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Anyone who has seen an unruly or loud child in public has probably immediately assumed the parents were simply negligent and that any child you might have would simply be better behaved. Of course, practice is generally a lot harder than theory, as many new parents discover.
Someone asked “What’s one thing you used to judge parents on before you had kids?” and netizens shared their best examples. So get comfortable as you read through, upvote your favorite and, if you are a parent, be sure to share your own thoughts in the comments section below.
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#1
Tantruming or screaming in public places. I thought if they can’t behave, don’t take them out! Quickly realized the only way to teach them how to behave in public is to take them out!
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#2
"Because I said so". I swore id never use that phrase. I would explain things to my kid instead. And I do. But after the third or fourth time explaining the exact same thing you just gotta take a bath because I said so.
HTakeover 2 months ago (edited)
After growing up with this as the default, I swore I'd never leave the little ones without a reason, no matter how bad or dumb. Instead, I explained it simply, to a degree they could understand the logic behind, the first time. After that, if it's something I just need them to do, I use some variation of the phrase "asked and answered." When consistent about it, they learned that they hit a wall. But if they keep pressing, I occasionally add something like "just because you don't like the answer doesn't change it." If it's something that I don't really care too much about, they're free to try to weasel around it because that pushes them to find creative solutions to problems. They can tell the difference by the tone I use - sigh versus energetic. Actually worked pretty well. They're all teens now, so everything is up for debate in their minds 'cause obviously I'm wrong about everything. But that's a teen thing.
#3
For me, it was leashes for toddlers. I’d ask myself, 'What kind of monster would chain their kid to a leash!' Now I have a toddler, and I can totally see why people might need a leash in public places
#4
Gentle parenting. As strange as that sounds. I thought "getting your a*s whooped" was normal. I was raised in an abusive neglectful home. I knew I had it bad growing up (my parents were alcoholics/addicts, mom overdosed when I was 21) but after having kids I realized *just how bad*.
Now that I'm a parent in a stable healthy home environment, I see how seriously important it is to try to be calm and gentle with my kids. I would never "beat them with the belt" as I had heard SO many times growing up.
Child of the Stars 2 months ago
And gentle parenting is NOT the same thing as permissive parenting.
#5
Dirty cars and car seats.
Now I've learned that mess just comes with the territory
#6
Definitely public meltdowns.
Now having a daughter with sensory issues, I only feel heartache now when I hear/see it.
It sucks.
2 months ago
My firstborn got overwhelmed at too much noise, too much movement, too many people... He couldn't help himself. 30 years later, he's solved the problem by staying home as much as possible.
#7
Older kids in strollers. My twins were still using the stroller at 4. I didn't have a car, if we're going out for a 6 hour outing to the city I'm absolutely taking the stroller, much safer crossing the road or walking through crowds and somewhere to crash when they're ready for a nap.
#8
Making special food for their kids. Judged them so hard for that. Now I’m a short order cook. Ah well.
#9
I was never going to bribe my child. I was going to teach him to be respectful and behave without the promise of candy/fruit snacks/screen time. Bahahahaahha. I was young, so full of hope.
#10
When the parents would decline invitations out for dinners / restaurants at night time, or want the dinner to start at 5pm oh how naive I was! My sister and I would say why don’t they just bring the baby. Now I realise one dinner/night out means a few days out of routine and catch up on already sleep deprived parents!
Child of the Stars 2 months ago
And choosing a spontaneous restaurant when out. There are a couple of local places in my city that I found out the hard way are not kid- or baby-friendly, either in the menu or not having high chairs or booster seats. Which is fine, but it's something I learned to ask about before eating someplace new.
#11
Living a flexible life with baby. I'd see relatives with young ones who took hours to leave their house because of all the prep, timing naps and feeds. I'd think to myself, wow couldn't they just do all that outside the home, like at the mall or in the car? Surely, when I have a child they will fit into MY schedule, not the other way round.
Welp... I was very judgemental and naive.
Stephanie A Mutti 2 months ago
The times when you have plans to do something at whatever o'clock on a weekend afternoon and the kid just won't wake up from that nap
#12
Basically everything
- screen time
- kids on a leash
- carrying a screaming kid out of a store and leaving a cart behind for someone else to deal with
- cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner
- going out in public with food slopped on their clothes (mom or kid)
I was a great parent before I had a kid lol.
ILoveMySon 2 months ago
Exactly. I was heavily involved in childcare and thought I was doing everything "right" because I was also an aunt. 😅 Everything changed when I became a parent. 24/7 is very different and I loved it.
#13
Cosleeping. I SWORE up and down my baby would never sleep with me.. then the PPD/PPA hit. The long nights of waking up every 2 hours to breastfeed. Then him waking up everytime I set him down in the bassinet. I gave up and decided I needed sleep.
#14
A kid cried through almost an entire 8 hour red eye flight. Back then, I thought geez why don’t the parents do something? Now: those poor parents. That toddler is emotionally abusive.
#15
Parents who discipline their kids in public. I'm not talking spankings, but the loud stern talking too that the whole store can hear. I get it now.
#16
Carrying your kid in your arms when you have a stroller : "Why do you even buy a stroller if you don't put your kid in it, stupid parent?"
Yeah I learned the hard way why XD.
#17
I have a fun one! Little kids (3-6) wearing character stuff with characters from media for big kids (8-13+). Like a 3yo wearing a (not lego) Batman shirt. I just assumed you were a s****y parent who let your 3yo watch pg13 movies. Well, my 3yo loves "Baby Yoda". He has multiple Grogu shirts, and a matching book bag and lunch box, he asked for a "Baby Yoda Cake" for his birthday. Did I let my little preschooler watch The Mandalorian? F**k no! I bought a tube of strawberry Crest toothpaste that had Grogu on the package and it was love at first sight 🤷🏼♀️.
#18
It was never out loud, but I judged parents that said their kid "saved" them from their previous bad life styles or choices or mental health issues or whatever else. It seemed like a lot to put on a kid and if you need help managing (which is normal and reasonable) you should lean on an adult not tiny person who will potentially feel responsible for managing everyone else's emotions once they're grown. But then I had a kid. And all of my bad habits and questionable coping mechanisms became painfully obvious and I realized I had to learn how to deal with life in a healthy way if I was going to be a good example and emotionally present parent. It's caused me to work on some things I wouldn't have otherwise and has kind of saved me.
Child of the Stars 2 months ago
Yup. People assume it means that the parent uses the kid for emotional support, but in reality it means the responsibilities of parenting highlights what the parent needs to change. In my case, my oldest got me sober and my youngest got me into therapy. People sometimes look at me weird when I say my kids come second after my sobriety and mental health, but the reality is if I don't have a handle on those first, I can't be a parent.
#19
Breastfeeding in public. I never understood why women did that. I thought why didn't they just do it before they left home?! Now that I'm a mother I know that a nursing mother's schedule is entirely based around when the baby needs to eat and if she only left home when the baby was satiated she would never be able to leave the house! Now that I know better I am happy to see moms getting out into the world with their babies and feeding them in public if needed.
Heather Atwood 2 months ago
I will never understand ANYONE who has an issue with public breastfeeding!
#20
Children at Brewery's. Now I know brewery's with their beautiful wide open green grassy spaces so kids can run off their energy and delicious ice cold beer so parents can drown their sorrows are MADE for parents 😂.
#21
Lol! I used to see mothers at the shops all the time walking around with prams and thought don’t you have anything better to do? then I had a baby and realised the shops are weather and temperature controlled, have parenting rooms with places to feed and change baby, indoor play spaces, the ground is nice and smooth for the pram, you get parking easily with parenting car spots and there is coffee, food and shops and it’s nice to just be around other people because it can be very isolating with a baby.
#22
Picky eating children. “Just make them eat what you are making…” or “I’ll never be a short order cook making separate meals…”. But alas. I picked other battles to fight and here I am, making 3 meals a night. Ugh.
#23
Co sleeping. I had never been so sleep deprived in my life after an entire month of waking up every 45 minutes to 2 hours. I now understand the "survival mode" reason for co sleeping.
#24
It was the leashes for us too. We have 5 kids, 4 of them were perfectly content staying right with us for the most part, the oldest boy would literally take off running for the street though.
#25
Buhahaha I used to tell friends “just bring your kid to blah blah blah! They can nap in the car!”
Umm no. It’s not that easy I was so dumb lol.
DrBronxx 2 months ago (edited)
I remember when my family were all visiting us for our wedding. They were staying for three weeks, and we made a holiday out of it. I remember planning out schedules for what to do each day. I would say things like "Ok, we need to leave no later than..." or "on that day we can just have a late lunch." I was given a reality check by my brother, who had two small children at the time. We ended up being a lot looser with the schedule, and it wasn't as jam packed as I had initially made it. Now with a child of my own I realise that just one day out requires a lot of planning, but also the plans can go out the window for any number of reasons, so you have to be really flexible.
#26
Screen time at a restaurant. We rarely hand over a phone, but sometimes the wait for food is long, and we’ve exhausted all our other resources. Screens are a tool
#27
Picky eaters. My kids weren’t going to live on chicken nuggets and pizza. My kids would eat whatever we eat.
I have one who will try whatever and eat what he likes, and one who only eats standard kid food.
#28
Potty training late. And then my first kid had some developmental delays and didn’t potty train fully until just shy of age 4. Karma.
Child of the Stars 2 months ago
Neither of mine were completely trained until almost 4 and neither is delayed. Kids will train when they're ready.
#29
I remember going on our annual family vacation for the first time after my wife and I were newly married. My sister-in-law would start bedtime routine for their then 6 and 8 year olds at 7pm. I thought that was the most insane millennial helicopter s**t I’d ever seen. Sure enough I have a 5 and 7 year old and bedtime routine starts at 7pm.
#30
That my son wasn't going to gorge on snacks.
Snacks were a forbidden treat in my house so naturally I developed a binge eating disorder and a healthy dose of attached shame, so I consulted a pediatric therapist and we agreed to have a variety of snacks available to be had with no shame attached. He was also offered 3 balanced meals a day to try and promote healthy eating whilst not focusing on it, unfortunately as it happens my boy is autistic and has ADHD and at this point if all he's eaten in the day is 4 oranges and a good few bags of crisps I'm just glad he's eaten. It's better than forcing him to sit at the table for meals and meltdown because he doesn't like the way his safe food looks that day.
So now the balanced safe meal is put next to him with whatever activity he's doing and 90% of the time he will unconsciously pick at it whilst doing said activities but some days, snacks are the safe food and that's okay.
#31
Snotty noses. Urrgghh... It's so gross.... How hard is it to wipe their noses. Well i had a kid with allergies, and then daycare with the 59 colds per year... and i did wipe his nose... Because it was gross, but it was also a knockdown drag out fight to get him to use a saline rinse or any sucking machine to really get it cleaned. Babies are strong as hell when you don't wanna break their arms tryna hold them down. I still think it's gross, and I think people still need to try, but I'm way less judgey because lil hulks are hard.
#32
Using iPads or their phones when they were out. I said I wouldn’t let her watch iPad until she was at school
Hahahahahaha
Giving her the phone has saved my sanity while I was at the shops.
#33
Early leave from work for daycare pickup. I was always like, just pick them up AFTER work you shammer. Then I learned about state and daycare policies which limits care to so many 8 hours. So if you have a commute...well, best of luck.
Then there are add-on costs....competition just to get in to one....and then the horrible school hours that still require before and after school care FOR THE SAME PRICE AS A NORMAL FULL DAY OF DAYCARE!!
It probably cost my wife and I 25k/yr for two kids for daycare for 8 years. A normal average run of the mil daycare.
Brian Droste 2 months ago
25k a yr for two kids? That is what my income was for a full year before I retired. That was before taxes.
#34
Only talking about their kids. It’s gotten easier over time, but besides work what am I even doing besides momming real hard?
#36
Screaming kids on a plane.
Took my then 4 month old and 2 and a half year old on a plane so they could see my wife's family for the first time.
Vowed I would never do it again.
Tickets already booked for a mid year flight.
DrBronxx 2 months ago
We travelled with our then-6-month-old last year. Four long flights. Thankfully, we had bassinet-row seats each way, and she was just small enough to use them. She'll be almost two the next time we travel. We have the bassinet rows, but she's too big for the bassinet. We couldn't afford a third seat, so she'll be on our laps the whole way. She's generally not a noisy girl, and very friendly, but 12+ hours on airplanes will test her quite a bit. Not exactly looking forward to it!
#37
I still judge this: if parent doesnt parent. Like screaming kid ok but what does parent do? Is there with kid handling it somewhat? Or playing on phone? Kid is jumping on couch, not theirs they can jump home if they want, does parent tries to stop it or just ignores it?
Kid grabs toy from another kid kid cries what does parent do? Do they go to return toy or just sit and stare at mud?
#38
My kids were never going to eat food while not seated properly. Never! I remember doing CPR training for the like 7th time and the instructor mentioned how dangerous it is for kids to walk/run around with food in their mouth. Oops. I know it's not good, but sometimes I just don't have the energy to force my daughter to sit. It's better now that she's 3 and can be reasoned with.
#39
Letting them be fussy eaters. My kid is fussy as all get out. It drives me nuts, but there’s not much else I can do.
sweet emotion 2 months ago
Luckily my mom was a really good cook, because we ate what was put on the table or went hungry. There were exceptions, of course : we were not forced to eat liver and onions (Dad loved it but only got it once or twice a year because Mom didn't like it herself) and we were not forced to eat fish / seafood meals (but all three of us learned to eat tuna, shrimp and white fish by the time we were about 10). If it was a mom-and-dad meal (especially during Lent), we were served buttered noodles or PBJ sandwiches. We also sat at the table until we were sure we had finished eating and had verified there was no dessert - but these were the days when there was only news on TV during dinner time, so no biggie.
What do you think ?
Ellinor 2 months ago
Well, seems like Kelly Scott didn't quite understood that this page was not about judging parents...
35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 1 month ago
No matter what someone's parenting stance is, we can all agree... Kelly sucks.
Load More Replies...
Ionescu Popa 1 month ago (edited)
children have a bigger intolerance of injustice and imbalance, so they will protest if they have good character or take advantage of it if they haven't. some symptoms look similar, but they aren't. also, treating them maturely or really wanting to talk to them would help with their powerlessness and their diminished self-awareness. im proud to say that, while i never wanted children, i was in many situations the only adult in the room able to talk with them. but now it's worse, they are born adults.
Ellinor 2 months ago
Well, seems like Kelly Scott didn't quite understood that this page was not about judging parents...
35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 1 month ago
No matter what someone's parenting stance is, we can all agree... Kelly sucks.
Load More Replies... Ionescu Popa 1 month ago (edited)
children have a bigger intolerance of injustice and imbalance, so they will protest if they have good character or take advantage of it if they haven't. some symptoms look similar, but they aren't. also, treating them maturely or really wanting to talk to them would help with their powerlessness and their diminished self-awareness. im proud to say that, while i never wanted children, i was in many situations the only adult in the room able to talk with them. but now it's worse, they are born adults.
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