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35 Obese People Share The Things A Non-Obese Person Would Never Understand
Interview With Expert
We only have one body – the one we're born with. And we only know what it's like living in that body. If we could "Freaky Friday" with someone else and literally be in their shoes for one day, we'd probably be far more empathetic to people than we are now. Until we can do that, all we have to go on is hearing other people's experiences first-hand.
For example, a skinny person will never understand what it's like living while being overweight. Recently, one netizen wanted to know about their experience, so they asked: "Obese people of Reddit, what is something non-obese people don't understand or can't understand?" The thread quickly became popular, as over 13k people came to share the things they think are unique to their experience.
To delve deeper into the topic of body inclusivity, Bored Panda got in touch with a licensed therapist and clinical worker, Sarah Herstich. We asked her about the benefits of the body positivity movement and the myths people possibly associate it with. Since Herstich works with people who struggle with body image and eating disorders, she has a lot to say about the topic. Read our conversation with her below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
You’re more in danger of poor medical care when you’re obese. Physicians will say “lose weight” in lieu of testing, diagnostics, or anything resembling medical care.
LadyRougarou 7 months ago
I literally just had emergency gallbladder surgery on Friday and have been battling issues with my gallbladder for 5 yrs. I was told it was bc I was fat and if I lost weight the pain would stop. Well in the past month I lost 20 lbs from not being able to eat and nearly went into liver failure bc my gallbladder and liver was infected and to top it off I had stomach cancer surgery 3yrs ago that left scar tissue that tore my pancreas which could have also killed me. So yeah for 5 yrs I was told I was in pain bc I was fat and they didn't run diagnostics or anything.
Sarah Herstich, LCSW, tells Bored Panda that the body positivity movement is important because it resists anti-fat discourse and the oppression of bodies. "The body positivity movement has origins in Black fat activism and the history of the oppression of bodies, particularly black fat bodies."
She points out how the movement is about dismantling the current power structures. "[It] invites a lens of intersectionality, exploring the relationship between power and race, gender, disability, sexuality, class and age, and their relationship to oppression. This is important to name because the body-positivity movement, in its origin, was meant to challenge systems that oppress, discriminate, and stigmatize bodies," Herstich explains.
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#2
How much you dread people taking photos of you because it always ruins your day to see yourself in a photo.
#3
We know we're fat. Like trust me, I know. Losing it is harder than it was to gain. I know I just ate, but my body is screaming that it's starving. Like down to the lightheaded, nausea symptoms of not eating all day even though I ate an hour ago. I know a lot of people thing d***s like ozempic and wegovy are "cheating" but wegovy has literally changed everything. I can eat a healthy portion of food and be satisfied. .
Daya Meyer 7 months ago
And sometimes it is the food we eat. White flour instead of whole grain for example. Some of us are so used to eat white bread, but it needs big amounts of insulin to digest and then you are hungry again in no time. Whole grain is harder to eat and the taste is different to white flour but it needs less insulin over a longer time, it doesn't spike. Plus, you are not hungry over a long period of time. So eating habits are very important in addition.
The licensed therapist also tells Bored Panda that the body positivity movement is about fighting systems of oppression. "To be effective in supporting people to heal from mental health struggles, we have to look at how systems of oppression impact people each and every day, the intergenerational transmission of trauma from those systems, and how trauma responses are now impacting the day-to-day."
Herstich emphasizes that the body positivity movement is about so much more than just loving your body. "It's a movement aimed at liberating all bodies while acknowledging that until all bodies are free from stigma and oppression, we are not truly body positive," the licensed therapist explains.
#4
It is really easy to gain weight over time. You get a sedentary job and you snack occasionally, and in the evening you watch TV or read a book instead of going out. So you weigh three pounds more than you did at this time last year. No big deal, right?
Now, multiply that by fifteen years or so. All of a sudden, it is your fortieth birthday, and you somehow weigh fifty pounds more than you did in college. It isn't because you always eat two boxes of oreos a night -- you just gained a little, year after year.
Also? It is a lot harder to lose weight when you are heavy. When I was 25 and thought I had gained a few pounds, I'd start jogging. Pretty soon, I'd be able to run two or three miles at a shot, and hey! Problem solved! Now? I'm older and heavier and that means I'm a lot more prone to injury. So I try to work out, and my knees start hurting (again) or I aggravate an old foot injury, and it gets frustrating. There are workarounds, of course. I can swim, and I can lift weights. But it is all harder than it was when I was young. .
#5
Finding clothes that fit, worrying if furniture would support you.
Karina 7 months ago (edited)
I broke three tables within three months. The last one i remembered my poor trackrecord, so i tried and failed to stop myself from making contact. My ex had a good laugh, I was embarresed, but it did make me reflect on the quality of my future and wether this is how I wanted to live. Now I have a six-pack and the back of a miner, and the doctor still tells me i need to do "exercises", because I dont look thin enough with clothes on.
#6
CHAFING
It's particularly cruel because it makes you even more likely to avoid walking or exercise thus ensuring you put on more weight.
As with any other movement that gains traction, some misconceptions exist about body positivity. One of them is that the movement promotes unhealthy lifestyles and eating disorders. Herstich says that it's actually quite the opposite.
"It supports people in acknowledging when their fear of fat originated, how that has made their body feel unsafe to live in, how they have internalized that as truth, and to build a new relationship with their bodies – coming home to themselves and treating their body in ways that are health-promoting and respectful."
#7
How painful being alive is. i'm not obese any more. Last year I was 375ish lbs, I was obese then. Living is painful. People would tell me to exercise, that i'd get runner;s high, that it's easy. No. life is pain at nearly 400lbs. everything is so hard. I now weigh about 210lbs. life isn't pain any more, i still hate exercise, but when I exercise I get tired or exhausted depending on the intensity, i don't get 'i want to [off] myself' borderline injured. show your obese friends some kindness.
Marie Dahme 7 months ago
This should be higher. I used to weigh 423 lbs at 5ft and now fluctuate around 283 lbs. This is not like quitting d***s, alcohol, or nicotine. You can live, flourish even without those. But food addiction and all the physical pain is extremely difficult. I learned that no matter how much weight I now loose, I still damaged my body internally that can't be completely reversed.
#8
From a woman’s perspective, that men don’t think you are allowed to say no to them or reject them. There are a lot of men out there who think because you’re fat, you’re probably lonely and you should be happy with any male attention you get.
#9
That for some of us, losing weight is extremely difficult. Some medications can make you excessively hungry. Also those of us with long-term depression and anxiety issues often use food as a source of comfort. We *know* it's a poor choice, but in the moment, we don't think of anything but eating something tasty.
Having people patronise us actually makes things worse, not better.
- 7 months ago (edited)
Some medications cause weight gain, such as anti-depressants. Hence, they may not be suitable for those with body dysmorphia. I'm lucky - my weight gain wasn't massive and it only makes me a little self-conscious (such as wearing a 1-piece bathing suit instead of a bikini). My former boss had to be weaned off her meds - she preferred to live with anxiety than weight gain.
"Body positivity challenges normative and harmful beliefs in a hierarchy of bodies based on size, race, ability, identity, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic status," she adds. "Mainstream body positivity also supports people to recognize body diversity, exit harmful dieting cycles, and challenge what is healthy vs. unhealthy."
#10
Unless you're a medical professional who specialized in weight-loss, there's probably nothing you can say to them about their weight that they haven't already heard or are not already well-aware of.
Justanotherpanda 7 months ago
It's funny how everyone always had some advise, yet I didn't ask for any....
#11
I have limited places I can comfortably go due to the width of my a*s.
I would love to go to a concert, or a movie, or on a plane, but it literally *hurts* to wedge my butt into the seat and I lose circulation in my legs if I can't move. I would love to go on rollercoasters or ferris wheels. I don't lack *desire*.
On top of that issue, using public toilets is *extremely* uncomfortable. I prefer to use the handicapped stall, and I *despise* the times I have had to use the regular size stall. Multiply that discomfort by 1000 if I'm on my period.
I feel like I always have to be tidy, smell good, and be super put-together to "make up" for people being inconvenienced by my presence.
#12
The guilt that comes when you’re seen eating anything at all.
The “aww good for you!” if you’re seen eating a salad because the only possible reason a fat dude would eat a salad is to lose weight.
The existential dread every time you get a random pain in your chest or stitch in your side and think that this could finally be the heart attack.
The fact that you can go days or weeks at a time without really feeling bad about being fat but then all of a sudden one day it’s all you can notice about yourself.
Summer f*****g sucks. It’s too hot anyway, but being fat makes it hotter. And then you get worried that — despite having perfectly good if not over the top hygiene — maybe you’re starting to have “fat guy smell.”.
Herstich tells us that the point of the body positivity movement is that people can feel safe and free in their bodies. "A culture that is inclusive, accepting and uplifting all bodies, will ultimately be supportive of wellbeing, [physical] and mental health," she explains.
"If that existed, diet culture would not. As a society, we need to continue to do the work of dismantling systems of oppression that impact and harm bodies outside of the thin white ideal."
#13
That if fatshaming worked, there wouldn't be fat people.
Also that, yes, I do exercise 3-5 days a week and I do diet, and I don't just stuff my mouth with junk food day in and day out.
#14
As someone who was once obese, and now is just a bit over weight
Holy F**K is it hard to keep it off. I still want to eat like I did when I was heavier.
BoredPossum 7 months ago
Same with former athletes. The portions you're used to and comfy with will increase your weight now. So, you're always hungry.
#15
The constant need to physically adjust yourself.
I wear clothes that fit but I'm still constantly adjusting my clothes, my body position, etc. just to be comfortable and for my clothes to have a chance of hiding some of what's going on here. My thin friends almost never adjust their clothes and such.
#16
I have lost 180lbs after having a gastric bypass 22 months ago.
While the physical changes are awesome, the best thing is that my mind can focus on things other than my weight. I hadn't realised that the thoughts about my weight and food were a constant background chatter: "can I park close enough to the supermarket door that I can get inside without stopping?" Or "will the café have some of the chairs left that I can fit in?" And so on - *all of the time*. So much of that has dropped away, yet I wasn't fully aware that it was clogging my thoughts until it was gone - like only noticing that your radiators were making a noise once the boiler goes off at night and they fall silent. I am now at peace.
#17
I'm not obese but my sturdy friend says you always get this look when boarding a plane in economy where everyone hopes to god you're not in the seat next to them.
#18
Here’s a positive in a thread full of negatives: I am wayyyy stronger than you think I am. Every moderately active obese person is stronger than anyone else doing the same level of activity, especially in the legs department. As fat as I am, my calf muscles are f*****g shredded.
Kylie 7 months ago (edited)
This is my daughter. Overweight, probably 50lbs or so and she's only 5'5", but hikes and backpacks, clears hiking trails (and that's HARD work) etc, but whatever weight she loses is replaced by muscle so she's never ever going to be a skinny minnie again. People do underestimate how strong she is.
#19
How people treat you. With active disdain. People glare at you, they scoff at you, they make faces of disgust when seeing you. Random-a*s people feel free to honk at you and yell s**t from their car, when you walk alongside the road.
The hatred is honestly intense.
Marie Dahme 7 months ago
Obese people are the last group of people where it's socially acceptable and encouraged even as "tough love" to treat people as social pariahs and openly laugh and taunt them. It starts as children, learned at home sometimes and that's part of the reason why bullying fat people is acceptable.
#20
Just how much internalized shame we carry. If you’ve seen someone who was really skinny struggle with shame, with thinking that they are too fat, and feeling guilty about how they look….that same shame lives inside so many of us.
And a lot of us are honestly doing the best we can with subpar health care and normalized stigma.
CK 7 months ago
I think what a lot of people miss is that weight stigma is actually dangerous. Some studies have indicated that living with the constant stress might be as big a contributor to health problems as the obesity itself is. And, of course, high cortisol is not something you want when trying to lose weight.
#21
Having to face the dilemma of choosing the perfect outfit every time you leave the house.
A lot of obese people are incredibly self-conscious about their bodies, and will wear more/bigger clothes to feel more comfortable.
This makes you overanalyse the weather and stuff. Layering wrong is gonna make you too hot or too cold later on.
#22
Just because we are obese doesn’t mean we can’t do physical activity. People don’t have to act surprised that we can indeed participate. I’ve heard this from people when I’ve gone to play soccer or any other sport. I am not the fittest guy playing, but it doesn’t mean that I’m going to die if I run around for a bit.
BoredPossum 7 months ago
Plus, that's the best way to lose weight. How are people gonna get in shape if they aren't allowed to work out?
#23
I have been heavy and light and back again several times (which takes a massive toll on the body on its own, but there you go). I have always mentally been obese, in terms of the space I think I take up in the world. Even at my lightest, which was about ten pounds north of my "ideal weight", I would still check every chair to make sure it's not rickety, still turn sideways to get between things when I didn't need to, still eyeball things like amusement park rides and theater seats because I thought I wouldn't fit comfortably. Obesity has a huge impact on the body, but also on the mind. It's why they say things to men like, "Find a fat girl to have sex with, she'll be grateful."
It's also a little bit of armor though. If anyone is going to make fun of me, it's going to be for one thing. Being fat. No other insecurities ever get picked on. I'm seen as only being one thing, so I've gotten pretty okay with people pointing it out.
cerinamroth 7 months ago
I've also been fat and thin and fat again. It does take a toll. My self-image is very messed up. When I have been fat (which I currently am), it is certainly like a kind of shield from the world. The healthiest weight I ever was was when I lost 15+ kgs (around 35 lbs) after my dad died. I have never felt better. I don't actually mind how I am now most of the time because I know that if I lost it before, I should be able to do it again. However, I am now much older and nearing menopause, so that makes things more difficult. Ultimately, my body carries me through life and I am proud of it for being strong through pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding. But I do wish I could get back to a healthy weight.
#24
How inhuman you feel being obese and how painfully aware of that you are when out in public by the up and down glances from people. The coldness, shortness, and avoidance. Also, unsolicited dieting advice/assumptions after mentioning that you're making lifestyle changes. I've researched fitness/health and read tons on obesity/metabolic dysfunction. Watched all the TEDTalks and youtube gurus. Went vegan, keto, did juicing, and fasting. Got blood tests and seen doctors/specialists/dieticians. I know a lot, I'm always learning. I've lost over a hundred pounds since December. Yet people will chime in. Just cut out soda! Just eat less and move more (duh). Try keto, try bariatric procedures, etc. I never drank soda, always been a hydrohomie, also seltzer and herbal tea lover. So I really hate when people assume I slurp down a pallet of 2L sodas daily. I always preferred to eat my calories, not drink them. I do eat less now and move more; my sedentary obesity stemmed from unhealed trauma throughout childhood. Bad coping habit of binge eating. Severe agoraphobia, have spent years being housebound. Former suicide attempts and a toxic relationship. I'm well aware of what my mentality was to be so unhealthy by being so fat. I needed to face that first, and I finally have. I don't expect people to know or care to know any of that. I hated myself far more than anyone ever could anyway.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 7 months ago (edited)
I'm adopted and most of my family members are obese, and many are morbidly obese. There were SO MANY TIMES that they would go to doctor's appointments, or need to go to the hospital, or need to go somewhere for something else, and doctors/professionals would just.... ignore them. Pretend to not see them. Talk over them. Because I'm white and my family isn't, and because I'm not obese (I'm fat now, but I used to be scrawny), I started to accompany my family members to doctor appts, specialist appts, lawyer appts, etc., anything where my family members will be ignored or talked down to because they are obese and/or Mexican. It is SAD that that's necessary and it infuriates me. I will fight for each and every one of my family members in order for them to get the same care and treatment that I would get if I were to just walk into my own appts.
#25
I ask thin people if they eat until they are satisfied. Most answer honestly "yes". I then ask if they have eaten but don't feel satisfied yet, do they eat more. Most answer "yes". Fat people do the same, but the amounts are different. "Just eat less" is easy to say when eating less satisfies you.
#26
How you become expected to be the garbage disposal. "Oh, hey, there's leftover cake from (coworker's) birthday thing. We'll take it to (fat coworker), they'll eat it."
Or the last donut or whatever. And then they get all upset when we say no and are like "it'll go to waste!" because I'm already fat so what does it matter, right?
LaserBrain 7 months ago
Seems that skinny people or very active people are more likely to be treated as leftover disposers. No one I know would bring it to a fat person
#27
I dropped a lot of weight before and family or friend reunions go one of three ways: 1) the person tells you look great and they ask what you did, 2) they’ll tell you look so much better and healthier because they were concerned about you. However, the surprising one is 3) they’ll insult or complain about the heavier you like it was a completely different person.
And #3 isn’t coming from people you normally have contentious relationships with or people you have tough love/hard joking relationships with. You expect jokes from those people. It’s surprisingly comes from the people you were very close to, sometimes ones you never hear speak badly of anyone. The hardest I’ve heard was, “I’m surprised we were even friends.” On a similar note, a friend found out I was much heavier before I met her and she said, “We wouldn’t have even been friends!”
It’s those comments that stick with you. Even more than the insults from when you were heavier. It’s harder because it validates the insecurities you had about your weight, how people perceive you, and how conditional some of your seemingly closest relationships actually are. Thanks to depression and quarantine, I’ve put some of that weight back on and those remarks still come to mind when I’m feeling insecure.
Justanotherpanda 7 months ago
When someone lost weight (by choice) I never tell them how good they look, I tell them how happy I am for them the weightloss worked out the way they wanted. There is something so wrong about being fat equaling not looking good.
#28
How much advice people try to give you. Why eating an apple is so much healthier than eating a cookie. Or why it's so dangerous to be overweight. I know you are worried and I appreciate it, and I really do know these things. I'm really trying to keep up with you, but I can't run a mile every day. I can walk at my own pace and cut out the things that I can, but it's not working for me the way that it used to.
#29
When you’re fat but people like you, they will divorce your fatness from your character, but they’ll still talk negatively about fat people in front of you (simply because of their fatness) and you just sort of sit there like 😀.
BoredPossum 7 months ago
What's worse is that they always link fat to other non-related negative traits. Like fat and ugly, fat and lazy, fat and stupid... It's sad that it is so accepted.
#30
As a former obese person, having to pull down your tshirt/shirt to prevent it from lifting up. My non-obese self has well fitting clothes and I still subconsciously pull my tshirt down.
That and the glaring looks that you get when you stand in food lines at buffets or at airports. .
#31
Being invisible.
Also, that you are assumed guilty for anything (not just related to food) just cuz you're overweight. Fat people, especially women, have a far higher guilty verdict in all US courts.
Yes, I get that it's ironic that one can be invisible until someone needs to attribute blame.
#32
The fact that sometimes we like to treat ourselves when eating out, the amount of times I've gotten looks and comments when getting some nice food. Or the issues that can happen with the body after losing significant weight, for example loose skin. Love having to deal with using strong antimicrobial cleaners every day or risk skin infections.
#33
I used to be obese. The worst thing for me was how people looked at me. I’d try to make friends and the first thing they would do is look at me in disgust.
Justanotherpanda 7 months ago
I was at in introduction day for a new job, one of the girls had just run some half marathon or something, telling about proudly, stopped talking, turned to me and said, 'you don't run right, so what is like, to always be the fattest person in a crowd'......I was stumped, didn't work there for a long time, terrible environment.
#34
I am in pretty good shape but i used to be obese. I was almost 300 pounds at one point.
One can't expect others to embrace obese persons with the same level of attraction or positive affect as typical persons. However, one thing that everyone should understand is that people usually become overweight because they have an emotional relationship to food.
Their dietary habits consist of irregular eating and eating as a form of meditation. It feels incredibly calming and enthralling at times to gorge yourself on food. Every thrust of your tongue and crunch of your teeth becomes enjoyable and almost addictive. Think of a bodybuilder honing and focusing on the pump their biceps get or the moment when they're in the middle of contracting a huge weight and feeling the stretch and bodily stress of that contraction. Every part of that lifestyle deeply enmeshed within your psyche and the best part of it is that it's a lot easier than everything else that life throws at you. .
Marie Dahme 7 months ago
Food hits the reward center of the brain. If you're low in serotonin or dopamine....foods, especially ultra processed food made with addictive chemicals act just like crack and c o c a I n e in the pleasure and reward center of the brain. For someone who doesn't have low serotonin, food may not have the same effect on you like it would to someone with low levels. And very morbidly obese people will gorge because it hits just like a d r u g. Would you shame an addict ? I keep all tempting food out of my kitchen, no freezer meals, no sodas... but the urge is always there. It's a helluva way to live...a never ending battle inside yourself.
#35
How it feels when the wii fit lady says, "That's obese" in her cheery a*s voice.
What do you think ?
Kylie 7 months ago
One thing that's always irritated the hell out of me. All those images that go with the "big is beautiful" crowd don't ever seem to have the body type where the extra weight just flops about or forms rolls because your body frame type isn't built to carry it. I'm naturally a tall and slender build with long thin bones and even 10 pounds extra will just hang there let alone the 30 I have to lose right now. So I FEEL 'fat' even though others will scoff at the idea. I WISh my excess fat was the solid firm type but it's not going to happen.
Salty.Hag 7 months ago
Yes!!! I've noticed that!! They are "big" but they look solid, not like the type of "fat" I was. The rolls were serious. I'm on the same boat, I have to loose some weight and it freaks me out because I can never go back to being over weight, at this point it would be terrible for my health.
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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 7 months ago
I was told to kill myself so other people wouldn't have to look at me. My weight is a worse tell on my moral character than my criminal past. I'm a waste of resources. The person who gave me my hysterectomy said (while I was on the operating table) that removing the cancer was a waste of his time. I hate my life and I hate myself. I have three reasons to continue fighting: my cats and my mom. I accepted the cats, which means I signed up for life-- their life. Mom just lost her husband of 60 years. She lost my brother nearly 30 years ago. I'm the only immediate family she has left. Now, it is true that some people have been incredibly kind. After prison, I really notice casual kindnesses. I do have a few very good friends. But the weight of an entire lifetime of judgement is very often overwhelming.
Auntriarch 7 months ago
My dear Shyla, you have been around people who don't deserve you. My eyes always light up when I see your name on a comment
Load More Replies...
Helena 7 months ago
Yeah, hearing people deride you for being overweight. Not helpful. Having someone harp 'it isn't healthy' not helpful. These things just make you a jerk. Don't comment on peoples weight. Unless you have a miracle weightloss pill in your pocket that you're willing to hand over, you have nothing useful to add.
Kylie 7 months ago
One thing that's always irritated the hell out of me. All those images that go with the "big is beautiful" crowd don't ever seem to have the body type where the extra weight just flops about or forms rolls because your body frame type isn't built to carry it. I'm naturally a tall and slender build with long thin bones and even 10 pounds extra will just hang there let alone the 30 I have to lose right now. So I FEEL 'fat' even though others will scoff at the idea. I WISh my excess fat was the solid firm type but it's not going to happen.
Salty.Hag 7 months ago
Yes!!! I've noticed that!! They are "big" but they look solid, not like the type of "fat" I was. The rolls were serious. I'm on the same boat, I have to loose some weight and it freaks me out because I can never go back to being over weight, at this point it would be terrible for my health.
Load More Replies... Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 7 months ago
I was told to kill myself so other people wouldn't have to look at me. My weight is a worse tell on my moral character than my criminal past. I'm a waste of resources. The person who gave me my hysterectomy said (while I was on the operating table) that removing the cancer was a waste of his time. I hate my life and I hate myself. I have three reasons to continue fighting: my cats and my mom. I accepted the cats, which means I signed up for life-- their life. Mom just lost her husband of 60 years. She lost my brother nearly 30 years ago. I'm the only immediate family she has left. Now, it is true that some people have been incredibly kind. After prison, I really notice casual kindnesses. I do have a few very good friends. But the weight of an entire lifetime of judgement is very often overwhelming.
Auntriarch 7 months ago
My dear Shyla, you have been around people who don't deserve you. My eyes always light up when I see your name on a comment
Load More Replies... Helena 7 months ago
Yeah, hearing people deride you for being overweight. Not helpful. Having someone harp 'it isn't healthy' not helpful. These things just make you a jerk. Don't comment on peoples weight. Unless you have a miracle weightloss pill in your pocket that you're willing to hand over, you have nothing useful to add.
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