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35 People Respond To “What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?”
Our behavior, and the actions that follow it, speak more than thousands of words. So often all you need to do is to sit back and watch people. Remember your male colleague who always uses that patronizing tone of voice when talking to you? Yes, it’s annoying, and no, he doesn’t sense it.
But what if it’s a tell-tale sign that the guy has internalized toxic masculinity? What if this is a precise indication that he feels insecure or somewhere deep down, even threatened by you? You may only speculate or see what guys have to say on the subject matter themselves.
The question “What is a tell-tale sign that a man is insecure about his masculinity or himself in general?” on r/AskMen got a bunch of people sharing what they think are the red flags. And it’s truly eye-opening!
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#1
If he claims to be an “alpha male” - dude, if you have to tell people (loudly and often) that you’re alpha, you are definitely not
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#3
When he doesn’t let his girlfriend/wife wear sexy outfits in public
In daily life, we come across numerous examples of what we think is men’s anxiety about violating the male gender role. Like, a man hesitating to hug his male friends in public. Often, we jump up to conclusions and don’t give it a second thought.
But according to Jennifer Bosson, a social psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, this may come down to how people think about manhood. She proposes that “manhood, relative to womanhood, has historically been viewed as both elusive and tenuous.”
By “elusive,” Jennifer means “that manhood is not considered a developmental certainty, but instead is seen as a status that must be earned via action.” And by “tenuous,” she is referring to the idea that “manhood status, once earned, can be lost with relative ease, via a wide range of social shortcomings.”
#4
His view on what makes a man a man is narrow. In his mind, there are only 2-3 types of men and other types are wrong
#5
Constant attempts to "one-up" anything and anyone at anytime.
#6
Worrying about face and honour and fighting over it.
I've never been in a fight. 99% of my friends have never been in a fight. None of my colleagues have ever been in a fight.
Yet... you come across these f**wits who seem to think that it's normal. Quite often they complain about it. "Aw I can barely leave my house without someone starting sh*t".
In every single scenario, it is them who is the problem
These may, of course, seem ancient today, but they do emerge in daily discourse, says Jennifer. According to the psychologist, “Men—even those who are perfectly 'secure in their masculinity'—are aware that their manhood is precarious and that they may, at any moment, lose manhood status in other people’s eyes.”
“Until widespread beliefs about the elusiveness and tenuousness of manhood change, it may be unrealistic to expect the average man to violate gender role norms with ease,” she concluded in her research.
#7
Trying to dominate a conversation or activity for no reason/Being needlessly competitive
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago
Wait guys do the arm block to each other too?! Oh woah I didn't realise that. I'm glad I'm learning
#8
My friend introduced me to a potential love interest of hers one evening. The conversation turned to what I look for in a guy and I said I like guys who own cats. The dude immediately cut me off and said ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing wrong with a woman who owns a cat, but there’s something wrong with a guy who does.’ The next day my friend asked me what I thought of him and I told her he’s insecure
Paul K. Johnson 3 years ago
I have two cats that I love and when I talk about them I call them kitties. One guy said, "kitiies?!?" like that was too effeminate of a term for my cats. So I said, 'Yeah, kitties.' He didn't know what to say after that.
#9
Always fighting to be right no matter what, even if someone obviously knows what they are talking about.
Kristof De Smet 3 years ago
I have a friend who does this all the time, but he is not insecure about his masculinity, but he thinks he is less intelligent. He isn't, he just happens to know other stuff.
#10
Trying to crush your hand when they shake it. Usually accompanied by fixing you with what they think is an intimidating stare.
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago
Or putting their other hand into the handshake, encapsulating your hand. There's a few handshake variants like this, i remember reading about them in that book "body language" by Allan pease
#11
When he's not supportive of the other men in his life. A truly masculine man loves and supports his brothers and celebrates their achievement
An insecure man brings others down to prove he's on "top"
#12
Any guy who thinks the words alfa and beta mean anything in a social group
CrazedFalcon17 3 years ago
Our society is so bad that people look at wolf erotica fanfiction and think "Hey, I wanna be the 'Alpha' in the relationship" I seriously hate these people
#13
When someone gets upset over something as silly as the way another man enjoys his comfortable clothing, takes care of their body, or the way they like their vehicles.
#14
Aggression and violence. Many insecure men use tactics of intimidation or just plain old violence because they feel attacked by everything, cant discuss like a normal grown up, feel like it proves they are a "real man" etc.
#15
The worst are guys who use hashtags on instagram like #realman, #realmen, #realmenhavebeards, #manly, #man, #men, #alphamale, #intelligent, #smart, etc.
I'm like dude, I've never seen a confident masculine man ever once use [things[ like that. If you have to tell the world you're a "real man", or how "intelligent" or "alpha", you are... you aren't. hahaha
Sky Render 3 years ago
If you are something, you don't need to brag about it. You just... are that thing. If others don't see it, who cares? That doesn't change the fact that it's true.
#16
Pretending to know something about a subject they don’t understand.
#17
When i was in the army we would definitely see people who were bullied in high school and decided to be "billy badass" and join the military then they would be teased and hazed a little as privates. But as soon as they got their own little team and a taste of power they would be the ones that made everyone's lives much more miserable than they needed to be reveling in being the tormenter.
#18
won't let his girl have friends
GirlFriday 3 years ago
Ladies, take note: if a man isolates from your friends and family, that man is an abuser. It may start off as "wanting you all to himself," but the more he isolates, the more abusive he will become. This is the first step towards making sure you have no support system so you won't have help when you need it and making it more difficult for you to eventually leave him when he starts hitting you.
#19
Guys who brag about how much sex they have. Ok we get it, you have sex
#20
Constantly looking for the need to brag about your wealth and physical prowess, especially on social media. I know a few dudes who define themselves by the amount of money they've made or how they're better than everyone because they practice a certain martial art
Kristof De Smet 3 years ago
The most important part for me is having enough money to give my kids a happy life, and a kickstart to their adult life.
#21
Insecure about himself: he’s middle age but constantly shares photos of himself in his “prime” such as football team, military uniform etc
Javiera Gotelli 3 years ago
The sad mid 30s guy who still talks about when he was a quarterback in HS...
#22
People online who post cringey graphics of a lion or the joker with an equally cringe quote next to it saying something along tbe lines of "followers work for other, the alpha works for themselves" with some dollar signs next to it. Or other similar "motivational woke" posts
#25
Definitely show offs. If you are easily insulted by things tied to lack of masculinity(secretly liking pink for example) then you have fragile masculinity. Normally the truly masculine people are those that a true people. They don't need reassurance, they show emotion and the idea of girly colours, smells etc do not exist.
#26
Here are some that I’ve seen: 1. Constant need to be in a relationship or have a “girlfriend” no matter how he feels about her. 2. Guys who talk sh*t about women who speak up or needlessly call them names 3. Guys who are uncomfortable being CLOSE emotionally or physically around other men in fear of being gay or emasculated. Also just trust your gut around people. Everyone has insecurities but there’s a fine line as to when it’s a part of people verses when people are a part of them
#27
creates a nickname for himself
Lunar Bicycle 3 years ago
I used to know.a guy, typical macho blowhard, whose last name was Coogan, and he called himself The Coog. Sad, really.
#29
Over the top displays, or almost caricatures, of masculinity. Making an effort to communicate dominance, like the sticker you described
#30
The only sign I can think of is going out of your way to prove that you are not insecure about your masculinity and/or yourself in general. Secure people aren’t looking to be validated for being secure
#31
Thinking he can beat ANYONES ass, simply because he happens to be male
#32
Just LOUD in general. Says he does't care what anyone says or thinks about him, but it reality seeks validation and attention from other people all the time
#33
Has to make any situation about them, has the be the "alpha", compensates not just with a truck but constant overt "look at me" actions, disregards your opinion immediately if they disagree, dismissive towards anyone who doesn't act like them, loud on purpose because they think everyone like the sound of their voice as much as they do, "act like a man bro", constant put downs, refuses to drink any non "manly" drink, mentions how big their d**k is (it isn't), thinks sport knowledge is a personality trait
#34
Emotionally abusive in relationships
#35
I go to the gym a lot, I've seen guys ripped af yet don't show it off. Then I see the guys who think they need to show off every muscle in their body and have close to no actual muscle.
Or simply people on any online game with the name "alpha"
If you are alpha you don't need to show it off like its a big deal lol
What do you think ?
Mrs_ Possum 3 years ago (edited)
From personal experience, a lot of these are not just male things. I've experienced quite a bit of this from women, too. Especially the competitive, one-upmanship thing.
Chris 3 years ago (edited)
100% this. Should be titled "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A dickhead Is Insecure About themselves". The gender is irrelevant.
Load More Replies...
Bill 3 years ago
If you drive a pick up plastered in Trump stickers and a Trump flag in the bed.
Steve Barnett 3 years ago
I’m a man and I couldn’t give a flying f-word about masculinity. The so-called ‘alpha males’ that I’ve ever met have been complete fools. Just be a useful person, care for people, not everything's a competition.
Martin Kaine 3 years ago
Absolutely. Take care of those around you, help those in need, listen when people speak and hear what they say, find your passion and work at it, and if you have children, be a dad (not just a father).
Load More Replies... Mrs_ Possum 3 years ago (edited)
From personal experience, a lot of these are not just male things. I've experienced quite a bit of this from women, too. Especially the competitive, one-upmanship thing.
Chris 3 years ago (edited)
100% this. Should be titled "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A dickhead Is Insecure About themselves". The gender is irrelevant.
Load More Replies... Bill 3 years ago
If you drive a pick up plastered in Trump stickers and a Trump flag in the bed.
Steve Barnett 3 years ago
I’m a man and I couldn’t give a flying f-word about masculinity. The so-called ‘alpha males’ that I’ve ever met have been complete fools. Just be a useful person, care for people, not everything's a competition.
Martin Kaine 3 years ago
Absolutely. Take care of those around you, help those in need, listen when people speak and hear what they say, find your passion and work at it, and if you have children, be a dad (not just a father).
Load More Replies...
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