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It’s clear that gender differences entail way more than just the way people look or the different things that their bodies go through; they can also present themselves in even the most mundane of things, such as the size of one’s jean pockets, for instance. (Shoutout to wearers of women’s jeans that fit basically nothing in the pockets, while men’s ones could fit a medium-sized lawnmower; or at least they look like they could, when compared.)
But knowing that such differences exist doesn’t make it easier for some people to understand—or have empathy for—those of the opposite sex better. In order to be understood better, women of Reddit recently took to a thread started by a member of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community to discuss the things they wished men would get. Their answers covered everything from menstrual pain to the aforementioned pocket size of their jeans, so if you’re curious to see what else they emphasized, scroll down to find their thoughts on the list below.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a psychologist, author of Hidden In Plain Sight: How Men’s Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships, Dr. Avrum Weiss, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on gender differences.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
We don't get colorful hair, long nails, lips filled, make up done and outfits on to appear attractive to men.
We do want to look nice for some men on occasion. But the majority of the time it's because *we* feel good like that.
You think i dyed my hair pastel purple to seem attractive to some dudes? I felt AWESOME with them.
AND a lot of other women compliment you. Which is a nice addition.
So the "actually, men don't like black lipstick" is meaningless. *I* like black lipstick. It is not for you. It is for me.
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#2
Here's a dumb one: the amount of toilet paper we need to use. I've seen a lot of men complain about how much TP the women in their house go through, and they say things like "I hardly use any! Why can't they learn to live off a few squares like I do!"
Men don't understand that women have a lot more to clean up. Men usually only use it after going #2 or to clean up a little drip. Women can't just shake it and be done. We also have discharge to clean up, which is constant (not just when we're aroused as some men believe) and it's only worse when we're ovulating. Then on top of that we have periods to deal with. We need more toilet paper than you do! Get off our back!
#3
Feminism isn’t hating men.
Breadcrumb. 2 months ago
Some men blame feminism for their shortcomings, but when your value is in oppressing women, you're weak.
In the thread, women got quite open and honest about the different aspects of their lives, which might have seemed like common knowledge to other females in the community. But to some of their male counterparts, the information might have been something they didn’t know—or didn’t take seriously—before, as men tend to deal with a different set of joys and troubles themselves.
#4
If we have s*x with you, we may get pregnant, even with contraception.
You may then disappear, even after acting like a respectable person, and fight any ties to your child forever.
We may be required by law to bear your child, and become a mother alone, struggling to support ourselves and a newborn.
If we don’t die during pregnancy or childbirth, which is more common in some parts of the US than in any other development nation.
So don’t ask why women won’t just sleep with you, why we won’t “give you a chance” and just have sex once, or why we’re not going to Netflix-and-chill for the first date. Women enjoy s*x too, but we are facing the rest of our lives potentially raising your child alone, if we don’t die first.
Feathered Dinosaur 2 months ago
A broken condom on day 21 of my cycle (that lasts usually 30-33 days), what are the odds? Well, meet mini dino! And it was just like described, deadbeat sperm donor bailed out instantly, luckily I have my parents and enough money to support us
#5
That truly sharing household and domestic tasks means doing it unprompted. I don't want to have to ask you to tidy up or answer questions if it's your turn to cook or constantly manage social calendars and remind you or things. My brain needs a break too and taking initiative means a lot.
LaserBrain 2 months ago
Problem arises when two people living together have different ideas about what needs to be done, or how to do it.
In an interview with Bored Panda, psychologist Dr. Avrum Weiss pointed out that men and women are not that different inherently, but they are socialized very differently. “There is research showing that children as young as four months old are socialized differently by their parents, based on their gender,” he said.
“Children tend to play in same-sex groups until around grade school. At that point, the girls tend to play with each other as do the boys. The girls play games that help them learn about relationships (playing house, school, or doctor, for example), whereas the boys play games that focus on competition and aggression. When boys and girls get romantically interested in each other they have each been living in very different worlds with very different skill sets.”
#6
We aren't mad at you because we are on our period, we are mad at you because we have less tolerance for stupid things on our period.
Kirsten Kerkhof 2 months ago
Testosterone levels are highest in women who are menstruating. Which means women are more like men than any other time. Pot, meet kettle.
#7
That my hobbies and interests being associated with femininity doesn’t make them “stupid” or “boring” or any less gratifying.
fatchancefatpants:
Why am I called a basic b**ch for liking pumpkin spice and crafting, yet dudes who like football and beer are mAnLy and cool? They're also basic bitches. These things are popular cuz they're enjoyable, let people enjoy things.
#8
The energy it takes to actually get in the mood enough for it to not hurt to have our *body penetrated*. That's why so many women don't want to do it multiple times a day and aren't ready at the slightest suggestion.
It's so easy to just get an erection and jam it into something, I wish more men understood that being penetrated is not the same.
Like, the vagina is a collapsed tube. That's why tampons the size of a finger stay in place. You can't just jam s**t in there. Even with tampons you have to go easy.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 months ago
And even if we DO want to, and we're ready to (or we have a little lube to help out), we get sore/abraded down there pretty easily :x
“The landmark research of Carol Gilligan, Ph.D. showed us that women are more socialized to focus on other people and relationships than men are,” Dr. Weiss continued to point out, adding that men learning how to listen, as opposed to ‘fixing’ things, is often an important part of what they can do to improve their relationships.
#9
That when we talk about feeling unsafe at night walking home alone and stuff like that... We know, 999 of 1000 men we come across are just normal men heading somewhere, who don't mind us in any way. Problem is, we don't know who the 1 is that maybe has evil intentions.
#10
Just treat us like we are PEOPLE, not just women. That would fix a LOT of things.
#11
We have no control over our periods. Not when they come, not when they go, nothing. And the things we can get or take to minimize them often have harsh side effects that not all of us can or want to deal with. This is something you must understand.
StrangeOne 2 months ago
I'm certain men who can't handle it when women are on their menses are just immature.
But it’s not only men that could benefit from active listening. Any person can arguably make their relationships better and understand the struggles or the day-to-day of others better if they take time to listen to what others have to share; or if they put themselves in the other person’s shoes.
“Even if you can’t yet be empathic, you can still learn to listen respectfully, assuming that what your partner says makes sense to them and needs to be respected, even if it doesn’t yet make sense to you,” Dr. Weiss emphasized.
#12
It’s not just that there’s a tiny minority of bad men, it’s that there are a large number of supposedly decent men who tacitly support the actions of bad men.
#13
I'm just being nice. I'm not flirting or interested in you.
Kirsten Kerkhof 2 months ago
And I'm being nice, because if I'm not, you won't be either. And an angry man is potentially a dangerous man.
#14
That No just means “no” and we aren’t saying "no" to play hard to get.
#15
That ignoring their mom being passive aggressive to their gf/wife is actually re-enforcing that behavior and harming their relationship…not keeping the peace.
#16
The majority of us do not want to see your d**k pics so stop sending them! Especially unsolicited! Keep it in your pants buddy.
#17
That when a man complains that "She needs to tell me what's wrong, I can't read her mind!" she likely already told him 100 times and is at the point where she stopped trying, because he never changed his behaviour regardless of what's been discussed.
Stephanie A Mutti 2 months ago
People taking responsibility to make requests for their needs is a problem that is gender neutral.
#18
I know it’s not just women that this happens to, but not being listened to in an academic/professional environment. We have helpful insights to problems just like men, we are smart and creative and skillful too. I’m tired of having my intelligence underestimated and ignored.
#19
A lot of us don’t view you as protectors. I know that’s the image you have been sold since you were a child, but the people you are supposedly protecting us from come from the same group you do. And bad men don’t walk around with a sign saying “I’m a bad man” so our caution has to be applied as a blanket policy. We don’t hate you, we just know that if something bad happens to us the first thing people will do is ask why we even “put ourselves in that situation”. It’s not personal.
Kyra Heiker 2 months ago
Every woman knows another woman who has been raped, but no man knows a rapist.
#20
That period pains for 1 in 10 women can be worse than contractions at birth. we are not dramatic or overexaggerating. womens health is terribly lacking and underfunded and we are just surviving out here. It's not our fault and doesn't make us less of a person. extra help with food and cleaning around those pain attacks can mean the world to us.
Winter Eleven 2 months ago
When i got a tattoo it didn't hurt at all but period cramps hurt like a b***h and even ibuprofen stopped helping (at least i don't throw up all day when i manage to take it a fee hours before period starts-gambling)
#21
Pregnancy and post partum is not easy. I’ve seen men make comments with women with hyperemesis “they throw up to not gain weight” l myself had it with my first child and I would want to die smelling cooked food. And felt like I had a violent hangover every day all day long.
Also now at my age underestimating how bad hot flashes are.
Feathered Dinosaur 2 months ago
Postpartum was the worst time of my life, worse even than when I was hospitalized because of severe depression and suicidal thoughts. I had my abdomen cut open and stitched back together, bleeding clotted clumps out of my nethers and had to take care of a tiny thing that kept crying and wanting to be fed every 1,5h - be it day or night. I could hardly move and was so sick because of blood loss. Worst 3 months of my life
#22
If you are in a relationship with a woman and having issues in the bedroom, take a good hard look at how the other parts of your relationship are working. Chances are VERY high there’s a reason why the desire is dwindling that isn’t only s*x related.
setsuriseikou 2 months ago
Also, listen to her. Don't just be there when she talks to you, listen actively and at least try to understand what she's saying. Because chances are VERY high she's been clearly telling you why the desire is dwindling, but you've been dismissing it as a minor issue (source: seeing my ex not listening to me and then making surprised Pikachu face when I told him that was precisely the reason our bedroom was dead and I was divorcing him).
#23
I think a lot of guys don't really get how if you act like an additional child to be taken care of at home then this is going to have a direct, deeply negative impact on whether your partner sees you as a f**kable competent adult down the line.
Read: this generally means doing your fair share of housework as another adult in the same household without your partner having to act as your manager. If you've been living here for 5+ years and the house isn't huge, you should generally have an idea of where xyz household item typically gets stored or how to do the laundry. That isn't to say that suddenly doing the chores will fix all your relationship problems, but it's generally a good idea to be like this from the beginning and be consistent.
This probably isn't that gendered irl but you see this crop up a lot in hetero relationships where somehow the gf has wound up doing most housework, childcare *and* also works full time and the dude maybe mows the lawn once a week or "does household projects" that somehow never actually get completed.
LB 2 months ago
It makes me so sad to see this around me. And, to be honest, I'm relieved to have ended up with a not-male partner. I'm pansexual and I don't hate men, and I'm sure there are good men out there that are capable of being equal partners but so far most of the ones I know any details about are... not.
#24
Most adult women have incredibly high tolerance for pain. This can be due to a myriad of contributing factors like menstruation and child birth, but can also be contributed to by factors women do not want to speak openly about, like poverty (not able to afford care or treatment), abuse (mental, physical, sexual), or even fear of being labeled as weak or emotional every time they make a complaint.
If an adult woman in your life complains to you about pain or illness, please take her seriously. You aren't necessarily responsible for solving it, but showing a little compassion can really brighten their day. Yes, some women will not have a high tolerance, but it's definitely the minority.
#25
We deserve equal pay.
#26
We’re not trying to start arguments because we’re bored. You did something that upset us and we’re trying to communicate that to you. We don’t sit around thinking of problems just cause.
#27
Sometimes men just don’t get how important it is to listen and validate feelings instead of trying to fix things right away it’s not always about solving problems, sometimes it’s just about being heard.
LaserBrain 2 months ago
Yes. Often people just want to vent, and present their problems to someone and have them listen to them complain. Most men are wired to only bother other people with their problems if they want help, otherwise they would be dealing with it themselves. Understanding that just because a person is whining about something, it doesn't oblige you to do something about it - that's a great stress reliever.
#28
Groping your gf/wife constantly is not as hot as you think it is. We are objectified like that everywhere. Having it done to us at home, too, is a HUGE turnoff for a lot of women.
setsuriseikou 2 months ago
I suggest you ask your wife if she likes being groped by you at home. Since women are people, and therefore like and dislike different things.
#29
Men having a smaller paycheck is fine, but them being insecure about it is REALLY unattractive.
Michael Largey 2 months ago
My wife always made more money than me. I found living with that extra cash in the budget to be more than bearable.
#30
How much our menstrual cycle affects us, not just the bleeding part. Hormones are a hell of a d**g. E: Not to mention hormonal birth control means we have to handle added hormones and side effects.
#31
Sometimes I’m quiet because I don’t want to talk or have nothing on my mind. I also look out the passenger window when I’m a passenger because I like looking out the window. It’s not because I’m mad, it’s because when I drive I never get to look out the window!!!
#32
Mansplaining is incredibly frustrating.
Skara Brae 2 months ago (edited)
I think in a few cases, guys are just figuring out, verbally, what she already knows. In a similar vein, I had a manager who would walk around asking his people what tasks they were working on. After hearing the explanation, he'd restate what he was told in words that sounded like he was telling the worker to do what they were already doing. This frustrated every one of us. One day, after hearing him repeat what I'd just said, I replied "Right" in a way that made it clear I thought he understood what I said. That shut him up. He said "That's good" and then walked away.
#33
If a woman breaks up with you randomly one day … remember that she broke up with you months or even years ago in her mind.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 months ago
I've been planning mine for at least 10 years (have been in the relationship for 23 years total.) I tried to leave once, he said he'd change, I stupidly believed him. The leopard put a nice coat of paint over his spots that washed away in the next rainstorm. The leopard truly does not change its spots. I'm now navigating a SAFE escape - I didn't live with him the last time I tried to get out of this relationship, and now I do, and I have 4 pets, so I have to be so careful.
#34
Stop hitting on people at work. They have to be polite for you and it forces them into a conflict.
#35
That women aren't a monolith. Just because your ex liked x doesn't mean your new girlfriend will. Just because your mom likes x doesn't mean your aunt will. Just because your sister had light periods doesn't mean your friend is faking her pain. And on and on. Women are people and while they share common experiences, they have their own preferences.
Like 90% of the ask women threads are removed because they aren't asking women general questions about their experiences in being women. They're incredibly specific questions that they should be asking their girlfriend or their mother. (I. E. Will my girlfriend like x in bed, what should I get my mom for mothers day, etc.).
setsuriseikou 2 months ago
Women are people. Sadly, an idea completely incomprehensible to so many.
#36
To the older men out there - menopause is a roller coaster of physical and emotional changes. Please educate yourselves about it and be supportive and patient.
#37
Stop taking "starting a family" so lightly. Creating a child is 99% a woman's work and 1% a man's pleasure. Put yourself in her shoes and think twice before pressuring her to have a(nother) child, or mocking her because she didn't bounce back. Pay some respect because you did absolutely nothing.
Also, since we don't live in a vacuum and we inherited gender roles, put much more effort in your family because I swear that your partner is doing way more than you think. You are not a fifty-fifty couple, especially if you have kids.
Kelly Scott 2 months ago
Guys, we all know there are some men who are right there when it comes to doing the housework, changing the diapers, and getting up in the middle of the night. You're not the ones this post applies to. This post applies to the OTHER 97% of men who don't lift a finger when it comes to their home or kids. So please don't get defensive when you see posts like this. Believe it or not, if you are the one guy that is doing everything right, you don't have to tell anybody. Any woman will be able to see that in a mere second (if other men can't see it, they're deliberately being obtuse). You guys are the cream of the crop and you have our undying gratitude. Thank you.
#39
Your jean pockets are much deeper than ours, hence our fondness in bags.
Zena 2 months ago
Your jeans have pockets, full stop. It's shocking how difficult it can be to find women's clothes with pockets at all, let alone useable ones. Yes, most jeans will have pockets (but not all) but even those aren't always useable. I'd say a large majority of other pants, shorts, skirts and dresses do not.
#40
You are allowed to cry and have any negative emotions you feel. You get sad, be sad. It is okay.
Skara Brae 2 months ago
Guys, if she ridicules you for not being manly, find a different girlfriend.
#41
That they need each other. I wish they could get past the programming or the perception that speaking to and loving their friends is not "weak" or "gay" or in any way a bad thing.
Too many men want women to fix them by providing them with the type of friendships women have between themselves, with the bonus of s*x. That's not how it works.
You are capable of (and very much should be) leaning on each other. Not us.
YOU CAN DO IT!
lenka 2 months ago (edited)
So very much this. I was so amazed recently one of my husband's best mates passed away in quite traumatic circumstances. The guys have all been friends since primary school and as soon as the news was known they made a group app, just the men, not the wives. While their friend was in hospital they held vigil together, again, just the men, not the wives. When he passed they came together and cried. They called each other daily. They are still grieving but they are also checking in on each other, letting the other guys know when they are not ok and actively seeking and providing support. I have never seen anything quite like it among a group of men and I am so grateful to all of them. Of course my husband leans of me for support, but I am not his only pillar.
#42
That most of us don't actually like doing emotional labor all the time; we're just socialized for birth to provide that service for men.
Manana Man 2 months ago
I think women get stuck in this role because of the way boys are raised: to hide emotions and 'be a man.'
#44
That just because you have the girl doesn't mean you can't lose her, no matter how much they love you. You start to get so comfortable that you stop trying and start to treat them like an option.
Once they start to change with you it's not because we found another guy, we just put as much effort as you do or treat you like you treat us. Then we slowly fall out of love and we just stop arguing , stop complain. If we bring stuff up it's not an attack towards you . If you get defensive and turn it around on her. Then she will stop coming to talk to you. By the time you realize it we have already checked out.
#45
At sex:
it's not because we show or tell you that what you're doing is good, that it mean "go faster and harder". NO!!!!
It means keep going and change nothing.
Mimi M 2 months ago
Can't stand it when a man thinks that pounding at a woman's body automatically feels good to her. For some (or in some circumstances) it may - for many (or in many circumstances), it may not. Ask, be aware, check yourself. You may be having a good time - she may most definitely not be.
#46
Many men might not fully understand the pressure women feel to balance multiple roles in their lives, whether it's career, family, or social expectations. It can be overwhelming, and sometimes they just need support and understanding.
#47
When i first met my now husband he didnt understand why women are scared of most men. it wasnt until i was harassed, stalked and humiliated by men that he completely understood, he apologized for never taking me seriously before.
it didnt take long for him to come to the realization, which honestly happened within the first few months of dating.but gross men being gross it happened a lot where we used to live, my husband has saved me many times, and ill always be thankful for him.
Diolla 2 months ago (edited)
"women are scared if most men" sorry but that is a bit of a broad generalisation..... I suppose it depends on your specific environment. Most women I know are not afraid of men at all. Which does not mean that this is the case for all women of course 🙂. Just to be clear, I'm a woman and I have experienced bad men.
#48
The vagina is a naturally moist place. When we say we’re dry, don’t imagine skin dry. Imagine your mouth. Normally it’s a wet place right? But when we say we’re wet, it’s noticeable. Like you smell something delicious and you’re salivating so much you have to swallow. THAT IS WET. Not normal mouth feel wet.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 months ago
And it REALLY hurts if you try to force your way in (even with a finger) before we're ready. :x "Haha, she said it hurt when I shoved my ween into her" isn't the flex a guy might think it is.
#49
That we understand you better than you far understand us. Not only are women generally given a lot more social training than men, and raised under the expectation of being empathic caregivers, but the male experience isn't really an avoidable one.
I grew up reading books and watching movies with male protagonists about male issues, not because I sought them out but because that was just the books and movies there were. Meanwhile the majority of movies don't even pass the Bechdel test. Understanding women is optional, the female experience takes effort to find and learn about.
I see reddit threads titled things like "Men, what do you wish women understood?" and its full of things that pretty much every woman has known for years whether we wanted to or not. We know what you feel. We know why you feel it. And we're stuck over explaining for the nth time why we're nervous around strange men.
Feathered Dinosaur 2 months ago
Books and movies about female issues, with female protagonists are 'niche'. Children's books about princesses are 'for girls only', but books about a boy doing boy-stuff are 'for everyone'
#50
Saying things they don't mean because they think it's what we want to hear.
I don't care who responded badly in the past. Each person is a new page and they should not be held responsible for the transgressions of past partners. If you can't adequately separate the two, you should not be actively dating. Or, at the very least, have excellent communication skills and be able to talk through what is going on in your head.
It's exhausting getting the flip flop and whiplash of men who say one thing and then do the opposite a short time later.
What do you think ?
Veronica Jean 2 months ago
Add: WOMEN ARE NOT TINY MEN. our bodies are COMPLETELY different. What works to lose weight for you may not work for me thanks to my hormone disorder/time of the month/stress levels/ biological differences. Stop telling me how to lose weight.
Veronica Jean 2 months ago
Add: WOMEN ARE NOT TINY MEN. our bodies are COMPLETELY different. What works to lose weight for you may not work for me thanks to my hormone disorder/time of the month/stress levels/ biological differences. Stop telling me how to lose weight.
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