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“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do
There are as many parenting styles as there are parents. And since all moms and dads want what’s best for their kids, the fact that they tend to be very opinionated about that shouldn’t come as a surprise.
The recent TikTok videos from a mother of four named Casara have created quite a stir on social media for her unorthodox approach to parenting. In a series of videos, Casara openly shared things she and her husband Juan allow their children do, from not forcing them go to college to allowing them to swear.
“We have a very open & honest relationship with our kids,” Casara claims, so let’s find out more about her parenting style, and be sure to share what you think in the comments!
Mom of four Casara took it to TikTok to share the things she allows her kids to do
@casaranjuan We have a very open & honest relationship with our kids #ReTokforNature #MessFreeHero #parents #parenting #parentsoftiktok #parentingtips #parentsbelike #moms #dads #momsoftiktok #dadsoftiktok #momlife #momtok #parenttok #open #honest #parentinghacks ♬ original sound - CasaraNJuan
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#1
If my kid, teenager, is out and they're drinking with friends, and they call me, and they say: "Hey mom, I need you to come get me," I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna go get them. We will not talk about it until the next day. Let's face it, peer pressure is real, and people can't learn unless they make mistakes or do something they're not supposed to do.
After Casara, the mom of four, shared the things she allows her children to do, including swearing, a heated discussion started between parents online. So in order to find out an expert’s opinion about this controversial subject, Bored Panda spoke with Anisa Lewis, a positive parenting and life coach who shared some interesting insights about it.
“As parents, we are our child’s first role models and they take a lot of their cues about the world from us. Each family is different and what would work for one family is not going to be appropriate for another,” Lewis explained.
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#2
My child does not have to give you a kiss, does not have to hug you, does not have to hang around you, does not have to do anything with you if they choose not to.
Derek Skiba 2 years ago
Yes! Kids should get to choose whether they want to hug or kiss Aunt Martha
#3
My kids can love/be with whoever they want. Color, race, gender, nationality. It does not matter. They can love and be with whoever they want, as long as they are treating each other right. That goes for my child treating them right and them treating my child right.
#4
If your kid hits my kid, my kid will knock your kid out and I will high five them.
Derek Skiba 2 years ago
It is important that your kid learns how to defend theirself. If you are being pummeled and say "Please stop", the attacker won't just say "Understandable, have a nice day"
The parenting coach continued: “What I respected in the video of the mum is that she did allow her children to swear but there were boundaries and rules in place about when they could and they couldn’t, which is important.” Lewis added that “They had obviously taken the time to talk to their 4 children and were there to answer questions that they might have.”
Meanwhile, in Lewis’ family, she says, they ‘try’ not to swear in front of their teen but we are all human and it does happen. “If she doesn’t hear the language from us, she is certainly going to pick it up in school and when out in the community. We can’t shield her from this language but we can educate her on word meaning, when to use the language and the similarity with the family in the video is that we have discussed as a family what works for us and what we accept and don’t accept, we have boundaries that are right for our family,” Lewis explained.
#5
Our kids are allowed to swear. They know when they can swear, how they can swear, who they can swear around. They're allowed to swear. If you think that the worst thing your child can do is swear, then you have another thing coming. I said what I said.
Dave Van Beurden 2 years ago
Swearing actually serves a purpose. If you hurt yourself and swear, you will feel less pain. Put your hand in ice, if you swear you can hold your hand in there for much longer than if you do not swear. If you use cleaned-up swear words (e.g.fudge, darn) it helps, but less than full-on swearing.
#6
My son is 18 and I have taught him that if he wants to cry, then let them tears fall. It is okay to cry and let them tears fall. This misconception of telling men that they need to man up or that they're not a man because they're crying is [nonsense].
That is the reason why a lot of men are the way they are as far as not being open and being in touch with their feelings, and not all but some men.
#7
College. We will not force our kids to go to college if they don't want to. Let's face it, nobody really knows exactly what they wanna do, ever.
Geoffrey Scott 2 years ago
Tell most kids that trades(electricians, pipefitters, etc..) are SCREAMING for people. Little debt, and come out starting at 50k u.s., much more with OT
As a parenting coach, Lewis argues, she respects where each of her clients is coming from and there is no judgement. “However, children need to understand the words they are using, what they mean and this comes through education, discussions and an open relationship with their parents and carers.”
When asked about drawbacks of parents allowing their kids to swear, Lewis said that “a drawback could be that depending on the age or the maturity of the child, they may not always respect the boundaries and rules put in place around swearing or perhaps there weren’t any and they are just repeating what they have heard.”
#8
We teach our kids at a young age what sex is, what their parts are, what drugs are, everything. We teach them everything at a very young age. That way they know what the consequences are. They know what the actions are, they know what the positivity to everything is, and they don't ever have to be ashamed of who they are.
Derek Skiba 2 years ago
Why hide it? Keep the stuff they watch family friendly, but make sure they know about the real world.
#9
If my kid needs a mental health day from school, whatever it is, I'm gonna let them take it. They don't have to be sick. We don't have to have something to do. We don't have to have any of that. For my kid to stay home, all they have to do is say: "Mom, I need a day to myself. I need a mental health day."
#10
If my kids see anybody being bullied they're to step in and help. It is not okay for any kid to put down another kid ever. I said what I said.
TheAquarius1978 2 years ago (edited)
( i need to edit this since our realities are very very different, my coment is for an " outside the school grounds situation ", ínside there are people that monitors the children ) My a*s, i would never tell my kid that, " ohhh go and help, and then you get your a*s kicked as well ". My advice would be " you see someone getting bullied, if you get the chance get vídeo or a picture, hide and call the Police, once they arrive show them either the vídeo or a picture of you get them, if not try to describe them to the officers "
Moreover, swearing can become a default behavior, the parenting coach argues. “It’s something that we do without thinking about it, we use the words for effect, attention and often we use them as they are on the tip of our tongue and it is easier to say it than think of an alternative.”
“Another drawback is the judgement of others and their values around the use of such words, it can also cause offense to others without meaning to,” Lewis added.
But there may be some benefits to swearing as “children are encouraged to be themselves, to express themselves.” Lewis explained that “If the boundaries are respected around swearing, then this too is a benefit in that there is respect and acknowledgement of the rules and systems of the family.”
#11
Our kids are to treat everybody equally while at the same time, know that everybody is not treated equally. If you understand what that means. We tell them to see color and not to ever say, "I don't see color", because you do, you treat everybody the same, the same way you would treat a homeless person staying on the corner of the street is the same way you would treat the president of the US.
Derek Skiba 2 years ago
Yes! What kind of parent tells their kid to attack every poor non-white person?!
#12
Religion. My first two kids I baptized, but my last two kids I did not baptize. I will allow them to choose if they wanna follow a religion, if they wanna believe in God, if they don't wanna believe in God. Whatever they feel is best for them.
novasoup (she/her) 2 years ago
this mom is a perfect example of what all christians should be like
Kiryn Silverwing 2 years ago
My husband was raised Catholic, and his mom wanted to baptize our daughter. We were gonna just let her do it on her own to make her happy (a baby doesn't know what's going on, and it only means something if we keep up teaching her when she's older) but that ended pretty much the moment the church emailed us the steps and said that both parents had to dedicate themselves to teaching the child about the religion, and we're like "nah, if she wants it when she's older she can do it then" who cares what grandma wants.
Nikkie Nothing 2 years ago
I baptized my daughter but it was not out of religious reasons. It was really just about family tradition. I have never once in her 7 years made her go to church and the last time I went to church was when she was baptized.
R A 2 years ago
Why did you feel the need to make promises you had no intentions on keeping to a God you care little for/don’t believe in? There’s really no need for this kind of hypocrisy when you could have had a naming ceremony or similar.
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OwenHasADHD 2 years ago
I am an atheist and my religious parents say they're fine with it, but they drop subtle hints sometimes that they don't want me to be that.
SpongeBob SquarePants 2 years ago
but why didnt the first two kids get to choose which religion they wanna follow?
AsexualShrimp 2 years ago
maybe she later learned that she shouldn't have done that? that's my guess
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Sinnsyk Jakte 1 year ago
I was baptized twice. The first when I was a baby...the second because I had accidentally stepped on snakes several times and didn't get bit.
Bill Allen 2 years ago
I will say that having been forced to go to church two and sometimes three days a week till I was around 15 years old gave me a clear view of how most of it is total c**p. But, unfortunately far too many people fall for the brainwashing of God, Guns & Glory.
Katy McMouse 2 years ago
I had my boys baptized, mainly because I still have the slightest bit of fear left in me from my religious education as a kid. However, I wasn't going to force them into catechism classes in order for them to receive Holy Communion. Unfortunately, I have a MIL who doesn't respect anyone's opinions, especially if that opinion doesn't reflect her own. She went behind my back and enrolled both of my boys in Sunday catechism. She even went as far as showing up at my house on the first day to "make sure that you send them". I let it go for the sake of my husband - he wasn't happy either, but at that time, he was still trying to navigate the middle ground between his mother and myself. The year after they received their Communion, she tried to pull the same stunt but the person registering kids for the class called us and we were able to stop this b.s. right in its tracks. She pitched a fit, but we stood our ground. My kids can and will choose their own paths in life.
BoredPandaSucks 2 years ago (edited)
but if they do say someday they believe in God are you going to ask them WHY they believe it?
PandaRave 2 years ago
Let them think what they want. It’s good if they don’t believe in religion, but if they do you need to go full redditor and investigate them? For someone who has the name BoredPandaSucks that really is a peak bored panda opinion.
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#13
I will allow my daughters to wear tampons. And I will teach them the proper way to wear tampons. I'm gonna tell you why. When I started my period, nobody had taught me how to wear tampons, and I was told I was not allowed to wear them, but I did because I wanted to be in my swim class. You know what happened? It got stuck. So I had to go to the emergency room and be embarrassed and have them take it out because I left the cardboard on.
Chickens are fluffy 2 years ago (edited)
I'm sorry, ( about it getting stuck and having to go to the ER) but you should teach your daughters who get periods everything about having one! Thank you for doing this
#14
My kids will be allowed to live in my house bill-free after they turn 18 and whenever they're ready to move out, they can go after the age of 18. However, I will not make them move out.
Bender Bending Rodríguez 2 years ago
I agree with not asking to move out, however If I had means to do this I'd charge my kid reasonable rent/fee, once he starts working. Save that rent/fee in his name and gift it to him when he is ready to move out.
#15
Our kids are allowed to wear what they want. It's their body, their style, their choice, whatever they wanna wear, they can wear.
#16
People of the opposite gender staying the night. We allow it. Yes we do. And I'm gonna tell you why. Because there are some kids out there that don't have homes to go to or their parents kicked them out, or stuff in that instance.
#17
Tattoos and piercings. Our kids are allowed to get piercings and they're allowed to get tattooed, with one exception to the tattoo. They have to wait till they're at least 16 and they have to have pondered on it, really thought about what they wanted, a good place for it to be at, and as long as the shop allows it at that age. Piercings, I feel like it's a way they express themselves. I don't see nothing wrong with piercings.
#18
My kids don't have a curfew. They respect that they have to be home at a reasonable time, and most of the time they're always at home anyways.
BoredPandaSucks 2 years ago (edited)
in many places, there is a legal limit to this in which the parent has no choice
#19
My kids are allowed to have an imagination. That means if they believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or whoever the groundhog, they're allowed to believe in it. We don't tell 'em it's real or fake because kids are supposed to have an imagination.
BoredPandaSucks 2 years ago (edited)
but actually believing something is true or real, is NOT imagination.
#20
Makeup. I never used to allow my daughters to wear makeup because I wanted them to see their beauty for what it really was. Being their natural self. But now I realize, no, I'm gonna allow them to try makeup if they wanna try it.
Stardust she/her 2 years ago (edited)
Oh come on. I get that make up can cause or drive insecurities and may be bad for the skin but let them wear make up occasionally, just because they like how they look wearing make up doesn’t mean that they will develop huge insecurities at least 99% of the time
#21
My kids get a cell phone the moment they start school. And this is for safety reasons as well, and their location will be on it at all times because nowadays you cannot be too careful.
Nathan Pogorzala 2 years ago
Eh. that justification just isn't accurate. "Nowadays" there are 40% less abductions and kidnappings than 20 years ago. Parent however you want but unfounded fear will gnaw on you.
#22
My kids don't have a bedtime. They do know that when school starts, they have to be in their room at a certain time and they can watch TV and do whatever they need to do to allow them to fall asleep.
Kiryn Silverwing 2 years ago
I do the "bedtime routine" of brushing teeth, pajamas etc at a set time, after which my "work day" ends and my daughter is expected to leave us alone until morning. There's no screen time past this point, but she is allowed to read as much as she likes until she falls asleep, because I know it takes her a long time to fall asleep just like me. She's reading well above grade level, so I think it's working?
#23
Screen time, TV time. They're allowed to be on it for as long as they want, watch what they want, do what they want on their screen time.
Izzy Curer 2 years ago (edited)
So far, I've applauded most of these, but I really just can't get behind this one. There have been a plethora of studies on the negative consequences of screens on the developing brain. Everything on the internet is geared to trigger dopamine, and the brain just isn't equipped to handle such a constant barrage. Dopamine is supposed to be the 'reward' neurotransmitter, but if your brain starts expecting rewards all the time, it eventually needs more and more of it to feel normal. It can lead to addiction, lack of focus, and depression. It's hard enough for adults who are at least sort of aware of what's going on, to where they can moderate it somewhat, but god help a child with unlimited screen time.
#24
My kids are allowed to have social media when they're young. Yes, we will monitor it, but once they hit about 11-12, we will stop monitoring it. Because my kids know when to come to us if they need to tell us something or anything.
TheAquarius1978 2 years ago
Its a great idea lol, stop monitoring them right at the time the hormones start to Kick in ......
Casara's videos sparked a heated discussion among parents online
What do you think ?
Izzy Curer 2 years ago (edited)
Most of these are so obvious, I almost feel like it's a little sad that some parents feel these are something unique and special. Especially the tampon one...
Vincent Philippart 2 years ago (edited)
Most of these are great, but a few are just dereliction of parental duty. Unlimited screen time + no curfew = kid too tired to function in school. Social network too young then unsupervised + unlimited screentime = screen addiction, with its consequences on the developping brain, and mental health damage from online interactions. Tatoos : a child's brain is not fully developped regarding long term thinking and consequences before well into their 20's. A parent's duty is also to protect children from themselves.
Tabitha Martel 2 years ago
So my kids (8 and 11) have unfettered access to screens. Some days they play video games all afternoon. Others they get lost in a new book. And when it's nice they run around the neighborhood and play until it's dark. Because they know it's there they don't care about it. The more you restrict something the more kids think about it and want it. Your objections can be directed to their extracurricular teachers, academic teachers and the like. Both are successful and well adjusted.
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M B 2 years ago
How are these things contraversial? This is how I raise my kids. And point 16?! I've never heard of girls not beeing allowed to wear tampons, is that really a thing?
Anonymous 2 years ago
Sadly, yes in conservative families they believe girls will lose their virginity if they insert a tampon or menstrual cup.
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Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Funny that most of the commenters were most offended by the allowance of profanity.
Fembot 2 years ago (edited)
Noticed that too. The most superficial of all those rules…
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Brittany no 2 years ago
I disagree with a few of these: tattoos (as a woman who has MANY), you do not know who you are at that age and it’s just not a good idea. Nor is the internet one, I responded to the post, but please do not let your kids become a story on the news meeting randos they don’t know.
Sunny Day 2 years ago
It's so cute when parents say "my kids trust me and tell me everything". Makes you want to say "well, bless your heart!"
Ladytron 2 years ago
A bit, yes. I mean - that's the goal of many parents - nothing wrong with that. But...... it's part of growing up not telling your parents everything. It's creating your own identity and a sign of healthy attachment to want to break free from your parents, bit for bit. I'm not saying that means you should monitor your kids at all times, give them some freedom, but don't trust blindly that they will "come to you" with everything.
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Jennifer Norton 2 years ago
I feel like these are all healthy ways to parent. Look I am generation X and our parents were very hands off. They didn't do much or teach us much and because of that we spend a lot of time in our adult years figuring things out that we should have learned early one. My grandparents were super hard on both my parents so I guess this new way of parenting is just trying to correct all of that!
Some guy 1 year ago
Then it's overcorrection. Don't beat your kids up, but teach them what they need to know when they step out the door!
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Nizumi 2 years ago
Man - The number of people piling on the swearing thing. OP wrote that her children know when, where, around whom they can swear. They're not just firing off f-bombs willly-nilly. Other than that - a lot of this is common sense. The only ting I don't agree with is the phone/location thing. My parents left me to my own devices from the moment I left the house to when I got back by curfew. Mind you - they didn't have a choice - no mobiles in the 70s and 80s ;) Now we expect to be able to contact everyone in the moment. know where they are all the time. If you're sure you're raising your children right - trust them. You'll drive yourself crazy otherwise.
MsLou 2 years ago
I love this woman! I do agree with the majority of what she is saying. I was NEVER able to talk to my parents about anything going on with me for fear of judgement (they were all about how people perceived them) until I tried to commit suicide. Even then I was still hesitant to tell them things.
Your Neighborhood Alien 2 years ago
I'm so sorry. I hope you have people in your life who you feel comfortable freely expressing yourself with. I have a similar relationship with my parents, but it's a little better than what you described. Hugs!!!!
Load More Replies... Sam McKillip 2 years ago
All these people like: Oh my god, YoU lEt YoUr KiDs SaY h-E-dOuBlE hOcKeY sTiCkS?!
Jason K 2 years ago
These things sound great but it's basically just permissive parenting. There are pros, but there are also lots of cons in all the parenting and psychological literature. Just have to be careful to give kids appropriate responsibility according to their maturity level, which, granted, is different for each kid.
Family Osborne 2 years ago
I agree with some of these, but at times it just feels like you're asking for your kids to take advantage of you. Either you have perfect, responsible children with mutual trust...or you're being lazy. Don't downvote pls, just an observation. Some boundaries SHOULD be set (swearing, screen time, social media, etc.), or the child will not grow. They are NOT adults-- we should not treat them as such.
tamèreestchaude 2 years ago
Some of them just make me sad. Like teaching your daughter about periods and tampons should not be controversial, and neither should having your child call you to come and pick them up if they feel uncomfortable. Some of them are just like mean girls when she says "I'm not a regular mom I'm a cool mom." They just feel like ploys for their child to like them. So when their child can't get into a good college because they were allowed to have social media at 12 and posted something inappropriate, then this mother will probably regret it.
jennifer young 2 years ago
So I cannot fully stand behind the college one. I feel higher education should be encouraged, whether it is college or trade school.
Joanne Hudson 2 years ago
It was nice of her to share HER AGENDA but that isn't going to work for all parents and children. As I read some of it, I hoped she wasn't hoisted on her own petard.
Gena Robinson 2 years ago
Most of these rules will apply to most children although there are some that can't have unlimited screen time, and can't not have a curfew. My mom allowed us to do most of these things, my sister took advantage and I was the one that was home at a reasonable hour and went to bed in a reasonable time. I think it just depends on your child. I have two of my own and I've always been open and honest with them and most of these rules I used. My nephew on the other hand needs to have strict limits on screen time cuz he would spend 24/7 on a computer and or phone
ThatNerdZoe 2 years ago
Who cares about cussing 💀 it's just words literally as long as you aren't calling someone that (slurs are different) 💀💀💀
Rune Rosen 2 years ago
I always hide. Always have, and most likely will continue for years as it is how I coped with my parents and still do. At 17, I am still trying to figure out my way in the world. However, social media should not be given to young kids. They can be targeted so very easily, and not all kids will remember that someone is there for them. I believe social media is okay to have at age 15-16 with monitoring until age 18, simply because hormones are heightened. For young children, there are things like Messenger Kids, Lego, and other children social media apps that are controlled and positive. With that said, children also need a curfew on school nights. This is due to good grades being more important. And yes, kids need a phone for school. Not necessarily a smartphone, but something to communicate. Peers are less likely to steal a flip phone than a smartphone.
Tabitha Martel 2 years ago
My kids (8 and 11) run around outside until it's dark. Know they have to be in their beds at a certain time but can do whatever to fall asleep like OP and have the same free will as her kids. And they are smart, well adjusted, empathetic delightful little humans. They respect themselves and their friends. They know (and do) tell us about everything no matter what. And the swearing thing omg. Why is it okay to say c**p or shoot but not the other ones. BOTH ARE JUST LETTER AND MEAN THE SAME THING. That high horse you rode in on is depleting the oxygen to your brain.
Jennifer Scott 1 year ago
I really dislike a lot of the comments I have read about this post. Clearly, the mother is smart, says age-appropriate boundaries as she has four children of four different ages and explains the reasoning why she’s doing these things she’s doing what I have read is a bunch of adults literally being more disrespectful to her in comments then I promise her children are in any way, shape or form. You know you who you are and you should be ashamed of yourselves. The author is clearly teaching her children not to grow up like you.
Elaine Schwartz 2 years ago
This mom has such wisdom, tolerance and common sense. I would have loved growing up in such an environment. My folks, God love them and may they rest in peace, were good people, but they were elderly, emotionally absent and over controlling parents trying to cope with a gifted, highstrung and stubborn daughter (yes, me!), they tried to raise me as if it was 1880 instead of 1960. I ended up running away at age 16 and was estranged from them for the better part of a decade. Eventually we got on better terms for which I'm immensely grateful. I came to realize they were simply a product of their generation's environment, the Victorian Age, and were frequently oblivious to the angst and pain I felt from their controlling ways. What they concluded about me as an adult forever remains a mystery lol. Even after all that, now that I'm older, I truly miss them and appreciate them as people.
Adam Leviness 2 years ago
All these people in the comments losing it over swearing. I just don't get it. She explains she tells them when they can swear, around who, and at what times. As long as the know they can't swear at the teacher or drop an F-bomb out in public for everyone to hear, then who cares. For the people saying that it shows a lack of intelligence, well they would think that bc they are, apparently not that smart themselves. Studies have shown that smarter people tend to swear correctly. How many people swear all the time then get mad at their kids when they repeat exactly what they heard them say. It's hypocritical at best and just plain dumb at worst. Most if these boil down to; treat your kids like people and not a little burden or underling. Treat them as though they have their own thoughts and ideas and feelings and don't punish them too hard for making mistakes while they're learning about the world.
Adam Leviness 2 years ago
All these people saying they wouldn't let their kids do any of these things, guess what? They're going to do them anyway. They only difference is they're going to get REALLY good at lying to you and hiding them from you. Oh, you dont let your teen drink? Great they're doing it anyway if they want to. The only difference is when they need a ride home they'll get a ride from a drunk friend. When they are in a dangerous situation they'll be in danger bc they're more scared of you punishing and judging them. When your daughter gets drunk and sexually assaulted she won't come to you bc she thinks you'll blame HER! Your not better parents for not allowing these things, your kids are just better liars. They're kids you can't trust bc they can't trust you.
Load More Replies... girlsrock4ever 2 years ago
My parents have many, many, MANY flaws in their parenting, but my mom taught me about pads (she didn't teach me about tampons because she herself doesn't know how to use them, but she signed me up for a session on it in school), and my dad... well, he yells at me SLIGHTLY less when he sees me carrying a pad.
Andrew 2 years ago
There is actually very little controversy in n these rules. A large majority of kids growing up these days are exposed to/doing all these things. It's just now those parents have a certain amount of 'control' over that behaviour and can guide it to a certain extent from an earlier stage.
Izzy Curer 2 years ago (edited)
Most of these are so obvious, I almost feel like it's a little sad that some parents feel these are something unique and special. Especially the tampon one...
Vincent Philippart 2 years ago (edited)
Most of these are great, but a few are just dereliction of parental duty. Unlimited screen time + no curfew = kid too tired to function in school. Social network too young then unsupervised + unlimited screentime = screen addiction, with its consequences on the developping brain, and mental health damage from online interactions. Tatoos : a child's brain is not fully developped regarding long term thinking and consequences before well into their 20's. A parent's duty is also to protect children from themselves.
Tabitha Martel 2 years ago
So my kids (8 and 11) have unfettered access to screens. Some days they play video games all afternoon. Others they get lost in a new book. And when it's nice they run around the neighborhood and play until it's dark. Because they know it's there they don't care about it. The more you restrict something the more kids think about it and want it. Your objections can be directed to their extracurricular teachers, academic teachers and the like. Both are successful and well adjusted.
Load More Replies... M B 2 years ago
How are these things contraversial? This is how I raise my kids. And point 16?! I've never heard of girls not beeing allowed to wear tampons, is that really a thing?
Anonymous 2 years ago
Sadly, yes in conservative families they believe girls will lose their virginity if they insert a tampon or menstrual cup.
Load More Replies... Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Funny that most of the commenters were most offended by the allowance of profanity.
Fembot 2 years ago (edited)
Noticed that too. The most superficial of all those rules…
Load More Replies... Brittany no 2 years ago
I disagree with a few of these: tattoos (as a woman who has MANY), you do not know who you are at that age and it’s just not a good idea. Nor is the internet one, I responded to the post, but please do not let your kids become a story on the news meeting randos they don’t know.
Sunny Day 2 years ago
It's so cute when parents say "my kids trust me and tell me everything". Makes you want to say "well, bless your heart!"
Ladytron 2 years ago
A bit, yes. I mean - that's the goal of many parents - nothing wrong with that. But...... it's part of growing up not telling your parents everything. It's creating your own identity and a sign of healthy attachment to want to break free from your parents, bit for bit. I'm not saying that means you should monitor your kids at all times, give them some freedom, but don't trust blindly that they will "come to you" with everything.
Load More Replies... Jennifer Norton 2 years ago
I feel like these are all healthy ways to parent. Look I am generation X and our parents were very hands off. They didn't do much or teach us much and because of that we spend a lot of time in our adult years figuring things out that we should have learned early one. My grandparents were super hard on both my parents so I guess this new way of parenting is just trying to correct all of that!
Some guy 1 year ago
Then it's overcorrection. Don't beat your kids up, but teach them what they need to know when they step out the door!
Load More Replies... Nizumi 2 years ago
Man - The number of people piling on the swearing thing. OP wrote that her children know when, where, around whom they can swear. They're not just firing off f-bombs willly-nilly. Other than that - a lot of this is common sense. The only ting I don't agree with is the phone/location thing. My parents left me to my own devices from the moment I left the house to when I got back by curfew. Mind you - they didn't have a choice - no mobiles in the 70s and 80s ;) Now we expect to be able to contact everyone in the moment. know where they are all the time. If you're sure you're raising your children right - trust them. You'll drive yourself crazy otherwise.
MsLou 2 years ago
I love this woman! I do agree with the majority of what she is saying. I was NEVER able to talk to my parents about anything going on with me for fear of judgement (they were all about how people perceived them) until I tried to commit suicide. Even then I was still hesitant to tell them things.
Your Neighborhood Alien 2 years ago
I'm so sorry. I hope you have people in your life who you feel comfortable freely expressing yourself with. I have a similar relationship with my parents, but it's a little better than what you described. Hugs!!!!
Load More Replies... Sam McKillip 2 years ago
All these people like: Oh my god, YoU lEt YoUr KiDs SaY h-E-dOuBlE hOcKeY sTiCkS?!
Jason K 2 years ago
These things sound great but it's basically just permissive parenting. There are pros, but there are also lots of cons in all the parenting and psychological literature. Just have to be careful to give kids appropriate responsibility according to their maturity level, which, granted, is different for each kid.
Family Osborne 2 years ago
I agree with some of these, but at times it just feels like you're asking for your kids to take advantage of you. Either you have perfect, responsible children with mutual trust...or you're being lazy. Don't downvote pls, just an observation. Some boundaries SHOULD be set (swearing, screen time, social media, etc.), or the child will not grow. They are NOT adults-- we should not treat them as such.
tamèreestchaude 2 years ago
Some of them just make me sad. Like teaching your daughter about periods and tampons should not be controversial, and neither should having your child call you to come and pick them up if they feel uncomfortable. Some of them are just like mean girls when she says "I'm not a regular mom I'm a cool mom." They just feel like ploys for their child to like them. So when their child can't get into a good college because they were allowed to have social media at 12 and posted something inappropriate, then this mother will probably regret it.
jennifer young 2 years ago
So I cannot fully stand behind the college one. I feel higher education should be encouraged, whether it is college or trade school.
Joanne Hudson 2 years ago
It was nice of her to share HER AGENDA but that isn't going to work for all parents and children. As I read some of it, I hoped she wasn't hoisted on her own petard.
Gena Robinson 2 years ago
Most of these rules will apply to most children although there are some that can't have unlimited screen time, and can't not have a curfew. My mom allowed us to do most of these things, my sister took advantage and I was the one that was home at a reasonable hour and went to bed in a reasonable time. I think it just depends on your child. I have two of my own and I've always been open and honest with them and most of these rules I used. My nephew on the other hand needs to have strict limits on screen time cuz he would spend 24/7 on a computer and or phone
ThatNerdZoe 2 years ago
Who cares about cussing 💀 it's just words literally as long as you aren't calling someone that (slurs are different) 💀💀💀
Rune Rosen 2 years ago
I always hide. Always have, and most likely will continue for years as it is how I coped with my parents and still do. At 17, I am still trying to figure out my way in the world. However, social media should not be given to young kids. They can be targeted so very easily, and not all kids will remember that someone is there for them. I believe social media is okay to have at age 15-16 with monitoring until age 18, simply because hormones are heightened. For young children, there are things like Messenger Kids, Lego, and other children social media apps that are controlled and positive. With that said, children also need a curfew on school nights. This is due to good grades being more important. And yes, kids need a phone for school. Not necessarily a smartphone, but something to communicate. Peers are less likely to steal a flip phone than a smartphone.
Tabitha Martel 2 years ago
My kids (8 and 11) run around outside until it's dark. Know they have to be in their beds at a certain time but can do whatever to fall asleep like OP and have the same free will as her kids. And they are smart, well adjusted, empathetic delightful little humans. They respect themselves and their friends. They know (and do) tell us about everything no matter what. And the swearing thing omg. Why is it okay to say c**p or shoot but not the other ones. BOTH ARE JUST LETTER AND MEAN THE SAME THING. That high horse you rode in on is depleting the oxygen to your brain.
Jennifer Scott 1 year ago
I really dislike a lot of the comments I have read about this post. Clearly, the mother is smart, says age-appropriate boundaries as she has four children of four different ages and explains the reasoning why she’s doing these things she’s doing what I have read is a bunch of adults literally being more disrespectful to her in comments then I promise her children are in any way, shape or form. You know you who you are and you should be ashamed of yourselves. The author is clearly teaching her children not to grow up like you.
Elaine Schwartz 2 years ago
This mom has such wisdom, tolerance and common sense. I would have loved growing up in such an environment. My folks, God love them and may they rest in peace, were good people, but they were elderly, emotionally absent and over controlling parents trying to cope with a gifted, highstrung and stubborn daughter (yes, me!), they tried to raise me as if it was 1880 instead of 1960. I ended up running away at age 16 and was estranged from them for the better part of a decade. Eventually we got on better terms for which I'm immensely grateful. I came to realize they were simply a product of their generation's environment, the Victorian Age, and were frequently oblivious to the angst and pain I felt from their controlling ways. What they concluded about me as an adult forever remains a mystery lol. Even after all that, now that I'm older, I truly miss them and appreciate them as people.
Adam Leviness 2 years ago
All these people in the comments losing it over swearing. I just don't get it. She explains she tells them when they can swear, around who, and at what times. As long as the know they can't swear at the teacher or drop an F-bomb out in public for everyone to hear, then who cares. For the people saying that it shows a lack of intelligence, well they would think that bc they are, apparently not that smart themselves. Studies have shown that smarter people tend to swear correctly. How many people swear all the time then get mad at their kids when they repeat exactly what they heard them say. It's hypocritical at best and just plain dumb at worst. Most if these boil down to; treat your kids like people and not a little burden or underling. Treat them as though they have their own thoughts and ideas and feelings and don't punish them too hard for making mistakes while they're learning about the world.
Adam Leviness 2 years ago
All these people saying they wouldn't let their kids do any of these things, guess what? They're going to do them anyway. They only difference is they're going to get REALLY good at lying to you and hiding them from you. Oh, you dont let your teen drink? Great they're doing it anyway if they want to. The only difference is when they need a ride home they'll get a ride from a drunk friend. When they are in a dangerous situation they'll be in danger bc they're more scared of you punishing and judging them. When your daughter gets drunk and sexually assaulted she won't come to you bc she thinks you'll blame HER! Your not better parents for not allowing these things, your kids are just better liars. They're kids you can't trust bc they can't trust you.
Load More Replies... girlsrock4ever 2 years ago
My parents have many, many, MANY flaws in their parenting, but my mom taught me about pads (she didn't teach me about tampons because she herself doesn't know how to use them, but she signed me up for a session on it in school), and my dad... well, he yells at me SLIGHTLY less when he sees me carrying a pad.
Andrew 2 years ago
There is actually very little controversy in n these rules. A large majority of kids growing up these days are exposed to/doing all these things. It's just now those parents have a certain amount of 'control' over that behaviour and can guide it to a certain extent from an earlier stage.
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