Talking about why some people and society as a whole tend to romanticize certain things, sometimes even those that can have a negative impact on them, clinical psychologist Dr. Monica Vermani noted that as human beings, we are social animals; and so the way we behave or the things we value can be significantly influenced by our environment and the people in it.

“From the day we are born, we begin to observe our environment, our caregivers, and family members. Toddlers and young children absorb it all – behaviors on the playground, in classroom settings, social gatherings.

“Throughout our lives, we take on roles in order to blend in, be accepted, and be part of social groups. Everything, from our personal appearance, the way we express ourselves, and our body language, is influenced by our environment and social group,” she noted.

“By the time we are adults, we’ve identified role models, goals, habits, and preferences. The way we interact with others, our attitude towards work and work-life balance, the degree of importance we place on material goods to define our worth and status, beauty standards, the value we place on security, what we look for, value, and expect from a romantic partner—the list is endless—are often heavily influenced by external factors.”

“The romanticized ideal lives of hard-driving, high-earning senior executives, successful entertainers, perfect wives and mothers, glamourous, freedom-loving digital nomads, social media influencers, trendsetters, and sports legends are just that. They fail to reveal such life stories in their entirety. And they set standards for success, material wealth, and luxurious lifestyles that can leave some people feeling depressed, anxious, or disappointed in themselves,” Dr. Vermani continued.

“In recent years, our exposure to impossible standards has, for many people, become overwhelming. Spend a little time on social media, and you will be exposed to ‘influencers’ from all walks of life, living it up, working from exotic destinations, enjoying glamourous social lives, surrounded by luxuries, and making it all seem so easy.

“Many of these standards—including impossible beauty standards, a need or desire for a demanding career, the best car, a prestigious home, expensive furniture, designer handbags, shoes, jewelry, and clothing, costly exotic travel, and fine dining—are almost impossible to achieve. The reality is that even if we were to attain, acquire, or achieve them, we are likely to feel unfulfilled, empty, and perhaps in financial trouble. We could end up suffering from stress and burnout, and feel disconnected from our true authentic selves.”

Dr. Vermani noted that trying to reach all sorts of unattainable standards might leave us feeling discouraged, defeated, and less than others, consequently pushing us to spiral into low self-esteem and self-doubt.

“Low self-esteem, low self-worth, and self-doubt hinder our personal growth and limit our understanding, acceptance, and interactions with others. These limitations can lead to anxiety, depression, poor coping skills, and unhealthy behaviors and habits, like over-indulging in alcohol or drugs, overworking, and other choices that negatively impact their health and quality of life,” the expert said.

Unsurprisingly, romanticizing all sorts of detrimental things can influence not only our own well-being, but our relationships, too. Asked about the role such romanticizing can have on our relationships, Dr. Vermani emphasized that the most important relationship we will ever have is with ourselves, so it’s important to stay true to ourselves without reaching for some romanticized scenario.

“When we turn away from our authenticity and fail to relate authentically to our partner or take on romanticized roles, we are essentially trying to be someone we are not, and deserting our authentic selves in the process,” the clinical psychologist said.

“When we allow external influences about what a relationship should be, the role or roles we should take on, how we should behave, what we expect from our partner, and other behaviors, and relationship dynamics that are inauthentic to who we truly are to set the rules, standards, and goals of our relationships, we are setting ourselves up for conflict, disappointment, and failure.”

As with most situations, there is a way to get out of it, if you feel that romanticizing certain scenarios is clouding your judgment or making life needlessly difficult. Talking about ways to do that, Dr. Vermani summed up that the best cure for such situations is authenticity, and luckily, there are ways you can connect with your authentic self.

“We owe it to ourselves to be our authentic selves! We are all unique. We have a unique combination of attributes, abilities, attitudes, capabilities, and preferences. We suffer a great deal when we abandon our authentic selves. The antidote to inauthenticity is, of course, authenticity,” the expert told Bored Panda.

“The question is: How can we step away from impossible external role modeling and standards, and connect with our authentic selves? The answer: work on improving our EQ (emotional intelligence).”

“What exactly is EQ? Our IQ (intelligence quotient) is a measurement of our knowledge of the outer world, how it works, and how we reason with the world and solve outer-world problems,” Dr. Vermani noted.

“Apply this definition to your inner world, and you are on your way to understanding the meaning of emotional intelligence. EQ is a measure of how well we know and understand our inner selves, our feelings, what makes us tick, and how well we comprehend and interact with others.”

“When we define ourselves by external standards, rather than what we authentically want for ourselves, we can end up in a place of self-doubt and low self-esteem. This impedes our personal growth and leads us away from our authenticity. Over time, this lack of authenticity can lead to anxiety, depression, and harmful behaviors and habits,” the expert pointed out.

“You can begin to reconnect with your authentic self by focusing on raising your EQ. Raising your EQ begins with you, getting to know yourself, and your emotions. When you understand what triggers anger and other negative emotions, you can better regulate your actions and reactions to situations and interactions with others. A greater self-awareness leads to an increase in the ability to make choices that align with who you truly are and what you want for yourself.”

“A deeper and closer relationship with yourself allows you to begin to relate authentically to others. This leads to better social skills. Better social skills allow you, at your highest and best, to interact with confidence, in the moment, with compassion for yourself and others,” Dr. Vermani said, adding that:

“We need to pay attention to our negative thoughts and self-limiting beliefs.

“We need to challenge the impossible standards we set for ourselves.

“We need to treat ourselves with compassion.

“We need to reconnect with and stand up for our authentic selves.

“We need to prioritize our authenticity.”

By doing that, we can clear our mind of all sorts of romanticized scenarios that are actually pretty awful, and focus on being our true selves, which, in turn, will allow us to create stronger relationships and arguably a calmer mind.