I've had different best friends at different times in my life.

I've come to accept that I have no friends, only acquaintances.

When I decided to seriously cut down my drinking, I lost a lot of friends. Booze buddies often don’t survive such a change as it was only the alcohol that made them tolerable company in the first place.

This is very true. If someone legitimately hurts someone you love, you can't be 'neutral' with them. It's not possible. If you can be 'neutral' to someone who truly hurt and did wrong to someone else, that's making a choice to put their feelings above those of the victim and that means making a choice against your friend who has been wronged. And if you have ever been in the situation where someone made this claim against you, be aware those people are not your friends. They don't care about you. People who care and are your friends will stand at your side and shun people who hurt you and only do this if you are in the wrong.

I can't say i agree with this in totality. My life long best friend and I talk about people with each other but i have no doubt that both of us don't talk about each other like that when the other is not around. She is my platonic soul mate <3 we almost got married once just for šHïtś and giggles

Agree. True friends are genuinely happy with the success of each other

THIS. My friends in my hometown will always be my friends even if we don't talk or haven't seen each other for years. Whenever we do meetup it's like it always was and like we've always never not hung out.

I just had to end a15 year friendship because of his fd up idea of what consent is. Somethings just can't be agree to disagree.

Had a friend do this, wouldn't come out with us (his partner was always invited), but never came. He stopped responding to texts, and calls. Just cut off all contact. Now the relationship is over, is busy on facebook posting memes about how everyone has let him down.

At the same time, it might be that they are only happy to do so much, and after that they're too tired/ socially drained/ other to initiate things or fully be part of them.

HEARD! Thank you Steve.

indeed

Seems like I'm destined to have a dog as my most reliable friend.

Can confirm. Never live with someone you want to stay on good terms with.

And you don't really know yourself until your friends are in need of support.

They need to know where we're burying the body, don't they?

You can't demand it, but if you don't think they are, why do you call them friends? I am who I am with my friends because I fully trust them to do to me as I would do to them if ever needed.

Oh yes, very much so! If their 'joking' is more important than your wellbeing they're bullies, not friends.

A friend owed me a small amount of money. I didn't ask her about it until I became sick and needed some otc meds and had no money for it. So, I asked her. She didn't have it to give me. Okay. I searched the house over and finally came up with about $5 and went to the store. Who was there? Friend. With a cart full of stuff. Full. Of. Stuff. Can't help me when I'm sick, but had plenty of money for what she needed. It's been 30 years ago. I forgave her and we're still friendly in social situations. But, it's stuck with me that I meant nothing to her. That hurts.

It's a difference between can't and won't. If they could do it with no harm or loss to themselves but just don't want to, they're not friends.

You guys are the type to call for hours, aren't you? I'm happy to go without contact for extended period of time, and still consider the other person my close friends. I did take upon me to juste send a emoji or a quick shoutout to the friends I think of randomely in the day for fear that they think I ignore them or forget about them when it's not the case, I juste have not much to time or stories to sustain a conversation. Same goes with friends who take ages to answer when I ask for news or forget to answer entirely. Life is busy and hard and I would still be delighted to catch up one day in person, be it in a month or 3 years.

All friends are backup friends. That’s literally what friends are, to support you when others let you down. OP might be 8 years old.

OP, I don't completely accept your advice, but I'm not telling you why.

more than once for some of us. some people are just really s****y.

It depends. I found my true friends at work.

I refused to condone something a longtime friend was doing (and wanted my help with), and that was that. So sometimes you can lose a friend by being a real friend. But you still should.

If you gift someone never hold that over there heads, it's a gift.

There are times when this explicitly has to be said. When a friend's husband died, I said to her, "I will not keep asking you 'How are you doing?' I will always be wondering, and will always be thinking of you. When you want to talk, I will listen, but I won't pry, and I won't try to make you talk." She appreciated having someone in her life that didn't automatically treat her as 'the bereaved' or 'the widow'.

But keep an eye out for the situations where you might be able to help them heal and become what they once were. Most people deserve one 'last chance'

Mine has just changed, some fade away, but new friends arrive.

There 's a back story here, I think; my sympathy, anyway.

With that said, if you don’t ride their äss about the small stuff, then if you call them out on the big stuff it has more impact. I had a friend who confessed that she’d driven while high and I was like “whoa, that’s dangerous” and I think part of why she listened was because I didn’t say judgmental shít about her getting high in safe settings (we lived in a really conservative place so there probably were people getting judgy).

Dear god yes. I love how when someone wants to punch down it’s “fûck your feelings” but when I say “ew, your punching down is gross” it’s “can’t you be more tolerant?”

This is true

Define honesty. If you mean telling me when I made an honest mistake and are objectively wrong, then I'm with you. If you mean bullying me by constantly pointing out every minor flaw, especially when it's about my looks on a day I feel like a queen, then you're not honest. You're mean. Even if it's true. If the only reason you're honest is because it's true but does no good to say it, that's cruel. Then this rule applies: if you have nothing nice to say, shut up. I cut out a 'friend' right before my wedding when she felt the urge to tell me my wedding dress was out of fashion and that year had other trends. It was true. But it was precious, fit my type perfectly (which the current trend did not) and I had just said that I felt gorgeous wearing it. It was also very budget friendly since it was from last years collection and she knew I had a tight budget. Nope. Not my friend anymore. She had often bragged about her brutal honesty and that day made me realise that she was just nitpicking.

Depends what you’re talking about. There’s a whole lot of stuff where people put up with being treated badly for a long time and now they’ve had enough. When they say “that’s racist” or whatever, they’re just being honest.

There’s a line. I’ve crossed that line; it happens; it doesn’t make you a bad person. But sometimes you are overloading your friend(s) and you need to readjust.

Holy cow, SM causing friction in a friendship/relationship... Who knew?

Pride alone is never a good reason to do anything, so is doing things because you can or because it's not illegal. Kindness means doing things for others you don't have to do and won't harm you, merely to be kind. And while it's important to set boundaries and not be a doormat, sometimes it is important to let things go, especially when the only thing hindering you is pride. Every action you take should have reason and be fair to yourself and others. Doing things solely out of pride is a sin, if you believe in god or not, because it hurts yourself and others.

If you have a friend who’s doing something you’re not comfortable with but you stand by them anyway and provide support, you’re weird. Did I rewrite that correctly?

This is it. Not being friends doesn't mean not having an amicable relationship. Associates and acquaints are not lesser beings. But there are grades in kinship and some people are closer than others. It's important to know the difference and prioritize accordingly. If you are willing to put the same effort into loose acquaintances than into close friendships you'll end up with lots of leeches after loosing all your friends because something has to give and usually close friends will cut you loose if you set them aside for colleagues or randos

Fewer expectations?

Sadly that is true. People bond over misery far more often than over happiness. And that breeds resentment if one person manages to get out of misery while the other can't.

I don't know. On one hand, I don't like to have conditions for my friendship. I see that as one of society's biggest issues. It's always you do for me before I'll do for you. On the other hand, I'm often the "shoulder to cry on" friend, but I honestly don't know if I have a "shoulder to cry on" friend.

exactly! and if you are afraid to tell a friend something because of their jealousy.. drop them!

Depends on the amount of jealousy and what it's about imo. I've been jealous of my friends but I don't believe people should run from me