To Wait Or Not To Wait That Is My Question….

Hi this is my first time on here and I could really use some advise. I’m in a relationship with this guy I’ve basically known all my life. We have know each other since we were kids and we are best friends. We decided to follow the sparks that we started to feel for each other and everything was great. We have 3 years in and all. But recently. We haven’t been a Ake to find common ground. We literally have friend to the whole break things to give each other space and work things out on our end. But when we did come back it helped for a bit but then things came tumbling down again. I try to not aruge so much so things don’t blow up in our faces. But then I’m labeled as not wanting to talk. But he will do the same and it just keeps going in circles. The thing is we really do have a lot of love for each other but we decided to go on a break again. I don’t know how I feel about this. I think I’ve lost my best friend over all and that’s something that’s been hurting me the most. I’ve been trying to communicate but it feels like he’s given up or just to tired to even try any more. I really don’t know what to do at this point. I’ve given him his space to work things out but i don’t know will this be the end of things for us???

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Something that I did with a boyfriend when we were having problems communicating was a shared journal. We were arguing a lot and neither of us was listening to the other, so we were both fighting harder to get our point across and be heard. So we took a notebook and wrote journal entries. I kept it for a couple of days and would write about my feelings and my perspective on things that were going on. And then I would take it to him and he would read what I wrote and then he would write his own entires and bring it back to me. These were not letters back and forth to each other. They were journal entries. So we were using "I" statements about how we each felt about what was going on and about each other and about how it made us feel when xyz happened and so on. But by being able to read each other's thoughts on our own time and not in the heat of the moment, we were able to process what the other was feeling and get a better idea of what each of us needed from the other. This didn't replace talking. But our communication improved greatly by doing this. We tried to remember not to penalize each other for what we wrote in the journal because we were each entitled to our feelings. It just made them easier to express because we could think about it a little instead of saying things in the heat of the moment.
I hope that you and your SO can find a way to work things out. It sounds like you love each other very much.

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Lolita 2 years ago

This sounds like a great idea thank you <3

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Try hanging as friends. Even with friends. If they’re still sparks after a while, go for it. If it doesn’t work out, chin up or else your crown will fall off.

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