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“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Wife ‘I Warned You’ When Our Son Got A Lock For His Room?”
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“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Wife ‘I Warned You’ When Our Son Got A Lock For His Room?”

“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Wife ‘I Warned You’ When Our Son Got A Lock For His Room?”Wife Can’t Stop Stop Barging Into Teen’s Room, Hubby Arranges A Lock For Him, To Her Dismay“She Barged In When Our Son Was Asleep”: Intrusive Mom Mad Over Son Getting A Lock For His RoomDad Goes Against Mom’s Wishes And Allows 16YO To Get A Lock For His Bedroom As She Never Knocked“She Barged In When Our Son Was Asleep”: Abrupt Mom Livid As Teen Son Gets A Lock For His RoomGuy Disagrees With Wife By Letting Their Teen Son Get A Lock For His Room As She Used To Never KnockWoman Won't Stop Barging Into 16YO's Room, He Ends Up Getting A Lock And She's Mad About It“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Wife ‘I Warned You’ When Our Son Got A Lock For His Room?”“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Wife ‘I Warned You’ When Our Son Got A Lock For His Room?”“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Wife ‘I Warned You’ When Our Son Got A Lock For His Room?”
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When I was a teen, there was no question in our family whether I could get a lock for my room, or whether elders should knock when entering it. Everything was much simpler – I didn’t have my own room. As they say, “no room – no problem…”

However, the 16-year-old son of the user u/Counting_blessings_ was a little luckier than the young me. He does have his own room – but on the other hand, his mom sincerely believes that any attempt by her son to lock himself in there is nothing more than a manifestation of disrespect for his parents. And the dad… well, the dad supported his son, but did it a little ambiguously.

More info: Reddit

The author of the post has a 16 Y.O. son who recently moved to his own room

Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)

The problem was that the author’s wife turned out to be completely disrespectful towards her son’s privacy in general

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Image credits: Counting_blessings_

The woman used to barge in numerous times a day without even knocking, which infuriated the teen very much

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Counting_blessings_

So the boy decided to get a lock for his room – and the dad supported this decision

Image credits: Eren Li (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Counting_blessings_

However, when the woman went dramatic over the lock, the man only muttered something like “I warned you” and nothing more

So, a few months ago, according to the Original Poster (OP), his 16-year-old son “Simon” moved out of the room he shared with his youngest son into his own room. And almost immediately the question of privacy and personal boundaries arose in the family.

The whole point is that in the family of the author’s wife, it was believed that none of the family members should close themselves off from each other, that relatives “should not have any secrets.” In turn, the OP himself grew up in a family where, according to him, they tried to respect everyone’s personal boundaries as much as possible.

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Needless to say, Simon didn’t like the fact that his mother could enter his room at any time without knocking. The teenager tried to defend these boundaries, but the mom claimed that they’re “family, not strangers,” and that it was actually ridiculous to demand that she knock on the door in her own home.

When the woman once again barged into the son’s room, around 11pm when he was already asleep, this became the last straw. Simon talked to his father and, collecting his pocket money, bought a lock for his door. Now imagine mom’s indignation when she saw the door locked from inside!

And here, by the way, the original poster behaved far from the best. Instead of actively intervening and supporting his son, he chose to say something like “I warned you,” while keeping silent about the fact that he himself advised Simon to get a lock.

Perhaps in this way the man tried to avoid any bigger drama – but the problem still remained. The woman, according to the author, is now giving the silent treatment to both her husband and eldest son – “till they remove the lock,” but Simon has no intention of doing this.

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Image credits: Max Vakhtbovycn (not the actual photo)

“Of course, I agree with this teenager that every person has the right to have privacy, and that if mom doesn’t respect this right, then a lock seems like a reasonable solution,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch over this case. “At the end of the day, just because you were raised differently doesn’t mean it was the only right way.”

“On the other hand, it seems to me that the father didn’t act entirely decisively in this situation – he should’ve supported his son publicly. Even if the teen bought the lock with his own money, if the father did share his point of view, he should’ve told his wife about it personally, and not hide behind weasel words. I hope this man will find the strength to do so in the future,” Irina concludes.

The vast majority of commenters, of course, sided with the teen, arguing that his mother simply didn’t respect his personal boundaries at all. “Locks mean secrets? Really? No, a lock in this case means ‘I am keeping this lock because my crazy mother won’t rein in her habit of barging into my room’,” one person wrote. “Clearly the mom is oblivious to what 16 year old boys need privacy for,” another one added quite sarcastically.

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And people in the comments also criticized the dad for his unwillingness to decisively stand up for his son in this conflict – even if he tacitly supports him. “If you truly wanted to support your son you should’ve admitted you told Simon to go get a lock. You shouldn’t have tried to pass it off as if you had nothing to do with it,” another person in the comments wrote. So do you, our dear readers, agree with this point of view?

People in the comments praised the man for siding with the son, but called him out for being so indecisive

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Oleg Tarasenko

Oleg Tarasenko

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

Read less »
Oleg Tarasenko

Oleg Tarasenko

Writer, BoredPanda staff

After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

Denis Krotovas

Denis Krotovas

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

Read less »

Denis Krotovas

Denis Krotovas

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

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nm (he/him)
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Simply mon considers her son as her property and she doesn't like the fact that he will be an independent adult.

Giraffy Window
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As her property living on her property. Yep. It's a painfully outdated way of seeing your kids.

Load More Replies...
Dan
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should respect her sons privacy. Why does she have to enter his room at all, much less 5 times a day?

lenka
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, I enter my sons room quite a lot (not at 11pm!). If I need to talk to him, confirm plans/schedule, hurry him along if he is running late (which is always), help him find things, change sheets, check for laundry, the list is endless. BUT I always knock. Mostly I call as I am coming up the stairs so he knows even before I knock that I am on the way. I expect my children to respect my privacy and I lead by example.

Load More Replies...
Melissa anderson
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What horrible thing did she do as a youth to make her so suspicious and paranoid to think her son doesn’t deserve some basic privacy?

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nm (he/him)
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Simply mon considers her son as her property and she doesn't like the fact that he will be an independent adult.

Giraffy Window
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As her property living on her property. Yep. It's a painfully outdated way of seeing your kids.

Load More Replies...
Dan
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should respect her sons privacy. Why does she have to enter his room at all, much less 5 times a day?

lenka
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, I enter my sons room quite a lot (not at 11pm!). If I need to talk to him, confirm plans/schedule, hurry him along if he is running late (which is always), help him find things, change sheets, check for laundry, the list is endless. BUT I always knock. Mostly I call as I am coming up the stairs so he knows even before I knock that I am on the way. I expect my children to respect my privacy and I lead by example.

Load More Replies...
Melissa anderson
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What horrible thing did she do as a youth to make her so suspicious and paranoid to think her son doesn’t deserve some basic privacy?

Load More Comments
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