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Educational Professional Shares Her Insights About Why Some Men Don’t Want To Pay Child Support And Many People On Twitter Believe It Makes Sense
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Educational Professional Shares Her Insights About Why Some Men Don’t Want To Pay Child Support And Many People On Twitter Believe It Makes Sense

Educational Professional Shares Her Insights About Why Men Don’t Want To Pay Child Support And Many People On Twitter Believe It Makes SenseWoman Speculates Dads Avoid Paying Child Support Because They Lose Control Over Their Families, Sparks Twitter DebateWoman Thinks Fathers Don’t Want To Pay Child Support Not Because Of Money, But Because The Lack Of Control They Have In The New LifestyleEducational Professional Explains Why She Thinks Men Don’t Want To Pay Child Support And People On Twitter Find The Theory ReasonablePeople On Twitter Are Discussing If This Woman’s Theory About Why Men Refuse To Pay Child Support Stands To ReasonEducational Professional’s Insights About Why Dads Don’t Want To Pay Child Support Sparks Debate On TwitterWoman Is Convinced Money Is Not The Main Issue In Fathers Avoiding Paying Child Support But Lack Of Control They Have Over The Family IsEducational Professional Shares Her Insights About Why Some Men Don’t Want To Pay Child Support And Many People On Twitter Believe It Makes SenseEducational Professional Shares Her Insights About Why Some Men Don’t Want To Pay Child Support And Many People On Twitter Believe It Makes SenseEducational Professional Shares Her Insights About Why Some Men Don’t Want To Pay Child Support And Many People On Twitter Believe It Makes Sense
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Fortunately, those days when women couldn’t divorce their husbands are now over and they don’t even need to marry a person to live with them or have children with them. But it gets a little bit more complicated if you do have children, because previously the financial burden was halved, and in case of a separation, one of the parents has to pay child support.

The U.S. Census Bureau says that in 85 percent of cases, men pay child support and it is widely known that they are not always happy to do that even though the child is theirs. Twitter user Nsafoa’s Lost Key may have a theory why that is.

More info: Twitter

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    A Twitter user shared her thoughts on why so many fathers don’t pay child support and she theorizes it is because they don’t feel in control anymore

    Image credits: Tony Alter

    The Twitter user thinks that it has to do less with money and more with the psychology of a man who wants to be in control but now that the child is not living with them and they don’t have control over their family, they have less interest in providing for them.

    Nsafoa’s Lost Key argues that after creating a new family, men gladly support them financially and thinks that this is proof that money is not the issue.

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    She argues that men still pay for new families although they’re not their children

    Image credits: YaaAsantewaaBa

    What is more, the woman claims that men don’t want to file for custody either because the issue isn’t lack of money

    Image credits: YaaAsantewaaBa

    To counter the arguments that men don’t want to pay for children they are no longer living with and raising, the Twitter user gives an example of men getting flustered when asked why they don’t file for custody.

    She theorizes that they don’t consider fighting for custody because they don’t need to be involved in the child’s life. The problem lies deeper in the desire to be the one in charge.

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    People in the comments were discussing whether the theory has grounds and tried to draw parallels with their own experiences

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    Many women in the comments agreed and gave examples from their own lives how their ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends acted as if paying them child support meant that the women owed them something.

    And there are actual studies done on why men refuse to financially support children that they know are theirs and there is no conclusion as the reasons often are complex.

    Image credits: XL2LETTERS

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    There were a lot of people who agreed that the stereotype of the ‘manly man’ who needs to be in power is true and leads to them not taking responsibility

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    Fathers not wanting to pay for their children may be attributed to the fact that they know they won’t see their children as often and they don’t want to invest into that relationship. Or maybe the problem is the courts not enforcing child support payments on men. Of course, men’s financial situation is also a factor, especially if they move on to another family and have to provide for basically two families.

    Another reason that surfaced among the thread’s comments was that men are not willing to pay child support because they suspect that the money they give the mom doesn’t always go to help to raise the child and is used for the mothers themselves.

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    An article published in The New York Times in 1983 says that a common response why men don’t want to pay child support is that when they get divorced, they “They create a new fantasy of themselves because of the fear of getting old. And the denial may extend to the children.” Basically, the children become a reminder that they are getting old and a sign of the end of a carefree life, but with a new family, they can forget that their children exist.

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    Another psychological reason that is discussed is that maybe it’s a response to childhood trauma when the men were abandoned by their own fathers.

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    But there were also opinions that the theory is a reach and just an excuse to pile dirt on men

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    Obviously there are fathers who gladly pay for their children and understand that they are as responsible for them as the mother who has the full custody.

    The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Office of Child Support Enforcement reported that in 2017, $33 billion was paid for more than 15 million children, or one in five. That means $10 billion is not collected, and maybe one of the reasons why could be the loss of control like Nsafoa’s Lost Key theorizes.

    What do you think of this theory? Have you ever thought about this yourself or even experienced it? Leave your own theories in the comments!

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    Jurgita Dominauskaitė

    Jurgita Dominauskaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    Having started as a content creator that made articles for Bored Panda from scratch I climbed my way up to being and editor and then had team lead responsibilities added as well. So it was a pretty natural transition from writing articles and titles as well as preparing the visual part for the articles to making sure others are doing those same tasks as I did before well, answering their questions and guiding them when needed. Eventually I realized editing gives me the most enjoyment and I'm focusing only on that right now.

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    Jurgita Dominauskaitė

    Jurgita Dominauskaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Having started as a content creator that made articles for Bored Panda from scratch I climbed my way up to being and editor and then had team lead responsibilities added as well. So it was a pretty natural transition from writing articles and titles as well as preparing the visual part for the articles to making sure others are doing those same tasks as I did before well, answering their questions and guiding them when needed. Eventually I realized editing gives me the most enjoyment and I'm focusing only on that right now.

    Saulė Tolstych

    Saulė Tolstych

    Author, Community member

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    Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

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    Saulė Tolstych

    Saulė Tolstych

    Author, Community member

    Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

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    Leo Domitrix
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've never met a man who ditched his child support payments for any reason but these 1. He suffers addiction and the drugs got his money 2. He's jobless 3. he's punishing the ex for the split 4. he wants the money for himself b/c why should he pay for a kid he spawned but isn't raising 5. he just wants to walk away from the whole thing and forget the kid exists at all, b/c it's easier for him to find a new relationship/life that way. And all of these came from just my dad's brothers. And one cousin. So.... It varies person to person. And women can be horrible to kids, and skip child supoprt, too, if the father is the primary custodian. TLDR: People can suck.

    Sergio Bicerra
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've heard another one: he doesn't realize how much raising a kid costs, so assumes the mom is using the money for herself

    Load More Replies...
    Foxxy (The Original)
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry but control goes both ways. Can't count how many times I have heard and read about women using their kids as p**n chips during seperation/divorce. Even to the point of lying about things such as abuse. Yes there are dead beat dads that don't pay or resist paying child support but I have heard many cases where some men withhold child support coz the mother is being spiteful and withholding the child. Another thing is that sometimes the child support is too much, especially when it comes to shared custody. I had a friend that had to pay 1/3 of his wage for child support but also had to pay extra whilst they were in his care. He adores his kids and spoils them rotten. The mother on the other hand takes advantage and always asks for extra money for something or rather, and he will just do it wether he can afford it or not.

    Suz66
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's true, there's a lot of men who do pay child support. This article seems to generalize men in general as deadbeat dad's.

    Load More Replies...
    Claire O'Connor
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Long term married with no kids, so no dog in this race. I think the system is wrong. After splitting a relationship with children: then the child support should be paid by the state, and the parent responsible for paying child support should have to pay that money to the state. That would ensure more child support got paid (harder to default the state than your ex partner), and also remove the drama of money being a factor in the co parents lives. Then the co parents could have conversations about the children and how they choose to parent instead of having to ask where is my money. And d also then the parent with the responsibility for the child/children knows that the money will be there every month and can rely on it, make a budget.

    Tenacious Squirrel
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel that creates a lot more burden on the government and tax payers to fund peoples choice to have kids (on top of the funds already given to/required by parents and children). There will be plenty of parents who default on the payment to the state/government and plenty more money spent on chasing it up, taking them to court, etc. Two people create a child and need to be responsible for the effects of their decisions. If they can’t resolve it, the state steps in - this is how it already works and I think it’s appropriate. I don’t think it’s the government’s problem from the get go to sort out decisions made by two adults.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    Leo Domitrix
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've never met a man who ditched his child support payments for any reason but these 1. He suffers addiction and the drugs got his money 2. He's jobless 3. he's punishing the ex for the split 4. he wants the money for himself b/c why should he pay for a kid he spawned but isn't raising 5. he just wants to walk away from the whole thing and forget the kid exists at all, b/c it's easier for him to find a new relationship/life that way. And all of these came from just my dad's brothers. And one cousin. So.... It varies person to person. And women can be horrible to kids, and skip child supoprt, too, if the father is the primary custodian. TLDR: People can suck.

    Sergio Bicerra
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've heard another one: he doesn't realize how much raising a kid costs, so assumes the mom is using the money for herself

    Load More Replies...
    Foxxy (The Original)
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry but control goes both ways. Can't count how many times I have heard and read about women using their kids as p**n chips during seperation/divorce. Even to the point of lying about things such as abuse. Yes there are dead beat dads that don't pay or resist paying child support but I have heard many cases where some men withhold child support coz the mother is being spiteful and withholding the child. Another thing is that sometimes the child support is too much, especially when it comes to shared custody. I had a friend that had to pay 1/3 of his wage for child support but also had to pay extra whilst they were in his care. He adores his kids and spoils them rotten. The mother on the other hand takes advantage and always asks for extra money for something or rather, and he will just do it wether he can afford it or not.

    Suz66
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's true, there's a lot of men who do pay child support. This article seems to generalize men in general as deadbeat dad's.

    Load More Replies...
    Claire O'Connor
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Long term married with no kids, so no dog in this race. I think the system is wrong. After splitting a relationship with children: then the child support should be paid by the state, and the parent responsible for paying child support should have to pay that money to the state. That would ensure more child support got paid (harder to default the state than your ex partner), and also remove the drama of money being a factor in the co parents lives. Then the co parents could have conversations about the children and how they choose to parent instead of having to ask where is my money. And d also then the parent with the responsibility for the child/children knows that the money will be there every month and can rely on it, make a budget.

    Tenacious Squirrel
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel that creates a lot more burden on the government and tax payers to fund peoples choice to have kids (on top of the funds already given to/required by parents and children). There will be plenty of parents who default on the payment to the state/government and plenty more money spent on chasing it up, taking them to court, etc. Two people create a child and need to be responsible for the effects of their decisions. If they can’t resolve it, the state steps in - this is how it already works and I think it’s appropriate. I don’t think it’s the government’s problem from the get go to sort out decisions made by two adults.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
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