You gave her a kidney, maybe that's a turn on for her. You just need to turn her off, then on again, that'll reset it.

i spat out my water🤣

how many bananas is that?

Aussie here, I think we're already doing that but not telling anyone. Not even ourselves.

Brandon just got, very appropriately, dunked on

Keep mentioning his height.

This is a lot funnier than it should be.

i just slipped and fell 🤷‍♀️

My M.O.

I always have mixed feelings when I stump the expert. On the one hand, I feel somewhat validated that they couldn't fix it either, and yet I still want my problem solved.

My friend (59) and I (61) joke all the time about not remembering a word for something. My latest word was beltloop - hers was an iron.

I keep a small flock of ducks and quack at them frequently. They usually ignore me but every once in a while, all their heads snap around as if to say, "WHAT?"

Including yourself

Well, I'm technically a boomer and I'd like to annouce that I successfully managed to "tap" my card to pay for something.

I feel seen.

I shall be known as Nomu

Nah, I'll fill up on the salad instead. I love that stuff! (minus the tomatoes though- I'm allergic to raw ones)

Wait till you get a set of food containers

🤫

all the time

Well now. Huh.

Toad in the hole anyone? Spotted d**k for dessert?

Well, y'all make a bangin' fish & chips and, about 30 years ago, I had a banger sandwich with hot mustard that I still regularly think about.

Stolen British food is great. It's basically global cuisine with only sausages kept, and the Germans can outsausage us. Curry is sublime. Mexican food is fun and tasty. Italian seafood is a religion. Greek food is ridiculous good and healthy (bar modern Greek desserts).

Remember, there is a reason why it became the nation of the greatest sailors...

I’m cracking up at this one!

CHEEKY 👌🏼

Omg. Hahahahaha! This is too funny! My husband only *thinks he likes traditional meat pies but I took one look at that recipe and after it instructed I “boil the meat” I said we’re going rogue on this one 🤣

Piccalilli with gammon is nice

Heaps better!!

what the hill!

“A cutie in the death cab is worth two in the bush.”

And now the rest of the world will be simultaneously laughing at America and living in fear of the repercussions for the next four years during the destruction of our democracy.

how about 'math'. its a fast way to lose friends😂

I don't mind splitting the bill but somehow telling the other person in advance that that's what's going to happen seems like a mood killer

The horse has landed. I repeat. The horse has landed.

That damn scene of throwing the jewel overboard still annoys me.

Ha! Also: oh…

Or vote for tax funded, free health care? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

I sold my soul for $5 and got some lousy dinosaur sponges

And then when you turn 18 and move into an apartment with a real psychopath you realize maybe your parents were not so bad after all.

I just said "I am new here". More versatile, never a lie, sure the customer have seen me working here before today, so no it is not my first day, but I am still learning all this stuff. No it is not my first week either. Or month. Or year. But I am still learning, see, so I am still new

I (dont) hear ya

Always get up for the 5am pee. You won't get back to sleep otherwise. Just go full zombie and don't turn on the lights and you'll be happily dreaming away in a jiffy

It's funny how some kids will think it's nothing to hold a crocodile, yet other kids will talk for an hour about how they got to use their favorite purple crayon.

Considering what the holiday was twisted into that is an appropriate way to 'celebrate' the holiday.

The bad circle spiral towards burnout!