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35 People Respond To “What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?”
Our behavior, and the actions that follow it, speak more than thousands of words. So often all you need to do is to sit back and watch people. Remember your male colleague who always uses that patronizing tone of voice when talking to you? Yes, it’s annoying, and no, he doesn’t sense it.
But what if it’s a tell-tale sign that the guy has internalized toxic masculinity? What if this is a precise indication that he feels insecure or somewhere deep down, even threatened by you? You may only speculate or see what guys have to say on the subject matter themselves.
The question “What is a tell-tale sign that a man is insecure about his masculinity or himself in general?” on r/AskMen got a bunch of people sharing what they think are the red flags. And it’s truly eye-opening!
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#1
If he claims to be an “alpha male” - dude, if you have to tell people (loudly and often) that you’re alpha, you are definitely not
RELATED:
#3
When he doesn’t let his girlfriend/wife wear sexy outfits in public
In daily life, we come across numerous examples of what we think is men’s anxiety about violating the male gender role. Like, a man hesitating to hug his male friends in public. Often, we jump up to conclusions and don’t give it a second thought.
But according to Jennifer Bosson, a social psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, this may come down to how people think about manhood. She proposes that “manhood, relative to womanhood, has historically been viewed as both elusive and tenuous.”
By “elusive,” Jennifer means “that manhood is not considered a developmental certainty, but instead is seen as a status that must be earned via action.” And by “tenuous,” she is referring to the idea that “manhood status, once earned, can be lost with relative ease, via a wide range of social shortcomings.”
#4
His view on what makes a man a man is narrow. In his mind, there are only 2-3 types of men and other types are wrong
#5
Constant attempts to "one-up" anything and anyone at anytime.
#6
Worrying about face and honour and fighting over it.
I've never been in a fight. 99% of my friends have never been in a fight. None of my colleagues have ever been in a fight.
Yet... you come across these f**wits who seem to think that it's normal. Quite often they complain about it. "Aw I can barely leave my house without someone starting sh*t".
In every single scenario, it is them who is the problem
These may, of course, seem ancient today, but they do emerge in daily discourse, says Jennifer. According to the psychologist, “Men—even those who are perfectly 'secure in their masculinity'—are aware that their manhood is precarious and that they may, at any moment, lose manhood status in other people’s eyes.”
“Until widespread beliefs about the elusiveness and tenuousness of manhood change, it may be unrealistic to expect the average man to violate gender role norms with ease,” she concluded in her research.
#7
Trying to dominate a conversation or activity for no reason/Being needlessly competitive
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago
Wait guys do the arm block to each other too?! Oh woah I didn't realise that. I'm glad I'm learning
#8
My friend introduced me to a potential love interest of hers one evening. The conversation turned to what I look for in a guy and I said I like guys who own cats. The dude immediately cut me off and said ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing wrong with a woman who owns a cat, but there’s something wrong with a guy who does.’ The next day my friend asked me what I thought of him and I told her he’s insecure
Paul K. Johnson 3 years ago
I have two cats that I love and when I talk about them I call them kitties. One guy said, "kitiies?!?" like that was too effeminate of a term for my cats. So I said, 'Yeah, kitties.' He didn't know what to say after that.
#9
Always fighting to be right no matter what, even if someone obviously knows what they are talking about.
Kristof De Smet 3 years ago
I have a friend who does this all the time, but he is not insecure about his masculinity, but he thinks he is less intelligent. He isn't, he just happens to know other stuff.
#10
Trying to crush your hand when they shake it. Usually accompanied by fixing you with what they think is an intimidating stare.
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago
Or putting their other hand into the handshake, encapsulating your hand. There's a few handshake variants like this, i remember reading about them in that book "body language" by Allan pease
#11
When he's not supportive of the other men in his life. A truly masculine man loves and supports his brothers and celebrates their achievement
An insecure man brings others down to prove he's on "top"
#12
Any guy who thinks the words alfa and beta mean anything in a social group
CrazedFalcon17 3 years ago
Our society is so bad that people look at wolf erotica fanfiction and think "Hey, I wanna be the 'Alpha' in the relationship" I seriously hate these people
#13
When someone gets upset over something as silly as the way another man enjoys his comfortable clothing, takes care of their body, or the way they like their vehicles.
#14
Aggression and violence. Many insecure men use tactics of intimidation or just plain old violence because they feel attacked by everything, cant discuss like a normal grown up, feel like it proves they are a "real man" etc.
#15
The worst are guys who use hashtags on instagram like #realman, #realmen, #realmenhavebeards, #manly, #man, #men, #alphamale, #intelligent, #smart, etc.
I'm like dude, I've never seen a confident masculine man ever once use [things[ like that. If you have to tell the world you're a "real man", or how "intelligent" or "alpha", you are... you aren't. hahaha
Sky Render 3 years ago
If you are something, you don't need to brag about it. You just... are that thing. If others don't see it, who cares? That doesn't change the fact that it's true.
#16
Pretending to know something about a subject they don’t understand.
#17
When i was in the army we would definitely see people who were bullied in high school and decided to be "billy badass" and join the military then they would be teased and hazed a little as privates. But as soon as they got their own little team and a taste of power they would be the ones that made everyone's lives much more miserable than they needed to be reveling in being the tormenter.
#18
won't let his girl have friends
GirlFriday 3 years ago
Ladies, take note: if a man isolates from your friends and family, that man is an abuser. It may start off as "wanting you all to himself," but the more he isolates, the more abusive he will become. This is the first step towards making sure you have no support system so you won't have help when you need it and making it more difficult for you to eventually leave him when he starts hitting you.
#19
Guys who brag about how much sex they have. Ok we get it, you have sex
#20
Constantly looking for the need to brag about your wealth and physical prowess, especially on social media. I know a few dudes who define themselves by the amount of money they've made or how they're better than everyone because they practice a certain martial art
Kristof De Smet 3 years ago
The most important part for me is having enough money to give my kids a happy life, and a kickstart to their adult life.
#21
Insecure about himself: he’s middle age but constantly shares photos of himself in his “prime” such as football team, military uniform etc
Javiera Gotelli 3 years ago
The sad mid 30s guy who still talks about when he was a quarterback in HS...
#22
People online who post cringey graphics of a lion or the joker with an equally cringe quote next to it saying something along tbe lines of "followers work for other, the alpha works for themselves" with some dollar signs next to it. Or other similar "motivational woke" posts
#25
Definitely show offs. If you are easily insulted by things tied to lack of masculinity(secretly liking pink for example) then you have fragile masculinity. Normally the truly masculine people are those that a true people. They don't need reassurance, they show emotion and the idea of girly colours, smells etc do not exist.
#26
Here are some that I’ve seen: 1. Constant need to be in a relationship or have a “girlfriend” no matter how he feels about her. 2. Guys who talk sh*t about women who speak up or needlessly call them names 3. Guys who are uncomfortable being CLOSE emotionally or physically around other men in fear of being gay or emasculated. Also just trust your gut around people. Everyone has insecurities but there’s a fine line as to when it’s a part of people verses when people are a part of them
#27
creates a nickname for himself
Lunar Bicycle 3 years ago
I used to know.a guy, typical macho blowhard, whose last name was Coogan, and he called himself The Coog. Sad, really.
#29
Over the top displays, or almost caricatures, of masculinity. Making an effort to communicate dominance, like the sticker you described
#30
The only sign I can think of is going out of your way to prove that you are not insecure about your masculinity and/or yourself in general. Secure people aren’t looking to be validated for being secure
#31
Thinking he can beat ANYONES ass, simply because he happens to be male
#32
Just LOUD in general. Says he does't care what anyone says or thinks about him, but it reality seeks validation and attention from other people all the time
#33
Has to make any situation about them, has the be the "alpha", compensates not just with a truck but constant overt "look at me" actions, disregards your opinion immediately if they disagree, dismissive towards anyone who doesn't act like them, loud on purpose because they think everyone like the sound of their voice as much as they do, "act like a man bro", constant put downs, refuses to drink any non "manly" drink, mentions how big their d**k is (it isn't), thinks sport knowledge is a personality trait
#34
Emotionally abusive in relationships
#35
I go to the gym a lot, I've seen guys ripped af yet don't show it off. Then I see the guys who think they need to show off every muscle in their body and have close to no actual muscle.
Or simply people on any online game with the name "alpha"
If you are alpha you don't need to show it off like its a big deal lol
What do you think ?
Mrs_ Possum 3 years ago (edited)
From personal experience, a lot of these are not just male things. I've experienced quite a bit of this from women, too. Especially the competitive, one-upmanship thing.
Chris 3 years ago (edited)
100% this. Should be titled "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A dickhead Is Insecure About themselves". The gender is irrelevant.
Load More Replies...
Bill 3 years ago
If you drive a pick up plastered in Trump stickers and a Trump flag in the bed.
Steve Barnett 3 years ago
I’m a man and I couldn’t give a flying f-word about masculinity. The so-called ‘alpha males’ that I’ve ever met have been complete fools. Just be a useful person, care for people, not everything's a competition.
Martin Kaine 3 years ago
Absolutely. Take care of those around you, help those in need, listen when people speak and hear what they say, find your passion and work at it, and if you have children, be a dad (not just a father).
Load More Replies...
EQXL 3 years ago
How is this about insecure masculinity when most posts are about insecurity because they're just not reserved to men only?
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago (edited)
(Repeat comment) the article seemed to shift since it popped up from originally being just about insecurities that belie toxic masculinity, to also being about general insecurities, which really is an entirely different thing
Load More Replies...
Nevits Yibble 3 years ago
Believes the virus is a hoax fabricated by democrats, attacks Asians for a virus he doesn't believe exists. (That would be all Asians. Doesn't know the difference.)
Load More Replies... Lilith the Demon Panda 3 years ago (edited)
downvote me all you want, you know I am right - bored panda is just turning into toxic femininity propaganda, ever other post is just "all men bad and if not all then enough of them"... you all toxic bitches are exactly the reason why we still don't have equality in this world and why men don't take you seriously... you are just whiny insecure princesses demanding special treatment and all the advantages but refuse to fight for yourselves and take responsibility in your own hands... you are the exact opposite of feminists, opposite of strong responsible women who deserve their right to be treated equally... all bad men in the history of humankind were raised by women - women just like you!
Aliquid A 3 years ago
it is NEVER "all men", or even "most men". These are articles about describing men who ARE toxic. i.e. "these are the characteristics of a toxic man"... which by default implies that other men don't exhibit those characteristics. Many men respond in the comments with "yup, I hate men like that too". Bored Panda certainly seems to have a feminist slant lately, but to call it "toxic" is overly dramatic and embarrassing.
Load More Replies...
Carlota 3 years ago
Just go at any bored panda post about women, lgbtq+ or anything remotely genderless/fluid and check out the comments at the very bottom, you'll see so many fragile masculinities acting up it's sad
Sri Nath 3 years ago
Nah. This entire website is slowly turning into a generalisation echo chamber. I agree with the alpha male thing but a lot of this is common to both sexes and they want to generalise it only for men.
Load More Replies... 
Johnny Rodriguez 3 years ago
As a man, I have a question for the women here: Is the image those men have of themselfes attractive to anyone of you? In my opinon, with most of these behaviors, it's just men trying to attract other men..
jknbt jknbt 3 years ago
you people missed the $45,000 badge of male insecurity: a giant pick-up truck with large diameter wheels... this is common in Texas where I live & all the US south... these men do not feel like they are big men unless they are driving an intimidating pickup truck. They are always driving inconsiderately and rudely, which is a way of saying "I am bigger than you, get out of my way"... The Dodge Ram is their favorite... Will somebody that owns a bumper sticker publishing company make up a bumper sticker that says, "Yep, I am COMPENSATING"... These men are compensating for being short-changed behind the zipper. Pathetic, not impressive.
M O'Connell 3 years ago
I just wish there were some variety, every lifted truck with swampers looks exactly like every other lifted truck with swampers. Show me a lifted Mercury Topaz with swampers, then I'll be impressed.
Load More Replies...
El muerto 3 years ago
sexism is to apply traits and behaviours to individual base on gender. sometimes it feels like you are measure by the gender you are born with, more than what you do...I'm a bit of a hairy guy, that's enough to label me as "macho", even before i open my mouth...have female friends with exakt the same problem. the fact that you constantly have fight the prejudice from both gender, and even från feminist and anti feminist that can see pass their stereotypes, including sexuality. makes you damn defensive, and a little hostile to people that try to put you in a box.
Trista Weidenborner 2 years ago
Used to work with an older guy that one day decided to trade in his old car for big red brand-spanking new F350. This thing was gorgeous... and it was obvious he couldn't handle that much truck with how terrified he looked when driving and the way he hit every curb he passed and couldn't go two days without hitting another car in the parking lot. However, anytime anyone questioned his choice of vehicle he got red in the face and blew up at them because "Real men drive trucks!!"
Serbob 3 years ago
I re-read this replacing the he with she and it still rang true for the most part. A lot of people are insecure regardless of sex.
Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 3 years ago
One word to run from: Controlling. First sign of a control freak, run the other way. It only gets worse.
jknbt jknbt 3 years ago
Another sign of male insecurity is that they dare not have a close male friend, lest they be accused of homosexuality. They have to go off on a weekend hunting or fishing trip to get some "Bro-time" with a close male friend.
Thenatural 3 years ago
What absolute nonsense! You think maybe the go hunting or fishing as a shared interest?
Load More Replies...
Aliquid A 3 years ago
An article saying "here are early warnings about insecure people" is handy, so you can avoid people like that.
Load More Replies... Sky Render 3 years ago
No entry for "has a stupidly overpowered car stereo and blasts hardcore gangster rap everywhere they go" or "deliberately detunes their car to sound like a dying lawnmower"? I'm shocked.
Nevits Yibble 3 years ago
Different category. The Strutting Peacock who craves attention. Please please notice meeeeee
Load More Replies... Lauren Caswell 3 years ago
Wouldnt it be just as rude to tell a woman they're bad in bed? True feminism isn't about punishing men or females before males, it's about gender equality.
Load More Replies...
Sky Render 3 years ago
Because it's more important to stick to a social concept of "manly" than to just be yourself? That's a curious mindset. How's that working for you?
Load More Replies...
Mrs_ Possum 3 years ago (edited)
From personal experience, a lot of these are not just male things. I've experienced quite a bit of this from women, too. Especially the competitive, one-upmanship thing.
Chris 3 years ago (edited)
100% this. Should be titled "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A dickhead Is Insecure About themselves". The gender is irrelevant.
Load More Replies... Bill 3 years ago
If you drive a pick up plastered in Trump stickers and a Trump flag in the bed.
Steve Barnett 3 years ago
I’m a man and I couldn’t give a flying f-word about masculinity. The so-called ‘alpha males’ that I’ve ever met have been complete fools. Just be a useful person, care for people, not everything's a competition.
Martin Kaine 3 years ago
Absolutely. Take care of those around you, help those in need, listen when people speak and hear what they say, find your passion and work at it, and if you have children, be a dad (not just a father).
Load More Replies... EQXL 3 years ago
How is this about insecure masculinity when most posts are about insecurity because they're just not reserved to men only?
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago (edited)
(Repeat comment) the article seemed to shift since it popped up from originally being just about insecurities that belie toxic masculinity, to also being about general insecurities, which really is an entirely different thing
Load More Replies... Nevits Yibble 3 years ago
Believes the virus is a hoax fabricated by democrats, attacks Asians for a virus he doesn't believe exists. (That would be all Asians. Doesn't know the difference.)
Load More Replies... Lilith the Demon Panda 3 years ago (edited)
downvote me all you want, you know I am right - bored panda is just turning into toxic femininity propaganda, ever other post is just "all men bad and if not all then enough of them"... you all toxic bitches are exactly the reason why we still don't have equality in this world and why men don't take you seriously... you are just whiny insecure princesses demanding special treatment and all the advantages but refuse to fight for yourselves and take responsibility in your own hands... you are the exact opposite of feminists, opposite of strong responsible women who deserve their right to be treated equally... all bad men in the history of humankind were raised by women - women just like you!
Aliquid A 3 years ago
it is NEVER "all men", or even "most men". These are articles about describing men who ARE toxic. i.e. "these are the characteristics of a toxic man"... which by default implies that other men don't exhibit those characteristics. Many men respond in the comments with "yup, I hate men like that too". Bored Panda certainly seems to have a feminist slant lately, but to call it "toxic" is overly dramatic and embarrassing.
Load More Replies... Carlota 3 years ago
Just go at any bored panda post about women, lgbtq+ or anything remotely genderless/fluid and check out the comments at the very bottom, you'll see so many fragile masculinities acting up it's sad
Sri Nath 3 years ago
Nah. This entire website is slowly turning into a generalisation echo chamber. I agree with the alpha male thing but a lot of this is common to both sexes and they want to generalise it only for men.
Load More Replies... Johnny Rodriguez 3 years ago
As a man, I have a question for the women here: Is the image those men have of themselfes attractive to anyone of you? In my opinon, with most of these behaviors, it's just men trying to attract other men..
jknbt jknbt 3 years ago
you people missed the $45,000 badge of male insecurity: a giant pick-up truck with large diameter wheels... this is common in Texas where I live & all the US south... these men do not feel like they are big men unless they are driving an intimidating pickup truck. They are always driving inconsiderately and rudely, which is a way of saying "I am bigger than you, get out of my way"... The Dodge Ram is their favorite... Will somebody that owns a bumper sticker publishing company make up a bumper sticker that says, "Yep, I am COMPENSATING"... These men are compensating for being short-changed behind the zipper. Pathetic, not impressive.
M O'Connell 3 years ago
I just wish there were some variety, every lifted truck with swampers looks exactly like every other lifted truck with swampers. Show me a lifted Mercury Topaz with swampers, then I'll be impressed.
Load More Replies... El muerto 3 years ago
sexism is to apply traits and behaviours to individual base on gender. sometimes it feels like you are measure by the gender you are born with, more than what you do...I'm a bit of a hairy guy, that's enough to label me as "macho", even before i open my mouth...have female friends with exakt the same problem. the fact that you constantly have fight the prejudice from both gender, and even från feminist and anti feminist that can see pass their stereotypes, including sexuality. makes you damn defensive, and a little hostile to people that try to put you in a box.
Trista Weidenborner 2 years ago
Used to work with an older guy that one day decided to trade in his old car for big red brand-spanking new F350. This thing was gorgeous... and it was obvious he couldn't handle that much truck with how terrified he looked when driving and the way he hit every curb he passed and couldn't go two days without hitting another car in the parking lot. However, anytime anyone questioned his choice of vehicle he got red in the face and blew up at them because "Real men drive trucks!!"
Serbob 3 years ago
I re-read this replacing the he with she and it still rang true for the most part. A lot of people are insecure regardless of sex.
Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 3 years ago
One word to run from: Controlling. First sign of a control freak, run the other way. It only gets worse.
jknbt jknbt 3 years ago
Another sign of male insecurity is that they dare not have a close male friend, lest they be accused of homosexuality. They have to go off on a weekend hunting or fishing trip to get some "Bro-time" with a close male friend.
Thenatural 3 years ago
What absolute nonsense! You think maybe the go hunting or fishing as a shared interest?
Load More Replies... Aliquid A 3 years ago
An article saying "here are early warnings about insecure people" is handy, so you can avoid people like that.
Load More Replies... Sky Render 3 years ago
No entry for "has a stupidly overpowered car stereo and blasts hardcore gangster rap everywhere they go" or "deliberately detunes their car to sound like a dying lawnmower"? I'm shocked.
Nevits Yibble 3 years ago
Different category. The Strutting Peacock who craves attention. Please please notice meeeeee
Load More Replies... Lauren Caswell 3 years ago
Wouldnt it be just as rude to tell a woman they're bad in bed? True feminism isn't about punishing men or females before males, it's about gender equality.
Load More Replies... Sky Render 3 years ago
Because it's more important to stick to a social concept of "manly" than to just be yourself? That's a curious mindset. How's that working for you?
Load More Replies... You May Like 40 Feminine ‘Faux Pas’ Women Are Flaunting Like They’re Badges Of Honor "[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Cover Hospital Expenses Related To My Sister-In-Law's Childbirth?"
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