Savage but true lol

Priorities

It’s even better if you live on a lake or ocean front, but that’s probably a little too unrealistic

I SPAT OUT MY DRINK

This is still funny the 100th time I’m seeing it

Oh wow that makes sense

And still young lol

Well, you can return it, but it's non refundable

That’s the second date, the first one is obviously to find out if they’re a snitch and how well they perform under pressure.

And no handsome dinos with real big feathers anywhere in sight

Nu-uhhh, laptops and cat toys. :p

Who has only one oreo?

i thought they were saying to kill an oreo-

So you also work on healthcare?

I wish I had an Oreo.

It's one of those "do as I say, not as I do" type of things lol. Been there done that

Side eye

Oh PLEASE everyone. Deodorant saves lives. Please apply responsibly. Ever been in a middle/high school? Very important!

I that a vacuumcleaner?

This! 😒

perfect 😁

But what if it's "vagina"?

I don't get how people don't like to be alone

And I even danced to the ring tone

They had the majority of the flags very well hidden under an elaborate construction of lies

Exactly....

You missed a spot there

That’d be funny

Hey, that looks like me.

No one should have Quagmire's ł¡ɓ¡đø irl.

Mission accomplished

That all lol?

If it works, it works

Trying to convince my family I did'nt eat all the chocolate

Can't see them

What I tell my husband (the chef) I'm going to have to do if he dies...

Have some fun with it. Spread your own. Make yourself a legend. :)

That escalated quickly

My life

For me, it has a filter on it.

This is me all the time, but instead I say "Don't care, you won't be good for much longer!"

for real tho, hearing that instantly ticks me off

Plot twist

Don't waste the Dove!!? That's expensive

That's me, but replace the dumbbell with a sandwich.

I know right, sometimes I really p**s myself off

And then they ignore you when you ask “good or bad” and you sit in your bubble of panic

Don't give coke to your cat (???) this and the white one btw

I'm not a homeless shelter

I show up like that... anyone else?