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So many things, including detrimental ones, can seem “cool” or desirable in the movies. For instance, nostalgia over a long-lost love, encouraging the main character to fight for said love time and again, or the melancholy that overtakes one’s mind after a night of drinking and chain-smoking cigarettes.
In reality, neither is actually cool; the first scenario is someone balancing on the thin line between being a romantic and a stalker and the second one, well, that’s no fun in real life, so it probably shouldn’t be romanticized, either. Be that as it may, many things are romanticized by people, despite them being pretty awful in real life.
Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community recently discussed such awful things that people tend to romanticize after one user started a thread about it, and their answers compiled quite an extensive list. If you’re curious to learn what awful things they pointed to, scroll down to find the question that started the discussion and the netizens’ thoughts below.
On the list below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a clinical psychologist, author, wellness coach, and mental health advocate, Dr. Monica Vermani, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about how romanticizing detrimental things can affect our well-being and our relationships.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Reuniting estranged families. Usual tropes "they love you really" "but she's your mother". Irrelevant. S****y people are s****y people and just because they're FaMiLy doesn't mean you have to have them in your life.
Tyranamar Suess 3 days ago
Going no contact with my very twisted, abusive family was one of the most painful things I ever did. But once I got away from their warped thinking it was like coming out of a cult. I never felt so free and safe and happy. Sometimes when I start to feel bad that the house or car aren't nice enough, I remind myself- but I don't have to live with those people. And I'm filled with joy, relief, and gratitude all over. Anytime someone hears my story they say "I'm sorry you had to go through that." My response- "But do you know what's amazing! I'm not there anymore! It makes me so glad I'm out of that situation." I encourage low or no contact if the family is twisted or abusive.
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#2
Mental illness. People want it as an "aesthetic" but it's actually a living hell being at war with your own mind.
Becca not Becky 3 days ago
I see it being used less as an aesthetic and more as an excuse. I have my own diagnoses (from professionals), so I'm not discounting that mental illness is real, but I think a lot of people are grasping at the straws for a diagnosis to explain harmless quirks and to make excuses for less desirable behavior.
#3
The past. It wasn’t better. It had its own difficulties and good things. Different. I’m a fan of air conditioning and musicals and ebooks.
G00DDRAWER:
You want to live in Renaissance Italy? Enjoy the disease, and odors. I'll stay here with penicillin and plumbing.
StrangeOne 3 days ago (edited)
Most of us would be paupers or working class, making a decent but still a tough life, working 5 to 6 days a week, sunrise to sunset, for pennies a day, as minimum wage didn't exist, neither safe work standards. On Sunday, your only day off, you're waking early for church, that you would be expected to go to. If you're not mutilated or killed at work, you got a terminal illness. See, people didn't live long back then, because not many survived long enough to live to old age. You will also not like the dentistry and surgery practices, either.
Talking about why some people and society as a whole tend to romanticize certain things, sometimes even those that can have a negative impact on them, clinical psychologist Dr. Monica Vermani noted that as human beings, we are social animals; and so the way we behave or the things we value can be significantly influenced by our environment and the people in it.
“From the day we are born, we begin to observe our environment, our caregivers, and family members. Toddlers and young children absorb it all – behaviors on the playground, in classroom settings, social gatherings.
“Throughout our lives, we take on roles in order to blend in, be accepted, and be part of social groups. Everything, from our personal appearance, the way we express ourselves, and our body language, is influenced by our environment and social group,” she noted.
“By the time we are adults, we’ve identified role models, goals, habits, and preferences. The way we interact with others, our attitude towards work and work-life balance, the degree of importance we place on material goods to define our worth and status, beauty standards, the value we place on security, what we look for, value, and expect from a romantic partner—the list is endless—are often heavily influenced by external factors.”
#4
Tradwife ideology is running rampant online with out any consideration of how it actually was to be a housewife in the times they romanticize. It was awful. They don’t want to be 50s housewives, they want to play rich people pretend.
StrangeOne 3 days ago
Having to be up earlier than your husband to have breakfast ready on the table. Help get your husband ready for work and the kids, and you have to have already gotten ready for the day. Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, organizing. Running errands. Supper has to be cooking by the time your husband comes home. The kids are picked up and doing their homework or doing their chores, playing, whining, crying. After a busy day, your husband waltzes into the living room and puts up his feet in front of the TV while you go back in the kitchen and dish up the meals into pretty serving dishes. Everyone is at the table, asking you to get them this and that. You finally sit down to eat as everyone is nearly finished their supper. After, you're stuck with handwashing all the dishes while your husband goes back to his armchair. Now it's time to get the kids ready for bed, bathed, teethbrushed, stories. Your husband gets ready for bed and starts complaining why certain things aren't clean, put away, etc.
#5
Public proposals, or proposals at another person’s wedding. Just don’t.
Maggie Fulton 3 days ago
Tacky to put that sort of social pressure on the person you are proposing to.
“The romanticized ideal lives of hard-driving, high-earning senior executives, successful entertainers, perfect wives and mothers, glamourous, freedom-loving digital nomads, social media influencers, trendsetters, and sports legends are just that. They fail to reveal such life stories in their entirety. And they set standards for success, material wealth, and luxurious lifestyles that can leave some people feeling depressed, anxious, or disappointed in themselves,” Dr. Vermani continued.
“In recent years, our exposure to impossible standards has, for many people, become overwhelming. Spend a little time on social media, and you will be exposed to ‘influencers’ from all walks of life, living it up, working from exotic destinations, enjoying glamourous social lives, surrounded by luxuries, and making it all seem so easy.
“Many of these standards—including impossible beauty standards, a need or desire for a demanding career, the best car, a prestigious home, expensive furniture, designer handbags, shoes, jewelry, and clothing, costly exotic travel, and fine dining—are almost impossible to achieve. The reality is that even if we were to attain, acquire, or achieve them, we are likely to feel unfulfilled, empty, and perhaps in financial trouble. We could end up suffering from stress and burnout, and feel disconnected from our true authentic selves.”
#6
Big weddings - you spend thousands upon thousands of dollars and tons of stress all for show.
SwimmingAir8274:
For one day. You pay enough to put a down-payment on a house for one day...
That will never make sense to me.
#7
Harassing a woman to go on a date with you after she’s repeatedly turned you down. Real life isn’t like The Notebook.
Tyranamar Suess 3 days ago
My son even sings this nursery song that encourages the boys to do this. B-do you like me a little bit? G-ew! No, not even a little bit. B-come on, you like me a little bit. G- not even a little bit. B- but you like me a little bit? G- OK, maybe a little bit. That's how we brain wash our men young. And teach our girls to play head games instead of being honest. I try to talk to him about the problems with the song. But he's 6. So he doesn't get it.
#8
The fashion industry. It still actively celebrates dangerously thin bodies above all others. And spending thousands of dollars on a single outfit is kind of disgusting.
Dr. Vermani noted that trying to reach all sorts of unattainable standards might leave us feeling discouraged, defeated, and less than others, consequently pushing us to spiral into low self-esteem and self-doubt.
“Low self-esteem, low self-worth, and self-doubt hinder our personal growth and limit our understanding, acceptance, and interactions with others. These limitations can lead to anxiety, depression, poor coping skills, and unhealthy behaviors and habits, like over-indulging in alcohol or drugs, overworking, and other choices that negatively impact their health and quality of life,” the expert said.
#9
Romeo and Juliet. They were teenagers who barely knew each other and they both ended up dead.
#10
High school.
Accomplished-Kale-77:
It literally irks me more than anything when I hear people say “high school is the best years of your life”
Just screams “I peaked in High school” to me.
#11
Mafias.
They’re not classy criminals with a code. They’re criminal criminals no different from biker gangs (also a little romanticised) or d**g cartels.
Unsurprisingly, romanticizing all sorts of detrimental things can influence not only our own well-being, but our relationships, too. Asked about the role such romanticizing can have on our relationships, Dr. Vermani emphasized that the most important relationship we will ever have is with ourselves, so it’s important to stay true to ourselves without reaching for some romanticized scenario.
“When we turn away from our authenticity and fail to relate authentically to our partner or take on romanticized roles, we are essentially trying to be someone we are not, and deserting our authentic selves in the process,” the clinical psychologist said.
“When we allow external influences about what a relationship should be, the role or roles we should take on, how we should behave, what we expect from our partner, and other behaviors, and relationship dynamics that are inauthentic to who we truly are to set the rules, standards, and goals of our relationships, we are setting ourselves up for conflict, disappointment, and failure.”
#12
When women are kids they are told boys have a crush on them if they’re mean to them.
This leads to women being in awful relationships.
Katie Allen 3 days ago
I wonder if the teachers who told me this garbage were in abusive relationships.
#13
"You have to love yourself before anybody else can love you" is some of the most toxic garbage. I'm so tired of hearing it.
Sometimes, especially if you have a history of being abused, it's really hard to love yourself. Like, you just don't know how. People have to show you the way. Yeah, I mean it's ultimately up to you to do the deep inner work but other people can be the lighthouse you need to get there.
People don't heal in isolation through individualism. I don't believe in love because of a self-help book, a podcast, some IG influencer guru. I believe in love because my friends chose me to be part of their family, my grandmother made sure I had food and help with my homework when my single mom worked nights, my husband didn't leave when I was in the trenches of mental illness, because animals and total strangers have shown me kindness and care when I felt ugly and unlovable, and because of how the beauty found in the natural world is made from the same stardust as me 💖.
#14
Cheating for their “soulmate”. In movies, and often in real life, people will be in a relationships when they find “the one who gets them”. Doesn’t matter how s****y the current partner is that’s literally cheating either way.
As with most situations, there is a way to get out of it, if you feel that romanticizing certain scenarios is clouding your judgment or making life needlessly difficult. Talking about ways to do that, Dr. Vermani summed up that the best cure for such situations is authenticity, and luckily, there are ways you can connect with your authentic self.
“We owe it to ourselves to be our authentic selves! We are all unique. We have a unique combination of attributes, abilities, attitudes, capabilities, and preferences. We suffer a great deal when we abandon our authentic selves. The antidote to inauthenticity is, of course, authenticity,” the expert told Bored Panda.
“The question is: How can we step away from impossible external role modeling and standards, and connect with our authentic selves? The answer: work on improving our EQ (emotional intelligence).”
#15
Fighting a lot with your partner.
No, it's not "passionate", it's quite often just straight up abuse from one or both parties.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 days ago
I used to be slightly insecure that my husband and I never fight or argue. I’ve heard time and again that all couples do this and it’s a sign of a healthy relationship that each partner is highly invested it. It caused me to question just a wee bit. We disagree with each other, but we talk & listen & consider & respect. Also, our love, comfort & joy in each other is that we enthusiastically compromise should the need arise. Why would anyone want to fight with the person they love most & who brings them utter joy? It’s not passionate to do so and it’s an inauthentic means of expressing investment & participation.
#16
The "bad boy" BF.
Such-Anything-498:
I went on a date with a guy, and I could tell that he was trying to come off as a bad boy. We went to the same college, so all I could think was "We are both too old for this 😐" We did not go on another date.
PositionFar26:
I blame Hollywood for glamorizing it with hunky men in leather jackets
StrangeOne 3 days ago
These types of guys don't really care about you. They just like having you around for their image. Plus, they're more likely to be too rough in bed.
#17
Being a world-famous celebrity.
Every word and action of yours is monitored and judged, and you will be surrounded by people trying to use you and get you into shady stuff.
All the while the masses show endless adoration for the persona you hold that's not the real you, but the one you and/or your agency created to continue to appeal to your fanbase and keep your job.
The celebrity industry has allowed some very good people to do very good things, but has eaten up and spat out most of the people that come near it.
“What exactly is EQ? Our IQ (intelligence quotient) is a measurement of our knowledge of the outer world, how it works, and how we reason with the world and solve outer-world problems,” Dr. Vermani noted.
“Apply this definition to your inner world, and you are on your way to understanding the meaning of emotional intelligence. EQ is a measure of how well we know and understand our inner selves, our feelings, what makes us tick, and how well we comprehend and interact with others.”
#18
Living in a van.
one_pound_of_flesh:
People think it is camping on the pacific coast and surfing with your hot girlfriend, sleeping in an insta worthy VW van.
In reality it is peeing in a milk jug and parking at Walmart.
#20
Autism. Especially online. (Saying this as an autistic person).
StrangeOne 3 days ago
I don't like how it's the default, go-to when people are talking about intellectual and developmental disabilities.
“When we define ourselves by external standards, rather than what we authentically want for ourselves, we can end up in a place of self-doubt and low self-esteem. This impedes our personal growth and leads us away from our authenticity. Over time, this lack of authenticity can lead to anxiety, depression, and harmful behaviors and habits,” the expert pointed out.
“You can begin to reconnect with your authentic self by focusing on raising your EQ. Raising your EQ begins with you, getting to know yourself, and your emotions. When you understand what triggers anger and other negative emotions, you can better regulate your actions and reactions to situations and interactions with others. A greater self-awareness leads to an increase in the ability to make choices that align with who you truly are and what you want for yourself.”
#21
Consumerism, most people are buying tons of s**t they don’t need or really even want just because ‘everyone’ else has it.
Don’t get me started about Christmas. We quit exchanging gifts forever ago. So much less stressful.
Child of the Stars 3 days ago (edited)
I believe it was George Carlin who said we buy things we don't want with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.
#22
“Working for yourself”. Sounds dreamy, right? More like “stressfully juggling ALL the things 24/7”.
Maggie Fulton 3 days ago
Also, the tax and FICA costs for self-employed people is nuts. The system does not really benefit entrepreneurs.
#23
The grindset. When taken to extreme it can be really hard to get out of and extremely detrimental to mental health. Sometimes it leads to people identifying with external goals too much.
“A deeper and closer relationship with yourself allows you to begin to relate authentically to others. This leads to better social skills. Better social skills allow you, at your highest and best, to interact with confidence, in the moment, with compassion for yourself and others,” Dr. Vermani said, adding that:
“We need to pay attention to our negative thoughts and self-limiting beliefs.
“We need to challenge the impossible standards we set for ourselves.
“We need to treat ourselves with compassion.
“We need to reconnect with and stand up for our authentic selves.
“We need to prioritize our authenticity.”
By doing that, we can clear our mind of all sorts of romanticized scenarios that are actually pretty awful, and focus on being our true selves, which, in turn, will allow us to create stronger relationships and arguably a calmer mind.
#24
Living in NYC. Tiny living space, expensive, everywhere you go there are people, there’s always a line, one time someone threw a live rat at my friend.
#25
Joker and Harley Quinn.... she has stockhome syndrome and battered wife syndrome (BWS, and yeah i dont like how it sounds either) but idiotic people will be like "OMG were just like Harley and the Joker!"...
yeah, suuuuuper cute..... /s.
StrangeOne 3 days ago
I believe it's worse than Stockholm Syndrome. Cinema Therapy did their take on Harley and Joker.
#26
Smoking.
Stinky, dirty, plus a wide assortment of health impacts.
Child of the Stars 3 days ago
Eh, I don't think this is romanticized NEARLY as much as it used to be.
#27
Pregnancy. It is romanticized to the point you have no idea what you actually walk into. You’re told it’s some beautiful thing and a good thing for society. Then society shames you no matter your decision for YOUR pregnancy and labor choices and no one tells you about the horrors of it all. ✨ But sure 100% let’s romanticize pregnancy.
StrangeOne 3 days ago
Let's be real. Everyone is talking about the baby, wanting to touch your belly to feel the baby. It seems if people were able to, they would reach through your stomach to grab the baby. All the fretting about how you're doing, what you're eating, when you're due, why are you still doing this and that, where you'll be having your baby so they can come see the baby and visit, all that attention you're getting is actually about the baby. Once the baby is born, everyone wants to hold the baby, cooing and awing. You'll tell them you're tired and need sleep, the visitors will fluff your needs off because they're not finished visiting the baby. You will have to feed your baby, go to the washroom, shower, eat. You will need help with the showering and going to the washroom but no one will want to help you because they can spend time with the baby while you figure yourself out, alone. You're cast aside and not trusted to know what you're doing. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
#28
Travelling for work.
You'll be going to stupid awkward places you don't want to go, on a student pittance of a budget. Your decidedly meh hotel is also probably a long way from where you need to be and doesn't include anything like breakfasts.
Maggie Fulton 3 days ago
And it’s not as if you get to see much of anything in the city you’re visiting. Airport, hotel, office, hotel, airport.
Pandapoo 2 days ago
Depending on what city I was traveling to, I would ask my employer if they could fly me out a few days early and I would pay for the extra hotel days. It worked out well.
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Alexia 3 days ago (edited)
Did this for a couple of years. It was exciting at first but it quickly became exhausting and annoying. Daily allowance was minimum, I could barely cover some decent meals. I didn't have time to see or do anything except work-related. Unexpected things may mess up your schedule (such as flight delays or cancellations). But at least hotels were good.
James016 3 days ago
I had a massive flight delay so I missed a connecting flight to Lemnos, as it was out of season, there were only 2 flights per day so I had to wait around in Athens for hours, got to my hotel at about 11pm, did the work I needed to do and then left at 5am the next morning to catch another flight back to Athens to wait around some more before going to the next island.
Load More Replies... Paul Scheermeijer 3 days ago
I often travel for work, neighbour's think it's all glamorous, but at the end of the day, your dining all alone in the (hotel)restaurant playing with your phone, chewing down mediocre food just to have food, ending up in your hotel room, bored af, either checking emails or just watch some TV.
Diolla 2 days ago (edited)
I used to travel for work and usually loved it. Decent hotels, dinner in town, extended breakfast, not having to get up bloody early in the morning because am close to the office. And not having to cook, clean, etc.. Like mini holidays. But this was like 2 days every other week, perfect dosage 😁
Katie Allen 3 days ago
Last hotel I stayed in. The room was nice and comfortable but they were advertising "free breakfasts". This consisted of a coffee machine, a tea machine and a kind of muffin I don't like. And that was it. At least the tea was good.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 2 days ago
I went to Washington DC for a week and only saw the Washington Memorial while riding to the airport.
Dread Pirate Roberts 3 days ago
Doesn't sound appealing to me at all. I've never been much of a traveler.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 days ago
It is 100% absolutely NOT glamorous. I’ve a ready bag with me always, contingencies for my absence should I get called away, myriad connections to help me with last-minute visas and grueling connections to get airborne & en route as quickly as possible. I get private or fractional flights most times, but am too busy working my a*s off in crunch time to be ready the second I’m on site to enjoy the amenities. I’m changing time zones quickly & have to be at peak brain power with little sleep & have extremely high circadian rhythm disruption.
Bill Evs 3 days ago (edited)
I did it as part of a job I had around 10 years ago. The novelty of it wore off pretty quickly when the realisation hits you that when you're not actually working you spend 90% of your free time whilst away just sitting in pubs or restaurants eating alone. Even though I got paid expenses it would take weeks for claims to be processed so for large chunks of the month I was out of pocket. But the worst part was the endless driving to get to these places and/ or having to wake up at 4am several days in a row to get to your location for a 9am start then work to 6pm. After a few months of that I was mentally and physically drained.
supertall 20 hours ago
I travel for work at least 40 weeks per year. So far, no burnout, although I'm sure if I were married/had children, I could not work this job. I definitely don't see much in the cities I visit, but it's looking like I'm spending much of the upcoming year in Northern New England... I'm looking forward to it!
nottheactualphoto 2 days ago
At one job I worked, I had to travel a LOT. I visited some cool places, but there wasn't much time to do anything other than work. It gets old.
Jaguarundi 2 days ago
I went to so many lovely places and had zero time to visit them thoroughly because of my work schedule. I was driving from site to site, do my job and run off to the next site. I did find a gorgeous rest stop overlooking the river that I would always stop at and have a coffee. though.
Carrie Laughs 2 days ago (edited)
Travel for a lot of work, such as just meetings, isn't really necessary these days thankfully. Unless you need to put your hands physically on something/someone, online works perfectly well. Have meetings with people across the country all the time that way these days. Saves so much time, money and energy!
UncleJohn3000 2 days ago
The irony of having enough frequent flier miles to go anywhere at any time is that the last thing you want to see is the inside of an airplane.
#29
Neediness. People like to pretend that having a partner or friends or family who you do everything with is the best thing in the world but honestly everyone needs to learn to do things alone.
If you don't learn to do things alone you will end up in codependent relationships with everyone and then get miserable when those people have their own lives.
#30
Chronic illnesses. It isn’t fun to pass out and feel like s**t daily. I cannot stand seeing videos online “watch my bf hold me while I pass out” and someone gracefully passes out while their bf holds them and they wake up all wide eyed and bushy tailed smiling. Last time I went out I just drop and wake up shaking and confused. It isn’t fun.
What do you think ?
Adam Benson 3 days ago
Domestic violence against men. I've lost count of how many times I've seen cartoons of a wife in curlers and dressing gown, holding a rolling pin and glaring at her obviously scared husband (as if our reaction is supposed to be 'uh-oh, what did he do wrong? he's in for it now!') Violence in any form is NOT funny.
James016 3 days ago
I remember an episode of the Jeremy Kyle show where they had this young man on describing the physical abuse he was suffering at the hands of his girlfriend. It was so bad that he jumped out of a second floor window to escape her. You could hear some of the audience sniggering as he was telling his story. Jeremy Kyle just snapped at them asking that if it was a woman sitting there, would they be laughing like that?
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Fabulous chocolate cookie 3 days ago
Social media. The addiction of the virtual likes and views, the constant need for validation from others and especially the fact you only see the positive things of people's life's while you are eating ramen noodles while being in a fight with your parents. And also how the algorithm creates echo chambers and fake news by only showing you things that suit the person's view and interests. Plus how dangerous challenges from tiktok result in actual deaths of children by for instance eating dishwasher disks or chocking yourself to feel a high.
MegDragon 3 days ago
Travel. Assuming you can scrape together the money and time to go…There’s opportunity for wonderful experiences, with a lot of careful planning, but it’s also tiring, and when things go wrong, they can go very wrong. It’s not all serene strolling the Thai beaches at dawn.
camomooey 2 days ago
I agree. I won a trip to Italy, and that was cool because I always wanted to go somewhere in Europe. Yeah, the trip was paid for, but one cancelled flight, one missed flight and having to sit in the airport in Paris for 10 HOURS OMG, (not our fault), and many other things that went wrong have turned me off of travel entirely. Also, I've gotten old now, and I prefer being at home. No more "adventures" for me, thank you.
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Adam Benson 3 days ago
Domestic violence against men. I've lost count of how many times I've seen cartoons of a wife in curlers and dressing gown, holding a rolling pin and glaring at her obviously scared husband (as if our reaction is supposed to be 'uh-oh, what did he do wrong? he's in for it now!') Violence in any form is NOT funny.
James016 3 days ago
I remember an episode of the Jeremy Kyle show where they had this young man on describing the physical abuse he was suffering at the hands of his girlfriend. It was so bad that he jumped out of a second floor window to escape her. You could hear some of the audience sniggering as he was telling his story. Jeremy Kyle just snapped at them asking that if it was a woman sitting there, would they be laughing like that?
Load More Replies... Fabulous chocolate cookie 3 days ago
Social media. The addiction of the virtual likes and views, the constant need for validation from others and especially the fact you only see the positive things of people's life's while you are eating ramen noodles while being in a fight with your parents. And also how the algorithm creates echo chambers and fake news by only showing you things that suit the person's view and interests. Plus how dangerous challenges from tiktok result in actual deaths of children by for instance eating dishwasher disks or chocking yourself to feel a high.
MegDragon 3 days ago
Travel. Assuming you can scrape together the money and time to go…There’s opportunity for wonderful experiences, with a lot of careful planning, but it’s also tiring, and when things go wrong, they can go very wrong. It’s not all serene strolling the Thai beaches at dawn.
camomooey 2 days ago
I agree. I won a trip to Italy, and that was cool because I always wanted to go somewhere in Europe. Yeah, the trip was paid for, but one cancelled flight, one missed flight and having to sit in the airport in Paris for 10 HOURS OMG, (not our fault), and many other things that went wrong have turned me off of travel entirely. Also, I've gotten old now, and I prefer being at home. No more "adventures" for me, thank you.
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