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To Let Her Bridesmaids Know What They’re Signing Up For, This Bride Decided To Explain Bridal Party Costs And Other Expectations In A “Transparency Letter”
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Getting married is a big step in a person’s life as you’re tying your future to one person and hoping that they are the right one. The wedding is also usually a big hassle and you would like for everything to be exactly perfect, just like you envisioned it. That can quickly lead to the bride becoming a bridezilla.
Bored Panda has already covered numerous stories of people shaming some brides that have unrealistic expectations, like this one bride who asked her bridesmaid to lose weight or this bride that had a list of expensive gifts she wanted to receive.
However, this time it’s a different story. TikToker @lisalovesrandom shared a ‘transparency letter’ she wrote to her bridesmaids in which she listed what is to be expected from them and people actually liked the idea, because it’s not a requirement list, just a heads up for the girls who would accept being a bridesmaid in the wedding.
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A bride shared a ‘transparency letter’ in which she specified the financial and time commitments she expects from her bridesmaids and went viral on TikTok
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
The TikToker’s real name is Lisa Torres. She is a Texas girl who graduated with a Masters of Accountancy from Texas Lutheran University and now works as an auditor. She stitched a video in which a girl says she agreed to be a bridesmaid and only later realized that it will cost her a good amount of money and she will have to use all of her personal time off from work. That video got over 4 million views and over 800k people liked it.
Lisa is quite active on TikTok and recently has been sharing more wedding related videos, so if you would like to see that kind of content, you can follow her here. She also has an Istagram account that you can find here.
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
The idea came from participating in weddings as a bridesmaid herself and not knowing how much it would take to fulfill the role she had been given
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
Lisa, having participated in weddings as a bridesmaid, related to the girl, because she also didn’t know before agreeing to it what it really meant and that it came with some time and financial responsibilities. And you couldn’t really know, because every bride is different and everyone expects different things from their bridesmaids.
Bored Panda asked Lisa where she got the idea for a ‘transparency letter’ and she told us, “There were a couple ladies I planned to ask to be a bridesmaid, and it would be their first experience in a wedding party. I wanted to give them the information I wish I had when I was in their shoes. I was also motivated by my friends complaining about their experiences while they were at a wedding party. Their complaints taught me how much costs and expectations can vary across each wedding party. This is why I thought transparency would be appropriate.”
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
The most important part of these expectations was that Lisa’s friends were free to decide not to be a bridesmaid and that it wouldn’t ruin their friendship
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
It was very thoughtful of Lisa, now that she is engaged, to prepare her bridesmaids for what’s coming or give them the opportunity to decline the offer before it’s too late. Lisa’s solution to that is a ‘transparency letter,’ as she puts it herself. It’s just a letter including what Lisa expects from her bridal party. She gave it to the people who she wanted to be her bridesmaids with the bridesmaid proposal box.
People can agree with the things she put in the letter or say that Lisa is asking too much, but the most important thing is the part where she says that the girls could say no to being a bridesmaid and Lisa would have no hard feelings. She even said that her friends could keep the gifts in the bridesmaid proposal box.
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
Lisa wanted to focus on the bride’s transparency with her bridesmaids rather than on what she actually wrote in her letter
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
With this video, she just wanted to encourage brides to be transparent and not keep the bridesmaids guessing if they will have enough money or time to invest in their friend’s wedding. Everyone can write their own letters with their own requirements, just be prepared that not everyone will be able to fulfill them; “Let’s normalize being transparent about the costs associated with being in your wedding party and allowing our friends to decline being in a wedding party.“
One of Lisa’s friends actually declined to be a bridesmaid and they are still friends
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
Lisa hasn’t heard of the other requirement lists from various bride-shaming groups, but she assumes that her letter is different from theirs because she included the option to decline to be a bridesmaid and promised that this wouldn’t ruin their friendship. One of her friends actually did that and Lisa told us that she was able to keep the promise.
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
In the letter, Lisa was clear what would be the bridesmaids’ responsibilities and what costs would be hers
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
In a follow-up video, Lisa shared the letter she has written for her bridesmaids. In that letter, we can see that Lisa wanted her bridesmaids to buy their dresses themselves, but she left the style of the dress up to them; Lisa just wanted a specific color. Also, the bridesmaids could wear their own shoes in a nude color and could decide if they wanted to buy a new dress or secondhand.
Another important point was that Lisa would pay for the bridesmaids’ hair and makeup. She also specified what other costs would be covered by her and for what things the bridesmaids would have to pay themselves.
In a frequently asked questions section, Lisa reassured her friends that they wouldn’t need to change their appearance for her wedding or postpone their life events, adding that if she asked for these things, it would be weird. And probably the key comment here was that if any of her friends didn’t want to be a bridesmaid, she wouldn’t get mad about it.
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
Lisa thinks that the video went viral because it was relatable and because it was interesting for people from other cultures to know how weddings are organized in the US
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
When asked why this video in particular went viral on her page, Lisa had a good guess. “There were a bunch of people who had surprise costs and time commitments while they were a bridesmaid. There was a very strong, ‘I wish someone would’ve done this for me’ sentiment among people who had been bridesmaids before. People shared their tough bridesmaid experiences, and they all seemed to stem from a lack of clarity from the outset. Additionally, people resonated with the idea of the transparency letter and vowed to implement it when they would get married. It also went viral because many people outside of America did not realize that bridesmaids buying their own dress is a standard practice in the United States; this resulted in people sharing their wedding customs from their respective regions and cultures.”
The bride also added, “Thank you so much to everyone who taught me the different wedding customs and traditions from your respective regions and cultures.”
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
Image credits: lisalovesrandom
People in the comments of both videos had mixed reactions. A lot of them were praising Lisa for this idea and saying that this indicates healthy friendships and a mature personality. Others were focused on her requirements in the letter, saying that they would never ask their friends the things she was asking.
@lisalovesrandom##stitch with @stephanieberman7 I was scared to have a ##transparency letter in the ##bridesmaidproposalbox but it WORKED OUT. ##wedding ##weddingtiktok♬ original sound – Lisa 💙
Video credits: lisalovesrandom
What do you think about Lisa’s idea and her allowing her friends not to accept the offer to be a bridesmaid? What are your experiences of being a bride or a bridesmaid? Tell us your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments had mixed opinions: some focused on the content of the letter and thought Lisa was asking too much, but others found the idea of telling your bridesmaids what you expect from them in advance to be a smart one
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What do you think ?
Rob 3 years ago
Really astonishing to see how many people apparently do not have the money to pay for their own extravagant wedding. Maybe dim it down a little...?
Donna Leske 3 years ago
Exactly. Maybe focus on the future and the love between the couple, friends, and family.
Load More Replies...
Marcellus the Third 3 years ago
Organizing your wedding and expecting the public to spend 3months salary is like building a wall and expecting another country to pay for it. Same insanity. And some people live in a world where either or both of these makes sense to them; I don't but either me or them or both can be wrong.
Andrew Gibb 3 years ago
Weddings have turned into a crazed spendathon- perhaps those who want to get married could showing some imagination and save all this BS for everyone. Buy a pretty dress from a normal shop. Go somewhere local and have some drinks- or camp out. Have the wedding at a friends house using their back garden. Have a picnic lunch and a tunes list played from an iPod. Put the money saved to the home you will be spending your lives together in. Get everyone to bring booze and enjoy yourselves without the usual expectations.
Rob 3 years ago
Really astonishing to see how many people apparently do not have the money to pay for their own extravagant wedding. Maybe dim it down a little...?
Donna Leske 3 years ago
Exactly. Maybe focus on the future and the love between the couple, friends, and family.
Load More Replies... Marcellus the Third 3 years ago
Organizing your wedding and expecting the public to spend 3months salary is like building a wall and expecting another country to pay for it. Same insanity. And some people live in a world where either or both of these makes sense to them; I don't but either me or them or both can be wrong.
Andrew Gibb 3 years ago
Weddings have turned into a crazed spendathon- perhaps those who want to get married could showing some imagination and save all this BS for everyone. Buy a pretty dress from a normal shop. Go somewhere local and have some drinks- or camp out. Have the wedding at a friends house using their back garden. Have a picnic lunch and a tunes list played from an iPod. Put the money saved to the home you will be spending your lives together in. Get everyone to bring booze and enjoy yourselves without the usual expectations.
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