The first thing I’ll do after quarantine and this pandemic mess is go to a restaurant. I want to see how it feels to be welcomed, seated, asked ‘what would you like to order?’, be showered with ‘excellent choice,’ poured a glass of Chardonnay, and make up my mind what to get for dessert.
Most importantly, it’s the opportunity to be smiled at and smiled to, joyfully and with ease, like nothing else exists in this world except that restaurant, the food, your companion… and the server.
But this is where it gets tricky. In such a lovely environment like a restaurant, servers still have to deal, time to time, with a fair share of serial a-holes. And it’s not a-holes per se that annoy the heck of them, it’s their a-hole behaviors that refuse to abide by unwritten rules.
For those who’re wondering what the unwritten rules actually are, I’d say it’s half common sense, half being polite, patient, and understanding. But let’s hear from the servers themselves who shared honest responses to the “What unwritten rules do restaurant servers wish patrons would abide by?” question posted on Quora.
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Crying Children And Adults Who Ignore It
When children cry and cry and cry and cry in a restaurant, other people find it annoying. Please, take your child outside for a moment to calm him down.
Snapping Your Fingers At Servers
Don’t ever snap your fingers at a server, bartender, anyone. Ever.
I was at a restaurant in Munich with maybe 10 friends and friends of friends. One of the friends of friends drank a little too much of the strong Munich beer before dinner and started snapping her fingers at the server. We were mortified and apologized to him. He was gracious and laughed at off. A few minutes later, he asked her what she wanted to eat. When she didn't look up, he snapped his fingers at her. She got mad. We all thought it was hilarious.
Flirting
Don’t hit on waitresses. Don’t touch waitresses. I’ve cooked in bars where my job included removing such people from the establishment with force.
Also, don't assume that a server smiling at you and being nice to you means they like you. Being. Nice. Is. Their. Job.
Touching Their Servers
When people touch their server. I'm not to be touched. I don't like it, and I'm not your pet. I'm not your buddy, baby, friend, or lover.
The reverse is also true: waiters please don't touch your clients! (Much, much more rare, I know, but it happened to me once. It was just my lower arm, so no sexual intentions, but still not appreciated.)
Coming In Minutes Before Closing
If Google says that the restaurant closes at 11, the right time to order is not three minutes before closing.
The staff are not people willing to work every single day overtime like they had no lives of their own.
They are people with loved ones and hobbies as well.
In the Netherlands you can order all you like, but when the kitchen is closed, the kitchen is closed.
Being Impolite
Please, get off your cellphone when I’m taking your order
I've seen servers just walking away if the customer was phoning and ordering at the same time. I'd always tip these servers extra.
When People Go And Sit At A Dirty Table
PLEASE DO NOT HELP YOURSELF TO A SEAT AT A DIRTY TABLE.
First of all, it’s gross. Why would you sit yourself down in someone else’s mess?
Second of all, if it’s not clean, we aren’t ready for you at that table yet. Now someone has to awkwardly bus the table and wipe it down while your impatient ass just sits there being all in-the-way.
Does this happen frequently in most countries? Because in the two countries I live in, customers usually wait at the restaurant's entrance until a server attend to them. Except for fast food restaurants, but usually all the tables are not dirty because customers normally clean after themselves.
Ordering Something That's Not On The Menu
Do not order anything that isn’t on the menu. I’ve run into so many situations where customers want to make up their own dish that isn’t on the menu (ordering fish and chips at an Italian restaurant). Perhaps it’s because they don’t know how to read, and therefore can’t understand anything the menu says. That menu is there for a reason. Read it. This is not a private chef service
A good restaurant will have waiters who are able to explain the menu, and they will be able to advise in case a customers has certain allergies or disliked. Simply ordering something that is not on the menu is rude, **asking** for something that is not on the menu is just fine in my opinion. Asking for example whether a certain ingredient you do not find in any other dish is available should just be fine – an example would be particularly hot peppers in a place that does not regularly have so spicy dishes. If asked politely, you will just get a polite answer, sometimes even met with gratitude for real interest in what the place can offer.
Acting Like You Own The Place
This restaurant is not your house. You’re a paying customer. We get that, and we respect that. But do not forget that you are a guest. In addition, you are not the only guest. There are other people here too. So when you request that we turn down the music, turn up the lights, or adjust the heat/air conditioning, you should know that we may not be able to make this accommodation, even if you ask nicely. If you go on to demand such accommodations, you’re not only disrespecting us (because you’re essentially treating the restaurant like your house, and us like servants who run it for you), you’re also disrespecting the other guests (because they may not desire the same accommodations that you desire). This is not your house, and this is a space that you’re sharing with other people - and if you’re the only one asking for something to be changed, we’re unlikely to do it if it will affect other guests.
Helping Without Being Asked To
I hated when customers tried to help me. Don't get me wrong. I appreciated the sentiment, but when a customer took things from my tray or grabbed things from my hand it became dangerous.
Yup, this. I worked in a restaurant for a bit, some years back, and people grabbing things off the tray can really unbalance a heavy tray. If the server removes things from the tray themselves, they can adjust their own balance, but not when people just randomly take things while you're trying to set it down, etc. Especially with lots of drinks. I once had someone plunge their hand into a load of drinks on a tray to get to their one, and they nearly knocked over all the others.
Not Understanding When The Bar Is Full
Understand that when the bar is full, the bar is full. No, I'm not going to go and 'see if anyone's done' at the bar so you can squeeze in for free corn chips at happy hour. I've politely told you you're more than welcome to stand at the bar, but all the seats are taken. And for the love of god, don't try to take other customers' seats while they're in the bathroom.
Being Glued To The Phone
Please do not be glued to your phone, especially if you're in a large party. I work in a tapas restaurant, which means everyone orders small plates to share. We recently had a table of ten do this, ignoring runners and servers that were bringing their food, causing the food to be returned or eaten by different table members, and so the person who ordered the food would finally look up from their phone and start complaining that they never received the food they ordered. Of course, the other table members neglected to tell them they had received it and eaten it. Why? Because THEY were now on their phones. They nearly made a server cry with rude comments about her intelligence and figure (“that skinny bitch probably ate them, she needs to put on weight before her hips cut me”) is just one thing I heard. It's worth mentioning that these were all morbidly obese people.
Not Considering The Hard Work In The Kitchen
Allergies. If the truth is you don't like a food, then just say that. Say you don’t like bell pepper. The amount of work that happens in the kitchen is hardly ever seen in the dining room. Respect the staff by not adding to that amount of work if it’s not necessary.
Clients Who Can't Manage Their Time
Don’t order a well-done steak if your movie starts in 15 minutes.
People are so judgemental about how people eat steak! Good grief.
Load More Replies...Wow, so many judgemental assholes who care a whole lot about how others eat their food. No one is making you eat it well done, stop trying to make people eat it rare. FFS you jackwagons are WAY too into other people's business. (And no, it's NOT funny, you're the 12billionth person to make that "joke". It's dead.)
Don't go to a sit down restaurant if your movie starts in 15 minutes! You should already be at the movie!!!
Never ever will i eat nearly raw meat. 🤢 Neither my friends nore my familiy will eat nkt-well-done steak.
The . ? really shows what people are like in this world
Load More Replies...I can make the juicest well done steak and still have it full of flavor too. I put in several seasonings and I love to top it with A1 sauce as well. Its all about who is cooking it, there is nothing wrong with well-done steaks.
Or how about the cook that cant actually cook a well done steak and it has to be sent back for a refire
Absolutely. Anyone who can't do a well done steak without turning it into shoe leather has no right to be called a chef.
Load More Replies...Why would you even sit down at a restaurant if your movie starts that soon?
Who orders ANYTHING except fries or a piece of pre-cooked pizza if there's only 15 minutes till the movie? That's just stupid waste of food.
Ok, this photo looks gooooood... Tomorrow i'm having steak.
This may be the first time I've seen a restaurant customer referred to as a "client"
I worked in a theater district and SMART CUSTOMERS would come in and state, "We'd like to eat and be out of here in 45 minutes, what do you recommend?" They were my favorites, they played fair.
We always ask if we would be able to be out by X time - this is only before the occassional play as we don't do other stuff - and we always give plenty of time, anyway. Often I find that if you're nearby a place or are at the arlirport they will ask you when you have to leave so they can help you be on time.
I can understand someone who wants a well done steak, however, know that it will be the oldest cut they have available. Those who want rare get the freshest since the cooking won't be able to hide the fact that the cut is old; not necessarily expired, but likely one that has been waiting a fair while. A fresh steak and a borderline steak are going to taste the same when cooked well done. You takes your chances.
Well, if dry ageing improves the eating quality of beef and it deepens the flavour, enhances the tenderness and texture by enabling the muscle fibres to breakdown in a controlled environment why would this make any sense at all? Fresh doesn't equal good when it comes to steak. Or are you saying these restaurants aren't keeping the meat correctly?
Load More Replies...I like mine rare but I really don't understand the food snobbery. Some people have digestive problems and the more the meat is cooked the more digestible it is. Also, rare can carry risks. There is no justification for people acting like they're better because they like food cooked a certain way.
Load More Replies...Being Overly Picky And Making It More Difficult For The Staff
The menu is not a canvas for your wildest imagination, unfortunately. I have come across customers who ask what ingredients do we have, and start building their own portion based on them.
I know the struggle of being a hard customer and not being able to take whatever from the menu due to dangerous allergies, but don’t be picky in vain. The staff is usually crowded with special orders anyway.
Check with the restaurant first perhaps with what they can and cannot do. Leaving out an ingredient isn't always that much of a problem. Let's face it though, if it has a menu where you can't find anything you like or can eat then pick somewhere else.
Disrespectful Behavior
Do not address us as “waiter”/“waitress”, or snap your fingers at us.
This is basic human respect. I will openly ignore such requests for my attention, and you’ll be waiting a while for me to come back.
Wasting Servers' Time
This is a more Spanish restaurant specific thing than anything, but please for the love of god do not order 6 plates and then ask me which are spicy, having me bring back the ones that are. Please. It's a Spanish restaurant, nearly everything is spicy. Stop wasting our time. You wouldn't believe how often this happens.
Complaining That The Food Takes Longer To Come Out When The Place Is Busy
Food takes longer to come out when we’re busy
When a restaurant is busy, it’s usually no secret. It’s loud, it’s full, staff are running around, the whole deal. You can also anticipate when a restaurant will be busy, like on Friday and Saturday nights. If you choose to dine at such times as these, you can expect your food to take longer to come out. Why? More people, more orders, more work for the kitchen to do. So if you’ve just placed your order now, it could take 20, 30, 40 minutes, or even longer than that. If that’s too long for you, none of us have any sympathy for your complaints. You knew it was busy, so you knew it would take long. You chose to dine at this time, so you knew what you were getting into. We don’t care that you’re hungry. Everybody is hungry. That’s why they’re here! What do you think we’re going to do? Bring your food out first before someone else’s, just because you’re complaining? Dream on.
Not Accepting Where You're Being Seated
Please accept where I seat you. I understand you want a booth. But we only have four, and by dinnertime, I've already reserved them for my six other 6:30 reservations. And if you're a party of two, you're going to get placed at a two top. Not a full-size table.
Sitting At An Empty Table Without Asking
If you see a table with no one at it, that is not necessarily your table! There might be a reservation plotted for your table later that night. The restaurant limits how many people can sit in each time-block.
If it's reserved, shouldn't there be a note on the table saying so? If not, and there's no hostess to sit us down, how are we supposed to know which table is free and which one isn't? *Just mentioning that I said if there are no hostess, I did not say, what if the hostess is unavailable. The post makes no mention wether there is one or not, makes no mention of what type of restaurant it is (fancy or not).
Tipping Is Important
Tipping is not mandatory, but servers live off of our tips.
I've been in the industry for 11 years now. A manager now. But started as a busser and worked my way up. A lot of these I agree with. I think people who snap their fingers for waiters should be thrown out on their asses. But other things like ordering off the menu, remember you are in a CUSTOMER IS KING business. My restaurant, if we got the ingrediants will make you anything and the chef loves a challenge. I think some diva servers forget that they are there to serve the customer. And that's the end of it.
I completely agree with you on this, rude and obnoxious behaviour should never be tolerated but some of this nonsense about "don't call me a waiter" stuff is just idiotic. And especially in the USA where you are not being paid by your employer but by the customers because of the sick mentality business owners have there, which essentially means the customers are paying your salary. I know this explanation seems like overkill but I felt was warranted since some people complaining here seem to not understand the concept clearly.
Load More Replies...Respect goes both ways though. If I (politely) ask for water, just because it's free doesn't mean you can ignore me. I'm thirtstyyy T.T
I wish servers would understand this. Just because I order water doesn't mean that I am cheap and won't tip well. (I always tip good service at least 20% and great service even better). I do not like the taste of alcohol, I drink only diet pop and don't have caffeine in the evenings because it makes it hard for me to sleep. Most places do not have any drinks that are alcohol, sugar and caffeine free other than water, but for some reason when we order water there are some serves that we can see a visible shift in their attitude because they somehow judge us as unworthy of good service because ordering water somehow makes us look cheap and like we will be bad tippers.
Load More Replies...Okay so let's now have a thread on how to appropriately treat customers. We've all had our share of rude staff, terrible food, bungled orders, diva chefs and negligent management. You spent hoards of cash on advertising to get us in the door. Just care about us when we get there
It's worse when you're a server, and you know how it should be. It's where I'd rather go to McDonalds than a nice sit down.
Load More Replies...I agree with all of the above, but will there also be an article about things bad waitstaff do? :)
You probably won't want to read that one. Saying this as someone who has been in the industry for 30 years
Load More Replies...Something I've noticed at almost every restaurant I've ever gone to is when I dine alone, the service is nonexistent and 9 out of 10 times, the server completely ignores me. I'm always courteous and I tip very well, so after this continually happening, I always just sit at the bar and the bartender benefits from my tipping. Servers have a hard job, but them assuming lone diners don't deserve to be treated kindly should think again. It's very frustrating when it happens.
I always took my cues from the individual. Some lone diners want, even need to be left alone, others want or even need someone to chat with. I really Started doing this after I had my mother committed, extremely stressful experience. Stop at a restaurant on the 4 hour drive back home, all I wanted was quiet to enjoy my steak and escape into my novel, and the waiter insisted on chatting, got offended when I finally asked to be left alone. Never came to my table after that, although he made sure I saw him look at my empty glass a few times. Which was ok, his manager was very kind. I think it may be that most servers don't know how to relate to us lone diners, so they shy away, kinda how like some don't know how to handle when things go wrong, so never go back to the table because they're embarrassed. Which of course just makes it worse
Load More Replies...Suprised there was nothing on people trying to be clever with their order. I had a friend who instead of ordering her steaks 'as rare as they can legally cook it' she would say 'I'd like it to gently moo when it hits the plate', bout 80% of the time they had no idea what that ment and defaulted the order to 'medium'
Kick off its horns, wipe its ass and put it on the plate
Load More Replies...Legit Asian restaurants in the US will make anything they can if a customer requests it. To them it is good business sense. It is also how it works in places in China and Vietnam from my experience. Though the Japanese don't like to deviate from the menu. On the upside, Japanese will always serve what's on the menu, but I've been to plenty of restaurants in places like Beijing, where I'll ask for something on the menu and then another thing, and then another, until the waiter finally nods, saying they can make it
My other big pet peeve is grown adults who take off their shoes in a restaurant (yes it happens). It's understandable when kids do it they don't know better, that becomes annoying when the parents don't make them put them on when we tell them. But grown ass adults walking around a restaurant without their shoes on, it's a major safety issue, not to mention gross!!
Remember the ultimate rule: Don't mess with the people who handle your food!!!!!!!!!
I've worked in a non-chain restaurant for 10 years, from my experiences this whole customer is king nonsense allows some people to be unreasonable and rude. Is it so wrong to want to be spoken to or treated decently? That said, I agree with @Sam Kunz that servers shouldn't be divas. You have to be the bigger person and face down people's rude behavior with professional charm.
I humbly ask servers reading this: my sister stacks the plates on the table when we are all done eating. I ask her not to, and she says that she is "helping out the waitress". Is this a no-no?
If you mean is it the done thing? Not in a posh restaurant no. If you mean is it helpful? Mixed. People don't do the way the staff are trained to. They'll have their own quick systems in the kitchens for getting the plates, glasses and silverware dealt with. I've had to re-order things because it's been done in a way that's just a nuisance. I've not let on because people mean well. People often make things worse and it's just best to let the staff do their job.
Load More Replies...I don’t understand adults being picky with their orders if they know they’re going to a specific restaurant ahead of time. There’s this wonderful thing called the internet, and there’s this wonderful thing called a phone. I’m vegetarian, and I’ve had to go to my share of steakhouses and seafood places for business or events. When I find out where we’re going, I tend to call the restaurant and ask what they can do. They appreciate it because they can prepare, and then I’m not stuck with just a salad.
I have never done any of these. There was this one time my mother yelled at the manager because they were taking food and not letting the kids eat( Me, my sister, and my 2 friends). Yeah my mother was pissed..
Yeah. No. The answer to assholes is not to act like one yourself.
Load More Replies...I've been in the industry for 11 years now. A manager now. But started as a busser and worked my way up. A lot of these I agree with. I think people who snap their fingers for waiters should be thrown out on their asses. But other things like ordering off the menu, remember you are in a CUSTOMER IS KING business. My restaurant, if we got the ingrediants will make you anything and the chef loves a challenge. I think some diva servers forget that they are there to serve the customer. And that's the end of it.
I completely agree with you on this, rude and obnoxious behaviour should never be tolerated but some of this nonsense about "don't call me a waiter" stuff is just idiotic. And especially in the USA where you are not being paid by your employer but by the customers because of the sick mentality business owners have there, which essentially means the customers are paying your salary. I know this explanation seems like overkill but I felt was warranted since some people complaining here seem to not understand the concept clearly.
Load More Replies...Respect goes both ways though. If I (politely) ask for water, just because it's free doesn't mean you can ignore me. I'm thirtstyyy T.T
I wish servers would understand this. Just because I order water doesn't mean that I am cheap and won't tip well. (I always tip good service at least 20% and great service even better). I do not like the taste of alcohol, I drink only diet pop and don't have caffeine in the evenings because it makes it hard for me to sleep. Most places do not have any drinks that are alcohol, sugar and caffeine free other than water, but for some reason when we order water there are some serves that we can see a visible shift in their attitude because they somehow judge us as unworthy of good service because ordering water somehow makes us look cheap and like we will be bad tippers.
Load More Replies...Okay so let's now have a thread on how to appropriately treat customers. We've all had our share of rude staff, terrible food, bungled orders, diva chefs and negligent management. You spent hoards of cash on advertising to get us in the door. Just care about us when we get there
It's worse when you're a server, and you know how it should be. It's where I'd rather go to McDonalds than a nice sit down.
Load More Replies...I agree with all of the above, but will there also be an article about things bad waitstaff do? :)
You probably won't want to read that one. Saying this as someone who has been in the industry for 30 years
Load More Replies...Something I've noticed at almost every restaurant I've ever gone to is when I dine alone, the service is nonexistent and 9 out of 10 times, the server completely ignores me. I'm always courteous and I tip very well, so after this continually happening, I always just sit at the bar and the bartender benefits from my tipping. Servers have a hard job, but them assuming lone diners don't deserve to be treated kindly should think again. It's very frustrating when it happens.
I always took my cues from the individual. Some lone diners want, even need to be left alone, others want or even need someone to chat with. I really Started doing this after I had my mother committed, extremely stressful experience. Stop at a restaurant on the 4 hour drive back home, all I wanted was quiet to enjoy my steak and escape into my novel, and the waiter insisted on chatting, got offended when I finally asked to be left alone. Never came to my table after that, although he made sure I saw him look at my empty glass a few times. Which was ok, his manager was very kind. I think it may be that most servers don't know how to relate to us lone diners, so they shy away, kinda how like some don't know how to handle when things go wrong, so never go back to the table because they're embarrassed. Which of course just makes it worse
Load More Replies...Suprised there was nothing on people trying to be clever with their order. I had a friend who instead of ordering her steaks 'as rare as they can legally cook it' she would say 'I'd like it to gently moo when it hits the plate', bout 80% of the time they had no idea what that ment and defaulted the order to 'medium'
Kick off its horns, wipe its ass and put it on the plate
Load More Replies...Legit Asian restaurants in the US will make anything they can if a customer requests it. To them it is good business sense. It is also how it works in places in China and Vietnam from my experience. Though the Japanese don't like to deviate from the menu. On the upside, Japanese will always serve what's on the menu, but I've been to plenty of restaurants in places like Beijing, where I'll ask for something on the menu and then another thing, and then another, until the waiter finally nods, saying they can make it
My other big pet peeve is grown adults who take off their shoes in a restaurant (yes it happens). It's understandable when kids do it they don't know better, that becomes annoying when the parents don't make them put them on when we tell them. But grown ass adults walking around a restaurant without their shoes on, it's a major safety issue, not to mention gross!!
Remember the ultimate rule: Don't mess with the people who handle your food!!!!!!!!!
I've worked in a non-chain restaurant for 10 years, from my experiences this whole customer is king nonsense allows some people to be unreasonable and rude. Is it so wrong to want to be spoken to or treated decently? That said, I agree with @Sam Kunz that servers shouldn't be divas. You have to be the bigger person and face down people's rude behavior with professional charm.
I humbly ask servers reading this: my sister stacks the plates on the table when we are all done eating. I ask her not to, and she says that she is "helping out the waitress". Is this a no-no?
If you mean is it the done thing? Not in a posh restaurant no. If you mean is it helpful? Mixed. People don't do the way the staff are trained to. They'll have their own quick systems in the kitchens for getting the plates, glasses and silverware dealt with. I've had to re-order things because it's been done in a way that's just a nuisance. I've not let on because people mean well. People often make things worse and it's just best to let the staff do their job.
Load More Replies...I don’t understand adults being picky with their orders if they know they’re going to a specific restaurant ahead of time. There’s this wonderful thing called the internet, and there’s this wonderful thing called a phone. I’m vegetarian, and I’ve had to go to my share of steakhouses and seafood places for business or events. When I find out where we’re going, I tend to call the restaurant and ask what they can do. They appreciate it because they can prepare, and then I’m not stuck with just a salad.
I have never done any of these. There was this one time my mother yelled at the manager because they were taking food and not letting the kids eat( Me, my sister, and my 2 friends). Yeah my mother was pissed..
Yeah. No. The answer to assholes is not to act like one yourself.
Load More Replies...