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30 People Get Honest About The Ways They Ruined Their 20s And It May Be Your Wakeup Call
Interview With Expert
Most of us have some regrets in life. No matter how well we’re doing at the moment, we sometimes wish we could have done something differently in the past. Pursuing another career, having a different sort of relationship, taking better care of one’s health, and living with more courage… that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
In a very candid and vulnerable online thread, the members of the r/AskReddit online community spilled the tea about what they did that made them feel like they ‘wasted’ their 20s. Scroll down to read their thoughts.
Bored Panda wanted to find out more about dealing with our regrets in a healthy way, so we reached out to Jodi Wellman, MAPP, who was kind enough to answer our questions. Wellman is a speaker, author, and leadership coach, as well as the founder of the ‘Four Thousand Mondays’ project, which aims to help people make the most of their lives. You'll find the insights she shared with us as you read on.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Being too shy.
To anyone younger reading this, TAKE RISKS! Ask that person out. Go to that local event you’ve been eyeing. Strike up a conversation with a cool-looking stranger. Get up on stage at a karaoke night. Volunteer. Join a club.
Life is not a movie and there is no magical special person that will notice you and come pull you into the light. You have to do that yourself.
Wellman explained to Bored Panda in an email that there are two types of regrets. There are regrets of commission, as well as regrets of omission. The former are the things that we said or did that we wish we hadn't. Meanwhile, the latter are the things we didn't take action on that we wish we had.
"Regrets of commission tend to fade over time as we learn to live with our stupidity (and rationalize our decisions), so it's really the regrets of omission we need to worry about," Wellman, the founder of 'Four Thousand Mondays,' said.
"I get excited about these 'paths not taken' because as long as we are still alive, we have a chance to course-correct these regrets-in-the-making and take the path after all. It's really never too late to go back to school, change careers, rekindle a relationship, travel to Iceland, go blonde."
#2
Fighting endless wars, Somalia, Afganistan, Iraq, Syria, and everywhere else around the world. Wasted my 20s, all my 30s and half my 40's fighting. For what you ask? I have no idea now.
Violet1854 8 months ago
So sorry for what u had to go through OP. Hope u find some mental peace
#3
Thing about your twenties is, no matter how you spent it, you'll wonder about the other path.
Party, get wasted, spend everything you earn travelling the world, you'll wish you'd been more studious and built better foundations.
Study hard, work diligently, build good foundations, you'll wish you'd partied and had more fun like the others did.
Wellman told us that, in her research, she's found that the best way to "savor and appreciate" life is to practice 'memento mori'—"to remember that we must die."
"It's only when we tune into how finite we really are that we snap out of autopilot and stop taking our days for granted. I get people counting how many Mondays they have left to live (it's way less morbid than it sounds)," she told Bored Panda.
"They can use my calculator here if math feels unfun. Tune into that countdown timer, and, all of a sudden, we want to book that trip to Iceland!” she urged everyone to be more active in living life to the fullest.
#4
Your 20s are about finding out who you are. Nothing is wasted.
I used to think time playing videogames was wasted…. But when I quit for a while I missed my friends, and I missed my instant stress outlet.
I used to think I wasted money…. But I had a hell of a good time.
I used to think I got a late start on my career from fumbling around…. But I got a new career at 35 that owed in part to my varied background, and I’ve been progressing through for over a decade.
In short, none is wasted. Live every day like it is an opportunity.
#5
No ambition. Lack of foresight. No goals.
I spent so much time stressing out about my future that I never actually lived in the present.
Bewarethere@gmail.com 8 months ago
I'm exactly the same way. I've never had career re: dreams. It was very depressing. And being bipolar as I watch my mental health decline rapid decline only makes things worse.Ive done all I can re: counseling meds, but I have an apartment 4 now a good tv and some food. I still consider myself lucky. I'm so sorry for bumming people out
#6
Too scared of my parents to stand up to them and live life how I want.
The reality is that it is impossible to live ‘perfectly’ (whatever that might mean to us personally). All of us mess up. No matter who we are and how talented we might be, sooner or later we all do something we regret. In fact, you could even argue that life is all about making mistakes and then learning from them. It’s a core part of learning and growth.
However, if we obsess about our imperfections and past mistakes, this can eat away at us, affecting our health, relationships, and careers. The healthy and mature thing is to embrace what’s happened and then make better decisions in the future.
#7
I did a PhD. The first time I made more than $30k in a year, I was 31 years old. F**k academia.
Kathleen McGann 8 months ago
If a high salary is your goal, academia is not the place for you. If your passion is research in your field, PhD is not a waste
#8
I always thought i was already too old. “Uh im 25, Im too old..”.
Candid Panda 8 months ago
I stressed about being a bit older than my college classmates until a mentor told me, 'you're going to be 25 either way. Either you'll have a college degree or you won't.' So glad I pursued it. Don't ever let age hold you back.
#9
I spent the entirety gripped by an eating disorder.
Obsessed with food, weight - in and out of hospital, harming organs, teeth, mental health.
Such a waste of a prime decade. Wish I could turn back time.
What feels like ‘wasting’ your 20s is a very subjective thing. Some folks might regret getting married ‘too young,’ while others absolutely love having started a family. Some young professionals wish that they’d have spent more time with family instead of overtime at the office. Meanwhile, others are proud that they had the discipline to become skilled in a path that they see as their calling.
What’s a regret for one individual might be a badge of honor for someone else. But the grass is greener on the other side. We tend to envy what others have, thinking that life would be easier if we had this or that. The fact of the matter is there’s no such thing as a problem-free life. Making one decision means that you let go of others. If you could relive your 20s, you might have very different regrets after the second time around.
#10
Depression is a b***h. I have vague memories of my childhood. I have good memories of the past couple of years.
I don't remember a thing of the years between 18-25. I just sat at home, played some games, eat, sleep and just.. existed without anything significant happening at all.
EDIT: Since alot of you are asking how I came out of it, I'd like to shamelessly copy + paste a comment I wrote earlier. So here's my advice:
Pick something you want to do, and go do it.
You're probably already at one of your lowest point in your life, it's not like it'll get much worse.
Want to learn the piano? Why not, atleast it'll be good distraction for a while.
Want to do sports? Sure! At worst, your physical condition will improve.
Want to travel? Grab a backpack and go somewhere.
Want to punch a shark in the face? Where the nearest ocean at?
Who knows, maybe by the end of your lil bucketlist, you'll learn to love life again. Or maybe not, but atleast you can tell people you've punched a shark, which is kinda cool ngl.
For me personally, I always wanted to learn cooking. Taught myself how to cook, then did some volunteering work cooking for elderly people. Opportunities came, and stuff happened, and right now I'm working full time as a chef, about to start school again to get my diplomas, and I'm doing great.
You never know what might happen along the way, but nothing will start if you don't do something, no matter how small it might be.
EDIT 2: It has come to my attention that punching sharks is a big no-no, and I profusely apologize. Dolphins, Barracuda's and Triggerfish are a-okay appearantly, so punch away!.
Tempest 8 months ago
Memory loss due to depression is so rarely spoken about. It’s one of the worst effects of depression. I’ve heard that after long term treatment some lost memory can recover but I’m not sure if this is proven to be true. I really hope so. I’ve been suffering from depression since I was 11/12 years old. Pretty much all my memories since then were lost to depression which includes all my teen years and early 20s. The memories from before are also vague cause I was too young to remember much from back then. So all in all it’s like my entire childhood is lost. I’m 24 now and just started on antidepressants a few weeks back. I really hope I’ll be able to recover some childhood memories as I heal.
#11
By getting fat and then getting so depressed by that that i effectively cut myself out of everyone’s lives cause i was too embarrassed to be seen by old flames, friends, or people who knew me a certain way.
do not recommend.
Jessica N 8 months ago
When I quit using heroin I gained 60 lbs in treatment and most of the weight stayed. I cut out the few good friends I had remaining bc I didn't want to go out being the fat girl of the group. Now I could care less, am more proud of successfully changing life than worried about carrying a few extra lbs. Extra weight doesn't define you. You are still the same awesome person inside.
#12
Drinking heavily. Heeeavily. Will never get those years back.
Thankfully, I realized while I couldn't go back and change the start, I could decide to change the ending. Ten years sober this month.
To anyone else struggling or in recovery. There is help. There are people who will help. The thing that dawned on me is that I was despairing for the future because I thought it would always suck. But my drinking was also making it suck. I decided I had no right blaming the world for a terrible future if I also contributed to make the future terrible. So I decided to do everything I could to make it good. And then when it still was terrible, THEN I could hate the world. Funnily enough... The future got better, and I didn't need to hate/blame the world OR myself.
There’s no definitive magical formula for living a good life. However, in our experience, there are a few key things we can do. First of all, you want to make sure that you have strong relationships with the people you care about. This can be your family, friends, coworkers, or anyone else who has a positive impact on how you feel.
Secondly, you want to ensure that you’re doing whatever you can to take care of your physical and mental health. That means staying away from harmful habits (smoking, drinking alcohol, overeating processed food, etc.) and embracing positive ones (exercise, healthy eating, socializing, engaging in pastimes you love, meditating, learning new things, etc.).
#13
Being scared of people and letting people take advantage of me. People would borrow what little money I had, with and without permission and never pay me back.
#14
Treating the love of my life all wrong because I thought I was all right.
#15
I pursued a career in a field that wasn’t right for me.
iseefractals 8 months ago
I was 11 years old when i discovered computer animation and CAD. I was hooked instantly, positive that i found my purpose in life and spent the next 8 years learning every piece of software i could get my hands on, building out a portfolio. When i came time to apply to schools, it occurred to me as i was looking at the $150,000 in tuition costs, that i didn't know anything about the jobs the degree would grant me. So...i found out, and discovered that every aspect of the jobs sucked. HARD. Terrible pay, worse hours, no job stability, would likely require relocating to high COL area's. Gave up the dream job, kept the hobby. Interest and passion are not enough, everyone needs to normalize looking before you leap. Saves a lot of pain.
With that foundation in mind, think about what you truly want out of life. Then, try to find the courage to take one small step toward your goals every single day. You can’t imagine how quickly you can make progress this way.
All that said, your 20s aren’t your entire life. It is perfectly possible to have an amazing life even if your youth didn’t turn out exactly as you wished it would.
#16
Suffering from severe clinical depression, I barely left my bedroom. The years feel intangible to me. I might as well have been in a coma.
#17
For me, it was too much ambition early on in life, and then by the time my 20s came around, I became very disillusioned. I felt like life was mundane, and nothing brought joy to me anymore, so I hardly did anything. Literally wasted a bunch of time doing nothing.
#18
Spent too much time watching tv/movies and hanging out with myself alone. Spent too much time and money on alcohol in my late 20s. Oh and watching way too much p**n.
What regrets do you have about your lives, dear Pandas? What advice would you give anyone who’s just entering their 20s? Would you want to relive your youth and do things differently if you stumbled across a time machine? Let us know in the comments.
#19
Far too much time spent on my career and not nearly enough on friends and family. Can't say it wasn't financially rewarding, but I'd give that all up for more time with friends and family who have since died.
iseefractals 8 months ago
That's easy to say when you're already reaping the financial benefits, but there's a huge number of people who spend their youth ping-ponging between "bffs 4eva!" only to realize that they're now in their 40's and haven't thought about, let alone talked to most of those "bffs" due in no small part to the fact that they're financially strained.
#20
Im 28 and I've done nothing. no trips, haven't seen any music live, mever go out. all i do is work and sleep. like today for example, all i did was work and now im going to sleep soon so i can do the same thing tomorrow. honestly i hate life. I've had a total of 6 days vacation since i turned 20. i got a zoo pass 2 years ago and that's the high light of my 20s so far.
Bewarethere@gmail.com 8 months ago
I'm so sorry honey. I have ur lived ur life decades. I'm bipolar it's extremely hard 2 make a friend and when I try 2 make friends they all seem 2 think there's wrong with me-which is true. I wish u well and please 🙏 don't turn out like me
#21
I think a lot of people need to see this:
Between 20-29 I did the following:
Met a girl, married said girl. Got the job I wanted my whole life. Bought a house. Got 3 cats and two dogs. Had 2 kids. Bought a new car then a new truxk. Moved with my job and bought a bigger house. and specialized in the area I wanted to. Went to the arctic. Traveled to parts of the world I wanted to. Climbed some mountains. Started learning a new language. Made friends, lost friends, seen friends get married.
And I still feel like I wasted my 20s. So don't have any regrets. The fact that you're alive at the age you are is awesome. Living life and experiencing joy is the point of life. Keep doing what you're doing. You're great.
KillerKiwi 8 months ago
Of course you can say don’t have any regrets you got everything you wanted and more
#22
Depression. Spent seven years of college in my dorm/ apartment reading books and taking naps.
#23
Stayed home, smoked weed, became lazy and fat, developed social anxiety.
Age 24, I had enough and went cold turkey. Got a factory job, breaking my back. Decided to lose weight. Ate healthy for 3 years. Left that factory job, went to college.
Today, I am in IT doing the best job in the world and getting paid for it. I'm more fit, no more anxiety and I can't stand the smell of weed. Life is what you make it. If you put in some effort and make changes, it will pay off. Just do it, don't say it. Don't think it.
Stay humble while doing so. Good things will flow your way.
Kate C 8 months ago
I think people are missing the indication that the social anxiety was something that developed because he isolated himself. He didn't isolate himself and smoke weed because he suffered from social anxiety. I am sure for many people it is the other way around, but for OP the anxiety faded when he reentered the world of the living.
#24
Got involved with a guy 10yrs older than me who was an abusive drunk who constantly cheated on me.
Didn’t pull my head out of my a*s until late 20’s and went to college.
Drank too much.
#25
Multiple disabilities.
Most of them went away when I found out at age 32 that I was iron deficient.
#26
Kids and marriage. Had my first at 19, second at 21, married at 20. I get to enjoy my 40s without kids, im only 5 years away from my first being 18, but 40s vs 20s.
Becca not Becky 8 months ago (edited)
I think I read a list on BP once where a lot of people said their life was awesome in their 40s
#27
Procrastinating. Anything that involved making some sort of appointment or phone call I always put off. Would generally try to devote time to doing errands all at once and putting things off instead of taking tasks on as they come. Keeping a calendar and making a check list is something I adopted in my 30’s and I wish I started earlier.
#28
Didn't really have a game plan for making a living, and waited too long to figure one out. Also was too caught up in my feelings to act on a lot of good dating options I didn't realize I had, which would have been fun.
Things worked out great anyways, but still.
#30
Mental Illness. Never wanted to go to the Dr due to past trauma and spent too much time unmedicated.
What do you think ?
Wysteria_Rose 8 months ago
I'm confused by all of the depression/anxiety/mental illness ones. That's like regretting catching a cold. You never chose to do that. Maybe it should be "I regret not seeking help sooner" or something that was within your realm of power, but in the pit of depression, it's so difficult to do anything.
TheCrazyBunnyLady 8 months ago
This! Anyone can get mental health issues, even if you're "living the dream".
Load More Replies...
Red Reilly 8 months ago
Partied my a*s off in the London gay scene, knew all the right people. Never paid to get in to clubs and bars. It. was. glorious.
Sergio Bicerra 8 months ago
As a 49 yo, my first advice is: save money in a separate account and don't touch it. No matter what. And don't talk about it. Doesn't matter if it's $1 a week, you have 45 more years until your retirement and that money will help you in ways you can't imagine. Not talking about vacations but your health would not be the same at that age and expenses will rise.
Wysteria_Rose 8 months ago
I'm confused by all of the depression/anxiety/mental illness ones. That's like regretting catching a cold. You never chose to do that. Maybe it should be "I regret not seeking help sooner" or something that was within your realm of power, but in the pit of depression, it's so difficult to do anything.
TheCrazyBunnyLady 8 months ago
This! Anyone can get mental health issues, even if you're "living the dream".
Load More Replies... Red Reilly 8 months ago
Partied my a*s off in the London gay scene, knew all the right people. Never paid to get in to clubs and bars. It. was. glorious.
Sergio Bicerra 8 months ago
As a 49 yo, my first advice is: save money in a separate account and don't touch it. No matter what. And don't talk about it. Doesn't matter if it's $1 a week, you have 45 more years until your retirement and that money will help you in ways you can't imagine. Not talking about vacations but your health would not be the same at that age and expenses will rise.
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