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While on average, a person has around 27 conversations a day, the fact is that only a handful of them will stay with us over a lifetime. Chances are, the ones that end up shifting how you see things are directly related to your family and friends.
Someone asked “What was said that forever changed your relationship with someone?” and people shared the most poignant examples from their lives. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorite examples and feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
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#1
I was a single parent, bringing a bunch of my 12 yr old son's friends out to pizza and a movie. We were all crammed into two cars, and one child was next me on the driver's seat. I was talking to all of them about the birthday and what fun we were going to have and he whispered under his breath "I wish you were my Mom". I quietly said to him, "I am sure you have a great Mom and she loves you very much." His name is E. His wish eventually came true.
Over time I realized E lived with his Dad and his Mom was in jail for d***s. He had only met with his Dad a few times before he placed in his care. His Dad lived with a girlfriend, and this boy was sleeping on the floor of her den. He didn't even have a bed.
He kept asking to sleep over Fridays, Saturday, etc.. sometimes I would have him from Friday afternoon until Sunday night, and all the while no one ever called him to say Good night, or ask how he was doing, did he need any clothes? nothing. Once in the middle of the night, my phone rang and it was his Dad who was asking if E could stay with me for a little while, as he and the girlfriend were now split up. I said yes, of course.
That was in 7th grade. I had him all thru High School and thru college. Kids in school knew he lived with me, and when they were 14 a police car pulled and another child got out and walked right into my house. His name is G.
G's parents both went to jail, and when the police asked him if he had a place to go he said he knew of a lady that takes care of kids. In all of my life, I think that is the most wonderful thing ever said about me.
We by-passed the State and just let them stay as long as they needed. Occasionally I would hear from their parents, but it was basically a terrible situation for both of them.
My actual son is 30, and my two adopted kids are both 31 years old now and everyone is doing great. Finished college, got good jobs, getting married, having kids. It is all good.
Editing to say: Having these boys in my son and my my life added so much fun and joy every day. Was it hard? Sometimes, but mostly, just normal. I was not rich; I think I made about $43k a year back then. And they ate so much food! So much food. LOL but it was fine. Don't think of the cost, think of what is the right thing to do and trust the universe has your back. Leap with faith.
Props to my friends, family and especially my parents who became instant Grandparents to them and included them in every holiday, birthday, etc.
If God puts a child in your path, and you are given the chance to take them in, you will want two things: Their parent has to tell both the school and the doctors office that you are caring for them. Get it in writing in case or an emergency. I was able to bring them to the doctor and dentist, and go to Parent /Teacher conferences once that happened.
2nd Edit to say Thank you to everyone for your kind words! Honestly I gained so much more than I gave them. It was wonderful, and is still wonderful to be in their lives. I do not consider myself special, because could anyone say no to a child in need? I can't imagine they would.
I'm happy to answer questions you have. It was an adventure! From sports, to band practices, concerts, homework, laundry, family meetings every week, sex and d**g talks, girlfriends, teaching them how to drive.... Lol. What a trip!
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#2
I met my wife back in college. I was her English tutor. At the time, I was dating a woman with a very manipulative personality. I was not used to having a girlfriend, wasn't confident and she insulted/ humiliated me when she couldn't get what she wanted or was in a bad mood.
So my student, let's call her A and my girlfriend (at the time) let's call her K, ended up meeting in the middle of a tutoring session. K was mad that I was with another woman, even though I was being PAID to tutor her. She interrupted us, saying she was gonna be helping and 'keeping an eye on us.'
She didn't help. Instead, K made rude comments and jokes at A's hard time pronouncing L and R sounds. (Pretty understandable, given those sounds aren't too common in Japanese.) A couldn't understand, but she could tell she was being insulted. The look on her face was pretty hurtful. Then and there I grew a pair.
After a brief and rather embarrassing argument, where I told K that she was being disrespectful and she should just f**k off until I'm done, she stormed off. I apologized profusely to A, saying today's fee was free, and I'd understand if she wanted to find another tutor. Instead, she completely flipped the script.
She said that after all the help I'd given her, she could tell that I was a kind guy. That and her English skills were getting much better with my help. It was just strange to her that somebody like me was with someone as mean as K.
"You're here working and your girlfriend didn't even bring you any food! That is weird in Japan!"
Needless to say that caused me to rethink my life. But what sold it was our next session. This woman made a whole bento lunch, by hand, to our lesson. We're talking rice balls, cut weiners, eggs, the whole 9 yards. It was delicious. I was floored. And I thought, if this was how she'd treat her tutor, how would she treat her man!? A went from student to diamond in my eyes.
And so I broke up with K. Over the following months, A and I got closer. We kept in contact after she went back to Japan. One long distance relationship and 7 years later I live in Japan now. We're married with two boys and a girl on the way. All because of a little kindness.
Edit: thank you all for the love and upvotes!
#3
My mom was dying. A friend told me "you have your whole life to freak out about this-- *don't do it in front of her.* "
It really helped me to understand that my feelings are not always what's important. It IS possible to delay a freakout, and that skill has served me innumerable times.
#4
I told a bare acquaintance that I was going through a divorce. She asked, "Am I happy for you or sad for you?"
It was so nice to have someone acknowledge that a divorce could be something I could be happy about. It was also so empowering for her to essentially ask me which way she could be emotionally supportive of me.
TribbleThinking 4 months ago (edited)
Nice. And wise. And I learned something new today, thank you 🙂
#5
“It’s just a f****n’ dog.”
When our dog died.
Good riddance you c**t.
#6
My dad had recently committed suicide a week before Christmas. There were no signs he was going to do this. It was totally a blindside. I decided to still do spring break in March, with my 3 best friends at my mom’s beach house to relax and get away. My best friend started breakfast one morning by asking if I saw any signs my dad was gonna commit suicide. I said no and my boyfriend (now husband) who came along agreed that he was always happy and it was out of the blue. She said to me verbatim “there were definitely signs, you just missed them. If you would’ve paid attention your dad would still be here. It’s technically your fault”…… after we all got home I immediately cut her off, she wasn’t invited to my wedding let alone as a bridesmaid anymore that upcoming october and I blocked her on everything. 3 years and a lot of anxiety d***s later and that comment still f***s me up
EDIT: Did not realize this would get so popular ➡️ if anyone you know has done this and you feel like you “missed the signs”….don’t. It is not your fault! you loved them the best you could, and they still love you, wherever they are now in this cosmic crazy universe. Live life to your fullest so when you meet again you can give them the most hella updates on what happened.
#7
I wasn’t feeling much after my dad died and we hadn’t been close in years, but still he was my dad. My friend said that I had been grieving this relationship for years already. It helped.
#8
I was a dinosaur kid when I was little. Consumed books and information. I wanted to be a palenontologist. This was all maybe 6 to 10 years old. My obsession cooled a little bit, but I still really think they're awesome.
My aunt and her family are very Christian. My whole family is, but she was a lot more hard lined. She homeschooled her kids, didn't own a working television, and restricted a lot of food as well. Just a controlling person, really, but we didn't see them often, and she was just quirky to me.
One time, during a visit, I mentioned something about dinosaurs. I was maybe 13 years old. In a sweet but condescending tone, she said there was never such thing as dinosaurs. I countered with the fact that we have so many bones. She told me that Satan put the bones in the earth to defy God and have everyone question Him.
In that moment, I understood how insane she was and that adults are just people and can be idiots as well.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 4 months ago
"Sorry, Crowley, no time to find the Antichrist or terrorize house plants. You're in charge of burying bones. Get on with it."
#9
My friend said to me “you wouldn’t let a boyfriend treat you like this, so why would you let your mother?”
I dumped her shortly after that (my mother, not the friend). I’m so much more at peace.
#10
In my late 20s I was thinking about going to college, but I was afraid I was too old. Someone said to me, "Next year you will be older." I applied the next day.
Annik Perrot 4 months ago
"The best time to plant à tree was 20 years ago. The next best time is right now."
#11
My husband: You WILL accept (woman he was having at least an emotional affair with) as part of my life if you come back home.
Me: l will NOT.
Two weeks later:
Him: I guess, if you're going to be such a baby about it, l'll stop seeing (her).
Me: Nope. You picked her over me. You keep right on seeing her, l'm done.
TribbleThinking 4 months ago (edited)
Way to go! (in this case, it happens to be literally, but that was unintentional)
#12
I live in New Zealand. We have a complicated history when it comes to speaking Te Reo Maori (native language) in this country. For a long time Maori weren't allowed to speak their own language and would literally be beaten at school etc for it. Now there's a huge push to bring it back. There's a lot of tension around it, especially between old white people and pretty much everyone else. People are so blatantly racist and don't realise it. They'll refuse to pronounce Maori names and words correctly, even when told over and over again. This especially applies to place names, even the word Maori itself. I digress. A close family friend died when she was only 19. Her mother is Maori. At the funeral, her maternal grandfather spoke in Maori. My grandmother, who was standing next to me, leaned closer and whispered in my ear, in an aggressive tone "speak English!". She was literally angry that a man was speaking his own language at his own granddaughter's funeral. In that moment I lost all respect for my grandmother.
#13
Had a dr tell me, 3 inches from my face, “there is absolutely nothing wrong with you”. He seemed livid that I was wasting his time. Never ran a single test. Then recommended a psychiatrist. Once I finally found a new doctor he found that I have late stage cancer. Could have been caught much earlier if the 1st dr listened.
Also, had a friend tell me that she had already grieved my impending death so that’s why I haven’t seen or heard from her most of my cancer battle. I was already dead to her. I have no trust in anyone at this point.
ZGutr 4 months ago (edited)
Those are the worst. We had an issue with a doctor once. He held on to his suggestion rather than listening to our needs. When he called to confirm we where gonna follow his recommendations I sat him straight, explained how he failed us as a doctor and how this was our last interaction, we will find an other. Told him the main reason was him not listening at all. When I put down the phone and turned around I got a standing ovation from the two nurses that where present at our house.
#14
"We're both too angry and hungry to keep this conversation going. Let’s drop it for now, get some food, and relax. I'll cook if you do the dishes." She taught me some valuable rules for arguments: never argue right after work or coming home, never argue when you're dehydrated or hungry, and never start an argument if you're not willing to compromise.
She's an amazing woman who helped me so much when I was younger. She still supports me, and we even play D&D together with her wife. I can't wait to see her next year.
#15
My father said "yes I know and I don't support you." (I will never forget those words) when I told him that I filed a police report on the man who molested me as a child.
He didn't even look like the same man to me the next time I saw him.
#16
My ex passed away, leaving me to raise my two kids, who both had disabilities alone. Instead of dealing with the trauma, I drank always dumped my kids on my mum to go drink this happened for a few month before my Nanna invite me over to house to have a chat. She told me I had to stop running from my pain because I had to go through to get through it (my nan lost a adult child 20 years ago). What do you know she was right I stopped avoiding everyone including the kids stopped drinking all the time and she was there for me without judgement and I honestly don't know if I'd be here if it wasn't for her.
#17
My grandmother's dog died and I went to her house to comfort her. We'd always been very close so I stayed for a while even though we had been fighting quite a lot.
Well, I went over there and she cried while I comforted her. But then that's when she said something that still sticks in my head.
She told me "Why couldn't something happen to you instead"
And walked away. I immediately went back home and stopped all contact with her for a few weeks. She still denies saying that.
EDIT: I wanted to say thank you to everyone for the kind words. To answer a few questions, yes I am still in contact with her as she only lives a few houses down from me. ( It's hard to cut off someone that close )
I distance myself though, sometimes we still fight and we don't talk all that much. But I'm doing better these days.
#18
About a year into our marriage and after I had moved across the world for them and left everything I’d ever known: “the more I get to know you, the less I like you.”
I am ashamed to say it took 3 more years before we were done.
EDIT:
I did NOT expect this comment to blow up! Was pretty buzzed when I originally posted it, too, so here’s some edits/updates.
- It took 4 more years, not 3.
- He made the decision to call it quits… which makes me feel even more ashamed, in a way. However, after the first days of just complete shock, I felt incredibly free. His decision forced me to give up on the idea that somewhere deep inside of him he still had a resemblance of the man I fell in love with.
- I did of course let him know that his comment really hurt my feelings. He just doubled down on why he felt that way and why he had a right to tell me.
- Only afterwards did I realize the kind of abuse this man put me through. It is almost impossible to recognize it while you’re in the midst of it, especially when it escalates so gradually.
- To everyone replying with your kind comments: thank you so much! It has been just over a year and I am indeed thriving now :) And he definitely is not.
- To everyone who is in a similar situation: it may seem overwhelming and impossible to get out. It may feel like it’ll be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Just know that it will NEVER be harder than staying.
#19
When I was 10 or 11, my parents had brought us to get some clothes from the thrift store. We didn't have much money so hardly bought new clothes. Most of my clothes I'd wear until there were holes or they didn't fit. My dad brought over some pants in the size I had been previously. He was angry and frustrated since it was late and he didn't want to be out. When I said they didn't fit, he told me that "you've gotten fat" before storming off.
I started middle school worrying about my weight and defaulted to an eating disorder. I even now still have issues with my weight and self worth because of it.
#20
I had a buddy who I knew since first grade. He was always arrogant and abrasive. But I tolerated it over the years. He went away to some college in Europe, and came back desperate to act rich, and be high society. And he used to say the most horrific s**t, talk about how he purposefully wanted to hire people to work for him who were in debt. His reasoning is it would afford him the ability to treat them poorly, and they couldn't afford to quit.
He legitimately hated "poor" people, and talked about exploiting them all day. One day we were at a grocery store that had a sandwich bar. He asked the lady who was making the sandwich for a certain topping, and she said it costs extra. He kept pushing her to give it for free, and she relented, saying she'd get fired for doing so. He said, "Nah, you'd probably get written up, but not fired."
When we got into the car, I let him have it. I said, "How would you feel if that woman lost her job because of you?"
He started laughing, "I don't give a f**k, it's a s****y job. She can go get another s****y job."
So I graduated college and got my first job - pretty entry-level, terrible hours, little pay. He kept pressing me to tell him how much I made, and I kept turning him down. Finally I did. Once he knew it wasn't much.
One day we met up before my night shift job, to get a coffee. He could see how tired I was. Then he went on a tangent on how people who get out of bed for less than six figures are stupid, and he'd never be that stupid.
I didn't snap. I just said I'll talk to you later, and got into my car and left. And never returned his calls or spent any time with him ever again.
Some other friends gave me flak for it, but he f****d them over, too, at a later date.
**Edit:**I'd like to say as soon as I stopped hanging out with him, my life got SO MUCH better. Like better job opportunities, and have gone way further in life. I didn't realize at the time how damaging it was to hang around with somebody who was so callous, and would dump on me to try and elevate himself. It's straight up like being in an abusive relationship. Once you are free of that abuser, you can do so much more.
#21
For 3 years, someone and I worked together side by side and developed a close friendship. One day I got promoted to manager and became his boss. He threw a tantrum and screamed for hours, then refused to talk to me (Now his boss) for three days.
When I finally scheduled a one on one meeting, he told me "My sole job now is to make it clear they made the wrong decision. It's in my best interest to make sure that you fail."
I tried for about a month to make it work, but eventually he had to be let go.
That was the end of that friendship.
#22
I once heard my grandmother say that, on the inside, she still felt like a 20-year-old girl. She had been deceived by her own body.
#23
When i was 9 i used to clean the house thinking this is will make my mom say positive things about me, i overheard her talking with my aunt in the phone and said " i wish she is a normal girl and act like a girl and not always cleaning the house"
I went crying in my room after that.
....
#24
I let it slip at a doctor’s office that I was feeling hopeless and down for weeks prior, but I lied and said that it was because of the news when in actuality, I wanted to attend God’s meet-and-greet. I lied because I saw that my mom was glaring at me and shaking her head as if to say “no you haven’t.” She got all mad and stormed out and yelled at me in the car “Do you know how this makes me look as a mother?!?” I was 13. That’s when I realized my mother never cared about her kid. Only appearances. And so I “appeared” to love and care about her for the coming years ☠️ ☠️☠️.
Luke Branwen 4 months ago
Well - "wanted to attend God's meet-and-greet" is at least much more creative than "unalive myself".
#25
When my friend told me she knows...
A few months after my mom died I was talking with a good friend (both 38 at the time). I was my mom's primary caregiver; I was reflecting on how hard it was at times.
I mentioned helping my mom with medicines and my friend said "I know (my name)." I began spewing what my mom and I went through and she really listened. I realized without having gone through this herself, she understood completely.
We've been friends since 3rd grade. The type of friends that pick up where we left off.
That last, empathetic "I *know* (my name)" hit my heart something fierce. We've been so much closer since then.
Tamara Heikalo 4 months ago
A cat of ours died in a manner that was, for me, a devastating experience. Someone I had thought was a friend completely ignored me when I made reference to the loss. Another friend, a very busy person (a teacher), took the time to say, very simply: "I hear you." Made all the difference in the world.
#26
My friend committed suicide, and my partner at the time (who is Christian) said “I hope you know he’s suffering now for ending his life. It’s the worst sin.”.
#27
I was in the car with my dad, I was about 40, and he said “Out of all my children, you are the most intelligent, but also the greatest disappointment “. Just out of the blue, like he was talking about the weather.
TribbleThinking 4 months ago
This is like being told the prologue, but with not even a wisp of the actual novel.
#28
When I was 11, my mom came up to me out of nowhere and said if she ever had to choose between me and my step-dad, she would choose him.
When I was 12, my absentee, d**g addict father showed up to my grandparents' house, on Christmas, and asked if he could "borrow" the money I just got from them as my gift.
#29
My ex spent about eight years always going on about being childfree and not wanting to ruin her life with kids. I was always on the same page because I know I don't want kids. One random day, she says "You know, I'm thinking I'd like to have kids. I don't wanna go through the hassle of raising them, so maybe we'll hire a nanny like my parents did... but I totally have baby fever and I'm not refilling my birth control anymore."
That was the beginning of the end of our relationship.
#30
"Oh sorry something came up can we postpone"
Over and over and over and over
I'm tired of pulling teeth to make our friendship work.
What do you think ?
Sami-Jo Ross 4 months ago (edited)
"I don't care." Said by my parents when I wanted to talk about something I enjoyed. Now I don't bother. ETA: Y'all are so sweet, omg ;v;
GhostlySnail (she/her) 4 months ago
I’m sorry. What are you interested in? I’ll listen :)
Load More Replies...
Cookie 4 months ago
Me telling my friends of 30 years about my illness. Them: "It's all in your head. That is just your imagination." They are not my friends anymore.
Angel 4 months ago
I fell into the habit of not making my bed for a good while (I was either too busy or too lazy or both). One day I was in an oganizing mood and I DID end up tidying it. My 9 year old came into my room for something or another, noticed immediately, and said "wow mom that looks SO nice". I've made the bed first thing in the morning every day since.
Emmy S. 3 months ago
Sometimes all it takes is encouragement or a compliment from someone to make a difference ♥️
Load More Replies... Sami-Jo Ross 4 months ago (edited)
"I don't care." Said by my parents when I wanted to talk about something I enjoyed. Now I don't bother. ETA: Y'all are so sweet, omg ;v;
GhostlySnail (she/her) 4 months ago
I’m sorry. What are you interested in? I’ll listen :)
Load More Replies... Cookie 4 months ago
Me telling my friends of 30 years about my illness. Them: "It's all in your head. That is just your imagination." They are not my friends anymore.
Angel 4 months ago
I fell into the habit of not making my bed for a good while (I was either too busy or too lazy or both). One day I was in an oganizing mood and I DID end up tidying it. My 9 year old came into my room for something or another, noticed immediately, and said "wow mom that looks SO nice". I've made the bed first thing in the morning every day since.
Emmy S. 3 months ago
Sometimes all it takes is encouragement or a compliment from someone to make a difference ♥️
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