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Change is scary. Our brains want to be certain about things or else they start making us anxious, overthinking about all of the various possibilities, especially right when you need to get a good night’s sleep. This change is especially scary when it’s related to your identity.

Trans Redditors sat down to discuss some of the things that changed and surprised them after transitioning to their gender. Here are some of the most interesting examples of the “culture shock” people experienced after their transition.

More info: Reddit

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#1

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group I'm a game developer and probably know more about video games than most people. As a guy if I said I was a fan of this or that series it would basically be taken uncritically. Now, as a woman, in groups of mostly men when I say "I really like Metal Gear Solid" there's a weirdly high incidence of dudes feeling the need to quiz me to prove that I'm a "real" fan.

I mean catcalls and generally not being as safe in public also sucks, but we all knew about that stuff. The weird part was just not being taken seriously anymore on stuff I'm actually quite knowledgeable on.

Edit: The handful of replies to this doubting these experiences are a case study in irony. Way to prove the point.

brainwarts , Julia Volk Report

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Benita Valdez
Benita Valdez
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Welcome to female gamer life darlin; it will only continue and may get worse. Though I will say it has gotten a tiny bit bettrr throughout the years because I'm now not looked at like a soulless liar when I say I game but don't play first person shooters

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#2

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group The lack of pockets.

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#3

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group As a man I could babble on about any number of b******t topics and people would listen intently. Now I'm surprised if I can even get a sentence in before I'm getting talked over.

zoey_will , Andrea Piacquadio Report

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that weird wallflower is demi
that weird wallflower is demi
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup, that's the life of someone who identifies as or looks/sounds like a woman is like. I hate it so. effing. much.

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To gain more perspective on people’s reactions to how others present themselves, Bored Panda reached out to Hannah McKnight. She identifies as transgender, preferring the term “T-Girl.” She has made it her mission to find a balance between genders. You can read more about her on her website.
#4

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group I heard from a trans man that after he grew a beard he kept getting nods from other bearded men

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#5

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group The amount of women in my family, my female friends, and even female acquaintances now confiding every single deep dark detail of their life in me, or just openly talking about their every bodily function.

I became "One of the girls" way before I was comfortable with it.

anon , Mental Health America (MHA) Report

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StrangeOne
StrangeOne
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, it will get weirder. I get uncomfortable, myself, with how candid other girls are with me.

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#6

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Girls are so nice to each other, it’s seems so strange that a random woman in the metro might just compliment me on my clothes, just like that.

Also, women's bathroom are dirty!

3nderslime , Zen Chung Report

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Benita Valdez
Benita Valdez
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes and you will definitely know if a dress has pockets if you compliment it 😂 "I like your dress", "Thanks. It has pockets".

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Hannah is a person of many interests and talents - she is deeply involved with trans activism, running a social and support group for transgender women called MN T-Girls, and modeling and writing for various publications about a variety of topics. She’s also currently working on her book In-Between.
#7

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Holy F**k some men are creepy. I know it’s definitely not all men… or even most of them. But some of the stuff they say to women, do to women, casual misogyny. It’s not just a rare thing. It’s an everyday thing.

The guy clearly trying to get a picture up my dress, the guy groping me in a crowded bar, the guys at the table next to me very casually talking about what sexual stuff they’d do to me, delivery drivers texting and hitting on me.

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over it already
over it already
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then they're shocked that we feel unsafe or if we get defensive. As I get older it happens less, but if you are 12-35 and even anywhere near attractive, it's awful.

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#8

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group One of my close friends (mtf) was shocked when she started taking hormones because she was suddenly getting hangry all the time. She said something like, “I thought I knew what hangry meant, but this is a whole other level. I’ve started carrying snacks in my purse and I am so sorry to all the ladies in my life if I didn’t take you seriously enough when you said you needed to eat. I get it now, it’s way more intense than I ever experienced before hormones.”

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StrangeOne
StrangeOne
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never thought it was hormonal thing. I thought all men and women get hangry.

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#9

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group male here. suddenly no one gives a s**t about me, i feel totally anonymous. no one makes any comments about me or double takes or smiles or anything. I’ll get a nod but that’s it.

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Asked about what surprised her when presenting as female, she said that it “has really opened my eyes to how different a seemingly familiar world can be.” Other women are a lot chattier and friendlier, there are much more compliments - especially referring to small and subtle things, such as earrings or shade of lipstick.
#10

Cis dudes do NOT have platonic intimacy. The only time you guys ever really express genuine emotions with your friends is during sports and during shares traumatic experiences (I'm thinking military and first responders here). You guys are so emotionally starved. Talk about your feelings with your friends. Tell them that color looks good on them. Tell them you've been lonely ever since you moved to the new city. Tell them you're stressed about your sick cat and it's keeping you up at night. Tell them you miss your ex girlfriend's cooking and microwave hot dogs every other day is making you depressed.

And THEN, when your friend tells you he misses his ex's cooking, come over and cook some chili with him (WITH him. He's gotta learn to cook) and bring beer and listen to him cry about his ex and give him a hug (he's probably so touch starved). You'll both feel better after

Also unrelated but WHAT is with always giving each other a hard time? I feel like every conversation with a cis dude is a little bit of a competition and I don't get it

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Skara Brae
Skara Brae
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Regarding the "giving each other a hard time" comment, I have lived in 8 US states (east, central, and west) and found that the "hard time" behavior most prevalent in the north east. It's a form of bonding, as long as you give others a hard time back to gain respect. It's not harmless, but it's not combat either; it's often intended as joking around, but it also cuts down people who are becoming too egotistical. I thought it was somewhat humorous for awhile, but soon became very tired of it. Certain ethnic comedy movie directors often have characters giving close friends and family members a hard time, leading me to believe this behavior has a cultural component.

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#11

I’m a scientist, and now that people see me as a woman they are a lot more dismissive of my appeals to ethos. I anticipated this, because I saw my colleagues deal with mild misogyny on a daily basis, but it still hits different when you’re the target

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#12

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Although I am from Korea, I have spent a few years studying abroad in the US.

Friends of the same sex are frequently affectionate and intimate with one another at home. When I was among my pals, we were often embracing, holding hands, wrapping our arms around one another, etc. Even platonically, touch is just the universal language of love.



Moving to the US was a major culture shock for a variety of reasons, but that one was almost the biggest. When I initially arrived here, I was already terribly lonesome.And even when I did make friends, it seemed so superficial to me because there is nothing here that I am used to doing to express friendship and care. Even with the closest American friends I have known for a while, I still feel quite cut off from them. It makes me sad because I am unable to express the affection I have for my pals.

In the two years I've known him, I think I've embraced my best friend from America about twice. And we were both drunk the two times. I find it hurtful that loving people is so disparaged and viewed as strange.

MountainHeat65 , Pixabay Report

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Weasel Wise
Weasel Wise
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THIS! I was made aware of how little physical affection single males get...and it often makes sense cuz dudes can go overboard and think that any woman who touches them is DTF. But that's not always the case obviously. And seeing bros refuse love and comradery from fellow bros....set your fúcking egos aside and step outside your comfort zone!

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Hannah also gets hit on much more often than when presenting as masculine, but there is always the question of whether the person is hitting on a feminine person or if they are attracted to trans women. “This happens a lot more online, though,” Hannah continues, as “men tend to be bolder and have less of a filter when there's the anonymity of the internet.”

Some comment about Hannah’s legs or another physical aspect, while others make it plain that they find trans women very attractive.
#13

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Human nature seems to be to complain. I knew the bad s**t that women go through but I was caught off guard by a lot of the good. A lot of women seem to just instinctively trust each other, which I was not used to.


Part of this is just that I was lucky to be surrounded by great people, but I was accepted as “just one of the girls” really fast. I came out before my Senior year and on my first day back to school I literally had someone who I had just met ask me for a painkiller because she was on her period.

Digimaniac123 , Wendy Wei Report

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Weasel Wise
Weasel Wise
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The majority of women are on the same unspoken understanding regarding sort of a "global sisterhood", for a lack of a better way to phrase it.

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#14

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Two things:

I am a mostly passable 42 year old mtf on HRT for 2 years. In the 40 years I spent as a man, never once did anyone ever call me aggressive, hot headed, or rude in a professional setting. It’s happened 3 times this year alone. I also get interrupted far more frequently.

The second one is specifically regarding the Northeast: my work has me traveling from NYC to Maine and everywhere in between. Most people I run into don’t give a s**t that I’m trans. I can probably count on 1 hand any real transphobic comments I’ve received.

I never adjusted my voice after transitioning, so my voice does tend to cause confusion, and yet, rarely an issue. For this reason alone I can’t see myself ever leaving the northeastern US for warmer climates.

missvicky1025 , Pille Kirsi Report

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Benita Valdez
Benita Valdez
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't speak for all of the northeast but us New Yorkers just seem to accept anyone. If you walk around Manhattan, noone really notices anyone and everyone goes about their day; just don't walk slow.

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#15

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group As a "passing" almost fully transitioned male, ive been told to suck up my mental problems A LOT more (and by that i mean even more then a lot) then when i looked like a female

Edit: i get a lot of responses saying that i better get used to it and things like that; i am used to it its just very noticable

ash_he_him , Lukas Rychvalsky Report

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LK
LK
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't get used to it. Help other men learn how to speak about mental health problems, AND seek help. Toxic masculinity prevents so many men from seeking help because it's been drummed into them that it's weak to ask for help.

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#16

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group People telling me what I should be wearing. Like I was at work one time in a super market a customer was like. “So when are you going to start wearing a dress.” “I worked on the freezer aisle so ... never? There are literally other women here right now, none of them are wearing a dress?”


Honestly the biggest surprise for me when I came out to all my friends. They were round for RPG night and I told them. They were all like “OK cool” apart from one who yelled “CALLED IT!” I had it in my head that there was going to be this hugely negative experience. That bit happened when I told my family. But you know what they say. You don't get to choose who you are related too.

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Asked about the things that Hannah found out only once presenting as female, she had this to say: “There are a million things that I learned, and I could probably fill a book about the world as I've experienced presenting as different genders.”

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One of the most significant things for her was understanding male privilege, especially regarding personal safety. The feeling of vulnerability when presenting as female was shocking and terrifying to her. Men would follow her more often, making her only park in well-lit areas, holding her car keys a certain way, and constantly looking over her shoulder as a precaution.
#17

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Maybe a less common experience but I’ve been told I have oodles of “internalized misogyny”. I’m a gay trans man so because I transitioned and I’m attracted to men, I apparently hate women. I didn’t expect people to assume that I’m being sexist for existing as myself.

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Min
Min
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Those people are idiots. Similar to the men who assume I hate all men because I'm a gay woman who believes women are equal to men. I'm sorry you have to put up with that.

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#18

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Getting compliments from other girls.

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#19

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group FTM- people started listening to my opinions and taking my suggestions more often, and I get treated with more respect and talked to like an adult instead of like a little girl who doesn't know what she's doing. Yet, my knowledge and abilities haven't changed, it's just that I present male now. Guess that's male privilege.

Also, how little guys care about what people around them do. Never gotten even a side glance for going into a stall to pee, never had a man in the bathroom look at me like I don't belong there, and my guy friends treat me like one of the bros no matter how feminine I look that day.

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#20

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group I transitioned really young (early teens). Even then I recognised the dynamic of adults treating me like a trouble maker when I was a boy, to almost going out of their way to protect me as a girl. For example teachers at school treating me like a nuisance to teachers in highschool really helping me with school work and my career aspirations.

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WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin
WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, there is a very big difference in the ways my principal treats makes vs females. He tends to give the boys privileges and the girls are not given those same privileges. My other principal is the same but the genders are swapped around.

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For people feeling anxious about presenting as their gender, Hannah had some choice words of encouragement. “It is absolutely worth presenting as the gender you are. It may not always feel like it, but I have no regrets embracing my identity.”

If you’d like to read more about Hannah, her work, and experiences, please visit her website! You may also be interested in reading her article where she details her experiences of men interacting with her differently based on whether they know that she is trans or think that she is cisgender.
#21

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group i'm a trans dude and people actually find me funny now. it's fantastic for me but sad to think about the root cause of that because my sense of humour hasn't changed.

also, i'm still figuring out the handshake thing dudes do to greet each other. like are we gonna fist bump, are we gonna go for the clasp and hug, are we gonna just go for the business standard? there's gotta be some rule for it but i am still mystified by it and f**k it up every time

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User# 6
User# 6
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I might get thrown out of the men club for this but I'll tell you the secrets. 1- Never met before? = handshake. 2- Met before and got on great? = handshake, plus touch on shoulder if you really like them. 3- Met before and hate their guts? = handshake. Met before, got on like a house on fire, best mate ever? = upwards nod.

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#22

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Female friendships are weird af

Guy friendships were just straight up bullying
eachother consensually they were so much easier

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Weasel Wise
Weasel Wise
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. Relationships that have more depth than grunting and farting take work and care.

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#23

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Woman here.

One of the first days I started presenting female I got hit on by an Uber driver.

That was kind of an awakening for me...

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Thenatural
Thenatural
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1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

What you have here is an Uber driver who's quite possibly into trans women

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#24

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group The difference between being friends with people of same and different genders is shocking

Now that I'm out to my friends my guy friends treat me much differently. I'm one of them now, and it's a lot different than being friends with guys as a girl, or even being friends with girls as a girl.

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WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin
WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, I think I do that naturally but only because my abusive parents taught me to not talk to girls. Jokes on those extremely religious a-holes, I’m gay!

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#25

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Benevolent sexism stings worse than I thought and it's so, so pervasive.

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Becky Samuel
Becky Samuel
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one really annoys me too. I have a friend who is the same age as me, but male, half my body weight and with severe osteoporosis and neurological balance issues. And yet men will hold a door open for me and then drop it in his face, or offer to help me with something and leave him struggling. As for the "It's never okay to hit a woman" brigade; how about "It's never okay to hit another person"? My friend could be killed by a single punch, and yet I have friends who admit that they would step in to protect me over him because of my genitalia.

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#26

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Men’s restrooms are weird slits in the fabric of the universe where social norms don’t make sense anymore. Do NOT look at anyone. Do NOT speak to anyone. Grunting and moaning (to a gentlemanly degree) is acceptable so long as you are actively pissing or s******g. If you make eye contact with someone, it feels like they’re looking inside your brain at your most tragic secrets and you’re doing the same to them.

Also, there’s a fine misting of p**s on every surface. Which imo is an upgrade to pads on the walls.

TyNyeTheTransGuy , Inti Tupac Liberman Ares Report

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Weasel Wise
Weasel Wise
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love how the OP had to mention grunts/moans are okay during active toileting....I wanna hear the story of the dude who makes those noises, and loudly, while cleaning his hands. 🤣

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#27

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Many women seeing me as a threat or feeling uncomfortable around me. That kinda stings. Before transitioning I had more female friends than male but now I feel it's really hard finding new female friends. I miss those relationships.

Edit: For clarification: I'm a transman, aka ftm, I'm sorry, I didn't make that clear.

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#28

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Almost no touching by non family members. When I was living as a woman they would give hugs, touch my shoulder or arms, even stranger wasn't always appreciated. As a man now they will shake your hand nothing else.

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#29

just how open guys are with other guys
and how trusting they are.
i never thought that guys liked sharing their emotions until people started counting me as a boy.
for example:
recently my bsf opened up about how scared he is about being a teen father (he's 16, going on 17, and he accidentally got his gf pregnant.)
i helped him out and long story short i got asked to be the godparent.

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Nicole
Nicole
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like multiple other comments have said the opposite. I’m getting mixed messages ! What is the truth lol 🤔

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#30

The conversations I have between men and women I guess. I feel like conversations with women are often deeper and more vulnerable whereas topics with guys are very much surface level and secretive. There's always more that should be said but never is when talking with guys. It feels limited in a way, but it is more than welcome by my social anxiety.

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iBlank
iBlank
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

as a guy I agree it is uncommon to have deep conversations with other guys, but it does happen. It's generally only with friends that I've known for many years. I think it just takes longer to build trust amongst guys, because unfortunately there are a lot of guys out there that do act like emotion is weakness. So, overall I'm trying to say, stick with it, gain the trust of other guys by being genuine and they'll start to let their guard down.

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#31

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group How f*****g toxic female friendships can get like as a guy I knew girls got into more squabbles than boys did because my sister talked about fights she had from school, but I didn't know it got THIS BAD

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Nicole
Nicole
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate this stereotype. Guys can definitely be b****y and toxic.

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#32

How nonexistent trans health care is. I have a lot of respect for healthcare professionals but they were never taught anything about trans issues years ago.

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Jaz Wood
Jaz Wood
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would you be surprised. The trans community has been completely ignored until the last few years. Also understand that most healthcare professionals, unless working in a field that only applies to a specific gender, are focused on the human body. Also consider how small the trans population is compared to the rest of the population and then think about how much they need to learn in a short period of time.

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#33

Men do not talk at all in bathrooms and it is very unnerving. Dead silence. Also men pee in the stalls with the door wide open, found that kind of weird the first time I saw that.

[EDIT:] To clarify I don’t actually think either of these things are bad, just wasn’t expecting them.

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#34

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Men don't click the same way women do, the atmosphere is much colder if that makes sense. More distanced.

I don't mind it, but i think it's something to be mindful off.

Also explains why men are more likely to off themselves, i think, just have a good cry on your homies' shoulder every once in a while, ya know what im sayin?

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Vermonta
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Were they veterans? an average of 20 veterans die from suicide per day.

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#35

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group i'm still very early in my transition, but the biggest shock so far was how much others compliment whatever i'm wearing that day! feels so so SO good, i love it.

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WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin
WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a person who is forced to hide how I feel and is considered a male by all besides for my best friend, I must say that all I get it “didn’t you wear that yesterday?” or “why are you wearing a hoodie in eighty degree whether?”

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#36

Not trans anymore, but when I transitioned one thing that bothered me is that my personality (which is seen as cute now that I went back to being a woman) was seen as annoying when I presented as male 😐

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WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin
WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is off topic, I’m a little uneducated on this topic, but you’re able to go back?

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#37

Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group Ftm here.

How much woman really dislike men in general. But if or when I tell them I am trans, it changes

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Weasel Wise
Weasel Wise
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cuz you've literally been in the same position as opposed to "understanding".

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#38

I’m not trans but I’m surprised no one has brought up how dull mens fashion can be.

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StrangeOne
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup. The thrift store I work at you can definitely see a contrast. Women's clothing is more elaborate, varying in styles, colourful, softer, lighter, thinner than men's clothing. The women's clothing department is much bigger than the men's, which is half the space. The men's clothing can be colourful, but the shapes are same-y.

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#39

My friend came out as bisexual and she started dating women, she started seeing how difficult it is for a dude to date a woman. Especially when it came to splitting the bill. She changed herself and stopped making fun of all the men who had bad dates.

Men have it rough, I don’t even know how they have the patience to handle dating, the horrible conversations and not give up.

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