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Breaking up is hardly ever easy. But sometimes, it’s the right thing to do. Respecting each other’s boundaries is absolutely essential if you want your relationship to thrive. So, if your partner constantly walks all over them, it might be best to move on.
However, there are situations where no matter how much time passes, you still feel resentment toward them. Prompted by user u/Upright_Eeyore, some members of the popular r/AskReddit online group opened up about why they’ll never forgive their exes. We’ve collected the most candid and dramatic stories to share with you. Scroll down to check them out.
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#1
He hit me, he broke my things, he was just awful and abusive. The one thing that finally made me kick him to the curb was hitting my cat. My deaf, 18 year old cat that I had since he was born.
YakFactory 7 months ago
There is no defence for hurting any creature, especially one that loves and trusts you.
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#2
For hitting me. Nobody deserves to be abused.
Iampenny 7 months ago
So yeah, not everyone will understand this, but I used to wish my Ex WOULD actually hit me, because then it would give me a reason to leave. He was always mentally abusive, but never actually DID anything, he was so manipulative and belittling. So I got to the stage that I would hope he would hit me to give me a reason to leave. Looking back, I reailse how his mental abuse nearly destroyed me, reduced me to nothing, making me wish that I no longer existed. I'm glad I got out. Nobody deserves to be abused, mentally or physically.
#3
Telling our 13 year old (at the time) daughter that he was having an affair and that if she told anyone, he'd never speak to her again.
We all deserve to be with someone who loves, respects, supports, and trusts us. A big part of making any romantic relationship work is learning to coexist without intentionally hurting each other. A bit of stress and emotional pain is inevitable, but that’s very different from being with someone who goes out of their way to manipulate, gaslight, or harm you.
If you feel that you and your partner are fundamentally incompatible and that they’re always making you miserable, talk to them about this. But if after a series of honest conversations, you feel like there’s no chance they’ll change for the better, it might be best for both of you to break up and move on with your lives.
Being in a good relationship might make you more resilient to the stresses of life, but being in a bad relationship is going to be more stressful than being single.
#4
Leaving when they find out you've been diagnosed with cancer.
NewBird 7 months ago
Horrifyingly common for women. Women tend to stay to care for their partners who have cancer, men don't. I think of all the love and care I've given my husband over our marriage to date, and knowing that statistically he's likely to divorce me if I ever get seriously ill... it's pretty crappy.
#5
Handed in a resignation for me without telling me for my dream gig! What a schmekel!
#6
She forged my signature to cosign on a loan to get fake breasts. We broke up shortly after, and months later I got calls from creditors asking me for the payments while I was on a ski trip with a new ladyfriend. I had no idea that the ex did this in the first place, and was beyond pissed when I found out.
Saphyre Fyre 7 months ago
It's simple; your sig was forged, call the police and press charges.
Some actions are beyond forgiveness, even if you have the outlook of a saint. However, you may still want to consider forgiving your ex. If not for their sake, then yours. Living with anger, shame, and regret is toxic. It’ll eat away at you emotionally, mentally, and physically. Accepting what has happened, embracing the harsh reality, and then moving on from it might just be the healthiest thing to do. You can always speak to a therapist for some practical advice on how to do this.
Verywell Mind points out that one sign of an unhealthy relationship is that your partner tries to control you through intimidation or manipulation. They might appear kind and loving on the surface, but in reality, this might be their way of exerting control over what you do, how you behave, and who you talk to.
#7
Ghosting his own kids. How he feels about me is irrelevant but he's an a*s to make them suffer.
#8
In a divorce, I got the dog. I was looking for a pet friendly place. I couldn’t find one but I found a really good place not pet friendly. My ex said she’d take the dog for 6 months so I could find a place. She decided 3 days later that she didn’t want to have the dog anymore and gave me 24 hours to claim him or he was going away. I had just spent $2200 on first and last months rent, and a security deposit and couldn’t get that back. He was given to friends of hers, so I’d still be able to see him (I was told). I went to see him a week later and those friends gave him away and didn’t get any contact information. It’s been 10 years and I'm still crushed.
One indicator that your partner might be controlling you is if they try to isolate you from your social circle, e.g., your family and friends. Moreover, they might try to cut you off financially, making you depend on them and making it harder for you to leave the relationship. Others might be so possessive that they accuse you of infidelity and get upset when you spend time with anyone else but them.
Unhealthy relationships also lack trust. There’s definitely something wrong if you either feel like you constantly have to hide something from your partner or if they’re doing the same thing. At the end of the day, if you’re unable to be honest with each other, you need to work on your relationship until you can be open without judgment. Otherwise, it’s a superficial relationship.
#11
Locking me in the basement and beating the s**t out of me everyday.
#12
Going on an unplanned bender with all his friends on a boat while I was at home grieving my father, who had just passed.
What’s the very worst thing that your ex has done, dear Pandas? Did you ever manage to forgive them? How do you enforce healthy boundaries in your relationships? Tell us what you think in the comments. We’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this.
#13
We had dogs together and continued to share them after we broke up. We were on good terms overall and communicated well. One time when it was her turn to have them, she moved out of state, took them with her, and blocked me on everything. Not a word of warning. I found out by contacting her mom who I had a good relationship with, and she said she was told by my ex that it was discussed with me and that I agreed to it.
I hope she has a lifetime of misery and never experiences another ounce of happiness. I also just hope my dogs are okay. I'm still considering seeking legal action.
#14
Got pregnant on purpose. Didn't tell me until 4months before giving birth. Lied about hospital appointments so I would miss them. Didn't let me see the baby after 1 year. We were 16. There were no laws for underage fathers at that time in my country.
setsuriseikou 7 months ago
I have zero experience with pregnancy and pregnant people, so could anyone please tell me if it's possible to hide pregnancy for more than half a term from a loving father who actively cares about the mother of his child?
#15
After we split I wanted to take our great dane. I was the one raising her and Iived in the bush. So figured I could provide her the life she deserved. My ex of spite kept her and her dad pulled a gun on me when I tried to reason with her parents. She told them I cheated on her and was coming to steal the dogs ... Long story short she was 2 at the time. I found out through mutual friends she was put down at 3 because she couldn't support her own weight. "Was kept in a kennel all day". I can get over the lying the manipulation and cheating but don't f**k with my dogs.
#16
Threw me away for a girl he promised me I didn't need to worry about... Who was also my friend... I introduced them.
#18
My ex wife said to me
“Stop shoveling your emotional s**t on me.”
This was in response to me trying to talk to her about my brothers death the month before.
My mother was calling me at all hours of the night weeping and drunk while I was working on wind turbines because of her grief, and so I thought I’d talk to my (now ex) wife about it.
That was painful and even at marriage Counseling she doubled down on it, saying
“You two weren’t close, stop trying to make it a big deal.”
Yeah, I’m glad to be out of that very bad deal.
#19
Gaslit me to the point I actually thought I was crazy and a bad person - which I def turned out to be for a while, but it wasn’t for no reason.
Glad to say I’m now surrounded by people who will never purposely provoke me to step out of character.
Jill Rhodry 7 months ago
Reactive abuse - the narcissist's favourite weapon, everyone thinks it's gaslighting they like, they do, but nothing compares to this and being able to turn around as state to everyone how much of a victim they are - it can take some years to heal and relearn not to react in a narcissistic manner. (just to be clear, I'm saying the victims are narcissists, it's simply a learnt response which can be modified when you find yourself again.)
#20
The fact that he completely abandoned our son when he abandoned me.
#21
He never added me to his insurance when enrollment time came at his new job because he was planning on leaving me for his coworker.
I have fibromyalgia and it was during Covid.
karen snyder 7 months ago
So much more info is necessary here. You said leaving, not divorcing? If you were not married, this is just horrible timing, but not egregious behavior. Relationships don't always work out. He knew he was done and acted accordingly. It wouldn't have been better for him to give you insurance, then quickly take it away when he left. Were children involved? Why do you feel entitled to his insurance?
#22
Confided to her that my brother (despite pushing 40) is an endless tattletale and will do anything to appease to any form of authority if he knows it will make him look good. Me and said ex once got into a big argument one night, so she decided to go to my brother’s house and claim I had been physically abusing her and our pet dog. My brother immediately told my parents and it took literal *years* to repair the damage. Sadly; I’ll never forgive my brother either for just immediately believing her and jumping at the opportunity to score points with my folks.
Rachel Pelz 7 months ago
Unfortunate family dynamics if an adult person feels the need to "score points" with parents.
#23
Girlfriend at the time (and the woman who I thought was the love of my life) went completely cold and distant when my cat died. This woman was a dogwalker and helped special needs pets but when it came to me being inconsolable for the week or two that followed, she said she didn't know what to do so she just ghosted me for good.
RIP Greta. Best kitty ever.
#24
I guess leaking my nudes counts.
#26
She cheated and stole my truck. I miss that truck.
#27
He turned out to have knocked a student up (he’s a professor) and hid it all from me during our relationship. I found out about it once I left him and the student felt it was safe to reach out to me. She proceeded to show me irrefutable evidence as well as photos of her daughter who looked JUST LIKE MY EX. I divorced him over his abuse towards me, but truly, his abuse of that student and her child was what made him completely unforgivable to me.
#28
Literally yesterday. She was yelling at me and sneered "Happy Mother's Day, edmanet". Twice. Then laughed.
My mother died 40 years ago. That was more than mean, that was f****d up.
Prince Lee 7 months ago
i lost my best friend, almost as close as my sister, i was telling her my mom passed, like mom was 5 feet from me covered in a sheet, not cold, and her "lover" that "was" a kinda friend, well i thought we were but CLEARLY NOT, Started telling me "good she died, She died to get away from you" {iwas adopted my Mother passed saving me at age 7, and mom adopted me from a bad place at 11} and both my "friends" knew this, and that "lover" started telling me how my mother should have let me take the bullet" {guy shot at me cause i was albino in a old Japanese village... and she took it for me.. I got called abusive stuff like "demon child" and it was a huge thing to be brought up} she said my mom knew i was really a demon is why she died, I told my "sisterbff" to stop her "lover" she told me she "doesn't hold leash anymore" so i said ill shut them up then and she said "Your not allowed to do that "and i told her , you wont hold leashs..... unless its mine.... and I left
#29
Cheating. Found out my wife (now ex-wife) was having an affair. Completely destroyed the trust that any relationship is built on.
There were some really dark times, but, thankfully, my life is 100% better now.
#30
Getting pregnant when I was in Iraq for 8 months.
#31
Ghosting me when I got pregnant. Later I found out he had a secret girlfriend the whole time.
#32
Cheating on me. I gave her everything, and it wasn't enough.
Doctor Strange 7 months ago
The first girl I ever dated cheated on me. I know because she told me, particularly how much better than me he was. Two weeks later, I found out she was engaged to be married. To a third guy. My first love, and my second worst relationship.
#33
While I was overseas in the military my ex went out of her mind nuts. Screwed around, got into d***s, then kidnapped my 6 months old son. I didn't see him again until he was 16. But during that time, she also abandoned him, now only 5 years old, and his younger sister (from another dad) onto the streets of downtown Dayton Ohio. He was then illegally (in my mind) adopted by a woman who never tried to contact me. That ruined my relationship with my son as he now has trust issues cannot overcome. He's now 45. That, I've never forgiven, and I won't.
#34
A week after we broke up she started f*****g one of my best friends at that time. So I lost 2 people from my life because I don't tolerate this s**t, even tho we weren't in a relationship anymore.
#35
Told me that I was completely unlovable and would never be good enough for anyone and that they hoped I died in the army. All because I sat down to have a discussion about me wanting to enlist.
I hadn’t even decided. I wanted to talk about it with them and get their opinion. We broke up right there, and a week later I was taking the ASVAB.
What do you think ?
Doctor Strange 7 months ago
Skipping to the end, she admitted she was deliberately trying to hurt me so much I would commit suicide.
The Starsong Princess 7 months ago (edited)
With pets - if it’s your pet, always make sure the pet is microchipped and the microchip is in your name only. Pay all the vet bills. That establishes ownership if you break up so you can just take the animal or report it as stolen.
Doctor Strange 7 months ago
Skipping to the end, she admitted she was deliberately trying to hurt me so much I would commit suicide.
The Starsong Princess 7 months ago (edited)
With pets - if it’s your pet, always make sure the pet is microchipped and the microchip is in your name only. Pay all the vet bills. That establishes ownership if you break up so you can just take the animal or report it as stolen.
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