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30 Men Come Vent To This Thread About Things That Bother Them But They Don’t Talk About
Interview
Many things are bothersome in life and many people make sure to let others know when they are. Some, however, are unable or unwilling to express what troubles them, consequently keeping all the emotions bubbling inside.
While anyone can belong to the latter group, it’s often men who find themselves in such a position. In a thread started on the ‘Ask Men’ subreddit, they shared their thoughts on the topic after one netizen asked them about things that secretly bother them but are rarely talked about. Ranging from emotions that they have to hide to having to follow a certain standard, among other things, their answers covered all sorts of aspects of everyday life. So if you want to learn more about what bothers them, scroll down to find their thoughts on the list below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with the person who started the discussion, u/permanentburner89.
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#1
This doesn't just bother me. I f****n' hate it...How TV commercials, shows and movies constantly portray men, especially husbands, as buffoons. The trope of the idiot, shlubby (fat) man-child husband with the slender, beautiful wife is pathetic. Do women like this sh*t? What does it say about women? They like marrying idiot man-children?
It is so bad that a man on Tik Tok posted that his freakin' 6-year old daughter asked him why all the dads in the movies never know anything. Even children see it. You rarely see men, husbands and/or dads portrayed as men of integrity with purpose who love & support their wives, children and community. G-d help all the sons of the women who grow up with moms that hate men and think we are all stupid.
Trillian 2 months ago
I hate it too. I worked for a family forum website for 10 years and they are full of posts how men can't take care of themselves, which is bad enough. But the amount of women who basically found this cute 'teeheehee mine is the same that is just men for you' made me really angry. It's not your fault the guy acts like a toddler but ffs stop making excuses for him.
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#2
Not being listened to, then getting told that I'm yelling when I am just raising my voice to be heard. Repeating myself and getting frustrated resulting in the same situation.
#3
I think one thing that really bothers a lot of men is the pressure to always be the 'strong' one. Society expects us to be tough and unfeeling, which can make it hard to express vulnerability or ask for help. It’s not like we don’t have feelings; we just feel like we can’t show them without being judged. I wish it was more accepted for guys to talk about their struggles openly.
Jill Rhodry 2 months ago
This is one of the ways patriarchy hurts men the most, we lose a lot of good men because of it.
In an interview with Bored Panda, u/permanentburner89, the person who started the thread, admitted being quite surprised by what fellow netizens pointed out. “I am a man but I was actually quite surprised at the answers; I got them after hearing them but I still didn't expect them.”
He continued to share that the thing that secretly bothers him the most is how often society thinks they understand the male experience, both positive and negative, when they actually don’t. “I don't think they have any clue, and I don't think you can unless you're a man,” he said.
#4
How stupid people are. Like how can people go their whole lives not able to problem solve. I just know if an apocalypse happens I’d have to carry a lot of the people I care about because common sense just doesn’t make sense for them. At times tho it can be very funny.
Rocket Surgeon 2 months ago
What I find so weird is most people think this about others, and consider themselves the exception.
#5
Stupid people should start learning to wear headphones instead of blasting obnoxious videos and music on their phones for everyone to hear.
Freya the Wanderer 2 months ago
I ride MARTA frequently, and I am sick and tired of hearing other people's music! You wanna listen to something, or watch a video, please wear some blooming earphones. (Meanwhile, I need earphones myself from time to time to drown out some obnoxious conspiracy theorist or train preacher!)
The redditor is right saying that no one else can really understand the male experience, other than men; the same way they can’t experience exactly what women go through even if they have an idea.
The differences between how men and women see the world or interact are believed to be largely affected by upbringing and gender roles. According to an international trainer, key-note speaker, author, and consultant, Dr. Audrey Nelson, as kids, men and women are usually raised in the same environment, but they tend to be interacted with in very different ways.
“Research indicates that girls and boys grow up in what appears to be identical environments; however, they are nurtured in totally different social-emotional climates,” the expert wrote for Psychology Today.
#6
Sports. From rec, all the way up to pro. Small children watch their parents grossly abuse teenage refs that are just trying to ensure these kids get to play. Preteen kids play a sport, year round, with no time for their bodies to rest and recuperate. I knew a kid that had Tommy John surgery before he could drive. Teenagers that have practice until 10 pm, and still have to manage schoolwork. Time at practice and games, instead of family time at the dinner table. Kids can barely read and write, but make it all the way through school because they play a sport.
People treat other people like garbage because they like the wrong college. People won’t wear a certain color because of a loyalty to some college sports team, at a school they didn’t even attend. People make their schedules around football games, and miss out on family events like weddings, because of a college football game.
People have been knifed because they follow a professional sports team. People show up to work, where they make money to pay their bills, hungover because they were up late watching sports the night before. There are professional athletes that can barely speak coherently, because their education was secondary to a game. People will pay to watch a game, but are behind on child support. That is baffling to me. The amount of money spent on sporting events is astronomical.
I will never understand how some people worship at the altar of sports. I can enjoy watching soccer or baseball games, but I have a personality, independent of it. I can enjoy watching my children play their respective sports, without feeling the need to berate another human being for a missed call, or throw punches at some other kid’s parent for cheering an injury. It’s disturbing.
René Sauer 2 months ago
totally. the rivalry between fans of certain soccer clubs here in Germany is downright ridiculous.
#7
I wanna spill my guts. I wanna tell someone every dark thought, fear, failure, mistake. Every wish, hope, and desire. I wanna put it all out there.
I will never do that to anyone. I'll just sit here quietly, staring into my beer.
Jill Rhodry 2 months ago
If anyone else is feeling like this, keep searching for a partner who can and will shoulder that with you - if not, please seek some form of therapy to talk it all out, you can't keep smooshing it down for ever, it will start to leak, then overflow and eventually erupt.
#8
It not being socially acceptable to express that we feel unloved. To have grievances.
Ronstantin 2 months ago
This one isn't entirely clear to me. Doesn't it depend on the social environment one is in? When I go to the supermarket – or any public place for that matter – I don't expect people to be considerate about my feelings or grievances. The closest circle of friends is something else.
“Toddler boys may see that parents (particularly fathers) frown upon verbal play for them—it is not manly to talk to dolls or mimic mother’s speech, even though she is most frequently the adult speech model at home,” Dr. Nelson continued to point out. “Boys’ play centers around action rather than talk. What boy talks to his action figures? His toys (trucks, planes, cars, soldiers, Transformers) are for feats of bravery.”
It’s no surprise that after being taught to be brave and “manly” from an early age, men might find it difficult or even scary to show their softer side or be vulnerable.
#9
People who have kids that think they deserve special treatment. It was your choice to have kids and it is my choice to don’t give a s**t
René Sauer 2 months ago
And all that BS about People with families first. No! It should be first come, first served. If they want certain days off, they should have asked for it earlier.
#10
How little anyone realizes that men are compliment starved.
I can still vividly recall a complete stranger saying something flattering to me over 30 years ago - like it was yesterday.
Because of this I do make it a point to say nice things to other dudes when I'm public and the moment is right.
Lost Panda 2 months ago
The last comment I got was like five or six years ago when my company's CEO at the time complimented how my goatee and haircut looked. Was on Cloud 9 until my wife said I looked gross and needed to shave... XD
#11
Why can't we have modern cars with the old car designs?
Imagine a mustang 64 with the insides of a new Corvette.
I mean sure people will die but they are going to anyway.
A survey of over 2000 males found that half of them feel pressured to act “manly”. An even larger number—eight-in-ten—of them believe that there is a societal pressure for men to behave a certain way.
According to the poll, men feel most pressured about knowing how to be handy around the house or having a certain type of body. Close to a third of them admit they would like to be able to embrace their feminine side more, and a similar percentage say that they feel misunderstood when it comes to their romantic relationships, sense of humor, or knowledge regarding finances.
#12
I think a lot of men and women take media’s representation of relationships as what a a good relationship should be and it’s extremely damaging to their own happiness and contentment in a real relationship.
#13
Social media and meme culture has turned a *lot* of people into antisocial a******s.
#14
The socialization loss that's happening right now. People need to talk and be around other people, especially when they're young. We are soon going to have a lot of young people that never got a chance to do that. I'm worried what that will do as people regress further inwards
Susie Elle 2 months ago
I teach university students and one thing I've noticed is how much young people talk to eachother. They'll be sitting on the bus and discuss how bad or good they feel, guys and girls all mixed. My impression is that younger people talk more and deeper to eachother now than they every did before, but could just be my bubble.
#15
Why is having balance in one life literally one of the most important things but do we ever reward balance growing up or in society in general? Everything seems to be one way or the other and so black and white and so much extremism. You either losing or your either winning.
Why dont school teach kids how to handle stress? And learn more about laws? Finance? And different paths if college isn't a future a kid wants? School is not for everyone else on top of that there's alot of bullying that goes on and ruins education and someones ability to trust and want to be social.
Trillian 2 months ago
Because schools are supposed to handle the academic side of 'things you need to know'. They are not supposed to essentially raise kids. All the stuff mentioned should be taught by the parents or caregivers. Raising kids doesn't just mean food, clothes and a place to sleep.
#16
Its hard to find guy friends after graduating school, most people only make new friends through their jobs, but most people in my job are in their 50s or 60s and have families w/ no time off.
Ben Thompson 2 months ago
I found a local D&D group on Meetup. There's a group of 15-20 of us who meet up at a local pub every week to play D&D, some people are regular, some come occasionally, new people join to try it almost weekly ☺️
#17
It's very hard to find a woman who is content with a simple life.
I want to make something clear, I don't hate women. F**k all the Tate-stans with their misogyny. Women are deserving of inherent love and respect, and they deal with a lot of s**t that we as men will never understand.
With that out of the way, I'll say that I would love to meet a woman who isn't obsessed with travel, entrepreneurship, or Instagram. And this is just hard to find.
Not saying there's anything wrong with travel or business. But if that leaves little room for love, or when she can't relax and enjoy the present without thinking about the next trip, it's just not really great energy.
Donkey boi 2 months ago
Something that a lot of men and women don't seem to understand, is that you'll find the people that do the things you like and are interested in... Now this is gonna blow your mind... They are usually doing those things. If you wanna find a girl that likes staying in playing computer games, you're not likely to find her hanging out in a bar, she's gonna be at home, playing computer games. Granted, this information is probably not gonna help you meet her, but maybe you'll stop looking in the wrong places.
#18
I'm doing so much. I do a lot of chores, I work hard. I care for our daughters and I'm in constant fear to not be enough. Too less of a father or a worse father. Not earning enough money for my family. Not providing enough. I wake up and work earlier than my wife and I go to bed and sleep a lot less than my wife.
But I am never seen or heard. All along there is the narration that only women have mental workload or do care work. Though I feel that reality (not just my own lived reality, but the younger the people the more live like that) is much more than mine.
#19
I don't think women like a******s per se BUT I do think a lot of women like to feel needed. And who are the some of neediest people? Well they tend to be a******s.
I saw it growing up with my mother who was always "trying to fix" my father instead of leaving him for being an a*s. I never liked how my father treated my mother so I always sought to be self-sufficient and helpful. I'd hear the same type of admissions from older divorced women when I used to work in a public-facing job in my early 20s. I'm 33 now and I've experienced that same type of dynamic so many times. I've been passed up over and over again only to have them reach out several years down that they made a huge mistake, that they had always loved me, that they're sorry, etc etc.
I'm not interested in being someone's silver medal. Life isn't a book or TV drama. We have to will ourselves to make the changes we want in our own lives. I'm proud of the progress I've made the last several years and I'd like to meet a woman that actually values my self-sufficiency rather than being her "Plan B".
#21
Getting crazy, old man hair growing out of my ears. I need to find someone to wax my ears.
Donkey boi 2 months ago
I don't mind the ones IN the ear, it's the random ones that appear on the helix of the ear! Why are you growing there?!?!?!
#22
How there seriously is not a "perfect match" for every person, romantically. Maybe a majority of people can settle for something and declare it perfect, but there is always going to be a sub sect of people, men and women, that are fundamentally incapable of long term, enriching, true love. Whether it's due to circumstances those people can control, or otherwise.... Many assume that true love is out there, for everyone, but I'm saying statistically this doesn't hold true for some. And nobody gives a s**t, people just ignore them or sweep them under the rug like every other mildly disconcerting thing we are presented with today
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 months ago
And remember, you can get true love outside romantic relationships
#23
That everything is our fault.
Some men bad? All men are at fault. Some women are bad? All men are at fault. Environment? Society? All men bad. I’m sick of it.
I’ll never bring it up in public though because - you guessed it - even bringing that up is just another problem of men.
Fembot 2 months ago (edited)
Of course not all men are bad. Everyone knows this. The thing to remember here is: firstly, some men do harm women and these men don’t have a shiny light on their forehead to identify them as such. Meaning in some situations it’s hard for women to trust a man they don’t know (or do know, even). Obviously this happens the other way round too but not in nearly the same numbers. Secondly, the systems in place still favor men as the ‘superior’ gender (explicitly but also internalized in our culture). Men have been in power, making the decisions for ages. This has only been changing for the last 50 or so years. So how about we share the load: shared responsibility for both successes AND failures? Then it’ll be just humans to blame for everything ;)
#24
Being compared to others in terms of success at my age and then when I started to succeed at a so called “young age”, people started telling me don’t take big decisions because you’re still young! It really bothers how some people can’t think out of a society frame, and btw im 24
#25
The way men prefer repressing emotions and shoving it back down, rather than exploring and understanding them. I have more and more of a hard time connecting with men because they usually do that, then act like they are reliable, problem solvers, more pragmatic and less sensitive than women etc., but men really can go their whole life not understanding a part of our world, society and relationships, just because of that.
Last month my friend who I went to the gym with said, after lifting a lot of weight "this is better than any form of b******t therapy", and I know this guy has repressed emotions and a difficult past.
cerinamroth 2 months ago
To be honest, lots of women repress their emotions too - just different ones. It's always bad news in the long run.
#26
I’m a 42 year old introvert who has basically given up on finding the right woman. Or even someone on the right side of “right”.
I’m convinced that I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone just trying to stack enough money to have something meager to pass down to my son to try and help him survive the grim future I’ll eventually be leaving him alone in when I kick the bucket.
Heras buddy 2 months ago
Not being snide but get a dog and you will find unconditional love. With the SO I agree that live close by visit often has worked for me. I like my me time and don't need anyone telling me how to live daily.
#27
I think a lot of men don't have anything against a woman for wanting their SO to be a good provider but there's definitely a double standard because if men left women over them not maintaining their respective gender role, there'd be hell to raise.
If I told someone I'm leaving my spouse because he can't keep a job or because he can't provide for our family people would feel bad for me, but If my husband told me I'm leaving you because you can't cook or clean, he would be eaten alive.
lenka 2 months ago
I think you are wrong on both counts here. Spend some time on reddit and see how many women get absolutely blasted for expressing that they want their partner to "provide". They are called gold diggers and told to get a job. And men do leave their wives for not 'fulfilling their roles'. More often than not this happens when the kids leave home because men wait until they no longer bear the risk of having to parent their children, or women hit menopause and sex drive drops and men leave their wives for not fulfilling his sexual needs or they accuse their wives of "letting themselves go". Middle aged women are the fastest growing poverty group for this reason, and I see it over and over and over again in my family law practice.
#28
The fact that my GF wants to spend time with ex BFs and dates, but if I tell her that it hurts me and pls consider not doing it... then I'm controlling?
#29
The amount of name brand streaming services is ruining streaming. Where we use to just have two or whatever, now everybody has one. So, instead of all the money being funneled, it's spread across. And, since they're a bit expensive, people run one or two at a time, then cancel and pick another one or two to run for a month or two.
This is negatively effecting the shows. There's less money available, so these companies are canceling really wonderful series' because they don't see great initial numbers.
#30
I’m 27 now but I remember when I left home at 17 just because I was a guy everyone especially girls treated me like I was supposed to have everything and know everything like a 50 year old man
What do you think ?
Tobias Reaper 2 months ago
for me its the lack of physical affection or touch in general i only have one person in my life gives me any physical affection and dont get to see her that much as she doesnt live near me
Ms.GB 2 months ago
I need to start hugging people more, that's gonna be my New Years resolution....with their permission of course.
Load More Replies...
DadManBlues 2 months ago
I was a stay-at-home dad for seventeen years. I raised 3 boys while Mom worked at a job, with a pretty high salary. I helped her a lot with IT and worked as a freelance web developer. It bothers me a bit when I hear about the heroism of mums. I don't envy them, but the wording could be changed. As a SAHD, I had to deal with the same problems as any mum, plus society's incomprehension as to why a man would do this. Last but not least, I have destroyed my career and now it's hell to get back into the workforce.
Earonn - 2 months ago
Yeah, basically the same problems that women had when they joined the workforce are now STILL not solved but instead extended to SAHDs. You absolutely deserve praise, and you also deserve help to pick up your career where you left it (and perhaps a bit further, because in the meantime you've gained transferable skills). Why can't society not just learn???
Load More Replies...
Adam Benson 2 months ago (edited)
For me, it's being expected to fit a boring stereotype: that a 'real' man can only be an engineeer, doctor or well-paid tradesman during the week, then spend weekends wearing a tool belt looking for things to fix around the house. Instead, I'm a primary school teacher who's hopeless with tools and would prefer to spend my spare time reading rather than building/fixing things. Apparently that's grounds for me to hand in my man card immediately.
Tobias Reaper 2 months ago
for me its the lack of physical affection or touch in general i only have one person in my life gives me any physical affection and dont get to see her that much as she doesnt live near me
Ms.GB 2 months ago
I need to start hugging people more, that's gonna be my New Years resolution....with their permission of course.
Load More Replies... DadManBlues 2 months ago
I was a stay-at-home dad for seventeen years. I raised 3 boys while Mom worked at a job, with a pretty high salary. I helped her a lot with IT and worked as a freelance web developer. It bothers me a bit when I hear about the heroism of mums. I don't envy them, but the wording could be changed. As a SAHD, I had to deal with the same problems as any mum, plus society's incomprehension as to why a man would do this. Last but not least, I have destroyed my career and now it's hell to get back into the workforce.
Earonn - 2 months ago
Yeah, basically the same problems that women had when they joined the workforce are now STILL not solved but instead extended to SAHDs. You absolutely deserve praise, and you also deserve help to pick up your career where you left it (and perhaps a bit further, because in the meantime you've gained transferable skills). Why can't society not just learn???
Load More Replies... Adam Benson 2 months ago (edited)
For me, it's being expected to fit a boring stereotype: that a 'real' man can only be an engineeer, doctor or well-paid tradesman during the week, then spend weekends wearing a tool belt looking for things to fix around the house. Instead, I'm a primary school teacher who's hopeless with tools and would prefer to spend my spare time reading rather than building/fixing things. Apparently that's grounds for me to hand in my man card immediately.
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