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Cohabitation has increased by nearly 900 percent over the last 50 years and has become the ultimate test drive for couples before walking down the aisle. However, moving in together comes with its fair share of revelations. Mostly, about your partner. Living in the same space may expose some of their pet peeves, ones that were impossible to spot just by spending a few evenings together each week. Or the two of you can defy all the non-believers and you might discover you love cuddling after waking up even if you're not a morning person.
Interested in how people are handling this relationship milestone, Redditor CrumbleNewman asked other users: "Couples who have moved in together, what surprised you most about living with a male/female?" And everyone quickly jumped to the comments. As of this article, the post has 22.5K comments to go along with its 55K upvotes.
Continue scrolling to check out some of the answers and the chat I had about cohabitation with dating coach and 2-million-views TEDx speaker, Hayley Quinn.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Me and my fiancé moved in together about a year before she passed away in a car accident and the one thing I can truly remember being surprised about is how much more open we were with each other about anything. I have OCD and she never got to see how bad my panic attack could be until we moved in. She was so scared the first time that she called my Momma who I Love dearly and has always been my source and strength even today, and asked how she could help me. Having OCD sometimes you may feel something bad can happen if you tell what you are obsessing about. To this day I don't know what my mom told her but Momma then Kayla could always tell when an obsession was building and she got great about quelling the problem before it began. Spending all that time with her now we were moved in helped me become most aware and attuned to her needs and desires as a woman. I knew what upset her even if she didn't tell me. And all the little taboos when you first enter a relationship such as bathroom habits and personal problems became a thing of the past. It got to a point where I could talk to her about anything and everything. It's been almost 7 years since I lost her and I haven't had a relationship since her. I still mourn for her. I love you baby.
Quinn, who empowers men and women to enjoy a more fulfilling dating life, with live coaching, hands-on tutorials and guidance for any age or sexual orientation, told Bored Panda that moving in with someone begins with getting the timing right. "If you've had a whirlwind romance of a few months, then avoid taking the plunge of moving in together quickly," Quinn advised. "This has actually been a huge dating trend during Covid 19, recent research from Match calls this dating trend 'turbocharging' where couples have accelerated moving in together, to avoid being separated by local lockdowns. Either way, whilst it's easy to get carried away with the honeymoon phase of a relationship, this is not a good indicator of whether your love will work in the long run."
Conversely, Quinn highlighted that "if you've been dating someone for a couple of years and they're still dragging their feet over moving in together, then this could also indicate that they have issues with commitment. If someone is wary of committing, take note of this and remember you shouldn't ever have to arm-twist anyone into this next important milestone."
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#2
What an absolute master chef he is! I thought I was a great cook until we moved in together and he started making meals. Blew my f**king mind!
Now I think back to when we first started dating and he would eat my cooking and say it was the best he'd ever had, the little liar. Brings a smile to my face!
#3
I learned about just how good she looks first thing in the morning light, when she makes her toast, leans against the counter, and just crunches into it...also, how she can fill up an entire room with farts.
It's a delicate balance, but the dating coach thinks people should look to move in together when they've already had a good enough amount of time to get to know one another and have road-tested plenty of long weekends at each other's houses, and holidays away together. "If you're finding that you're spending more time together than apart, feel really relaxed in each other's company, and the honeymoon phase is a distant memory, now could be the right time to take that next step."
However, does sharing the bills and a bed without getting married heighten the risk for divorce if the couple chooses to spend the rest of their lives together? According to a 2014 study from the nonpartisan Council on Contemporary Families, the short answer is no — moving in will not automatically make you a divorce statistic in the future. But choosing a partner too early might.
#4
Well this is obviously for straight people but I’ll answer anyways. Being part of a same sex couple of similar size means your wardrobes kinda morph into one.
“Are you wearing my boxers?!”
“Yeah but you’re wearing my favorite jeans right now so...”
Steph Harrison 3 years ago
Straight relationship here, we had exactly the same (just minus the underwear sharing).
#5
Apparently my cat — who I raised since she was a kitten and loved more than life itself — is more than willing to abandon me and love someone else far more in the blink of an eye.
Arielle Kuperberg was a graduate student at the University of Pennsylvania when she noticed something interesting in her sociology textbooks. Reading on marriage longevity, Kuperberg observed that the age a couple said 'I do' was among the strongest predictors of divorce. All of the literature made it super clear: the reason people who married younger were more likely to divorce was that they were not mature enough to pick appropriate partners.
She told The Atlantic that was precisely when a lightbulb went off in her head. If younger married couples were more likely to divorce, did that mean that couples who moved in together at earlier ages were also at increased risk for broken marriages?
Using data from the U.S. government's 1995, 2002, and 2006 National Surveys of Family and Growth, Kuperberg analyzed over 7,000 individuals who had been married. Some of the people she looked at were still with their spouse. Others were divorced. She looked at how old each individual was when they made their first major commitment to a partner—whether that step was marriage or cohabitation.
Kuperberg found that the longer couples waited to make that first serious commitment, the better their chances for marital success were. The research revealed that at 23—the age when many people graduate from college, settle into adult life and begin becoming financially independent—the correlation with divorce dramatically drops off. The study showed that individuals who committed to cohabitation or marriage at the age of 18 saw a 60 percent rate of divorce, whereas individuals who waited until 23 saw that number drop to around 30 percent.
#6
It's actually really hard to effectively shower with another person.
#7
Been together 8 years. Living together for 7. My girlfriend is tiny. So at the two year mark when the occasional poot noises started happening it made sense. Oh she's finally comfortable farting around me and because she's so small it's so tiny. Mine are man farts. Loud, poorly timed, and questionable damp. Throughout the years she has become more and more comfortable. The farts got longer, louder, and more frequent. These days at any given time she can let out what can only be described as a rectal battle cry. The kind that instills fear in an enemy and pure bloodthirst in an ally. She farts so loud and so violently. I assume her butthole speaks some ancient Nordic language long forgotten. Where in that tiny little body can so much gas be stored. Where was she sneaking these farts out early on? And why....why do they smell so f**king bad.
"Cohabitation is a great road test for marriage," Hayley Quinn said. "There's a big difference between enjoying the highlight reel of fancy dates, versus the access all areas pass you get into someone's life when you live together. Living together has the potential to turbocharge your intimacy levels: yes, you'll know more about your partner's toilet habits, but you also have the potential to feel emotionally much closer. Sharing in the responsibility of paying bills on time and keeping on top of the washing is also a great road test for the more practical elements of being married."
That being said, Quinn added that plenty of couples will cohabit with no intention of ever getting married. "For some, they may see marriage as outdated, whilst others may be pushed into cohabiting as it slashes your living costs compared to being at home. So don't assume that just because you've hit the living together milestone that it automatically means you're heading for the altar."
#8
I was told that we would start arguing and being miserable. It ended up feeling like a super awesome constant sleep over. Don't let people scare you into not moving in with a significant other if that is what you both want.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
I believe all couples should move in together before getting married, you learn so much about each other and their habits.
#9
After living with him for 4 years, I opened a drawer of "his" dresser... And it was empty. All of it. Apparently he thought it was my extra dresser.
He doesn't use a dresser. Clothes get washed and put into a "clean clothes" hamper. He puts socks and underwear in his bedside table.
Now I'm wondering what other furniture in our house is empty??
#10
I always knew women went through TP faster than men, but I never knew how much faster they did. It got to the point, I'd just grab a pack of TP whenever I went to the store for any reason. We may not be out at home, but we will be soon I reckoned, and I was never wrong about that.
Premislaus de Colo 3 years ago
Father of two daughters here. I'm beginning to suspect they feed on that thing...
#11
How different our versions of ‘clean’ are.
Håvard Hovde 3 years ago
A classic! But it's worse for the one with the "higher standards" of clean, since it's not always possible for the more "messy" one to see that it's not "clean", which can cause frustration. Sincerely, the more "messy" one.
#12
That your partner may follow you around the house, just because.
#13
How hard it is to get up in the morning when you have someone to snug
#14
She's good at playing tetris and very organized
I was living with my parents since I traveled for work and only made it home one or two weekends a month. she moved in with me at my parent's house, we had one room to store stuff; my bedroom. we bought things we'd need when we moved out when we saw a deal too good to pass up and she stored them
I realized she was good when we had to make 4 trips to get all our stuff out. 4 trips. this girl had boxes inside boxes inside boxes. she utilized every inch available in our room to stack items.
we just bought a house and still have some boxes left to unpack. I will call her at work and say something like "hey, do you remember that blue paper clip I like to use? I can't find it." she will tell me which room, which box, what container, and what is beside it, just in case I still can't find it.
#15
For me, how subtle the need for alone time crept up on me. I wasn't unhappy in the slightest and moving in was natural. But over time I felt myself becoming irritable and it turned out that I tend to get that way when I don't have time to myself, because I went from being alone in my room after work in my parent's house to being around my SO pretty much every minute I'm not at work or driving, so I found myself with someone almost 24/7, and it took a toll. Thankfully once I recognized that, it was easier to manage
#16
the amount of time you spend shouting "WHAAT?" from different rooms in the house.
Stephen Branley 3 years ago
This drives me mad. My partner and her family all shout to each other across the house and I have to say "If you want to talk to each other GET UP AND MOVE TO THE OTHER ROOM!"
#17
If you and your partner are in different rooms one of them will randomly decide to just "check in" by opening the door, smile and then going back to their separate room.
#18
How specific I have to be when giving instructions to do something. Like instead of saying “wash the sheets” I have to say “wash and dry the sheets and pillowcases and put new sheets on the bed”
#20
The audacity.
No but real answer is how LOUD he needs things to be. Every song/movie/whatever has to be heard from three rooms over.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
Same here. I always put it the lowest possible and he loves it super loud. I dont like it but i realised that its because i can always add subtitles if the audio isnt clean but he is dislexic so he needs louder audio. I wish that movies were like videogames and you had the option of lowering the music without lowering the conversations
#21
Learning that there’s a wrong way to fold towels apparently
#22
I had exactly two pillows in my entire house before my (now) wife moved in. She has four just on her side of the bed. There are pillows on the couch. Every chair has a pillow. We have a closet where the top shelf is more pillows.
So many f**king pillows.
#23
Definitely the food, I’d eat ramen and canned foods all the time when I was living alone. Now I get spoiled with home cooked food. the best part though is she’s been teaching me to cook, I love our cooking school sessions after work.
#24
Those hat things girls make with towels after a shower....their hair goes in the middle of it.....who knew?
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
You mean towel “turbans”? They get our hair out of the way so we can dry our bodies without our hair dripping on us. They also kind of pre-dry our hair a bit before we actively dry it.
#25
My wife has really long beautiful hair. I was not prepared to find that all in my butt and crotch regions as often as I do. I could never be prepared to have one stuck in my a*s and have to pull it out like some mangy dog. I've never felt more violated or unclean than when I FELT those hairs basically floss my lower GI tract. Somehow I swallowed a few and passing them is a really disgusting feeling. She has told me that hasn't happened to her too which makes it weirder.
#26
He thinks it's weird that I give any house spiders a Hispanic sounding name.
So far I've used Hector, Ernesto, Ignacio... They've become my buddies. If they stay in their corners and leave me alone of course.
Caiman 94920 3 years ago
While staying with a local family in Peru, my friends and I named a huge cockroach Ramon. He was chunky and when he walked on the wood floor, you could hear him coming. The family were shocked that we did this, but we felt he deserved a name.
#27
I thought if I ever moved in with a girl, I'd have to be way less of a slob. Turns out I'm the neat freak in this relationship.
#28
How much I actually talk to myself.
I never had any roommates, aside from one for like the first two weeks in college before I got moved to a single room, so I was used to just talking to myself out loud like nothing. After we moved in together and she kept asking "Who are you talking to?" and "Did you say something?" I realized that I actually talk to myself quite a bit.
#29
The true shock for me was the sheer amount of time my husband spends in the lavatory.
#30
Men are incredibly warm and sweaty while asleep, and will be sticky if they hug you as you sleep together.
What do you think ?
Daniel Atkins 3 years ago
my wife will change subjects at a moments notice with out warning and I'm supposed to keep up. For instance I can be talking about something at work. She will then throw in a a thought from a conversation we had hours ago about a friend. We have been together for around 17 years I'm better at following still haven't mastered it.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
Your wife and I are very similar. I can't keep a train of thought on its tracks to save my life. It's torture to write books, though I love it so much XD.
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 3 years ago
My partner discovered that I have a magical power. I will be exactly in the place that he needs to be: in front of the dishwahser, garbage, on his way to the fridge... I swear I dont do it on purpose but i get why he gets mad
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
My hubby is that person. Love him, but he just sorta manages it. We call it our animal magnetism.
Load More Replies...
Blake Ingram 3 years ago
My girlfriend and I have been looking into moving into an apartment with each other, and have been discussing storage. We have gone over a lot of the fine details. I think we would make a powerhouse couple with keeping the apartment kept up, nothing breaking down, etc. However, by far, my biggest concern would be that I’m very much an extrovert, and she is quite the opposite. I don’t know how well that would work out 24/7, but it has this long.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
You can always go out with your loved ones while she has some me time at home :)
Load More Replies... Daniel Atkins 3 years ago
my wife will change subjects at a moments notice with out warning and I'm supposed to keep up. For instance I can be talking about something at work. She will then throw in a a thought from a conversation we had hours ago about a friend. We have been together for around 17 years I'm better at following still haven't mastered it.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
Your wife and I are very similar. I can't keep a train of thought on its tracks to save my life. It's torture to write books, though I love it so much XD.
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 3 years ago
My partner discovered that I have a magical power. I will be exactly in the place that he needs to be: in front of the dishwahser, garbage, on his way to the fridge... I swear I dont do it on purpose but i get why he gets mad
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
My hubby is that person. Love him, but he just sorta manages it. We call it our animal magnetism.
Load More Replies... Blake Ingram 3 years ago
My girlfriend and I have been looking into moving into an apartment with each other, and have been discussing storage. We have gone over a lot of the fine details. I think we would make a powerhouse couple with keeping the apartment kept up, nothing breaking down, etc. However, by far, my biggest concern would be that I’m very much an extrovert, and she is quite the opposite. I don’t know how well that would work out 24/7, but it has this long.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
You can always go out with your loved ones while she has some me time at home :)
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