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Man Breaks Down Why Strict Parents Unwittingly Set Their Children Up For Failure Later In Life
We all had that one friend at school who had to be back by 8pm no matter what. Some say putting discipline on their kids is healthy, but when does it become too much?
And although harsh discipline strategies like yelling and spanking are no longer something that millennial parents would tolerate (after often having experienced a fair share of that from their own parents), that doesn’t mean strict parenting tactics have become redundant.
Recently, a Twitter user @theyaobansah shared an illuminating thread on how “having strict parents sets you up for failure later in life.” So he broke down the ways that growing up with strict parents affects your walks of life, like career choices and relationships, and the thread has resonated with many people. Amassing 64.4k likes and 17.3k retweets, it shed light on the scope of damage that overly controlling parents can sometimes cause.
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Image credits: theyaobansah
Image credits: theyaobansah
Image credits: theyaobansah
Image credits: theyaobansah
Image credits: theyaobansah
According to the recent survey conducted by Zero To Three, 73% of parents named parenting as their biggest challenge in life. However, when it comes to disciplining their children, parents seem to use a wide range of tactics, but many are not seen as the “most effective” approach in raising kids.
More than half of parents, 57%, said that they honestly struggle with figuring out the most effective way to discipline, while 42% say they do not want to yell or raise their voice as quickly as they do. Moreover, 35% agreed that they lose their temper too fast and that they’re not happy with that.
The same survey showed that parenting styles and approaches are slowly shifting from that of the previous generation’s moms and dads. While moms and dads say that the way they were raised is a primary influence on their own parenting, many say they are more positive and present and use fewer harsher discipline tactics than their own parents used with them.
As a result, roughly half of all millennial and Generation X parents see themselves as being more positive and present, which gives hope that needlessly harsh discipline is finally becoming redundant.
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Hans 3 years ago (edited)
Other than the title suggests, this is not really about strict parents. It is about unrealiable, selfish, controll-feaky ones. Parents needs to be strict in the literal sense to a certain degree, because the worst that you can do to your kids is to be neither reliable nor consistent in your decisions. This means, that an occasional "no" is a "no", even if it is strict sometimes – unless there is a good reason to abandon what you decided earlier. Being strict does not imply not listening to your children and being up for reason! However, the basic relationship should be built on trust, in both ways. And this includes letting children take their own decisions as often as reasonable, and that from a very early age on. This naturally limits the degree of strictness and will lead to a balance. And it particularly means to always treat children with respect and dignity – from changing the first diaper on.
Viviane 3 years ago
The parents I admire are strict about certain things (such as doing homework and chores), but allow their children to express themselves. They also tailor expectations and approaches to each child, based on each child's character and abilities. I was raised by strict over-protective parents (so not well-prepared for adulthood), so I'm impressed by their kids being responsible young adults when I was out partying way too much at their age.
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Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Strict parent: be polite, do your chores/homework, at least try new foods, do your best .... punishment is a sad face and a lecture and you feel bad ..........CONSTRICTIVE parenting: You do as I say or I beat you down with words and/or fists There is a difference. Mom was strict. Dad was constrictive. Mom saw her children as small people. Dad saw as slaves to obey him and who knows what-else. .......Strict as in having rules is fine. CONstrictive ----- punishment for normal behaviors like not being perfect ----- is NOT.
Pepper DeVoe 3 years ago
My Mom sounds like your Dad. Any advice on how to talk to her about my problems? I have tried but she tells me "I'm being dramatic."
Load More Replies...
Lila Wells 3 years ago
Another thing: Absolutely wrecked my social life. If I finally made friends, my parents never letting me out if the house or having any sort of social media (even Pinterest!) made me lose all of them
Juliette Schulze 1 year ago
Omg this. Whenever I bring up getting social media or even texting apps (I was only allowing WhatsApp when I turned 13 and my parents read all my texts and had to approve what people I texted with) my parents would get annoyed and tell me that people shouldn’t rely on social media to make friends. But the truth of it is, when you don’t have stuff like that it’s harder to connect with people and when that connection isn’t there you eventually start losing friends.
Load More Replies... Hans 3 years ago (edited)
Other than the title suggests, this is not really about strict parents. It is about unrealiable, selfish, controll-feaky ones. Parents needs to be strict in the literal sense to a certain degree, because the worst that you can do to your kids is to be neither reliable nor consistent in your decisions. This means, that an occasional "no" is a "no", even if it is strict sometimes – unless there is a good reason to abandon what you decided earlier. Being strict does not imply not listening to your children and being up for reason! However, the basic relationship should be built on trust, in both ways. And this includes letting children take their own decisions as often as reasonable, and that from a very early age on. This naturally limits the degree of strictness and will lead to a balance. And it particularly means to always treat children with respect and dignity – from changing the first diaper on.
Viviane 3 years ago
The parents I admire are strict about certain things (such as doing homework and chores), but allow their children to express themselves. They also tailor expectations and approaches to each child, based on each child's character and abilities. I was raised by strict over-protective parents (so not well-prepared for adulthood), so I'm impressed by their kids being responsible young adults when I was out partying way too much at their age.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Strict parent: be polite, do your chores/homework, at least try new foods, do your best .... punishment is a sad face and a lecture and you feel bad ..........CONSTRICTIVE parenting: You do as I say or I beat you down with words and/or fists There is a difference. Mom was strict. Dad was constrictive. Mom saw her children as small people. Dad saw as slaves to obey him and who knows what-else. .......Strict as in having rules is fine. CONstrictive ----- punishment for normal behaviors like not being perfect ----- is NOT.
Pepper DeVoe 3 years ago
My Mom sounds like your Dad. Any advice on how to talk to her about my problems? I have tried but she tells me "I'm being dramatic."
Load More Replies... Lila Wells 3 years ago
Another thing: Absolutely wrecked my social life. If I finally made friends, my parents never letting me out if the house or having any sort of social media (even Pinterest!) made me lose all of them
Juliette Schulze 1 year ago
Omg this. Whenever I bring up getting social media or even texting apps (I was only allowing WhatsApp when I turned 13 and my parents read all my texts and had to approve what people I texted with) my parents would get annoyed and tell me that people shouldn’t rely on social media to make friends. But the truth of it is, when you don’t have stuff like that it’s harder to connect with people and when that connection isn’t there you eventually start losing friends.
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