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40 Things People Believed Were Normal Until They Learned The Truth
Interview With Expert
We all grow up in our little bubbles, surrounded by what we’ve been taught is “normal.” Because of that, it’s easy to go through life thinking everything around us is just the way it’s supposed to be—until one day, something makes you realize that some of those experiences aren’t quite right. In fact, they can be downright concerning.
In a recent r/AskReddit thread, people shared some of these eye-opening examples. Find them below, and feel free to add your own similar stories in the comments!
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#1
I thought everyone had constant suicidal ideology for years. I thought depression just meant you had it worse.
I still have a really hard time believing people who tell me they've never even considered killing themselves.
Renée Parry 3 months ago
I have that. I joke about it but no one finds it funny and rightly so. I just joke to cope.
In many of these stories, Redditors shared how they didn’t initially recognize that what they were going through was tied to deeper mental health challenges. To learn why, Bored Panda spoke with psychologist Sabina Nazarova.
“People often don’t realize they have mental health issues or trauma because they get used to the way things are,” Nazarova tells us. “Life is complicated, and with so much going on, many don’t take the time to stop and think about why they feel or act a certain way.”
From a neurological perspective, Nazarova notes that humans aren’t as adaptable as we might think. Our brains tend to settle into familiar patterns, even if those patterns are unhealthy, making them difficult to break. Dissociation can also play a role, with the mind blocking out painful memories, preventing many of us from fully recognizing their impact until much later.
“When we go through tough experiences, we focus on surviving,” Nazarova adds. “It takes a lot of energy to change, so we often stick with what’s familiar, even if it’s uncomfortable, rather than working toward something better but unknown.”
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#2
Thinking burnout was just part of working hard. Turns out, it's not a badge of honor—it's a big red flag.
Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 3 months ago (edited)
Truth. Also showing up to work sick, when you have sick days available. "Because my dad taught me that the only reason a real man with a work ethic calls in sick, is because you are in the hospital." Thanks for giving the rest of the flu you muck fuppet.
#3
My childhood was worse than I thought. Not as bad as others, like nothing physical. But those are extremes and I need to understand that you don’t need to go through extremes to go through a bad time.
Lyoness 3 months ago
I call this the Trauma Olympics. It's the whole "You went through this but it could have been so much worse." It compares trauma and gives out virtual medals for having the worst experience. Problem is it makes light of everyone's issues when it's all relative. It's fine to recognise that others may have had a harder time than you, but don't minimise your own experience. It's just as valid.
#4
My Dad's abusive and controlling angry behavior.
Growing up I think you just convince yourself that your life is easier, or better than SO many others, especially living in rural North America. It wasn't until me and my siblings were in our early twenties that we even TALKED about the way he acts and even then it was just a "oh man, he's crazy, what a psycho haha"
Queue me being in college, hanging out with most of my class on a Friday evening as we all sit around drinking / chatting. The topic of "crazy dad's" come up and I think, oh here we go, this will give me something to talk about.
So after a handful or stories I chime in with my "funny angry dad" story.
"haha yeah my dad would always break into the bathroom because he was so impatient, it was nuts. He'd just barge in and start screaming at you even if you were mid dump because you were taking too long. On time I went to get in the shower and when I stepped a foot in, I realized I had to pee. So I turned around to the toilet, butt naked while the showers running. A moment later I hear the door get violently shaken as my dad jimmy's it open with a butter knife. He slammed it open, causing the doorknob to hit the small of my back and make me lose my footing and fall into the corner mid p**s. I'm literally upside down, p**s everywhere, I look up and see his face beet red pop around the door and scream "WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING" and I go "ME?! What the f**k are YOU doing!?" and then he just loses his s**t at me.. haha it was insane.. haha ... ha ...." (realize nobody is laughing and everyone is awkwardly quiet)
The dude sitting next to me, just goes... "dude... that's crazy abusive and f****d up"
and me, still not catching onto that fact goes "Hahaha oh man that's nothing."
"THATS nothing!?"
Oooo boy, did I ever walk away from that hangout with a lot of reflecting.
My mid twenties to early thirties has basically been a bunch of emotional trauma time bombs going off regarding my dad's side of the family after ticking away for 10-20 years.
Just a lot of angry, manipulative, lying, cheating and monstrous men gaslighting everyone to put up with them.
While trauma denial can provide temporary relief, it doesn’t lead to long-term healing.
“Trauma denial may be helpful in the short term. It allows the trauma survivor to stand up and get back on their feet,” says Sabina Mauro, a psychologist in Yardley, Pennsylvania. But as time goes on, avoidance takes its toll. “Ongoing trauma denial causes more suffering than there needs to be. Although trauma survivors may learn how to suppress this unpleasant experience from their past, their body and mind will continue to carry it until the trauma is confronted.”
Burying painful memories manifests in different ways. Some people might say, “It wasn’t a big deal. I’ve moved on,” or, “It wasn’t bad enough to be called trauma,” while others might deny that it ever happened.
#5
The level of anxiety I felt growing up. everyone gets nervous sometimes. Not many people get nervous enough to start vomiting about minor stressors.
#6
Hoarding. Grew up in a hoarder house, didn’t realize until my teenage years that living in a house covered with hundreds of boxes, decade-old food, and cat p**s is actually bad for one’s health and hygiene. It’s also incredibly hard to unlearn.
chickpea me 3 months ago
I have a hard time keeping my house presentable enough to have strangers coming inside unexpectedly. I have been trying to do something about this for years but with my ADHD, it’s really not as simple as you would think. But I maybe have a messy house, which I do feel ashamed of. I would never be ok leaving with a pet doing his busyness somewhere indoors and if this should happen by accident...It’s the first thing I would clean up immediately when coming home. If you are not familiar with ADHD paralysis? It is a real thing, impossible to explain and it makes you feel like a big failure. But NEVER ever did I had a pet leaving something inside and leave it stinking up my home. I can’t help but think these people need real help because next to being unimaginable it must also be highly unhygienic and a health hazzard.
#7
My sister going to the bathroom after every meal. She told me she had a bad stomach, but it turns out she's bulimic. Wish I could help her, but I can only support and love her with all my heart. We'll get through it, Cara.
One of the most heartbreaking aspects of unresolved trauma is how it can become ingrained and passed down through generations. For example, someone raised by parents who used physical punishment may believe it’s an effective way to raise children, thinking, “I turned out fine, so it must work.” Unfortunately, they often carry other emotional burdens along with this belief.
“They may also think that constant anxiety, meltdowns, trust issues, and coping mechanisms are normal and healthy,” says Nazarova. “It’s all about what our window of tolerance is.”
Breaking these harmful cycles is possible, but awareness is key. “Learning how to set healthy boundaries helps stop the transmission of harmful patterns, especially in relationships where past trauma may be affecting current behavior,” Nazarova explains.
#8
When I was younger I used to hear the ice cream van at night as well as all throughout the day. One day I mentioned it to another kid and they all said I was crazy. Turns out, it was a stress reaction from what would go on to be my bipolar.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago (edited)
I did not know that stress reactions could make you hear things like ice cream vans. The brain is weird how it processes feelings.
#9
I thought movies and shows of parents caring for their young kids was like Disney with princesses. I thought being 8 and knowing how to cook (self taught) was completely normal. It wasn't until I was around 14 I realized how fed up my life was.
#10
Was always tired. Sometimes multiple naps a day, sometimes falling asleep doing something. I figured I was just a sleepy person, or maybe it was because of my autoimmune disease. My dad kept telling me I had to see a doctor because how much I slept wasn’t normal. Turns out it’s type 1 Narcolepsy, worst case my specialist had ever seen.
John Harrison 3 months ago
I've got a friend like this. His car insurance is through the roof because of his numerous accidents.
While it can take time to address issues tied to unprocessed trauma, professional support can make the journey easier. Nazarova, for instance, specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to guide people through these situations.
“CBT allows people to recognize and address issues they might have thought were normal but are actually unhealthy,” she says. “For example, someone might believe that constantly pleasing others is the only way to maintain relationships because they grew up in a household where their needs were ignored. They might think, ‘If I don’t make everyone happy, I’m a bad person,’ because that’s how they’ve always lived.”
“In CBT, I work with them to see how this belief leads to behaviors like burnout or resentment. I challenge that thinking by asking, ‘Is it realistic to make everyone happy all the time?’ or, ‘What happens if you take care of your own needs first?’”
By understanding that constantly putting themselves last isn’t beneficial, they can start setting boundaries and prioritize self-care without guilt. “This realization helps break the cycle of harmful thinking and behaviors they’ve accepted as normal for so long,” Nazarova says.
#11
I thought that everybody has to go to a hospital at every three months for a check up and has their blood sample taken and ultrasound done.
Turns out no, my classmates where horrified when I began to explain in detail how does certain medical prodecures work and where I got my scar on my stomach.
To sum it up I had kidney cancer at the age of 4. It was so bad the surgeon had to remove my whole left kidney.
I really thought that this was normal.
My father is a cancer survivor, my mother has rheumatoid arcthitis. Going to any kind of doctor is basically a family trip for us.
Now I am more mindful of how I speak about this, because when I was younger I used to say things like "and thats how I got my blood drawn sixteen times on one day! But the nurse was so nice she played polly pockets with me after that! :D"
And the face my classmate and her mother made is burned into my head this day.
"Disembodied voice" 3 months ago
I've been chronicly ill since I was born, definitely surprised others didn't spend as much time at the hospital as I did.
#12
Snoring. Turns out I have sleep apnea and stop breathing 80+ times an hour.
Lord of the laserprinter. 3 months ago
For Pete‘s sake, get a CPAP. Snoring can kill you in so many ways.
#13
Parents fighting *viciously* quite frequently across the scope of my upbringing then immediately act like nothing happened afterwards
#14
Wife had weird fleeting stomach aches that would flare up conveniently when I wanted to go out to dinner or the kids needed a ride to school. We chalked it up as ulcers and she adjusted her diet. Turns out it was cancer—a really f****n deadly one—which announced itself when a tumor perforated her bowel and sent her in to septic shock.
Red PANda (she/they/he/ze) 3 months ago
To everyone wondering if she’s okay, she had a bone marrow transplant and is recovering
#15
I had a headache, which happens sometimes. I don't know that I'd call it "normal," but it's not so abnormal that I saw it as cause for immediate concern. Whatever, I'll just go to bed early, surely I'll be fine the next day.
A visit to the emergency department led to a nearly two-week stay in the hospital, where they administered an MRI, which led to a diagnosis of acute autoimmune idiopathic dissemminated encephalomyelitis.
In other words, for no readily apparent reason, my immune system decided something it should attack is the protein sheath that is the insulation for the complex circuit that is the brain. It's not supposed to do that.
#16
Having skin like velvet and being super duper flexible. turns out i have ehlers-danlos syndrome. whoops.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago
Is this bad? It sounds kinda cool from this description?
#17
I had a friend growing up when we were 14 who had an older brother in his 30s that would hang out with us when we had parties and him and his friends would flirt with the girls. At the time we thought he was the coolest dude but now looking back at it he was just a predator.
#18
Antagonistic parents. People succeeding in spite of them instead of with their support. My parents abandoned me, my guardian was super abusive. The kids I knew at school also had wildly s****y parents in different ways (some had cult-level religious brainwashing, some were narcissistic and relied on children to take care of them instead of the other way around, etc). For the longest time I thought everything I and the people I knew had to deal with was just normal.
#19
Mormonism.
ILoveMySon 3 months ago (edited)
My former office was attached to the home of my broker. The founder of Mormonism, Joseph Smith, lived there briefly. Every summer those on "pilgrimages" would stop and request tours and we obliged. They were nice but a little"off".
#20
Drunk driving, parents did it alot and honestly drove better drunk than normal, it wasn’t until I was 14 and a friend was driving me home after a beach party late at night and almost killed everyone in the car because he fell asleep for a few seconds.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago
If you drink and drive you are absolute idiots endangering innocent people.
#21
That repeat illnesses with pneumonia and sinus infections was just part of having allergies and asthma. Two years ago, at my annual appointment, my immunologist asked me to get a blood panel I’d never heard of before. I’ve had the test several times now, and it turns out it’s an antibody titer, and I don’t retain immunity to polysaccharide bacteria, even with repeat immunizations. I’ve had a pneumovax every year for almost 15 years and I have almost no immunity to 14 of the 23 variants tested, and, of the ones I do have some immunity to, only two have fully “protective” immunity. What kills me is that my mom, who was a critical care nurse, was convinced that I had something amiss with my immune system. She passed away in 2009 unexpectedly and I didn’t get to tell her she was right. Way to go, Mom!!
#22
Grew up with an erratic volatile unpredictable very unusual quite beautiful mother who I thought was “eccentric” and it was just normal to me. She spoke with a strong accent and was very silly and flighty and energetic and would enroll me in things but then sabotage the event—children’s pageants, department store modeling runways, local tv shows, summer children’s events, acting auditions, pets that were gifted but always disappeared after a week or so. I learned not to get attached to any thing or situation.
The upside tho was that I very quickly realized that, even as a very young child, I could not depend on her much and needed to always rely on myself for planning and safety and care. I became super-independent and capable at a young age. It made me very strong and creative and self-confident.
But it all got much worse later—public fits, outbursts, arson, nudity, inappropriate language—and we realized that she was mentally ill, finally diagnosed as schizophrenic, moved on to near-constant paranoid hallucinations and a frightening death.
This was all a long time ago tho. She passed more than 35 years ago.
#23
I grew up routinely bullied by cousins for everything from the way I talked to the music I liked and even the way I walked and stood up. I didn’t think much of it because I assumed if they’re family it means they love you and the behavior is normal.
RainyCityMomma 3 months ago
I was bullied relentlessly by cousins, too. Then they called me a cry baby when I would eventually cry. I don't talk to any of my cousins now that we are all grown up.
#24
That my dad would never speak to me. Like, at all. He would rarely eat meals with me, never asked about my day, or had any interest in what I'd been up to.
But, he would pounce on the opportunity to yell at me or belittle me for any perceived failure. There were never any mistakes or accidents, only personal failures that meant I was doomed for failure forever, and that meant I was utterly worthless.
It never ended as long as I lived with him, but he chilled out later after getting cancer. I intentionally rebuilt our relationship, mostly because I think he's probably autistic, definitely was abused as a kid, and was not able to form emotions in a healthy way, and because I want that closure when he does eventually pass away.
LaserBrain 3 months ago
That's a healthy reaction, rather than blame - throwing. His parents probably grew up in similar environments
#25
Health insurance. Masquerades as a way for people to be able to get healthcare but really doesn't give a damn about you or ensuring you actually get healthy. .
CatchTheWind 3 months ago
I think OP misunderstands the purpose of health insurance. It's not supposed to be "a way for you to get healthcare." It's a way to help reduce the financial burden of your healthcare. It's up to YOU to get that healthcare.
#26
I thought being light headed and almost passing out and then panicking was normal for people. I had random spurts of it often, especially in middle school. My parents thought I was making it up, even after I did pass out once.
Turns out it was a mixture of anxiety attacks and chronic dehydration, with the stress of school. I can't hold water like most people can so I drink a lot every day. If I don't then I start getting the symptoms again.
#27
I thought that my brother coming into my room every night when i was a child was normal until my first boyfriend in middle school told me otherwise.
Raven DeathShade 3 months ago
Yep, me and my sisters thought that my older brother groping us and trapping the youngest (9 at the time) in the laundry room with him for hours was normal. 6 years later...we now know it was not and he is dead to us.
#28
I remember being a kid, my sister was barely 16 and invited some of her friends of the same age. One of them was dating a 24-year-old guy. I thought it was cool but as I grew up, I realized how f****d up it was.
#29
That your partner shouldn't cheat on you. I grew up with my dad constantly cheating on my mom and being her therapist through it. I would go through his phone for her or listen to them fight and then be the therapist for her the next day. I never knew how bad it was until I met my friends parents who loved one another, rarely fought, and never had issues with cheating. When I spoke about the things I knew (like my parents swinging) and how my life played out, they were HORRIFIED. I still struggle with being the therapist friend and allowing myself to be treated like s**t and cheated on....
Jacquie Carr 3 months ago
You didn't "allow" anything; it was dumped on you and you did the very best you could
#30
For me it was that my bed, which is just a box spring with legs, is supposed to have a mattress. I mean i do but its only an inch thick and cushions as much as your hoodie. So yeah, turns out i've been sleeping on a super hard spring for the past ten years. F**k you dad for cheaping out on my bed.
Dan Collins 3 months ago
I spent 20 years in furniture. So many parents went cheap on the kids mattress. If you really love your kids the should get the good mattress before you get your next whatever you think you deserve more.
#31
My mom discussing all of her life and marriage problems with me in middle school. Basically *wanted* me to believe my dad was up to no good and cheating. Also shared way too many details about their sex life, or the lack of one.
Their parenting was just a big mess, but everything seemed fine because there was no physical abuse, they had jobs and we lived in a nice house.
John Harrison 3 months ago
If you know any social workers, or are one, you know this happens waaaay too much.
#32
When the light switch finally came on and I realized I was, in fact, raised in a cult. I would not be able to list all the things that I was raised to believe were normal lmfao.
#33
Eating the same thing for a couple weeks in a row like rice or baked chicken.
Red PANda (she/they/he/ze) 3 months ago (edited)
This is either irresponsible parenting or neurodivergent parenting. My dad will get obsessed with one food or restaurant for a week or two and we’ll eat it almost every day. His Belgian waffle phase was my favorite 😋
#34
When i was a little kid i thought it was normal during big thunderstorms to hang out with your neighbors and shop vac water out of basements. turns out there was an actual problem in a wall of the basement that took* a while to find and fix.
ILoveMySon 3 months ago
This is so much better than most on this list. It actually gave me a giggle.
#35
Lots of abusive behaviors from my parents. I knew my childhood wasn't awesome, but didn't realize the extent until I'd pop jokes to my friends about some of that s**t and they'd look at me like 😐😶. Then I'd get self conscious and say something like "just a joke, it wasn't THAT bad..." It was usually worse.
Tyranamar Seuss 3 months ago
Isn't interesting how many abusive families use "humor" and "joking" to cover up what psychopaths they are.
#36
I always thought my mom just really loved me a lot since I was her only child. But looking back now as an adult, I think I was a victim of covert incest.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago
Wtf? And what is covert incest? Is it different to just incest?
#37
Constantly ruminating about things. Apparently not everyone does this.
#38
To some degree I knew that my partner drinking a whole bottle of wine plus 6 beers in a day wasn't a normal thing when I first started dating him but the extent of the addiction and the affects of his health didn't become fully clear to me until some time had passed .
#39
A school I went to used to give out around 10 pieces of homework everyday and at least half have to be handed in by the next day.
Turns out even by Asian school standard mine was insane.
#40
Smoking in adolescence. Well, I've been a smoker for 15 years now.
Courtney Christelle 3 months ago
I smoked for 14 years starting when I was 14. Never too late to quit.
What do you think ?
Beak Hookage 3 months ago
I thought my explosions of uncontrollable emotion were just me being a naturally angry/sensitive person. Turns out I've been having autistic meltdowns my entire life and that it's not "normal" to have emotions so powerful they make you blow up because you can't handle it.
Ash 3 months ago
Aw man, I had the same thing! Mine turned out to be bipolar. I knew mine wasn't "normal" because my parents were always making humiliating comments about me being overly sensitive, but it never crossed my mind that it was a mood disorder.
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Helena 3 months ago
It wasn't until a few years ago I realized not everyone went to the police station once a year to get photographed and fingerprinted. Turns out mom was justifiable scared I'd be kidnapped and took me for annual kidnap kits every year.
Pandarosa 3 months ago
Oh my god!!! I am so sorry, what a frightening situation 🥺
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Sky Render 3 months ago
I spent my whole life thinking that it was normal to get tired after drinking soda or eating junk food. Turns out I have a corn allergy that's causing that. Which I only realized because it got bad enough that I was finally able to actually FEEL when my body started forcibly rejecting corn proteins.
Ash 3 months ago
I didn't realize until a couple of years ago that the reason my gums hurt after I eat a whole apple is because I'm allergic to apple skins. (Yes, just the skins. Apples contain cyanide, and the skins have more cyanide than the flesh, so a lot of people are allergic to the skins only.) Weirdly, I can eat apple skins, but I have to slice the apple up first. It's only when I'm biting into a whole one that my gums react.
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Beak Hookage 3 months ago
I thought my explosions of uncontrollable emotion were just me being a naturally angry/sensitive person. Turns out I've been having autistic meltdowns my entire life and that it's not "normal" to have emotions so powerful they make you blow up because you can't handle it.
Ash 3 months ago
Aw man, I had the same thing! Mine turned out to be bipolar. I knew mine wasn't "normal" because my parents were always making humiliating comments about me being overly sensitive, but it never crossed my mind that it was a mood disorder.
Load More Replies... Helena 3 months ago
It wasn't until a few years ago I realized not everyone went to the police station once a year to get photographed and fingerprinted. Turns out mom was justifiable scared I'd be kidnapped and took me for annual kidnap kits every year.
Pandarosa 3 months ago
Oh my god!!! I am so sorry, what a frightening situation 🥺
Load More Replies... Sky Render 3 months ago
I spent my whole life thinking that it was normal to get tired after drinking soda or eating junk food. Turns out I have a corn allergy that's causing that. Which I only realized because it got bad enough that I was finally able to actually FEEL when my body started forcibly rejecting corn proteins.
Ash 3 months ago
I didn't realize until a couple of years ago that the reason my gums hurt after I eat a whole apple is because I'm allergic to apple skins. (Yes, just the skins. Apples contain cyanide, and the skins have more cyanide than the flesh, so a lot of people are allergic to the skins only.) Weirdly, I can eat apple skins, but I have to slice the apple up first. It's only when I'm biting into a whole one that my gums react.
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