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Swear words and insults are an inescapable part of life. In fact, it’s hard to imagine humanity ever becoming so peaceful and kind that nobody would ever have anything bad to say about anyone else. There’s always going to be friction. Different perspectives, values, and agendas are always going to clash.
But for some people, simple and direct insults, though powerful, can get pretty mundane. User u/CoatedTrout4 recently inspired the r/AskReddit community to share their favorite subtle and creative insults that are beyond devastating. We’ve collected some of their most imaginative ones to share with you. Scroll down to check them out! Though, keep in mind, insulting someone 'for fun' is a great way to lose friends—it's not something to be played around with.
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#1
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries...
Bored Panda got in touch with licensed professional counselor Rodney Luster, Ph.D., for his thoughts on why some people go for subtle insults. He also shared his advice on how we can all be more emotionally resilient, no matter the criticism that we face. Dr. Luster is the host of the 'More Than a Feeling' blog on Psychology Today and the founder of 'Inspirethought.'
"How and why people choose things is sometimes motivated by deeper, unconscious elements," Dr. Luster told Bored Panda via email.
“In a case where people interweave a criticism, it could be because of the Shadow Self. As Jung suggested, the ‘dark’ aspect of ourselves that is part of our unconscious is acting out, so we attempt to disown the ‘shadow’ in us by criticizing others,” he said.
"For those that do it less conspicuously, it might also be a passive way to tell someone how they really feel about them, disguising it in hidden language."
RELATED:
#2
(After a tirade or rude remark) "Are you okay", spoken with the deepest sincerity.
#3
You're difficult to underestimate.
We asked Dr. Luster about becoming more resilient to any criticism thrown our way. He suggested a few things that we can do when we face criticism.
“Try to be aware of your defensiveness creeping up and attempt to remove your own connection by looking more closely at the underlying emotions and motives of the critic,” he told Bored Panda.
#4
When I was living I the UK I learned my favourite, most polite roast, of all times:
"You are so brave to say that".
I love British sarcasm.
#5
Working with you is like working by myself, but harder.
#6
The best line I heard was in a gym car park. A martial arts instructor was reversing his car and was nearly upended by a mid-40s feral in lycra on her P plates. She was looking for an argument and chose a soft target - country of origin based on appearance and skin colour. She fired off all insults based around the subject of "go back to where you came from".
The guy, who I perceived to be much older, said, "In my country, abortion is illegal. But with you, we can make an exception.".
Dr. Luster added that we can also 'scrub' the words. "Look beneath the critical words for the productive element if there is one."
You can also reframe the criticism. "We get to choose how to contextually situate this in our brain," he said.
"I like to use the following analogy: You can choose to see your house in a few ways. You can go outside and stand in front of it, or you can look at it from Google Maps. Both are true versions, but you choose the one that you would rather see. Same thing here: choose the best picture of what you heard and see it for any opportunity that helps or not."
#7
Wisdom has been chasing you but you have always been faster.
#8
Had this rude girl at work a few years back, who thought she was so hot and perfect and.. well you know the type. Anyway, one day I got sick of her attitude and said, “ Kendra, what’s it like being like the third hottest girl here?”
Drove her mad.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
Finishing as high as third in a hotness contest is on my bucket list.
#9
Your grades say marry rich, but your face says study harder.
There’s definitely a time and a place for swear words and insults. Swearing can relieve or distract us from pain, relieve stress, and even showcase linguistic creativity. However, you should not go around insulting everyone around you all day long just because you enjoy the rush. You’ll soon find that you no longer have any friends left!
However, a well-placed verbal jab or some witty banter can add color to everyone’s life. Especially if the other person has a good sense of humor and a dash of self-awareness to be able to laugh at themselves, too. Maybe they can appreciate how playful and intelligent your insult was. Of course, this only applies to situations where the person throwing around the insults isn’t completely mean-spirited.
#10
I don't.respect you enough for you to hurt my feelings.
WindySwede 6 months ago
So true in some cases. Just laughable, and do the "outkeen them" from Seinfeld.
#11
I had a really self-obsessed grade 12 student start bragging about how good looking he was, trying to get some girls’ attention. He said “people always tell me I look like a model.” I was at my desk marking, while the students were *supposed to be* working and, without even looking up I piped in with “Yah, a hand model.” His friends roared with laughter and I got many high fives. Even from the “model” kid.
Unfortunately, there will always be people who put others down to boost their own egos. They might have problems with self-esteem or self-image. But instead of working through their problems, they lash out at the world. Some folks become outright bullies. Others embrace passive aggression.
Robert N. Kraft, Ph.D., a professor of cognitive psychology at Otterbein University, argues that it’s not actually direct insults that do us the most harm. As it turns out, we’re most unsettled by casual put-downs because they catch us off guard.
According to the professor, subtle criticisms can be hidden or implied, take on the guise of a false compliment, or even masquerade as someone pretending to be concerned.
#14
“You two look gorgeous” in the comments section of a social media post of a picture with 3 women in it.
#15
I work at a grocery store that has a "senior day" once a month (they receive 10% off their entire order, includng alcohol and tobacco). I had a very rude young lady in my lane (probably late 30s). I added the senior discount, she saw it, and I said "I'm not quite sure if you qualify for the senior discount, but I gave it to you just in case. That's 10% off your purchase
Have a nice day!" The look on her face was priceless. 😉.
However, subtle insults aren’t all-powerful. A lot depends on how you react to them. Or, to put it another way: is an insult still an insult if the person being insulted doesn’t feel insulted?
Professor Kraft urges people to first of all identify the hidden or implied insults. You can then directly confront the other person with a simple question and brief conversation. Or you move past the put-down by throwing out a general reply.
Alternatively, you could always downplay the put-down. For instance, you can acknowledge the insult and then either disagree with it or amplify it. If you throw some verbal playfulness into the mix, you can show that you’re not bothered.
#16
You seem like the kind of guy who would be embarrassed to buy tampons for his girlfriend.
#18
Five years ago, I met up with a friend. I asked her how my eyebrows were ( I had just waxed them and done them nicely). Her response: "I like the left one."
Still remember that.
At the end of the day, though, it’s up to each of us to decide who we spend time with. If we’re constantly dealing with a barrage of snarky remarks, maybe it’s time to focus on better friends.
What's the most subtle but powerful insult you've ever heard, Pandas? Which of the put-downs in this post would you ever use in real life and why? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
#19
I'm close to my sister and her friends. I've unironically heard, "I like how you'll just wear anything" after they spent the past hour getting ready.
#20
Never underestimate the power of okay:
“You’re ugly” okay
“You’re stupid” okay
“You’ll never be cool” okay
Stops them in their tracks and makes them look weird as hell for saying it in the first place.
#21
Man, I wish I had your confidence.
Also, one I always remember from xkcd: “the only thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you.”.
#22
To someone who's yelling at you "Oh wow, big feelings!!".
Cleo Bean 6 months ago
Or use toddler de-escalation tactics. For example, (in the most sickly sweet and annoying presence you can muster) "Wow, I can see we're having some big angry feelings right now! Let's blow out our cake candles and take some deep breaths!" Pissed off several people but still no repercussions.
#23
I think you are talking about things that you don’t have the capacity to understand.
It went right over his head.
#24
Couldn't say it better than Ron Swanson
"When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.".
WindySwede 6 months ago
They beeing friendly, Ron then beeing an jerk. That's just rude, not an comeback?
#25
Man, you're making that look real difficult.
𝙻𝚞𝚗𝚊⋆𝚝𝚑𝚎⋆𝙵𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚢 6 months ago
Make sure to put extra emphasis on “real”, like “Man, you’re making that look **reeaal** difficult.”
#26
“Everyone was right about you.”.
#27
I heard a kid say this before:
"You know I bet you eat your cereal with water, 'cause your dad never came back with the milk."
Kinda basic but it hit the other guy hard.
Ranger Kanootsen 6 months ago
I lost my dad as a kid, but I still think it's funny
Load More Replies...
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 6 months ago
There's a Juice Newton song where the loser boyfriend calls her wanting bail money. Part of her tirade is "You went to get cigarettes That was last July, you didnt get home yet."
Speak easy buttercup 6 months ago
That one made me spit(shoot...spray?) milk thru my nose!! 🤣🤣
Mya Lugar 6 months ago
That is overly mean. You are an AH of the highest order. No one can help what their parentage is or their skin color or ethnicity. If this is the basis of your beef with them, you are putting YOURSELF down. Of couse, most of these are more shade on the sender than the recipient.
BoredPossum 6 months ago
What's the point here? That the father left the family? That's no clever comeback, just an insult.
#28
After knowing you all these years, I truly consider you an acquaintance.
#29
You have not been cursed with knowledge.
Manana Man 6 months ago
"Life must be much easier for you without the burden of self awareness."
#30
You might be smart enough to be a bimbo, but the looks just don't qualify.
#31
I’ve always liked, “you’re at the top of the bell curve.” .
Miliukov Oleksandr 6 months ago
careful with scientific insults - they well may gone unnoticed
#32
My days of not respecting you certainly are coming to a middle.
BoredBranzino 6 months ago
This is a line from the TV show "Firefly", said by Malcom Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) to Jayne Cobb (Adam Baldwin), episode: "Our Mrs. Reynolds"
#33
As a woman, you have to be very careful when you use this one, but anything “oh wow are you trying something new with your makeup? (Or hair or insert something) Oh no it doesn’t look bad- it’s just interesting.” Did that to a girl who was bullying a friend of mine, she immediately shut up and seemed self conscious.
BoredPossum 6 months ago
Insulting people based on appearance is low. Having a comeback when they're being mean is entertaining.
#34
“You look tired.”.
OhnoI’vebeencensored 6 months ago
Well yes. I have small children. And yes, I’m aware that I brought this on myself.
#35
First of all, clean your teeth.
What do you think ?
Ranger Kanootsen 6 months ago
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. - Bilbo Baggins
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 6 months ago
Never say that to a drunken crowd of hobbits.
Load More Replies...
V H 6 months ago
These are all rude ways of looking smart without actually saying anything useful. Oh and they're a great way to seriously hurt people
Auntriarch 6 months ago
You're being too kind, only about five if them were even smart
Load More Replies...
Floeckchen 6 months ago (edited)
I like this one for social media: "You should propably check your online security. I think someone is trying to discredit you."
Will Cable 6 months ago
I'm a (insert job here) not a proctologist, therefor I don't deal with a******s
Mike F 6 months ago
I wish I could have gotten away with this before I retired. My morning was spent on the phone with entitled idiots who made it their life's work to push my buttons.
Load More Replies...
Robert Millar 6 months ago
My favourite now is: I don't know what message you are trying to send, but the message we are receiving from you is that you are an idiot.
Shelley Dawson 6 months ago
Wit is entirely different to spite. There were a few witty ripostes.
That Person 6 months ago
“You look like you speed up when people try to pass you on the street”
Paweł Pieniążek 6 months ago
My favorite translates to English as "You are a true here of ancient folk stories" instead of calling sb a witch.
C.O. Shea 6 months ago
Let rant ensue. Wait. Ask, are you done? Wait. If they say nothing. Turn and walk away, saying nothing. If they rant more. Wait. Repeat, are you done? Walk away. Drives ássholes right up their own. 🤣
Gavin Johnson 6 months ago
Cruel / brutal isn’t a good look. Be the better person, mentally wrap them up in love and light then send them on their way.
Katie Lutesinger 6 months ago
You must be in really good shape with all the mental gymnastics you've been doing.
tresgatos72 6 months ago
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." 😆
Freya the Wanderer 6 months ago
I love lists of insults as I am always seeking new material to use on A-holes
Manana Man 6 months ago
And that's the point. Sure they're rude and maybe not all that clever, but they are ways to deal with a$$holes.
Load More Replies...
Giraffy Window 6 months ago
As a teen I genuinely thought I was complimenting a girl by telling her I really liked how she didn't care that here eyebrows stuck out like that. It was because I was always fussing with mine, and I thought it was cool she could be so relaxed about it! She didn't thank me, and I've still not crawled out from under that particular rock.
Sky Render 6 months ago
My favorite came from a recent comic strip: it's still not too late to start minding your own business!
Arlene Harris 6 months ago
my favorite comeback to anything "don't you know who I am" related is, "oh, you don't know either?"
Kombatbunni 6 months ago
One of my favourites is “You look like something the cat brought in and then brought up.”
Ranger Kanootsen 6 months ago
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. - Bilbo Baggins
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 6 months ago
Never say that to a drunken crowd of hobbits.
Load More Replies... V H 6 months ago
These are all rude ways of looking smart without actually saying anything useful. Oh and they're a great way to seriously hurt people
Auntriarch 6 months ago
You're being too kind, only about five if them were even smart
Load More Replies... Floeckchen 6 months ago (edited)
I like this one for social media: "You should propably check your online security. I think someone is trying to discredit you."
Will Cable 6 months ago
I'm a (insert job here) not a proctologist, therefor I don't deal with a******s
Mike F 6 months ago
I wish I could have gotten away with this before I retired. My morning was spent on the phone with entitled idiots who made it their life's work to push my buttons.
Load More Replies... Robert Millar 6 months ago
My favourite now is: I don't know what message you are trying to send, but the message we are receiving from you is that you are an idiot.
Shelley Dawson 6 months ago
Wit is entirely different to spite. There were a few witty ripostes.
That Person 6 months ago
“You look like you speed up when people try to pass you on the street”
Paweł Pieniążek 6 months ago
My favorite translates to English as "You are a true here of ancient folk stories" instead of calling sb a witch.
C.O. Shea 6 months ago
Let rant ensue. Wait. Ask, are you done? Wait. If they say nothing. Turn and walk away, saying nothing. If they rant more. Wait. Repeat, are you done? Walk away. Drives ássholes right up their own. 🤣
Gavin Johnson 6 months ago
Cruel / brutal isn’t a good look. Be the better person, mentally wrap them up in love and light then send them on their way.
Katie Lutesinger 6 months ago
You must be in really good shape with all the mental gymnastics you've been doing.
tresgatos72 6 months ago
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." 😆
Freya the Wanderer 6 months ago
I love lists of insults as I am always seeking new material to use on A-holes
Manana Man 6 months ago
And that's the point. Sure they're rude and maybe not all that clever, but they are ways to deal with a$$holes.
Load More Replies... Giraffy Window 6 months ago
As a teen I genuinely thought I was complimenting a girl by telling her I really liked how she didn't care that here eyebrows stuck out like that. It was because I was always fussing with mine, and I thought it was cool she could be so relaxed about it! She didn't thank me, and I've still not crawled out from under that particular rock.
Sky Render 6 months ago
My favorite came from a recent comic strip: it's still not too late to start minding your own business!
Arlene Harris 6 months ago
my favorite comeback to anything "don't you know who I am" related is, "oh, you don't know either?"
Kombatbunni 6 months ago
One of my favourites is “You look like something the cat brought in and then brought up.”
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