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A close friend, whom I shall call Rita, asked me to lend her my almost new car for one day when her car was being repaired after she was in a minor accident. She needed a car to take an acquaintance to a dog groomer to have the dog groomed. We’ve been good friends for over 55 years, and shared a lot during those years.
I told her I was uncomfortable doing that, she hung up the phone. The next day I find a hand delivered letter from her saying she no longer will be my friend because she only wants friends who will go the extra mile for her.
I have much knowledge about her from 55 yrs of friendship. I could use that knowledge to get her in serious trouble with her supervisor. I also believe she is mentally Ill and telling her supervisor might get her the therapy she needs. I am conflicted because basically she is a good person. It feels like, and probably revenge on my part. Another option would be to write this revealing letter to her supervisor but instead of mailing it to supervisor I could mail it to her on her birthday and tell her my not mailing it to her supervisor is my last birthday present to her. What would you do….keep in mind we were very close friends up until now. I was shocked and devastated by her response.
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#1
I would not. Not for her but for yourself. While dreaming about revenge is often a good outlet for our anger and frustration it needs to be done carefully to not become a bitter angry person. Fulfilling those thoughts will harm you more in the long term than her. Just cut her out of your life. Send her an email or something like hat explaining why what she did was immature and let her ruin the rest of friendships with her immaturity.
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#2
Nah, just pretend that it’s not even bothering you. That’s what really is the best revenge
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#3
I wouldn’t, she doesn’t seem like someone to keep in your life. The best route to take this is to cut her out of your life, after and only after, forgive her. Then forget her. If she comes later saying she wants to be friends again tell her either you give her another chance or you don’t.
Mailing the supervisor is a good idea, but I wouldn’t send it to her.
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#4
I think you’re both better away from each other. It was rightly up to you whether she use your car or not, she told you how she felt via a letter not by bad mouthing you and sharing all your secrets
What you have told each other in the past is between yourselves and was surely in confidence.
I think she’s had a lucky escape from you and perhaps you could do with some therapy yourself.
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#5
She is bad mouthing me. She was in a mental rehab unit for over a year. I stood with her during that time. She also knowingly endangered my life once and she possibly could have saved her neighbors life when she saw her sick neighbors groceries outside the door for days and didn’t call for help. The neighbor was found dead days later. I stood by her thru that. Both of us have faults, but I never put anyone’s life in jeopardy.
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#6
Why would you feel the need to use mental health against her? Most people suffer from mental health problems at some time in their life it’s not something to be ashamed of.
Also if the neighbours groceries were building up maybe the person delivering them holds some responsibility. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
I can’t believe how bitter you are because she let you know in a letter how she felt.
This is why I think you need to let go or get some therapy yourself as this is not a normal reaction.
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#7
She is the person who delivered the groceries! She also called that neighbor and didn’t get an answer. She shared a common wall with that neighbor. I think this is a sign that her mental illness has gotten worse. She refused outpatient therapy. I am in therapy. I don’t hold her illness against her, I bring it up because the person responsible for her would insist upon therapy should she be aware of these and other behaviors that I know of. IMy concern is her mental health, and whether this revenge or not. Therein lies my conflict. And asking what others would do …tattle on her and get her therapy but with serious consequences..like losing her job…and just leaving it go and leave her continue in a job she loves. I am better off without her considering she didn’t call for help for me when my medical alert contacted her to check on me.
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