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Unfortunately, we’re not mind-readers—at least… most of us aren’t. That means that if we want somebody to know something, we have to vocalize it. Or hope beyond hope that they’ll pick up on the trail of clues we leave in our body language.
The men of Reddit have come together and shared the things that they wish women knew and the things that are important to them, in the context of romantic relationships and beyond. They opened up about cute things like the fact that men really do enjoy hugs and compliments and also broached practical topics like the need to be alone from time to time. (Hey, boundaries are important, especially in relationships.)
As you’re scrolling down, upvote the posts that you agree with. And you should also swing by the comment section to share the things that you wish your partners knew, too, dear Pandas. Bored Panda spoke about the dynamic between men and women, and why it’s important to communicate about what’s most important to us with dating and relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man. Scroll down to read what he had to say.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Just say it straight. Don't make me read between the lines or trying and take a hint. How in the heck am I supposed to know you're into me if you don't say it. I don't know you well enough to read your brand of body language, but I'm interested in you cause you seem cool.
If you respond with a "no" to my interest I will respect your boundaries, don't expect me to "try harder". No means no.
Verbal communication is way better.
Clark Tyler DS 2 years ago (edited)
Exactly. It's really the basic concept of consent we teach our kids. No means no. I talked to a girl once that told me, if I were a real man, I would chase her. No ma'am. A real adult says what they mean.
Bored Panda asked dating and relationship expert Dan to elaborate on the kinds of attitudes that are healthy in relationships, as well as whether it’s important to be on the same page in terms of respecting and understanding each other’s passions in life.
“The best attitude is true, sincere love where you honestly care about the other person and only want the best for them. However, that can only happen if the dynamic of the relationship continues to produce those feelings over time,” the expert told us.
RELATED:
#2
You know that complaint that women sometimes have that just because they are polite to you doesn't mean they're interested in you?
Yeah, that works both ways. I'm not saying "good morning" because I want to bed you, I'm not holding the door for you because I think you'll reward me with some nookie for doing so, etc. etc.
I'm doing so because, like you, I'm a decent human being and am being polite.
Tobias Reaper 2 years ago
exactly i am just being polite i would do the same for a person of any gender or even species but not bears though
#3
Women body shaming men is just as bad as men body shaming women.
“If the dynamic of the relationship causes one or both of them to lose their feelings of attraction and love, then it will be very difficult to behave, think or care in the same way they did in the beginning. As a result, the relationship will become stale and a breakup or divorce will almost certainly happen at some point,” he said that consistent, genuine effort has to be put into relationships to make them work.
“Unfortunately, most people don’t ever get taught how to create and maintain a mutually happy, in love and attracted relationship dynamic, so they just wing it and hope for the best, which then results in high levels of breakups and divorces,” Dan said that just hoping for the best without actively doing your best isn’t good enough.
#4
Girl: I’m dropping so many hints! Why doesn’t he get them?
Boy: I think the girl is dropping hints but I’m not sure I want to risk my friendship and embarrassment, so I’ll just ignore them.
Relationship expert Dan explained to Bored Panda that even though it’s wonderful to have the support of your partner when it comes to the things that you most care about, at the end of the day, we have to understand that this won’t be the case in every scenario.
“A man needs to be aware that his girlfriend or wife may not understand his passion project the way he does,” he pointed out that a guy’s girlfriend might simply not ‘get’ why he wants what he wants or needs what he needs.
#7
We like random gifts, we like random hugs, we like random signs of affection and love — sometimes just a cup of coffee in my favorite mug is enough to convince me it’s going to be a good day.
#8
We don't know where we want to eat either.
#9
Sometimes stuff is just difficult. For no reason I can also be sad, just because I don’t cry doesn’t mean I’m not sad.
Also
We don’t want to be the ones who always initiates sex, it makes us feel creepy sometimes.
“She may not see the importance of it, or might be annoyed with it because he has failed at it for years on end and they have bills to pay,” Dan said that some people might even start resenting their partners if their passions, projects, and goals haven’t yielded fruit (yet).
“She wants to see progress in their life and have a feeling of security about their future, rather than watching him spending years or decades fiddling around with something that isn't providing results for them as a couple now,” he noted how some women think and how they sometimes disregard what guys think is important.
#10
When we're start dating, all other women don't magically become unattractive. No, I don't want to be with them, but some are still pretty. I will look. I won't stare. It means nothing and has no influence on my feelings for you. Btw, I'll probably look at that guy with huge arms too, and it won't bother me if you do the same. Attractive people are just beautiful things in nature like a sunset or a mountain view. Go ahead and look. Enjoy. I don't want to stick my d**k in any of them.
Foxxy (The Original) 2 years ago
I 100% agree. As the saying goes, you can look but can't touch.
#11
We need just as much support as you do, it’s always a shock when a guys kills himself until you look back at all the subtle cries for help. We’re screaming on the inside and we need someone to let us know it’s okay.
However, Dan believes that even a lack of support can be a blessing in disguise. “A woman behaving like that in a relationship is often a blessing for a man. In many cases, a dissatisfied girlfriend or wife will drive a man to work harder and smarter, which can lead to the success of his passion project,” he said that some guys go the extra mile when they have something to prove to the people closest to them.
“He will have a 'must succeed' attitude, rather than only giving it a shot and seeing how it goes. That's often the difference between success and failure.”
#13
We aren't great with hints. Communication is king.
Caro Caro 2 years ago (edited)
Yeah, you put the trash by the front door for him to take out and him: "Honey I'm home" and steps over the trash.... Just kidding. Seriously, It's true, you men aren't great when it's a guessing (hinting) game. But if asked what to do most men don't mind that and will do it!
#14
We actually really want to be complimented too. A 60 year old women complimented me 5 years ago and it still makes me feel good, which just shows how little we get compliments.
Tobias Reaper 2 years ago
my best friend who is female told me when we first met 5 years ago my hair looks good short i have cut it short ever since and try to keep it short
#15
Get away from me at night in the summertime, I still love you. I’m just hot and don’t want to snuggle.
However, that’s not to say that support isn’t important. It is! And a lack of it can be a very clear indication that the relationship might not be working as well as it should. Passion projects, large or small, can help identify weaknesses in relationships by seeing how one’s partner reacts to them.
“If a man finds that no matter how much progress he makes, she still gets annoyed and doesn’t like him working on it, he needs to start thinking about whether or not she should remain part of his life,” the expert said.
“He doesn’t need to leave her right away, though. He should make real progress on his passion project and then, if she is still dissatisfied, he should calmly and lovingly let her know that he’s not going to stop working on it and if she doesn’t like that, she is welcome to leave him.”
#16
It’s ok to make the first move. Guys can be shy too. Come talk to me instead of staring at me.
Foxxy (The Original) 2 years ago (edited)
I made the first move with my now hubby. I approached him on the bus, didn't even know who he was.
#17
If you don’t want to hear the truth about something don’t ask me to tell you the truth. Because I’m going to tell you the truth every time.
#18
When we say we're thinking about nothing, the majority of the time it literally is just nothing or ridiculous scenarios that we make up that sound stupid when said out loud.
#19
When we tell women that we don’t know how we feel about something it’s usually true and we genuinely don’t really understand how we are supposed to feel. I personally wasn’t allowed to express emotions growing up and it turned into me not being able to understand my emotions.
#20
I really like to hang out with my friends because I love them. Not because I don't want to spend time with you.
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
People who are insecure about their SO spending time with their friends probably need to think about why that is, rather than taking it out on their SO.
#21
We aren’t unemotional, we just may not show it as often. It hurts when I’ve had to hear from my mother or sister say things like “you’re a guy, you aren’t good with your emotions” or “you don’t understand being emotional”. I do. I absolutely do. Saying things like “I don’t understand” in such an arrogant, condescending tone only makes me want to show them less.
- 2 years ago
I think it's worth it to explain things. My mother used to snap at me "Don't you understand?!" She wouldn't explain what she meant and that left me feeling too stupid to be worthy of proper communication. It wasn't until I was 20 that I finally burst into tears and told her, "You always say that! If you want me to understand, you explain!" She communicated better after that.
#22
All the hurtful things they say don’t just magically disappear from men’s memories. We have feelings too. And criticizing a man for being honest with feelings as not being manly is not only cruel but also highly ironic considering there’s a constant yearning for men with emotion.
Furious George 2 years ago
I hope women really read this one. I have had partners say some truly heinous s**t to me over the years, things that I would never say, and then just brush it off with something like "I was stressed". Unfortunately, just because it wasn't a big deal to you doesn't mean that it won't still haunt me for years.
#23
Not all men of course, and some women have it too but.......The nothing box is real.
The nothing box is a small section of the brain that contains absolutely nothing at all. When we enter the nothing box we genuinely are not thinking a single thought. There is no song playing in our head, there is no thought process, there's so much nothing that we don't even recognise at the time that we're not thinking anything, because to do so would be a thought. If someone looks like their brain has just checked out and they have a dead-eyed stare into middle distance then they're probably in the nothing box.
The passage of time ceases to exist, no physical sensation makes it through. Once in the nothing box, you stay in there until some external stimulus or the formation of an errant thought pulls you out of it. Leaving the nothing box is the first time that you are even aware you were in the nothing box.
It's like a nap for the brain while all other functions remain.
#24
I want real knight armor for my birthday but I’m not allowed to say so because society forces me to hide it.
#25
If I’m lying in bed with someone, just enjoying the moment together, I should be able to just enjoy the moment and let my mind drift to wherever it’s going. If you want to talk about the future of the relationship or something, that’s great and we can do that if you start that conversation, but if you ask me out of the blue what I’m thinking about, and I say Bolbi’s “Slap slap slap” song from Jimmy Neutron, then you shouldn’t get mad at me just because it’s not the thing you wanted me to be thinking about! Just tell me you want to talk about the relationship and we can do that!
#27
If you take the initiative and ask an average looking dude out, there's like a 99% chance he'll say yes.
#28
When I get angry at my video games I’m not an angry person. I just f**kin suck at Dark Souls.
Furious George 2 years ago
🤣🤣🤣 my wife gets so mad when I play call of duty because "it REALLY doesn't sound like I'm having fun".
#30
When I say “I don’t mind,” I really mean it. If I did mind, I would say so.
What do you think ?
Wintermute 2 years ago
Fun story. In college a girl came into my dorm room in nothing but boxers and a tank top. I knew she had a crush on my room mate so I figured she was there to see him, but he was out with someone else. She stuck around and watched TV with me anyway. We chatted a lot. The topic of sex even came up a couple times. Then she went home. 18 years, yes 18 YEARS, later I was thinking about her for no reason when I started to wonder why she stuck around for an hour even when my room mate wasn't there.... Then it hit me. 18 years! That's how long it took me to pick up on the clue. Poor self esteem is a helluva drug, man.
albernistuff 4sale 2 years ago
Amen Bruthuh! Everyone once in a while, an old memory of how OBLIVIOUS I was slaps me in the face at random, and usually inopportune moments.
Load More Replies...
sofacushionfort 2 years ago
I was hoping to see “it’s not acceptable to hit us when you’re angry with us, and think we can take it because we’re bigger.” That may be true, but hopefully the guys will bail before the relationship produces children. If she hits you, she’ll probably hit them too.
Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago
Yes, I'm a little disappointed that this wasn't mentioned too.
Load More Replies...
JB 2 years ago
This thread made me cry. Toxic masculinity is imposed by all genders and has done immeasurable harm to the wonderful guys in our world. Hey! I see you. I see you are kind, that you have feelings, that you are handsome no matter what culture says you should be. I have met and know far more wonderful men than “creeps”.
Stannous Flouride 2 years ago
Several of these are about men thinking of nothing. I wish I could experience that.
Robert Thompson 2 years ago
I want love and peace. A best friend to spend my life with. Butts and Boobs don't put a smile on my face; but a smile on your face will.
BA Nelson 2 years ago
I was told by a guy that my tools made him feel un-masculine (we weren't dating or anything) so ever since then I've been self conscious of telling people I build things or fix things. Is it really a big deal or do you think it was just that guy?
Amy S 2 years ago
My husband loves it when I do DIY because he's not really into it so I'd say probably just that guy. Imagine the situation the other way round, a guy tells a woman he enjoys baking - will she feel less feminine because he can bake or will she ask for a cookie?
Load More Replies... Octavia Hansen 2 years ago
Think of this kind of article as a road map . . . there's more than one way to arrive at a destination. Sometimes road conditions change. Nothing works all the time, every time. Mostly, it would help if everyone wasn't so passive, thinking the world will come to them. These are just ideas to try. I really wish people would be happier, get off the phone, have something fun to say and ASK about the other person. I've been a free psychiatrist too many times. Brooding is fine for writers and artists, doesn't work in the dating world. Well, guess it does -- if you want to make people go away. Hey, there's a place to walk and talk . . . wanna go? . . .
Gianna 2 years ago
I hear a lot of men saying things that women go through themselves. There is nothing wrong with any of these things that were posted. However, it is easier to to just tell a woman that you want to be left alone to think or whatever. Or if a guy wants something from women, then when you have your "talks" mention it. We aren't mind readers as well and even when we are better to figure things out about people, doesn't mean all women do. I have very good intuitions, I observe very well and can tell something is wrong, etc...but again, a lot of women don't and they are in their own little world mostly thinking about themselves. I on the other hand, love helping or being their for other people so I get it, personally. Communication is the key and goes a long way.
DragonflyGreen 2 years ago
So many of these comments are geared toward the misconceptions about women hinting, not being straightforward, and all that BS. I don't know a single woman in my life who pulls that BS. I think some of these men's pickers are broken if they meet the same type of woman over and over again.
Justine Queequag 2 years ago
Same can be said for women who think all men are jerks, when in fact it's only the men that THEY pick over and over yet nobody especially on this forum has the ovaries to admit their faults and mistakes
Load More Replies...
Susan Mercurio 2 years ago
Too bad men have been whining for centuries about What Do Women Want? You want us to understand you but you never put any time into trying to understand us.
Monica Hall 2 years ago
It makes me sad that this thread even exists. :( Men are human, too, just like women. Why they are expected to act like tough, emotionless, untouchable beings is beyond me.
Yayaboobo 2 years ago
This post is contradictory at times which makes it exhausting. That's why I'm out of the game and have been for awhile. I don't EVER want to go back.
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
It's almost as if each of these men are individuals and that all men AREN'T the same...weird, hey? (please note, the sarcasm isn't directed at you, but at articles like this those writers seem to think that people can be defined simply by how/where/when they were born)
Load More Replies...
KnowsWhatsUp 2 years ago (edited)
Another on is that we don't all drive big trucks to compensate.
jk nbt 2 years ago (edited)
HERE ARE A FEW MORE: 1) Find a way to verbalize gently & politely so as to let us know what you are thinking. We are not mind-readers. Don't go around huffy and angry is somehow we miss non-verbal clues you are giving about what you are thinking or what you want. Use words with men. Non-verbal clues may work well with your girlfriends, but men are a little thick in this department. 2) You are not going to get your way all the time, even if you feel strongly about something. Don't escalate, it only makes it worse. 3) You will want to do things like go to the zoo or something that might not be possible at that time. Be reasonable. If you get so frustrated over a little thing like that that you end the relationship, the man will probably just let you go on your way since he didn't know you could be so unreasonable. 4) You are not perfect, even if your precious mommy said you were when you were a child. You can make really bad mistakes and say things that are very hurtful. When you man asks you about it later when things cool off, admit your mistakes & try to make it right. Don't say something like, "oh, it was just a misunderstanding. You are the one who is over-reacting." (OUTRAGEOUS)
Falcon on Dizzy 2 years ago
I think I'm speaking for all men rn, but yeah us men are dense as hell
Load More Replies...
John L 2 years ago (edited)
I like how quite a few of these refer to essentially "just say what you want/mean". Too true. My own experience in most of my relationships, is we don't read minds. I've asked a few do you really expect me to read your mind? More than a few, reluctantly admitted, yes, when pressed. I should "just know".....
ZAPanda 2 years ago
I hate the fact that as someone who considers themself far-left and strictly anti gender stereotypes, all of these comments applied to my past reliationships. It really sucks. And that's why I won't bother again. WAAAAY too much work.
Bug 2 years ago
These are true for women though. All it did for me was highlight how men and women have essentially the same issues but we frame them as being exclusive to "men" or "women". A lot of these reminded me of ex boyfriends and myself
Load More Replies...
Susan Mercurio 2 years ago
So this Dan person is spouting off about "what women think"? And he knows this how?
Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
Not everyone does the same thing to relax, either... my dad likes to drive cars with his friends, I like to just sit down at my desk and watch YouTube videos or visit Bored Panda.
Lovin' Life 2 years ago
If it's a feeling that a woman has then most likely, men have that same feeling. Validate them all.
JB 2 years ago
Seriously? You take a thread that allows men to speak up and say how they feel as sexism against women? Yeah, you should be beyond this b******t.
Load More Replies...
Wintermute 2 years ago
Fun story. In college a girl came into my dorm room in nothing but boxers and a tank top. I knew she had a crush on my room mate so I figured she was there to see him, but he was out with someone else. She stuck around and watched TV with me anyway. We chatted a lot. The topic of sex even came up a couple times. Then she went home. 18 years, yes 18 YEARS, later I was thinking about her for no reason when I started to wonder why she stuck around for an hour even when my room mate wasn't there.... Then it hit me. 18 years! That's how long it took me to pick up on the clue. Poor self esteem is a helluva drug, man.
albernistuff 4sale 2 years ago
Amen Bruthuh! Everyone once in a while, an old memory of how OBLIVIOUS I was slaps me in the face at random, and usually inopportune moments.
Load More Replies... sofacushionfort 2 years ago
I was hoping to see “it’s not acceptable to hit us when you’re angry with us, and think we can take it because we’re bigger.” That may be true, but hopefully the guys will bail before the relationship produces children. If she hits you, she’ll probably hit them too.
Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago
Yes, I'm a little disappointed that this wasn't mentioned too.
Load More Replies... JB 2 years ago
This thread made me cry. Toxic masculinity is imposed by all genders and has done immeasurable harm to the wonderful guys in our world. Hey! I see you. I see you are kind, that you have feelings, that you are handsome no matter what culture says you should be. I have met and know far more wonderful men than “creeps”.
Stannous Flouride 2 years ago
Several of these are about men thinking of nothing. I wish I could experience that.
Robert Thompson 2 years ago
I want love and peace. A best friend to spend my life with. Butts and Boobs don't put a smile on my face; but a smile on your face will.
BA Nelson 2 years ago
I was told by a guy that my tools made him feel un-masculine (we weren't dating or anything) so ever since then I've been self conscious of telling people I build things or fix things. Is it really a big deal or do you think it was just that guy?
Amy S 2 years ago
My husband loves it when I do DIY because he's not really into it so I'd say probably just that guy. Imagine the situation the other way round, a guy tells a woman he enjoys baking - will she feel less feminine because he can bake or will she ask for a cookie?
Load More Replies... Octavia Hansen 2 years ago
Think of this kind of article as a road map . . . there's more than one way to arrive at a destination. Sometimes road conditions change. Nothing works all the time, every time. Mostly, it would help if everyone wasn't so passive, thinking the world will come to them. These are just ideas to try. I really wish people would be happier, get off the phone, have something fun to say and ASK about the other person. I've been a free psychiatrist too many times. Brooding is fine for writers and artists, doesn't work in the dating world. Well, guess it does -- if you want to make people go away. Hey, there's a place to walk and talk . . . wanna go? . . .
Gianna 2 years ago
I hear a lot of men saying things that women go through themselves. There is nothing wrong with any of these things that were posted. However, it is easier to to just tell a woman that you want to be left alone to think or whatever. Or if a guy wants something from women, then when you have your "talks" mention it. We aren't mind readers as well and even when we are better to figure things out about people, doesn't mean all women do. I have very good intuitions, I observe very well and can tell something is wrong, etc...but again, a lot of women don't and they are in their own little world mostly thinking about themselves. I on the other hand, love helping or being their for other people so I get it, personally. Communication is the key and goes a long way.
DragonflyGreen 2 years ago
So many of these comments are geared toward the misconceptions about women hinting, not being straightforward, and all that BS. I don't know a single woman in my life who pulls that BS. I think some of these men's pickers are broken if they meet the same type of woman over and over again.
Justine Queequag 2 years ago
Same can be said for women who think all men are jerks, when in fact it's only the men that THEY pick over and over yet nobody especially on this forum has the ovaries to admit their faults and mistakes
Load More Replies... Susan Mercurio 2 years ago
Too bad men have been whining for centuries about What Do Women Want? You want us to understand you but you never put any time into trying to understand us.
Monica Hall 2 years ago
It makes me sad that this thread even exists. :( Men are human, too, just like women. Why they are expected to act like tough, emotionless, untouchable beings is beyond me.
Yayaboobo 2 years ago
This post is contradictory at times which makes it exhausting. That's why I'm out of the game and have been for awhile. I don't EVER want to go back.
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
It's almost as if each of these men are individuals and that all men AREN'T the same...weird, hey? (please note, the sarcasm isn't directed at you, but at articles like this those writers seem to think that people can be defined simply by how/where/when they were born)
Load More Replies... KnowsWhatsUp 2 years ago (edited)
Another on is that we don't all drive big trucks to compensate.
jk nbt 2 years ago (edited)
HERE ARE A FEW MORE: 1) Find a way to verbalize gently & politely so as to let us know what you are thinking. We are not mind-readers. Don't go around huffy and angry is somehow we miss non-verbal clues you are giving about what you are thinking or what you want. Use words with men. Non-verbal clues may work well with your girlfriends, but men are a little thick in this department. 2) You are not going to get your way all the time, even if you feel strongly about something. Don't escalate, it only makes it worse. 3) You will want to do things like go to the zoo or something that might not be possible at that time. Be reasonable. If you get so frustrated over a little thing like that that you end the relationship, the man will probably just let you go on your way since he didn't know you could be so unreasonable. 4) You are not perfect, even if your precious mommy said you were when you were a child. You can make really bad mistakes and say things that are very hurtful. When you man asks you about it later when things cool off, admit your mistakes & try to make it right. Don't say something like, "oh, it was just a misunderstanding. You are the one who is over-reacting." (OUTRAGEOUS)
Falcon on Dizzy 2 years ago
I think I'm speaking for all men rn, but yeah us men are dense as hell
Load More Replies... John L 2 years ago (edited)
I like how quite a few of these refer to essentially "just say what you want/mean". Too true. My own experience in most of my relationships, is we don't read minds. I've asked a few do you really expect me to read your mind? More than a few, reluctantly admitted, yes, when pressed. I should "just know".....
ZAPanda 2 years ago
I hate the fact that as someone who considers themself far-left and strictly anti gender stereotypes, all of these comments applied to my past reliationships. It really sucks. And that's why I won't bother again. WAAAAY too much work.
Bug 2 years ago
These are true for women though. All it did for me was highlight how men and women have essentially the same issues but we frame them as being exclusive to "men" or "women". A lot of these reminded me of ex boyfriends and myself
Load More Replies... Susan Mercurio 2 years ago
So this Dan person is spouting off about "what women think"? And he knows this how?
Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
Not everyone does the same thing to relax, either... my dad likes to drive cars with his friends, I like to just sit down at my desk and watch YouTube videos or visit Bored Panda.
Lovin' Life 2 years ago
If it's a feeling that a woman has then most likely, men have that same feeling. Validate them all.
JB 2 years ago
Seriously? You take a thread that allows men to speak up and say how they feel as sexism against women? Yeah, you should be beyond this b******t.
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