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So many things, including detrimental ones, can seem “cool” or desirable in the movies. For instance, nostalgia over a long-lost love, encouraging the main character to fight for said love time and again, or the melancholy that overtakes one’s mind after a night of drinking and chain-smoking cigarettes.

In reality, neither is actually cool; the first scenario is someone balancing on the thin line between being a romantic and a stalker and the second one, well, that’s no fun in real life, so it probably shouldn’t be romanticized, either. Be that as it may, many things are romanticized by people, despite them being pretty awful in real life.

Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community recently discussed such awful things that people tend to romanticize after one user started a thread about it, and their answers compiled quite an extensive list. If you’re curious to learn what awful things they pointed to, scroll down to find the question that started the discussion and the netizens’ thoughts below.

On the list below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a clinical psychologist, author, wellness coach, and mental health advocate, Dr. Monica Vermani, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about how romanticizing detrimental things can affect our well-being and our relationships.

#1

A support group sitting in a circle, discussing problems and offering comfort, related to over-romanticized realities. Reuniting estranged families. Usual tropes "they love you really" "but she's your mother". Irrelevant. S****y people are s****y people and just because they're FaMiLy doesn't mean you have to have them in your life.

PlinkPlonkFizz , freepik Report

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Tyranamar Suess
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Going no contact with my very twisted, abusive family was one of the most painful things I ever did. But once I got away from their warped thinking it was like coming out of a cult. I never felt so free and safe and happy. Sometimes when I start to feel bad that the house or car aren't nice enough, I remind myself- but I don't have to live with those people. And I'm filled with joy, relief, and gratitude all over. Anytime someone hears my story they say "I'm sorry you had to go through that." My response- "But do you know what's amazing! I'm not there anymore! It makes me so glad I'm out of that situation." I encourage low or no contact if the family is twisted or abusive.

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    #2

    Therapist talking to a distressed woman on a gray sofa, exploring the concept of romanticizing something actually awful. Mental illness. People want it as an "aesthetic" but it's actually a living hell being at war with your own mind.

    disposable_fetish , freepik Report

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    Becca not Becky
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I see it being used less as an aesthetic and more as an excuse. I have my own diagnoses (from professionals), so I'm not discounting that mental illness is real, but I think a lot of people are grasping at the straws for a diagnosis to explain harmless quirks and to make excuses for less desirable behavior.

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    #3

    Victorian street scene with women and a man gathered outside a workshop, depicting a romanticized past. The past. It wasn’t better. It had its own difficulties and good things. Different. I’m a fan of air conditioning and musicals and ebooks.

    G00DDRAWER:

    You want to live in Renaissance Italy? Enjoy the disease, and odors. I'll stay here with penicillin and plumbing.

    aintnomonomo1 , LSE Library Report

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    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    4 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most of us would be paupers or working class, making a decent but still a tough life, working 5 to 6 days a week, sunrise to sunset, for pennies a day, as minimum wage didn't exist, neither safe work standards. On Sunday, your only day off, you're waking early for church, that you would be expected to go to. If you're not mutilated or killed at work, you got a terminal illness. See, people didn't live long back then, because not many survived long enough to live to old age. You will also not like the dentistry and surgery practices, either.

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    Talking about why some people and society as a whole tend to romanticize certain things, sometimes even those that can have a negative impact on them, clinical psychologist Dr. Monica Vermani noted that as human beings, we are social animals; and so the way we behave or the things we value can be significantly influenced by our environment and the people in it.

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    “From the day we are born, we begin to observe our environment, our caregivers, and family members. Toddlers and young children absorb it all – behaviors on the playground, in classroom settings, social gatherings.

    “Throughout our lives, we take on roles in order to blend in, be accepted, and be part of social groups. Everything, from our personal appearance, the way we express ourselves, and our body language, is influenced by our environment and social group,” she noted.

    “By the time we are adults, we’ve identified role models, goals, habits, and preferences. The way we interact with others, our attitude towards work and work-life balance, the degree of importance we place on material goods to define our worth and status, beauty standards, the value we place on security, what we look for, value, and expect from a romantic partner—the list is endless—are often heavily influenced by external factors.”

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    #4

    Couple in a romantic engagement proposal, with the man kneeling and offering a ring outdoors. Public proposals, or proposals at another person’s wedding. Just don’t.

    flugualbinder , freepik Report

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    Maggie Fulton
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tacky to put that sort of social pressure on the person you are proposing to.

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    #5

    Woman in a pink shirt smiling and holding a pot in a kitchen, romanticizing cooking. Tradwife ideology is running rampant online with out any consideration of how it actually was to be a housewife in the times they romanticize. It was awful. They don’t want to be 50s housewives, they want to play rich people pretend.

    Shonky_Honker , svetlanasokolova / freepik Report

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    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Having to be up earlier than your husband to have breakfast ready on the table. Help get your husband ready for work and the kids, and you have to have already gotten ready for the day. Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, organizing. Running errands. Supper has to be cooking by the time your husband comes home. The kids are picked up and doing their homework or doing their chores, playing, whining, crying. After a busy day, your husband waltzes into the living room and puts up his feet in front of the TV while you go back in the kitchen and dish up the meals into pretty serving dishes. Everyone is at the table, asking you to get them this and that. You finally sit down to eat as everyone is nearly finished their supper. After, you're stuck with handwashing all the dishes while your husband goes back to his armchair. Now it's time to get the kids ready for bed, bathed, teethbrushed, stories. Your husband gets ready for bed and starts complaining why certain things aren't clean, put away, etc.

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    “The romanticized ideal lives of hard-driving, high-earning senior executives, successful entertainers, perfect wives and mothers, glamourous, freedom-loving digital nomads, social media influencers, trendsetters, and sports legends are just that. They fail to reveal such life stories in their entirety. And they set standards for success, material wealth, and luxurious lifestyles that can leave some people feeling depressed, anxious, or disappointed in themselves,” Dr. Vermani continued.

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    “In recent years, our exposure to impossible standards has, for many people, become overwhelming. Spend a little time on social media, and you will be exposed to ‘influencers’ from all walks of life, living it up, working from exotic destinations, enjoying glamourous social lives, surrounded by luxuries, and making it all seem so easy.

    “Many of these standards—including impossible beauty standards, a need or desire for a demanding career, the best car, a prestigious home, expensive furniture, designer handbags, shoes, jewelry, and clothing, costly exotic travel, and fine dining—are almost impossible to achieve. The reality is that even if we were to attain, acquire, or achieve them, we are likely to feel unfulfilled, empty, and perhaps in financial trouble. We could end up suffering from stress and burnout, and feel disconnected from our true authentic selves.”

    #6

    Couple romanticizing a café moment outdoors, enjoying drinks on a sunny day. Harassing a woman to go on a date with you after she’s repeatedly turned you down. Real life isn’t like The Notebook.

    PinkFruityPunch , gpointstudio / freepik Report

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    Tyranamar Suess
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My son even sings this nursery song that encourages the boys to do this. B-do you like me a little bit? G-ew! No, not even a little bit. B-come on, you like me a little bit. G- not even a little bit. B- but you like me a little bit? G- OK, maybe a little bit. That's how we brain wash our men young. And teach our girls to play head games instead of being honest. I try to talk to him about the problems with the song. But he's 6. So he doesn't get it.

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    #7

    Wedding party walking outdoors, dressed in formal attire; romanticized event theme. Big weddings - you spend thousands upon thousands of dollars and tons of stress all for show.

    SwimmingAir8274:

    For one day. You pay enough to put a down-payment on a house for one day...
    That will never make sense to me.

    Critical-Annual-3659 , vasilij33 / freepik Report

    #8

    Woman in dramatic lighting, wearing a stylish hat and suit, embodying the concept of romanticizing reality. The fashion industry. It still actively celebrates dangerously thin bodies above all others. And spending thousands of dollars on a single outfit is kind of disgusting.

    LoveColonels , senivpetro / freepik Report

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    Dr. Vermani noted that trying to reach all sorts of unattainable standards might leave us feeling discouraged, defeated, and less than others, consequently pushing us to spiral into low self-esteem and self-doubt.

    “Low self-esteem, low self-worth, and self-doubt hinder our personal growth and limit our understanding, acceptance, and interactions with others. These limitations can lead to anxiety, depression, poor coping skills, and unhealthy behaviors and habits, like over-indulging in alcohol or drugs, overworking, and other choices that negatively impact their health and quality of life,” the expert said.

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    #9

    A romanticized couple kissing, with one wearing angel wings and the other in armor. Romeo and Juliet. They were teenagers who barely knew each other and they both ended up dead.

    Notmyrealname Report

    #10

    Group of young adults walking and talking in front of a building, carrying books and backpacks, romanticizing college life. High school.

    Accomplished-Kale-77:

    It literally irks me more than anything when I hear people say “high school is the best years of your life”
    Just screams “I peaked in High school” to me.

    dottmatrix , freepic.diller / freepik Report

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    Enuya
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wasn't a popular kid AND I didn't peak in high school - it was few years later. But high school was the best years of my life as it was the first school where I wasn't bullied and was accepted for who I am. It was also the last time in my life when I hadn't had to worry about money, bills, working, serious relationships and all the other scary adult things. I enjoy some freedoms that adult life gives me but high school WAS the best time of my life.

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    Alexia
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hated high school period. I was isolated and bullied (by some teachers too); additionally, I was struggling with low income and domestic violence at home. I was on constant fight mode, like a hunted animal. But my former bullies are excited about that time :)))

    Bill Evs
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a very similar experience (minus the DV). Hated every second of school, made me feel utterly worthless as a human being and I only came into my own after I left and formed social circles with people I actually wanted to be around and respected me. Hence why I have never kept in touch with a single person I went to school with.

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    Greenmantle
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The whole concept of "peaked" is again reductionist and de-valuing b******t. Your life isn't ever worth less than it was. It just is. And you, just are.

    Deborah
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    High school was a torture that will remain for many years in my memory, if that had been the best years of my life, I wouldn't have wanted whatever came after.

    John Boy
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nope, it just means that you made the best friends of your life, were able to experience things as a "near-adult" which shaped your future life, and were old enough at the end of it to pursue college or careers.

    Danielle
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mum said that to me as a reason that I shouldn't be sad about getting bullied. Because 'this is the best time of [my] life' and I should enjoy it. Top class advice as per usual mother.

    Carrie Laughs
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wtf mum? Yeah, be great to enjoy it but if someone's being bullied it's pretty much a given that a) it's not enjoyable and b) someone should do something about it MUM. I am so sorry Danielle.

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    John Dilligaf
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my take on this. In HS you are almost an adult. Typically you have many of the adult privileges, but not a lot of the adult responsibilities . For example- you may have a car, with the freedom of movement that brings, but you're not paying for it, or the insurance. Your parents are. ..... Likewise food, clothing, shelter, etc are provided for you. .... You may have a job, so you have spending money, but typically you aren't required to kick in for living expenses. ... Things like that is why HS years could be considered the "best years of your life".

    Enlee Jones
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I knew then what I know now I would have dropped out of high school and got my GED. High school f*****g sucked and is useless.

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's better to peak in high school than to flatline all your life. Besides, peaking is something that should be gotten out of the way while young - sort of like measles.

    keyboardtek
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Many of the popular, extroverted, and smarter kids thrived in high school. Most of the rest of us blossomed later in life. After going onto Facebook and reconnecting with those popular people, I have found most were not much more successful than the rest of us. And many of them have not grown much in their careers or artistic endeavors.

    ZuriLovesYou
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    High school was heII for me. The only upsides were the yearly picnics and the prom.

    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only people who say that are teenagers. If a 30, 40, 50 year old says something like that, then they're living a pretty depressing, sad life.

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    4 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Grown ups used to say it, probably because they wanted me to stop whining, and they were romanticising the time in their lives of not having to pay bills

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    john doe
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Id rephrase that to "they are the easiest years of your life"

    Leah Banks
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember in high school, it was so hyped up. The best years of your life. Friends you'll have forever. Prom is the best night of your life. You know what the best night of my life really was? The night my daughter was born. I'm not friends with anyone from school anymore. And I still have nightmares about high school.

    Flexi Panda
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like how in my country this issue is no issue. Yes, the high school is harder for some than it is for others, but there is no hard bullying, cliques, mean cheerleaders, sport thugs or this kind of stuff

    Suby
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I tell my students anyone who says that is either nostalgic or peaked in high school. The best years are ahead. It's really irresponsible to tell them that this is as good as it gets; some of them are having a terribly hard time, and telling them that might lead them into just giving up.

    michael reid
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing wrong with peaking in high school. I didn't, but everyone peaks at some point in their life. In fact high school is probably one of the better places it could happen.

    Campy
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most of the people I admire are artists in some way or another. Musicians, painters, writers etc. I can only think of a few that have anything good to say about high school or were popular kids. The overwhelming majority were the weird theatre kid, or the kids who hung out in the art room. Sometimes they were the wild kids, the type that ignore the high school dance and instead drive into a nearby city to try and get into some punk club.

    Wingsofwrath
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't remember that much of high school. I know I had a good time, because we had good teachers for the most part and we were a tight knit class without all that American nonsense of "popular", "jock" and "nerd" stereotypes or the bullying, but so much stuff - good and bad - has happened in the 23 years since that it just fades to the background and I only think of it if it gets mentioned.

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    #11

    Man in vintage suit and hat walking on a cobblestone street, symbolizing romanticized ideas of a past era. Mafias.

    They’re not classy criminals with a code. They’re criminal criminals no different from biker gangs (also a little romanticised) or d**g cartels.

    cewumu , vecstock Report

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    Unsurprisingly, romanticizing all sorts of detrimental things can influence not only our own well-being, but our relationships, too. Asked about the role such romanticizing can have on our relationships, Dr. Vermani emphasized that the most important relationship we will ever have is with ourselves, so it’s important to stay true to ourselves without reaching for some romanticized scenario.

    “When we turn away from our authenticity and fail to relate authentically to our partner or take on romanticized roles, we are essentially trying to be someone we are not, and deserting our authentic selves in the process,” the clinical psychologist said.

    “When we allow external influences about what a relationship should be, the role or roles we should take on, how we should behave, what we expect from our partner, and other behaviors, and relationship dynamics that are inauthentic to who we truly are to set the rules, standards, and goals of our relationships, we are setting ourselves up for conflict, disappointment, and failure.”

    #12

    Three kids in casual clothes stand near a road, with one holding a skateboard, enjoying a conversation on a sunny day. When women are kids they are told boys have a crush on them if they’re mean to them.
    This leads to women being in awful relationships.

    Fast_Kaleidoscope135 , olgapink Report

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    Katie Allen
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder if the teachers who told me this garbage were in abusive relationships.

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    #13

    Person making a heart shape with hands, smiling in a park, highlighting romanticized moments. "You have to love yourself before anybody else can love you" is some of the most toxic garbage. I'm so tired of hearing it.

    Sometimes, especially if you have a history of being abused, it's really hard to love yourself. Like, you just don't know how. People have to show you the way. Yeah, I mean it's ultimately up to you to do the deep inner work but other people can be the lighthouse you need to get there.

    People don't heal in isolation through individualism. I don't believe in love because of a self-help book, a podcast, some IG influencer guru. I believe in love because my friends chose me to be part of their family, my grandmother made sure I had food and help with my homework when my single mom worked nights, my husband didn't leave when I was in the trenches of mental illness, because animals and total strangers have shown me kindness and care when I felt ugly and unlovable, and because of how the beauty found in the natural world is made from the same stardust as me 💖.

    FutureBig5493 , sofiiashunkina Report

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    #14

    Silhouette of a couple forming a heart shape with hands against a sunset, highlighting romanticized moments. Cheating for their “soulmate”. In movies, and often in real life, people will be in a relationships when they find “the one who gets them”. Doesn’t matter how s****y the current partner is that’s literally cheating either way.

    Evolvingmindset24 , TonyTheTigersSon Report

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    Sand Ers
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "The heart wants what the heart wants" is just a shítty attempt to justify lying and cheating.

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    As with most situations, there is a way to get out of it, if you feel that romanticizing certain scenarios is clouding your judgment or making life needlessly difficult. Talking about ways to do that, Dr. Vermani summed up that the best cure for such situations is authenticity, and luckily, there are ways you can connect with your authentic self.

    “We owe it to ourselves to be our authentic selves! We are all unique. We have a unique combination of attributes, abilities, attitudes, capabilities, and preferences. We suffer a great deal when we abandon our authentic selves. The antidote to inauthenticity is, of course, authenticity,” the expert told Bored Panda.

    “The question is: How can we step away from impossible external role modeling and standards, and connect with our authentic selves? The answer: work on improving our EQ (emotional intelligence).”

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    #15

    A couple arguing in a park, illustrating the concept of romanticizing something actually awful. Fighting a lot with your partner.

    No, it's not "passionate", it's quite often just straight up abuse from one or both parties.

    snufkin79 , wirestock_creators / freepik Report

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    ॐBoyGanesh
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to be slightly insecure that my husband and I never fight or argue. I’ve heard time and again that all couples do this and it’s a sign of a healthy relationship that each partner is highly invested it. It caused me to question just a wee bit. We disagree with each other, but we talk & listen & consider & respect. Also, our love, comfort & joy in each other is that we enthusiastically compromise should the need arise. Why would anyone want to fight with the person they love most & who brings them utter joy? It’s not passionate to do so and it’s an inauthentic means of expressing investment & participation.

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    #16

    Man in sunglasses sitting on a motorcycle, representing the romanticized but actually awful aspects of biker culture. The "bad boy" BF.

    Such-Anything-498:

    I went on a date with a guy, and I could tell that he was trying to come off as a bad boy. We went to the same college, so all I could think was "We are both too old for this 😐" We did not go on another date.

    PositionFar26:

    I blame Hollywood for glamorizing it with hunky men in leather jackets

    UpbeatMarionberry820 , senivpetro / freepik Report

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    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    These types of guys don't really care about you. They just like having you around for their image. Plus, they're more likely to be too rough in bed.

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    #17

    Man in gold jacket on a red carpet, embodying romanticized but awful glamour of celebrity culture. Being a world-famous celebrity.

    Every word and action of yours is monitored and judged, and you will be surrounded by people trying to use you and get you into shady stuff.

    All the while the masses show endless adoration for the persona you hold that's not the real you, but the one you and/or your agency created to continue to appeal to your fanbase and keep your job.

    The celebrity industry has allowed some very good people to do very good things, but has eaten up and spat out most of the people that come near it.

    fortifier22 , toonsteb / freepik Report

    “What exactly is EQ? Our IQ (intelligence quotient) is a measurement of our knowledge of the outer world, how it works, and how we reason with the world and solve outer-world problems,” Dr. Vermani noted.

    “Apply this definition to your inner world, and you are on your way to understanding the meaning of emotional intelligence. EQ is a measure of how well we know and understand our inner selves, our feelings, what makes us tick, and how well we comprehend and interact with others.”

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    #18

    Couple in a van overlooking the ocean, idealizing van life that is often romanticized but can be challenging. Living in a van.

    one_pound_of_flesh:

    People think it is camping on the pacific coast and surfing with your hot girlfriend, sleeping in an insta worthy VW van.
    In reality it is peeing in a milk jug and parking at Walmart.

    myjah , EyeEm / freepik Report

    #19

    Mother and son whispering at a table with toy vehicles, illustrating romanticized family moments. Autism. Especially online. (Saying this as an autistic person).

    New-Passenger-882 , freepik Report

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    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't like how it's the default, go-to when people are talking about intellectual and developmental disabilities.

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    “When we define ourselves by external standards, rather than what we authentically want for ourselves, we can end up in a place of self-doubt and low self-esteem. This impedes our personal growth and leads us away from our authenticity. Over time, this lack of authenticity can lead to anxiety, depression, and harmful behaviors and habits,” the expert pointed out.

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    “You can begin to reconnect with your authentic self by focusing on raising your EQ. Raising your EQ begins with you, getting to know yourself, and your emotions. When you understand what triggers anger and other negative emotions, you can better regulate your actions and reactions to situations and interactions with others. A greater self-awareness leads to an increase in the ability to make choices that align with who you truly are and what you want for yourself.”

    #21

    Two people with shopping bags walking down a sunlit street, a scene often romanticized but can be stressful. Consumerism, most people are buying tons of s**t they don’t need or really even want just because ‘everyone’ else has it.

    Don’t get me started about Christmas. We quit exchanging gifts forever ago. So much less stressful.

    CallingDrDingle , sedrik2007 Report

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    Child of the Stars
    Community Member
    4 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I believe it was George Carlin who said we buy things we don't want with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.

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    #22

    Man working late on a laptop with headphones, papers, and coffee, reflecting on romanticized but awful realities. “Working for yourself”. Sounds dreamy, right? More like “stressfully juggling ALL the things 24/7”.

    Icy_Welcome1905 , freepik Report

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    Maggie Fulton
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, the tax and FICA costs for self-employed people is nuts. The system does not really benefit entrepreneurs.

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    #23

    Man on phone leaning over desk with computer, depicting romanticized yet stressful work environment. The grindset. When taken to extreme it can be really hard to get out of and extremely detrimental to mental health. Sometimes it leads to people identifying with external goals too much.

    imakangaroo7 , gpointstudio / freepik Report

    “A deeper and closer relationship with yourself allows you to begin to relate authentically to others. This leads to better social skills. Better social skills allow you, at your highest and best, to interact with confidence, in the moment, with compassion for yourself and others,” Dr. Vermani said, adding that:

    “We need to pay attention to our negative thoughts and self-limiting beliefs.

    “We need to challenge the impossible standards we set for ourselves.

    “We need to treat ourselves with compassion.

    “We need to reconnect with and stand up for our authentic selves.

    “We need to prioritize our authenticity.”

    By doing that, we can clear our mind of all sorts of romanticized scenarios that are actually pretty awful, and focus on being our true selves, which, in turn, will allow us to create stronger relationships and arguably a calmer mind.

    #24

    Skyline of New York City at sunset, showcasing iconic skyscrapers, often romanticized yet challenging urban lifestyle. Living in NYC. Tiny living space, expensive, everywhere you go there are people, there’s always a line, one time someone threw a live rat at my friend.

    luckycharm82 , vichie81 / freepik Report

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    #25

    Two characters with smiles and vibrant outfits on a dimly lit aircraft, illustrating the contrast between romance and reality. Joker and Harley Quinn.... she has stockhome syndrome and battered wife syndrome (BWS, and yeah i dont like how it sounds either) but idiotic people will be like "OMG were just like Harley and the Joker!"...

    yeah, suuuuuper cute..... /s.

    Empty-Refrigerator , Warner Bros. Pictures Report

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    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I believe it's worse than Stockholm Syndrome. Cinema Therapy did their take on Harley and Joker.

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    #26

    Person with purple hair smoking outdoors, illustrating something romanticized but actually awful. Smoking.

    Stinky, dirty, plus a wide assortment of health impacts.

    letdogsvote , shapoval08 Report

    #27

    Pregnancy romanticized; close-up of hands on a pregnant belly, holding white flowers. Pregnancy. It is romanticized to the point you have no idea what you actually walk into. You’re told it’s some beautiful thing and a good thing for society. Then society shames you no matter your decision for YOUR pregnancy and labor choices and no one tells you about the horrors of it all. ✨ But sure 100% let’s romanticize pregnancy.

    Ok_Vanilla9496 , freepic.diller / freepik Report

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    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let's be real. Everyone is talking about the baby, wanting to touch your belly to feel the baby. It seems if people were able to, they would reach through your stomach to grab the baby. All the fretting about how you're doing, what you're eating, when you're due, why are you still doing this and that, where you'll be having your baby so they can come see the baby and visit, all that attention you're getting is actually about the baby. Once the baby is born, everyone wants to hold the baby, cooing and awing. You'll tell them you're tired and need sleep, the visitors will fluff your needs off because they're not finished visiting the baby. You will have to feed your baby, go to the washroom, shower, eat. You will need help with the showering and going to the washroom but no one will want to help you because they can spend time with the baby while you figure yourself out, alone. You're cast aside and not trusted to know what you're doing. That's just the tip of the iceberg.

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    #28

    Person sitting on a bench with a suitcase, using a laptop, illustrating the romanticized idea of travel. Travelling for work.

    You'll be going to stupid awkward places you don't want to go, on a student pittance of a budget. Your decidedly meh hotel is also probably a long way from where you need to be and doesn't include anything like breakfasts.

    Shoddy-Computer2377 , senivpetro / freepik Report

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    Maggie Fulton
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And it’s not as if you get to see much of anything in the city you’re visiting. Airport, hotel, office, hotel, airport.

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    #29

    Two men handling a smoked, overcooked chicken in a kitchen, highlighting the gap between romanticizing and reality. Neediness. People like to pretend that having a partner or friends or family who you do everything with is the best thing in the world but honestly everyone needs to learn to do things alone.

    If you don't learn to do things alone you will end up in codependent relationships with everyone and then get miserable when those people have their own lives.

    xelas1983 , RossHelen Report

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    Strings
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I recently went through this with a friend. Was there to help him with surgery (as you do), and suddenly I felt like I had another apendage

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    #30

    Person lying in bed with hands on stomach, wearing a white shirt, illustrating the contrast of romanticized ideas being awful. Chronic illnesses. It isn’t fun to pass out and feel like s**t daily. I cannot stand seeing videos online “watch my bf hold me while I pass out” and someone gracefully passes out while their bf holds them and they wake up all wide eyed and bushy tailed smiling. Last time I went out I just drop and wake up shaking and confused. It isn’t fun.

    xtine_____ , LightFieldStudios Report

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    #32

    “What’s Something People Romanticize But Is Actually Awful?” (30 Answers) Guys being possessive of their gfs/wives. Yes it could be cute in a joking manner, but some people just take it too far...

    Relevant-Marketing83 , freepik Report

    #33

    The whole, "I can fix them", idea. Stop it, unless they want help, because there is nothing you can do, and most likely make things worse. Not only for them, but also for you. In some cases the best thing you can do is walk away.

    TheManFromNeverNever Report

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    Black Cat
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, why be with someone you want to change? I think in some instances it's just controlling behaviour under the guise of being helpful.

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    #34

    Growing up with performing parents. I was on the road a lot as a kid, sleeping wherever I could get comfortable, no bed-times, sometimes I didn't have snacks, usually no babysitter. I was mostly just bored and lonely, and all I wanted a warm bed, structure and an adult to take care of me.

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    #35

    “What’s Something People Romanticize But Is Actually Awful?” (30 Answers) Wine-o culture. It’s weird that we treat binge drinking as a joke.

    PotatoMuffinMafia , wavebreakmedia_micro / freepik Report

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    Tyranamar Suess
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can pry my wine out of my cold dead hands. And I don't get drunk. I have maybe 2 drinks. Just enough to relax.

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    #36

    S*x on the beach, s*x in a hot tub, s*x in a pool, s*x in a bathroom - well, you get the point.

    Find a bed people.

    NoTripOfALifetime Report

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    Paul Scheermeijer
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sex on the TV has become less spacious since the introduction of flat screen tv's. We keep falling off them

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    #37

    “What’s Something People Romanticize But Is Actually Awful?” (30 Answers) I had an eating disorder in college and was extremely thin. I was also miserable. My life was consumed by it and I was hungry and cold all the time. Constantly had people tell me how great I looked.

    PebblesmomWisconsin7 , freepik Report

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    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ya know, people complain about the fashion industry egging in eating disorders. But society doesn't need to look that far to see the problem lies much closer to home.

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    #38

    “What’s Something People Romanticize But Is Actually Awful?” (30 Answers) Living in a small town or rural area. It has its pluses and minuses, but it usually isn’t as charming as it looks in Hallmark movies. 

    SpecialistNo30 , freepik Report

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    Helena
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hallmark rarely includes the bigotry or sexism or petty gossip or racism or that everyone must conform or be ostracised. Which means something in a small town.

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    #39

    Any disability. I have seen people actively search for partners who are disabled because they like the idea of their partner being completely dependent on them.

    Junior_Wolverine_970 Report

    #40

    Stalkers.

    ZafrinaKuu:

    I was stalked by an ex for almost 5 years. It was one of the worst times of my life. I lived in constant fear. I'm 10 years out from him finally stopping (yes the cops were involved) and I've moved to a different state and I'm still scared that he will show up....yeah stalkers are horrible....

    Jaydee_Hanz Report

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    #41

    Very specific, but those tumblr posts that romanticize living in an apartment with a lot of cats while it’s raining? Having a bunch of cats? No, they’re not low maintenance and cheap. No, there’s zero guarantee they’re going to like you or the other cats. If your six cats all got sick with URIs, your bank account is f****d. Living in an apartment with a lot of cats? You clean their litter boxes daily unless they live outside. They leave SO. MUCH. FUR. They will scratch up and knock down anything nice you have. I love my guys, but I wish I had thought a little more before adopting more than two because I didn’t realize how costly they’d be. They’re a commitment, people!

    SadPartyPony Report

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    Black Cat
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same could be said for having children, that's romanticised too much. Nothing great about growing up in poverty with stressed parents. Never mind a helluva lot of people aren't cut out for parenthood and just damage their children.

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    #45

    Being much smarter than your academic level. It’s hell when you know everything being said but you have to sit through it because you can’t attend the exam otherwise.

    lethargicmoonlight Report

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    Child of the Stars
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Both of my children are moderately gifted. I was so grateful they were identified at a school that already had extra funding for special education because all the teachers knew exactly how to handle it, and my kids are able to stay in regular classrooms with students their own age.

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    #46

    Working on the beach. Sand between keyboard keys is NOT fun.

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    #47

    Tiny homes.

    MH60AV8R Report

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    Daniel Atkins
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Watching those shows it seemed that they all had large dogs. Nothing against dogs but living in a house so small that when the dog farts you have to clear out seems unwise to me.

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    #48

    Having someone jelous of you. Maybe it can look like they simply care for you, but the line is very thin to becoming possessive.

    anon Report

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    Black Cat
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Care and jealousy arent the same thing, it's not a thin line, they're two very different things.

    #49

    Large age gap relationships to freshly turned 18 year olds or younger (lana del rey 'aesthetic'/mentality).

    howlixg Report

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    Winter
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It can work. My husband and I have just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. We've been extremely happy together since early 1986, i.e we've been together for 38 years, and married for 35 years. When I first met him, he was 19, and I was 38 - 20 years older than him. Everyone said that it wouldn't last 😊🤨 ...but here we are, still paddling the canoe in the same direction... and likely to keep going for another 35 years, unless one of us (or hopefully both of us!) happens to pop their clogs due to some unforeseen circumstance! 😁

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    #50

    “What’s Something People Romanticize But Is Actually Awful?” (30 Answers) Genius kids. I am so glad my daughter is within the expectation. I would hate for her to struggle to fit in and be seen as different and "special". It's actually really hard to be a genius. I'm not talking from experience, though. I'm very average lol.

    tightheadband , senivpetro / freepik Report

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    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hmmm. Every movie I see about geniuses has it depicted as bleak and lonely. Like in Algernon

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    #51

    “What’s Something People Romanticize But Is Actually Awful?” (30 Answers) Misunderstood talented mad geniuses.


    I mean, their results aren't. Dreadful existences though.

    Zisx , alexkich / freepik Report

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    #54

    Old cars.

    Don't get me wrong, I love classic cars. There's something about how they look, the simplicity in some of their design, the weird quirks, even just how it feels to slot a shifter into gear where you can feel you're moving a solid piece of metal.

    That said, modern cars are better in about every quantifiable way. Overall they're more powerful, more reliable, take surprisingly little maintenance, more efficient, and safer.

    Old cars are amazing... as a second car.

    straighttoplaid Report

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    James016
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Burying primary functions into a touch screen that you have to take your eyes off the road for is not better in any way.

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    #56

    Cuddling while sleeping.

    Naarombabusy Report

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    Black Cat
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same with walking with your arms around each other. It's bloody uncomfortable. Head on his shoulder, nah hurts ya neck.

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    #57

    Genuinely, being in love with a narcissist. i’ve literally seen it. mostly from girls my age (14-16). 


    as someone medically diagnosed with npd i have enough awareness of myself and other narcissists to say it’s never ever going to be what you daydream. not to demonize us, but we suck. a lot of the time .

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    SleepyVampire
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've worked in the mental health field for years and technically speaking, a young teenager cannot be diagnosed with NPD. A 14-16 year-old with the diagnosis is pretty much unheard of.

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