in the pre-nup by the groom (paraphrasing):

In the event of divorce, the disposition of any children shall be decided by the King of Spain.
Both the bride and groom were citizens of the USA. At the time of the wedding, the groom was a Captain in the US Army. The bride was a second-generation American, and the groom and his parents had escaped from Cuba when he was about nine, and it was where all three were born.

The groom’s parents were lovely, kind and generous people; they didn’t have a snobbish bone in their bodies. How they got that self-centered, bastard with his fixation about being descended from Spanish nobility (he was, but you’re talking 12th Century relations, not 18th Century).

Thankfully, the bride made the groom remove that paragraph from the pre-nup. If only she’d removed the groom instead, she wouldn’t have had to experience twelve years of heartache and emotional abuse from him.

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Michael Largey
Michael Largey
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On the other hand, all pre-nups should contain a provision forbidding "Lady of Spain" from being played at the reception - especially on the accordian.

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#27

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow A few years ago I received a very pretty invite to an acquaintance’s wedding. It arrived in a white box with pink border, opened to the invite tied together with a big pink ribbon bow and included the RSVP card, picture of bride and groom and other extra items. It weighed a veritable ton.

A few weeks before the wedding, another friend of mine called. She is much closer to the bride than I am so I mentioned seeing her at the wedding. She laughed and said the invites were the oddest thing she had ever seen. I thought she meant all the pomp and prissiness of them. Found out she received a different invite than I did.

Hers was a standard Shutterfly type of invite in a plain envelope. Her invite looked a bit like this.

Yep, she received a gift request, not an invite. never did find out why I received an invite and the closer acquaintance to the bride did not. I did not attend the wedding or send a gift. Neither did my friend.

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ॐBoyGanesh
ॐBoyGanesh
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How much you wanna bet the wedding party assumed the acquaintance had more disposable income and/or was a more generous gift-giver than the person closer?

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#28

Wow! It's difficult to choose, there were so many awful ones - selfish, entitled, greedy and so on. A few examples:

The bride who enclosed a “dress code” with her invitations. Not just something simple, like “black tie” but a laundry list of what is and is not acceptable, including a suggested amount to spend on your outfit for her big day

The couples (yes, multiple) who asked their guests to pay for their wedding costs, their wedding food and beverages, their honeymoon, a house down payment and even……wait for it……..to help pay off their student loans. Sorry, folks, it is ALWAYS tacky to ask for money. Some guests will probably give some but for heaven's sake, don't ask!

The couple who used their invitations to announce the bride's pregnancy AND let the guests know they would be combining the wedding with a baby shower; thereby letting guests know to bring a gift for each. You can't make this stuff up!!

The couples who thought it would be neat to have their wedding on Thanksgiving and Christmas; thereby robbing their guests, vendors and staff of being with their families on the holiday.

The couple who selected a venue nearly 5 hours from ANYTHING, including hotels; thereby requiring all the guests to spend nearly 10 hours driving back and forth. Needless to say, and much to their surprise, they had a very low turnout. Even some close family members declined that drive.

This is just a sampling. I realize it's your Big Day but you are also the host. You are also responsible for ensuring your guests have a pleasant time.

One last thing, it is NOT wrong, insulting or selfish for couples to indicate their wedding is “adults only” or “no kids allowed.” That choice IS appropriately determined by the bride and groom. If this is the case, DO NOT bring your children. If you dislike adult fun or cannot manage a sitter, stay home. That may soubd harsh but for some reason, a good number of people today think the rules don't apply to them. Others may live your children but have the absolute right to determine the atmosphere they wish to create for their special day. Get over it. You're not that special!!

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Regina Holt
Regina Holt
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I totally agree about child-free wedding request be honored.

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#29

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow NO CHILDREN. NO SMARTPHONES. NO MAIDS.

Yes, you read that right. This is a common request/demand seen on most local Qatari wedding cards.

Qatari weddings are held simultaneously in two venues - one for the men and one for the women. This is on the women’s side invite that these requests are typically seen

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Trev Fontaine
Trev Fontaine
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shock that a bunch of racists and women haters have s****y weddings

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#30

I remember it happening some years back that my mom’s dad and stepmother were placed on various dietary restrictions by doctors, and when my Mom had them over for a holiday meal, they expected her to plan the entire menu around that.

And the “unreasonable” part comes in because their mindset was that if they couldn’t have salt, butter, tomatoes,…etc., then nobody should serve or have a dish with those things in them.

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#31

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow Back in those days when my close friend was close geographically as well, one Sunday morning, one message popped up in Messenger.

It was 2015.

It read: ‘Hey Srinath! Hope you are good. You need to book your Tickets for June. I am getting married. You should come.’

I casually scrolled up. The last conversation between us was somewhere in 2010.

Srinath Nalluri , Ketut Subiyanto / pexels Report

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ॐBoyGanesh
ॐBoyGanesh
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4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a tough one. If the friendship was one-sided & the bride never made effort and that’s what caused the distance, then maybe it was bad call. However, if they’re both just two people who’ve grown apart because of geography and life happening, but still think fondly of each other, the invite is sweet. I’ve old friends I only connect with every 5 or 10 years and we pick up where left off, catch each other up, enjoy our moment together & wish each other well. Then rinse & repeat. Being invited to a milestone event shows that we keep each other close in our hearts & with fond thoughts. The fluidity of friendship doesn’t have to be finite. It can be a constant ebb & flow throughout life

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#32

Fortunately, I haven’t received anything unreasonable in a really long time.

However, I am not a fan of destination weddings.

While I am holding my virtual shield against all the slings and arrows of outraged fiancees coming my way, I will count the ways:

Your day is extremely important to you. It is a bit less so to others.
“Your day” turns into “your week”.
Cost is ridiculous.
For people with small children, logistics is a nightmare.
Elders, people with transportation difficulties, the infirm simply can’t make it without enormous support.
In the case of sudden illness or other insurmountable difficulty for almost any guest, a mass of red tape ensues.
People with limited vacation time must choose between you and whatever else they could have done.
A gift is expected on top of this? Really? I have yet to see an invitation to a destination wedding that said, “No gifts, please.”
The worst: the judgment by many affianced that people who don’t come “don’t care”.
You are free to do whatever you want.

In case anyone cares, we just had this same conversation with our daughter who wanted a destination wedding. I told her I would only say this once, and she was free to do as she liked, but that the perceived lower per-guest cost to us would be far outweighed by the inability of many beloved people to be a part of their day. Realizing the beloved aunt in a nursing home, the elders with dementia and infirmities, the cousins making not-that-much, the friends with limited vacation time just plain wouldn’t be able to make it, eventually turned the tide.

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#33

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow A family member of mine married such a deliiiiightful woman *sarcasm* in April of 2018. They had a little courthouse wedding with a few witnesses (relatives) and that was that. Well apparently, the bride and groom decided not to tell either of their family members that they got married, which resulted in them planning another wedding for May of 2019. They were already married, she just wanted a show to put on for the family members who didn’t already know they were married.


Anyway, I wasn’t too excited about attending this wedding because I absolutely despise this woman. But I decided to go just for the groom, since he is a close relative. Now here’s where s**t starts to hit the fan. The wedding ceremony was proposed to start at 4:00 p.m. Finally, about 45 minutes later after sitting in the wind and snow/rain (it was about 40 degrees Fahrenheit outside), the ceremony starts. The bridesmaids are wearing horrendous colored dresses (mustard yellow). When it comes time to read the vows, the bride pulls out her cellphone and rambles on for about 10 minutes of every romantic movie cliche quote you can think of. While reading her vows, their baby (about 18 months old) tries to run away and trips of the gravel, scratching up his face and screaming bloody murder. Bride doesn’t even flinch, continues to read vows. Bridesmaid picks him up and takes him to the reception hall.


After the ceremony, we head to the reception hall. Food looked nice, tables and decorations were nice. Guests were eventually allowed to get up and get their food (buffet style). A few guests were taking cupcakes at the end of their buffet trip, and the cake lady they hired literally guarded the cupcakes the rest of the time. The bride danced with her father in her dress and then proceeded to change out of her (very expensive) wedding dress into a t-shirt and jeans to dance with the groom (who was still in his tuxedo). After that, we had had enough and decided to leave early.


A few hours later, a relative calls me and tells me the wedding reception has ended and everyone was basically kicked out at 8:30 pm because the bride was pissed that the groom “wasn’t spending enough time with her” (apparently spending time with family members who take the time to come to your wedding can’t receive any recognition at all).


Let’s fast forward about 2 days later. The bride had created a Facebook event page for this wedding. She posted on this page that she wanted to thank everyone for coming and also wanted to thank those who brought gifts/money. Here’s the kicker: she wanted to afford the opportunity for people to donate money to their “dream honeymoon vacation”. She basically said if you didn’t come to the wedding or if you didn’t bring a gift, she wanted you to donate to their honeymoon fund because (and I quote) their budget was very limited and they wanted to be able to enjoy their vacation without worrying about funds. Oh and they were leaving in about 2 weeks.


2 thoughts on this.


You kick your guests out early at your wedding because you threw a fit (might I add were relatives who drove a couple hours or flew from other states), and now you want those same people to pay for your honeymoon? If you can’t afford to enjoy everything on your honeymoon, why wouldn’t you just save up for a few months to ensure you could have the best possible experience? Why would you rely on other people’s money just because you wanted to rush the vacation? Needless to say, we were all flabbergasted over this request and didn't know whether to laugh about it or be surprised. She ended up deleting that post, I’m assuming because she realized how foolish of a request that was.

Anon , Breno Cardoso / pexels Report

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LakotaWolf (she/her)
LakotaWolf (she/her)
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this one is colored a lot by OP's apparent hatred of the bride...

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#34

About 20 years ago I had a coworker who was getting married. She had a bridal shower, at which we were supposed to give her gifts. (This is standard, but she made that KNOWN.) OK, fine, pretty typical. Then she had two more events—a “wedding shower” and a “house party”—where she explicitly noted on the invitations that people should be kicking in a lot of cash to help pay for her wedding, honeymoon, and house downpayment. Of course nobody from our work attended those. I think only her family went. She was livid but so what? People are insane.

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Jay Scales
Jay Scales
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Naming each event differently doesn't fool people into being blind to the fact that you're staging as many money-grabbing parties as you can fit in!

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#35

Years ago, when I was still speaking to all of my siblings, I always (being the only one with a house big enough) hosted Christmas dinner for them, their spouses, and children. I always bought the ingredients for the dinner, and asked my brothers to contribute pickles and olives, and my sisters to contribute cookies or some other sort of dessert.


I already had cooked the ham the previous day, had it sliced and in a warming pan, and the turkey nearly ready in the oven, when my younger brother, who always fancied himself a good meat cutter/butcher, but really wasn’t, turned up with a HUGE chunk of beef that he had sliced into ridiculously thick “steaks” and wanted me to fire the grill I had out on the deck up so that he could give everybody a steak for dinner as his “gift”. Now, not only was the dinner I had spent nearly two days cooking almost ready to go on the table, but we had all been “treated” before to his idea of grilled “steaks”, the consensus being “No thanks!” every time we were invited after the first time.


He doesn’t have any meat cutting skills, despite what he thinks, and ruins perfectly good meat by cutting it badly, and so thick that it’s always charred on the outside and bloody raw on the inside, and as tough as shoe leather. He’s a terrible cook. When I refused to fire up the grill and let him ruin my dinner, he got pissed off and threw an absolute temper tantrum, calling me an ungrateful b***h, saying I had no taste whatsoever, that he was only trying to do something nice for everyone, ranting on and on with filthy language in front of children, and refusing to see reason. I finally told him to leave, to which he told me he wouldn’t eat dinner with such an ungrateful b***h with me anyway, and stomped out.


I didn’t speak to him for several years afterward, and now, several years after that, and because of several other incidents, including stealing from me, have cut off all contact.

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Regina Holt
Regina Holt
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who shows up with a large hunk of meat to a party/meal when they knew there would already be a complete meal served?

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#36

“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow I received an invitation quite a while ago from a former co-worker, with whom I was not very close. When I receive invitations from people I am not close to, or don’t know well, I usually just send a gift (and more than likely it will be a gift card).

I didn’t actually read the invitation until I’d had it a few days, and I had to read it a few times to actually follow along. They were having their wedding at one spot, outdoors, at 8AM. Then a short “wedding coffee” would follow. Then a reception would be held six hours later at a country club that was at least 20 miles away from the wedding spot. At this point I was happy to not be attending, but the request for gifts (and this was printed on the invitation) had me laughing. They requested that all guests refrain from bringing wrapped presents and limit their gifts to money cards and cash. I disobeyed, sent a gift card from a local store, and heard nothing more. Not even a thank you.

Susan Williams , Mikhail Nilov / pexels Report

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JustAnotherBoredPanda
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The timing is bizarre, but I don't understand why so many people still frown upon monetary gifts. Many people in today's world already live together and have a fully stocked household and I personally would not want a house full of knickknacks, that I didn't choose myself.

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#37

friend was getting married in NY. I moved to Phoenix 5 years prior to her wedding. But it didn’t matter, as a bridesmaid I was requested to…

chip into the bachelorette party which I wouldn’t be attending
the only gift she wanted was guests to pay for her honeymoon ($8,000 total)
Purchase a dress and pay for it to be tailored
pay for hair and make up
spend $950 on an airplane ticket to NY, plus a hotel, plus a car. $2000 for just the trip alone for 3 days??? Ugh
when I get married, I will NEVER expect a friend to pay literally thousands of dollars to attend MY wedding. Tf is wrong with people nowadays!?

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#38

It wasn't one that I attended, but I heard about it. Apparently the guests were being required to pay for their own dinner, the plates were $85 a piece. The guest is already required to purchase a gift, perhaps an outfit for the event, perhaps miss work, including the cost of travel for some, as well as hotel stays, requiring your guests to also pay for their meal, is beyond tacky. If the bride and the groom cannot find a way to pay for the meal, they need to edit the menu. Perhaps do a potluck, maybe only serve hors d'oeuvres and dessert. Maybe have a mid afternoon reception, after lunch, but before the big meal of the day, and serve small triangular sandwiches, and munchies, Perhaps find a way to have a barbecue and the gift to the bride and groom are a few individuals willing to help with the cooking. Going to a wedding can be expensive and not many people have a ton of extra disposable income to spend on also having to pay for their own meal, at an event they were invited to.

An experience I had was being a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding. Her and I were pretty close in childhood but into adulthood we sort of grew apart. About a month or two before the wedding, she asked me if I wanted to be in it. At first I wondered why she waited so long to ask, and then I realized it was because one of her other bridesmaids backed out and she needed to fill a space. I hesitantly said yes, paid $150 for a dress I would wear once, and paid another $75 at the little hip hair joint she insisted I go to. All of the other bridesmaids had gone there, though I was not told what time to arrive, and when I asked, was told she didn't know when they were going, so I couldn't even be part of doing that with the girls. Turns out I arrived a half an hour after they had left. I was not invited to a bachelorette party, or bridal shower, I was not invited to any of the dress fittings, in fact I was not invited to be a part of anything other than standing in front of the church for 45 minutes. The fellow she paired me up with, was smashed during the entire reception, and barely paid any attention to me at all, couldn't even remember my name after being reminded of it three times. He was too focused on trying to figure out how to walk in a straight line. I've never been so happy to be done with a wedding! I still love my cousin dearly, but I think a lot more class could have gone into that event

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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was once asked to be a groomsman for a couple I barely knew. I thought they probably didn't have many friends, so I initially agreed. Then at one point I was informed that the intended maid of honor could no longer attend, so the young woman I was paired with was moved up to maid of honor, and now I would be best man. It was too weird. I declined, as politely as I could, saying I couldn't get off work.

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#39

Some years ago, a childhood friend asked me to be in her wedding and I accepted. It was going to be a stretch for me since both of my brothers were getting married that same year and I was in both of their weddings as well as being a poor college student. A few months later, the bride-to-be ANNOUNCES that her cousin dropped out the wedding and I am now her new Maid of Honor - not asking, just telling me (and we really weren't all that close). Her mother calls me later that day to tell me that I needed to start planning her bridal shower, where I should have it, who she is going to invite, etc. No mention of who was going to paying for all of this, so I assume they figured me. I had already put deposits on a hideous lavender dress, hair accessory and dyed shoes. I informed my "friend" that I could no longer be in her wedding due to the expense and the fact that my brothers were getting married as well. I was blacklisted and not even invited to be a guest (since I was too poor according to the mom) - which was fine by me.

Other unreasonable demand(s), by my sister-in-law for a baby shower she was hosting for my niece, a wonderful young woman who I love. Inside the invite was 1) the baby registry with instructions not to wrap the gift as it was a display shower, 2)"don't bring a card but a book instead and write something to the baby inside the cover", 3)bring a package of diapers for the new parents, and 4)bake a dessert for the event. I was exhausted from a fundraiser I had run the night before and dreaded going to this shower, there were simply too many demands.

EDIT: I think my family may have topped themselves! Another sister-in-law is hosting an in-person baby shower this week (March 2021) indoors in a restaurant with more than 30 guests. We are still in the middle of a pandemic last I heard, and though I love my niece I declined the invitation and sent a more extravagant gift than typical. SIL calls it a baby shower, I call it a super spreader event designed to get rid of the beloved elderly members of the family including my 87 year old mom. Just sayin’

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#40

I've seen 2 requests that were both appalling. 1 was the couple requests only cash money for gifts. No merchandise that'll be returned anyway & no checks so we don't have to wait for a check to clear or even bounce. Oh yes they really requested this.

The 2nd request the couple asked that because the menu they chose was $75 a plate, we kindly ask that you contribute $40 for your meal to help defray our costs. Also only tap water was free. Everything soda everything was charged for even the bridal party had to pay for drinks, had to pay for their champagne for the wedding toast. Now the best part of both stories. This was the SAME BRIDE & GROOM. They made BOTH of these ASININE requests on a formally printed note inside the wedding invitations. Oh & to be further cheap, they didn't include postage for the R.S.V.P.'s. Thankfully I live 6,000 miles away from where the festivities took place so I didn't even send my denial R.S.V.P. back. But I venture to say it definitely wasn't the DREAM WEDDING the couple were hoping for! Some people's children

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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The cash bar at the wedding isn't horrible, but the rest is ridiculous.

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#41

My cousin's wedding. They sent a save the date before the invites. As the date got closer, I messaged her to see when invites were coming so I could RSVP. I was worried mine got lost in the mail. I was informed that they decided to just have a small Vegas wedding, with only 10 people invited because of money problems. No judgement here. Until the following week, when they sent everyone that was NOT invited a notice that they were going to Vegas, with a request for gifts, and only gifts that were on the registry

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Michael Largey
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Sorry, delivery problems. The gift I sent you in Vegas apparently stayed in Vegas."

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#42

Strictly hearsay, because my couples aren’t like this, lol

everyone dress in white. or black. or red. or any specific color
-black tie, if the hosts are not providing black tie services

-ceremony and reception hours apart. Nope. Nope. Nope

-invites that include gift requests. Double bonus for invites that mention that the couple would like cash.

-ceremonies in places that require hiking/walking/being outside in extreme heat or cold or snow

-destination weddings that cost a fortune

-requests to bring a dish or booze

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ॐBoyGanesh
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THiS right here! This list perfectly sums up how I feel about weddings and whether or not I would attend.

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#43

I think it is very selfish to bring an elaborate dish to the celebration which requires kitchen time and resources. Unless the host or hostess specifically request or approve the addition, graciously accept the fact they want to do it their way, with their menu, and have enough work to do already without trying to accommodate unsolicited food. Very stressful and rude, despite best intentions.

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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only exception is people with dietary restrictions. I have no problem with someone bringing a vegan dish.

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#44

So I have an aquaintance that I’ve picked up from a friend. Let’s call her Faye.


Her idea of inviting you out is simply driven by her need to be driven by you.


Scenario one: let’s go up to a fashion show in an art gallery as she has free tickets. I say ok. I’ll drive up. And pay that parking. You pick her up and she has a friend. No big deal as you don’t know her yet or that this is her pattern. You begin to feel a tad used when you insist on leaving after a few hours and she’s sulking until her friend has a stern word with her. You end up at the local curry house but soon work out that her need to divide the bill is to cover up her over ordering. You refuse to pay for anything you do not order.


Next she’s asking you to the cinema bc she has free tickets. But what she wants is the lift there and back and you pay the parking.


Next it’s her birthday and why don’t I drive as I don’t drink so her and three other friends can come to her night out.

Next you’re in hospital and she says she’ll come up and see you. But you know she won’t bc she won’t pay for the parking.


Next she calls and decides she thinks it’s time for you and her to go out. You ask where she had in mind and you offer to meet her there. Of course you don’t hear from her again bc she wanted you to pick her up and drive.


Next your friend is telling you Faye invites them to go up to north England for an event and Faye insists she wants half the petrol money for the event.


Next she sees you in yr new car pulling up to the gym. She suggests coming to a friends bbq with her on the weekend. You decline bc you have an event that weekend to go too. She then asks what part of London it is to find out if you can drive to both events with her so she can get a lift.


This woman is transparent and you kick her a*s to the kerb. She still tries to contact you but you ignore but one day you’ll know when it’s time to tell her what pisses you off about her.


Pls note this woman is also a Christian.


To all the people that have or intend to question the last line re being a Christian: Her behaviour is passive aggressive to get her needs met in the most deceptive ways. And I have this notion and perhaps it is an un-ideal notion/belief or just damn right naive, that Christians have done enough work on themselves to shine a torch on their dark behaviours: bc let’s face it we all have darkness, where the dark behaviour is brought to the light and drops to the side. If she had done enough work on herself she would see how ungodly this is: bc there is no way God would think this passive aggressive get my needs met line of behaviour is the thinking of God.

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ॐBoyGanesh
ॐBoyGanesh
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4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTF? I came for the salt and got stuck in a religious sermon.

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#45

It wasn’t a holiday celebration but a wedding.The Baltimore Orioles we’re in the 1983 World Series for the first time in 12 years.The wedding was on a Saturday and the World Series game was scheduled at the same time.The men in the family were asked not to monitor the game in any way.We had radios hidden as soda cans and my buddy brought a plug in tv for his car where we watched most of the game.

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#46

Someone I know (I won’t name names) had an informal wedding on one of the Boston Harbor Islands (where there was no running water and only a porta-potty). This meant that as guests we had to pay to take a ferry to the island and bring our own beverages (as its a National Park this had to be a dry wedding) and a request to bring a dish to share. In addition, they had not arranged for trash removal (again, this island was set up where you have to bring your trash back with you) so everyone was lugging trash on the boat back.

To summarize, outdoor wedding in the summer where you had to pay to take a boat to the wedding location while bringing your own fluids as well as food to share and then at the end of the event, help transport trash to the “mainland”.

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ॐBoyGanesh
ॐBoyGanesh
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As long as you know what they’re getting you into, I don’t see the problem. I’ve been to a couple weddings where it was a backpack overnighter or a trip to a state/national park. Prior to the more recent activity, every day people would have weddings on our volcano which required a lot of driving, hiking and carrying out everything each person brought in. Nature/wilderness/environmental weddings are a thing. I guess just not OPs thing.

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#47

My little brother, mind you my little brother is now 60 years of age, 6 foot 3 inches tall, and big (heavy). I am the eldest, and at 5′9″ and maybe 140 pounds don’t really stand a chance.

Anyway, when we were much younger, we used to have Christmas gift giving on Christmas Eve due to the fact that I was the first married, and I had to spend Christmas morning at my wife’s family home.

Then later, when we were milking cows, I could not do gifts on Christmas morning as I was out milking cows.

Needless to say, both of these reasons are LONG gone. Add in that I was teaching RCIA, and was scheduled as the sacristan for the midnight Mass (meaning I had to get there before 10 pm and open the doors, turn the lights on, and begin setting up for Mass.

Thus, after Christmas Eve dinner, which in my family has always been a big deal, I wanted to lay down for a nap before I had to dress and drive into Church. But no, my brother wanted to open presents RIGHT NOW, and would yell and carry on because Mom wouldn’t let us open presents unless everyone was there.

I really needed to sleep, but sleep was impossible with my brother carrying on like a Banshee, and killing him right before Mass was not an option…

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Greymom
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Killing him AFTER masss however 😂😂 would have been worth considering

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#48

Just that only family members were welcome. That was any holiday. I was raised to include anyone who didn’t have a family nearby. My dad brought home soldiers 2 different times. The second one I remember he got him a carton of cigarettes at Christmas.

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#49

It was a demand not a request. It was Christmas, 1981. My brother and his wife were hosting Christmas dinner. My mom required Christmas BE ON CHRISTMAS DAY, not Christmas Eve day. The reason it was a problem was because my son who was 9 years old had to go to his dad’s for the day, I had him Christmas Eve day.

This meant I spent our FAMILY Christmas with everyone else in my family except my son. It was one of the worst days ever for me and changed things forever in the holiday dynamics. No one except my SIL spoke to my mom that day, not one word.

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TomCat
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But... wouldn't she have not spent Christmas with her son anyway because he'd be at his dad's house?

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#50

Years ago, a close friend, who happened to be the Maid Of Honor in my wedding, had a daughter. My friend gave her daughter my name as the child’s middle name, and I felt very honored, and a though I’m not particularly religious, a little like a God parent to this child. Over the years, and with time, our lives drifted apart and the family moved out of state. Though I did keep in touch through Facebook with the family and the daughter. In her teenage years the daughter decided she was a lesbian. No problem for me. Then, when she was in her mid-20’s she decided she was transgender and wanted to become a man, changing her/his name a couple of times. It’s a very dramatic family, and through his Facebook posts it became very clear his family wasn’t supportive. Wanting to be supportive , I sent her/him (don’t judge me it’s hard doing this without using names) Facebook messages showing my support, knowing he was obviously struggling with his family. Over time, he went through the complete process and you’d NEVER know his history. He looks totally male. Fast forward… about a decade ago he met a woman, fell in love, and they decided to marry. Through Facebook I knew he’d met his bride’s family and all seemed well. My husband and I received an invite to the wedding with an attached note, sent to many family members on his side, saying If we could NOT promise to keep our pronouns right we were not welcome. Mainly because his bride’s family had no idea he’d once been a woman. We politely declined the invite. In my opinion they should have shared this information with the Bride’s family, not everyone, JUST those who need to know. Deal with the truth now, with honesty and dignity. Live your truth, whatever that may be. It doesn’t need to be advertised, but then again you don’t dishonor yourself by living in hiding. They will eventually find out anyway. It’s inevitable. I wanted to write him with these thoughts, being the quasi God parent, but I chose not too, I didn’t want to create more drama. In the end it didn’t matter, the marriage didn’t last a year.

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Shark Lady
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is it just me or did this post come across as being less supportive and accepting than the OP was claiming they are. You don't "decide" you are a lesbian or transgender, it's just who you are.

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