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When something good happens in your life, you want to share it with your friends, you confide in them when you are having a rough period in your life and you are there for their joys and troubles. Friends are necessary for people to be happy, but somehow we manage to call people our friends who don’t really care about us or hang around just because they know they can use us.

Somehow it is hard to tell when you’re the only one putting effort into the relationship and are not receiving anything for what you give. Every friendship is different, so you need to evaluate whether the friendship brings you more happiness or hurt to determine whether it is worth keeping in touch with that person.

Redditors shared their own stories of what happened between them and their friends that led them to realize their relationship wasn’t as strong as they thought. Even though it probably wasn’t easy, in the end, they certainly benefited from the breakup.

More info: Reddit | Reddit

#1

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When my father passed NONE of my friends showed up to the funeral. It was an hour and a half away so when they made up excuses not to come I said I understood (I didn't).

Surprisingly two of my neighbors that I barely know showed up. I'm friend with them now.

quebecesti , VirtKitty Report

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Emerald Ocean
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow… those friends were the worst kind. They couldn’t even be there for you in one of the lowest points of your life. RIP your father

75/Sunny
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes it's not about that. It may seem selfish but sometimes ppl don't want the casket/urn to be their last vision of that person. Sometimes ppl just can't deal with funerals

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SAF saf
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wtf....i'm sorry but is that really something you invite friends to? I thought this was only for family and friends of the deceased? I mean did they know your Dad at least....I personally wouldn't have gone either.

Chris Liu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well friends are supposed to support you, I would invite my friends

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HarriMissesScotland
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad's funeral was 2 hours from my home, but 2 friends came, as did a cousin who drove 6 hours. But the Spawn of Satan, my male sibling who I haven't seen since 1993, didn't come, nor did he allow us into my dad's house to get a suit for my dad. The police had to get involved, over the phone, because he lived out of state, and had a neighbor get a locksmith to change the locks. Think Jerry Spring and Cops. Small town, so everyone knew what was going on. I told the cops that if the scumbag showed up, which I knew he wouldn't, they might as well arrest me, because I would kill him. They believed me.

Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's so sad. Your "male sibling" is an a$$hole. I was not going to the cremation of my husband alone but neighbours turned up and we all went together. THAT is what made my mind up to stay here in France. I understood that that they were friends as well as neighbours. They still call and pop by to see how I'm doing. What a lovely surprise :)

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Chloe Dakin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe this is just my culture but I would never expect or even invite my friends to a funeral. Only friends of the deceased and family

Prabhjot Singh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe this is just my culture then....but we dont invite to funerals, ppl who consider themselves friends, family or relatives show up at funerals without invitations. Its marriages or parties we invite them for

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Two_rolling_black_eyes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1 1/2 drive is a full day off work for many people (90 minute drive *2, 90 minutes funeral and reception) and they do not have the resources for that unless it's an immediate family member. Saying I don't have the vacation time to request it off and I would need to ask it off last week but I'd like to meet you for dinner and celebrate your dad's life is an acceptable response to finding out about their loss.

Zophra
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was surprised who came to my Dad's funeral last year. Rekindled some old friendships. Only positive thing to come out of it.

Katie Andrews
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Death brings out the weird. It's common, alas, for some people to drop out, and others you'd never expect to step up. Major life transitions really show people's character.

kathy fitzpatrick
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Flip side of that, several neighbors/ friends from original home (early 60’s) & SIXTH GRADE came to BOTH parents, & BOTH siblings’ funerals! I burst into tears seeing them as we hadn’t kept in touch at ALL. I’m telling you, if you CAN go, you SHOULD, it means SOO much to your friend, current or former.

Dan Padgett
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Friends support friends. I would walk that distance if it meant me being there for my friends.

Bobby
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had this happen and couldn't make it because my choice was quit the job to get the day off. I did come over after just to hang out and be that shoulder if needed though.

Sue User
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My aunt and uncle had over 50 foster kids. One stayed friends and I consider him my cousin. He came to my fathers funeral and bawled like a baby. True family there.

Odette Boisvert
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yep well happened to me too... I cried a lot about this... it still is really fragile.

Sarah K
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Until you lose someone you don't understand how important it is that people show up to the funeral. It means so much, and you never forget it.

Sarah Pierce
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've lost many people. I have never asked someone to be my plus 1 to a funeral. Personally I'd be uncomfortable if friends who didn't know the deceased turned up to the funeral to support me. Funerals are to grieve with others who loved the person. Support me before when it's a shock or after when I'm alone and struggling.

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Levi Little
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see so many friendships ended because of a funeral... To be honest I can see it both ways, friends support each other, but sometimes you can't be there 24/7. And 1.5 hr drive is a lot more than people think. Some people can't get the day off work, some people just can't get a ride willing to go that far. If my dad dies, I wouldn't fault a friend for not showing up, I would fault his immediate family and friends for not showing, not my own friends.

Jesse Taylor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never invite friends to a funeral. A wedding, yes; a funeral, a hard pass.

Michelle Muirhead
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my dear father died, I reached out to my so-called best friend for support, all she could do was whinge about her father having his wisdom teeth removed! No longer friends.

Nat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

None of mine came to my father’s. Only 3 came to my baby sister’s after she was murdered. Same three to my fiancé’s. Amazing how you learn who you can count on by losing people.

Nat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Plenty of lame excuses from all my other “friends” though. Had a couple people offer to send flowers since they couldn’t make it. None did.

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🧶𝔹𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕂𝕟𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣🪡
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel for OP but TBH, not everyone has a vehicle or the money to Uber somewhere 1.5 hours away. Hell, I'm 34 and I still couldn't afford to buy a car for myself and I'm lucky to be able to drive my husband's car when I do. And even if they DO have a car, again, not everyone can afford to just take off work or call off plans to attend the funeral of a friend's father. Unless those friends were explicitly friends with or really cool with her dad, it's not something I would have even invited them to in the first place. Being poor can impact your ability to be available or have the ability to do a LOT of things and without further information here, I'm unwilling to immediately condemn the friends in this situation.

Brad Mathieu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who goes to their friends father's funeral? They aren't friends with the father.anf its an hour and a half away. Funerals are for family and friends of the deceased

Sarah Marie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

same happened to me. the best friend that (in hindsight) used me as a baby sitter every week, disguised it as hang outs. she would just sit in my couch or her bed on her phone, while i watched, fed and played with her kids. would say a few words to me and go back to her phone. i got tired of her behavior but loved her kids so i stuck around a while. after a few years of this my father passed away. she was one if the first people i texted, frantic, sad and delusional. if i had texted her regarding the kids or her she would respond instantly. took her 5 days to reply to me and alls she said was "so i guess you cant watch the kids this week". i was super heartbroken. only heard from her once in a massive group texts asking for money for her sons school. miss the kids, not her. im over it now friends come and go.

Brandie Litchfield
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's horrible! I've been in the position before, knowing that if you walk away and defend your boundaries that the children suffer. I hope you have better quality friends now! Those of us that are nice ppl tend to be taken advantage of, at this point I'm so standoffs when I meet someone new!

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Spittnimage
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I went to my friend's mother's funeral and she asked me what I was doing there. She said she didn't know people that weren't family came to other people's funerals.

Michael Sanders
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just apologize in advance you won’t be able to make it to their funerals

Seadog
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dads funeral (1996) was the last one we will have. We all agree they're just a waste of money. Anyone who cares and wants to come see us can either come see us at home or at the church for a celebration of life. If you won't come see us when we can enjoy your visit then why have an occasion for you to visit with our survivors?

Alex Foster
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Look, I feel for op but genuinely??? I don't invite friends to funerals usually, because they aren't someone who cares about the deceased, and at the funeral, I'm more worried about being with my living family members. (Case in point I lost my grandmother a couple years ago and my childhood friend showed up to the funeral and raised a stink when I wouldn't spend time with them past a hug to thank them for their support. I didn't care because my priority was my dad who lost his mom.)

Julie Sykes
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dealing with similar situation right now. My mom just passed away a couple days ago. I flew to Florida from Denver to see her before she died. I'm here in FL for a week in a hotel room all alone & the only person who will drive me around is charging me big bucks! But unfortunately he's actually cheaper than Uber because I have to go several places today, all on opposite sides of town. I've been dating him a year & a half. Needless to say, this will be the end once the funeral is over & I'm on my flight back to Denver.

Evelyn Zhang Shumin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

LOL My mother passed away few years ago. Informed the sushi restaurant where I was working, took a week of compassionate leave, even left a whatsapp message with the funeral details, and a map detailing where the funeral was, which was actually 2 small streets away. Nobody showed up, not even a flower wreath from the company. Needless to say, I left less than a year. Company even went as far as to cut my hours, reason being "business wasn't good". Last week of work where I offset with my annual leave and sick days, they had the gall to ask me to come back to work cos they couldn't find a replacement. Told them they shouldn't cut my hours in the first place or I wouldn't have considered leaving.

Channo Sagara
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Idk about this... Some people are just not into some stuff, and some are. For instance, my grandparents go to EVERY FUNERALS and WEDDINGS. Even people that they barely know or met only once in their life. Your neighbors might just be the same type of people like my grandparents. Me, on the other hand, couldn't care less about baby showers or engagement parties. My single mother died when i was very young and kid me had to arrange everything for her funeral so i hate funerals. But by god if my friend's car have a flat tire or ran out of gas even in the middle of nowhere, i will come running. Imma say don't prematurely judge friendship with attendance to events. Sure getting consoled is important, but they might be more helpful on providing other types of support.

Petros Vrasivanopoulos
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's ao sad, I has most of my friends come at my dad's funeral. Only a couple living abroad didn't come and I didn't tell them because they would have. I can't imagine going through that day without them. Hopefully, you have a big and loving family and that you have made some true friends since then

Champagne Paige
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That happened to me too. Of all the scores of people I know very well, only 2 showed up to my mom's funeral. There was even a Zoom chat where they could drop in with condolences that stayed silent all day. And it was 20-30 minutes from most of them. Absolutely broke my heart, because she was part of their lives too.

Breanne Stokes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still feel awful about this. But when my friend's Grandma passed, I was thr closest one that could go to the funeral in the friend group. I caught pneumonia the day before, and couldn't be there for her 😔

Debbie Tate
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My friends lived in the same town and didn't show up but the one who lived over 50 miles came and one who lived in Louisiana called every day and sent flowers.

Michelle Tremblay
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was so sad I wasnt even called by my bf to tell me her Mother passed away. She was there for me when I lost my brother.

Steve Graham
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife passed unexpectedly and only one person out of hundreds that I worked with in Hollywood showed up.

Bekka Bella
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry. True friends are always there. I'm glad your neighbors showed up. When my best friend's dad died I drove 14 hours to make it to be there for her at his funeral. These new friends will hopefully be good to you. Bless you in your time of grief.

Marilyn Russell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is sad and I’m sorry. My father-in-law just passed (he lived in my house and I took care of him, taking him to cancer treatments etc. the last year+) and some of my husband’s friends drove 5 hours to come to the ceremony yesterday. They would have also grown up with him.

Kira Maloy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When late Hubs passed, I invited who I thought were 2 of his best friends to the funeral luncheon. (No service, per his request.) They lived nearby. They never showed up. Haven't talked to them since.

lisa jefferson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When she did the sweep of 18 neighbors them was her friends not only that you had people from the White house making bad for us to going on the streets bad mouthing us

Full English
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I believe you might meet one maybe two real friends in your life and if and when you do hold on to them very tightly

Michele Brady
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

20 years ago my "friends" (who had known my Da for around 15 years) didn't travel 4 hours when he died - not one of them came to his funeral and yet, two months later, about 20 of them flew to Europe for a funeral of someone they had known for 2 years

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    #2

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends She was one of my best friends, I guess. She was a self-centered drunk, but had some good qualities. We were talking on the phone one day, and she rambled on and on about her stupid, lazy co-workers. Then I told her I was afraid I was starting to relapse (life-threatening illness I thought I was over). She sighed and said "....AND? What's that to ME?" She was bored and wanted to talk about herself. When I got off the phone I emailed her a "Dear Karen" letter, saying don't ever contact me again. She didn't, and I didn't either. And I wasn't relapsing after all, thank God.

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    Nikki Sevven
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've lost more friends who have just, without a word, dropped out of my life because they couldn't handle the fact that I'm disabled. While it sucks not having close friends, it's better than wasting time on people who don't care about you.

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    #3

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends I decided to throw a Super Bowl party a few years ago. I went out a bought a new grill and mounted a tv in the kitchen for people who wanted to hang out and snack while watching the game. Had tons of food and beer ready. 30 minutes before kickoff I got a text that the whole group decided to go to someone else’s house and that I should bring all my food and beer over there. Needles to say, I didn’t go, and I haven’t thrown a party at my house since.

    LordAtchley , Roger Mommaerts Report

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    Sweetpotato314
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow, that's so freaking rude! I hope OP dumped those friends and found some genuine ones.

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    #4

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends Was a cop wife for twenty years. When you divorce you not only lose your cop family, you evidently lose your best friend who is married to a cop. I learned a valuable lesson. Friendships built on a common thread last only as long as that thread remains. Heartbreaking.

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    mind yours
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this sucks of the "friend" and also don't marry a cop until after you google the rate of domestic violence in marriages to cops

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    #5

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends Tried to invite them to an event I go to every year. Day of I go by myself and find out weeks later they went as a group without me.

    naomiteabee , TLC Jonhson Report

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    #6

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends My wife and I had a small wedding. I didn’t invite a ton of people but I invited 15 or so friends. Besides my best man, only one showed up. What’s worse is that all these people said they were coming. I no longer put effort towards those friendships.

    EDIT: I’ve struggled with social anxiety my whole life. These “friends” were all people I met at work. I work at a big company and this was the first time I actually had friends. I wouldn’t call any of them super close but I thought they were at least close enough to come to my wedding as they always talked about coming and would comment saying that I better invite them. I worked on several different teams then and most of them didn’t know each other. I don’t think it was intentional. I just think I misinterpreted what true friends are. I was more of a casual friend to them than they were to me. I did wonder if I did something wrong and it made me feel pretty awful for a while, but as someone who didn’t have experience with friendships I think I just invited people who didn’t really value me as much as I value them.

    I hope that makes sense. I definitely looked back at my behavior, and like I said, I wondered for the longest time if I had did something wrong, if it was my fault.

    Smoky6593 , Robert Kintner Report

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    Zophra
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have made this mistake of thinking a "work friend" is a closer friend then I am to them. Painful and a bit humiliating.

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    #7

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends An easy answer for me.

    One year I had a sleepover party with a bunch of childhood friends from the neighborhood as a teen. It was really fun and I invited 15 or so kids, had to convince my parents and spent a ton of money to make it perfect for everyone. We went swimming in the pool, played dodgeball, kickball, had tons of food, had a nerf gun war, played pool, played video games, and watched movies. It was a blast and everyone was clearly enjoying themselves.

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    They got bored during the movie and asked if we could all go to the clubhouse (I lived in a gated community with a public clubhouse at the time) to meet up some girls in the middle of the night. I said that my parents would never let it happen and that I didn't want to get caught, so I told them we couldn't go. After that, about 5 of them left at like 2-3 am to go without me. They said they'd be "right back" and that "one of them needed their medicine so they went to get it." Within the hour, everyone was gone except me.

    I was crushed, and too embarrassed to tell my parents, so I finally put on the movie *I* wanted to watch before going to sleep. In the morning my parents were furious because over a dozen kids that they had promised their parents would be at their house had disappeared without a traced. Sad and tired me had to call all of them to figure out where they were and let all of their parents know that they didn't spend the night. Even though my parents made me do it, a lot of them got mad at me for that. The worst part by far was figuring out that they had all went to a different kid's house to spend the night after leaving mine.

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    #8

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends I opened up to him about my mental health issues, and after a day or two he messaged me saying he couldn't have that kind of negativity in his life. This was literally the first and only time I told anyone about it.

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    Raven DeathShade
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I told a dude (over text) that I had severe mental health issues that can really affect my friendships. He thanked me for letting him know and told me that it's okay. That's how a good person reacts. Not all this nonsense.

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    #9

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends He was physically and psychologically abusing to me for years. It took a long time for me to see that even though he was “joking” it was just flat out abuse.

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    #10

    Best friend of nearly 10 years expected me to travel halfway across the world and take a month off from work to stay with her (and her boyfriend) so that we could go to Oktoberfest and maybe do other things. However, when the time came, she refused to make any concrete plans, but still insisted that I apply for a visa and book my tickets anyway. Note that at this stage she hadn’t even confirmed the dates and had not spoken to her boyfriend about the possibility of my staying there for a month. She never initiated the conversation and very rarely answered my texts/calls. At some point I called her out on it, demanded that she show some interest on her part considering how I would be making a significant financial investment if I had decided to go through with the plan. She told me she was busy and that she would call me back. She never did.

    One day I simply had enough, blocked her on all social media and haven’t talked to her since. All relationships require effort. If people care, they will show you they care.

    cheesecakeandchill Report

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    Wendy Wiseman
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like me traveling across the Atlantic to spend my birthday with my so-called BFF, and she ditched me to baby sit her kid & the kids friend and her bosses dogs to hang out with her new boyfriend and also wouldn't return my calls or texts on when she was returning but could check into FB in some bar or other.

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    #11

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When I was hanging out with my real friends and felt at ease and calm with them.

    Made me realize that my other friends gave me anxiety.

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    #12

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends My husband and I went on vacation with her and her husband. My husband and I did some gambling and won a decent amount of money. They did not gamble at all. When we got back I found out they had told everyone how much of a b***h I was because I had not offered to pay for their half of the vacation with my gambling winnings. When I confronted her she did not deny it. I didn’t want to be friends with someone that thought money played into our friendship or that talked like that behind my back.

    amelia_egghart217 , Lisa Brewster Report

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    KB
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A cousin of mine is quite lucky with his online bets and that. When he gets very lucky, he always gives my mum a few pound from his winnings. Kind of like a "share the wealth" or a "good lucks penny." He would give a few very close family members a little share, nothing major though. I know a few people who do that, only a few though! But thats about it lol nothing extravagant lol i personally would never expect a penny from someone else's winnings. Thats theirs and happy days for them i say 😁

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    #13

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends Not me, but the kid who vandalized my house and car.

    After someone threw eggs and rocks at my house, and finished with a rock through my windshield, I left the car parked next to the street with a big poster on it with "Reward for information" on it.

    Within hours the kid's friends turned him in for $10 each.

    mference123 , Peretz Partensky Report

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    #14

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends They don't contact me at all unless I go out of my way to contact them first. They find any reason to not hang out. They claim we're good friends but it just feels like they just want to be able to say that I'm a friend without doing anything to *be* a friend

    Nick31415926 , Hollywata Report

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    Strawberry Pizza
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this isn't about the text post but what exactly does that photo have to do with this lol

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    #15

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When I realized that everything I did for them, they totally took for granted and advantage of most of the time. Like going out to eat I would usually pay because I used to make more then her but when she got a better job she still expected me to pay all the time. Nope

    HonuCentric , Sebastiaan ter Burg Report

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    Alexia
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had such a "friend". I offered her all the emotional support when her fiance dumped her. She literally used to cry in my arms. I patiently listened to all her complaints and venting about her ex. I joined her in vacations so that she wouldn't feel alone and miserable. 2 years after, she finds someone else and gets married. I happened to go through a difficult period then (I was hospitalized), but she didn't care to give me a call. I really needed to talk to someone but she was not interested and even snapped at me a few times. One night we both went out to a restaurant. The waiter casually asked her about me: "Is she your best friend?" to which she calmly replied "No, she's not my friend." I was dumbfounded. She later explained to me that I shouldn't be upset about what she said to the waiter, because she never had any real friends. To this day, she is still wondering "I don't have any friends, nobody wants to be my friend, I wonder why". :))))

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    #16

    She sided with her boyfriend when I told her he had made jokes about sexual assault which made me uncomfortable, eventually accused me of lying even though she was there when he made them

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    #17

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends I used to go out for dinner with some college friends.

    Unlike me, they'd order multiple "call" drinks and *the most expensive* things on the menu.

    Then, when the huge bill arrived, they'd say, "Let's just keep it simple and divide it equally." The guys knew I was paying double or triple what I should have, but that didn't seem to bother them.

    Back2Bach , Randy Greve Report

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    James G. Currie
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Instant reply..."how about we keep it fair, and each pay for their own?" Or, when they inform the server of this, let him or her know that I will be paying for *my* meal and drinks only.

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    #18

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends when i decided not to be the friend who always organised things and started conversations. i get no contact on the weekends and during the week, i noticed that if i kept quiet in a conversation, they wouldn't even notice i was there

    s0fia_4 , 1Day Review Report

    #19

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends With friends on a trip to Japan, drinking one night in Roppongi district. I'm trying to taper off, Karen (no, really, it was her name) keeps putting drinks in front of me, paying the bartender for weird shots for me, but not for anyone else in the group. She's saying really catty s**t, but laughing like it's all good fun, we're pals. She starts saying some pointed stuff that makes me think she's been holding on to some really ugly resentment for awhile. After I'm good and sloshed, she pushes me over to my partner and tells him to grab a taxi and take me back. On the way back to the hotel I look at my partner and say, "I didn't realize until now that Karen hates me." He replied, "She sure seems to." Neither the trip nor the friendship was the same after that night, and I had the worse hangover of my entire life, passed out on the floor of a Tokyo hotel bathroom.

    Flahdagal , Martyn Smith Report

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    #20

    We lived together during our early university years. I was not in a good place when we became friends. A couple years later, I picked myself up, got into really good shape, was accepted into the degree program I wanted and found an extremely awesome job. She said she couldn’t continue being friends with me because I didn’t need her. If you don’t grow together, you grow apart. Years later we were still Facebook “friends”. She deleted me when I got engaged. I noticed and asked her why, she said she didn’t care anymore about anything in my life.

    It took me a long time to get over that last part. No one needs that in their life.

    Nursewholovedyou Report

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    Hphizzle
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think that they were jealous. Even people I don’t really care about get engaged or lose a ton of weight, I think “yay for them”. To actively block people takes effort, meaning there is usually some deeper emotions at play.

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    #21

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends He ghosted me because he got a girlfriend. I knew it was going to happen, even said so when it happened, but he assured me he wouldn't disappear.

    It's two months and counting since he last texted me.

    charenton_ , Wyatt Fisher Report

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    Ansi
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is such a typical thing and I hate it! Why? Well, when I found my boyfriend I worked hard on keeping my 18 month friendship going. We did almost everything in three and made sure that she wouldn't feel excluded and/or forgotten. Two weeks in she got a boyfriend of her own and then I didn't hear from her again unless we bumped into her randomly. (Still have my boyfriend/husband though)

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    #22

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When they put rocks in my shoes and threw them in the quarry.

    dlowwonders , Magnus Hagdorn Report

    #23

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends He got busy with his own life and I got busy with mine, and as much as I tried to keep in touch, he never did the same. I hear from him once in a blue moon, but whenever I try to make plans, he dodges me. I just finally came to the realization that a friendship isn't worth my time if I'm putting in all the effort and getting absolutely nothing back. It's sad, this is a guy I spent most of my young and teenage years with, practically lived at his house. We spent every waking minute together and had so many awesome times. I guess life just had different paths for us both. I don't begrudge him for anything, I don't think he has intentionally cut me out, I think he's just caught up in his own journey. Maybe one day life will bring us back to the same place and we will spend time together again, but maybe not.

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    #24

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends Our group of around 6 was all out playing basketball except I only found out when I went outside to do errands cuz of how bored I was at home. Not only that but I also heard they came near my place to use our internet to message our other friend to come play with them. That really f****d with me and I never felt the same around them.

    I________________ , Chilli Head Report

    #25

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends We were friends for almost 10 years. Every once in a while, we'd have small arguments, but always come around and told each other everything.

    Over a year ago, we went to a party. I didn't drink, but he did. He got extremely moody, wouldn't talk to me and kept disappearing to a room to be alone. Kept brushing me off every time I asked if he was okay. He left the party early without telling me, and I sent him a pissed off text because we had agreed earlier to cab home together.

    The next day I call and text. No answer. A week passes. More texts, still no answer. I go to his house. His roommate says he won't speak to me. He deletes and blocks me on all social media. I call and text him more, saying I'm sorry for whatever it is I must have done, still no answer. I message his friends, asking what I could have done and they have no idea, all he's saying is he doesn't want to see me.

    At one point I fell into a depression. Am I such an uncaring person that I couldn't even know that I did something wrong? Or was our friendship even that great if he was willing to drop me so suddenly without explanation or goodbye? It's a weird, scary thought when someone who knows more about you than anyone refuses to even speak to you ever again.

    It's been over a year and still no word. I went to a party the other day that I heard he'd be at. The host told me that as soon as he heard I was coming, he decided not to come. It's probably one of the biggest heartbreaks of my life.

    surejan94 , Eli Duke Report

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    Samantha
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My thought is that it's guilt. The former friend did something that he feels guilty about (kissed OP's girl, trash-talked him, maybe even found himself attracted to OP) and can't handle it. Or someone lied about OP to the friend.

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    #26

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When I was the constant butt of their jokes, and they were thinly veiled insults that they gaslighted me into thinking I made up or that they were actual jokes made out of love.

    fatbabyotters_ , Tim Dorr Report

    #27

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends I was in a friends group of 11. Really close, hung out alot. Oddly enough, everyone coupled up. I was the only non-couple from the group (my gf wasn't from the pack). Eventually I found out that they met up very often without inviting me and I was just phased out. We had a WhatsApp group but it was quite underutilised.

    In the end, I just left the group.

    tpoit778 , Blondinrikard Fröberg Report

    #28

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends It slowly fell apart. She moved to live with her partner and we slowly stopped talking as often until rarely talking at all.

    I knew I was done when she asked me to help find someone to film her wedding-that I was not invited to.

    But she's happy with how her life is and who am I to judge for that?

    MaineSoxGuy93 , Katsu Nojiri Report

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    HarriMissesScotland
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She hurt you. Even though I don't know you, there is pain in your last sentence. I'm sorry.

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    #29

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends They never paid me back the concert tickets I bought for them

    nocturnalfetish , Bethany Khan Report

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    SAF saf
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    lol....yep, these are usually you cheap friends. What they don't realize is that they've essential burned their credit with you.

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    #30

    He decided to join a skinhead group in high school.

    [deleted] Report

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    #31

    She told me the friendship no longer held value to her and she always viewed it as shallow. Which I found rather ironic considering I was the one that she called when she had suicidal thoughts, she lived with my family after her dad beat her, we Skyped every week for years when I moved away, traveled together, were best friends for almost a decade, created countless memories together, and I told her every secret I had during that time. But apparently it wasn’t the same for her.

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    #32

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends None of the people I used to hang out with and see on a regular basis reach out to me after I moved away. The ones that do are all former co-workers. I guess I should have hung out with the people at work more than the people I thought were my friends.

    anon , robertsharp Report

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    Peaches GreFra
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're not alone. I lost 50% of my friends when I left home and started my 3.5 year long world journey. You'd think they would've left over time but they did leave in the first 3 months (!) disappointment is an understatement

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    #33

    He wanted everything to be about him and hated when anyone else got attention. He was super agressive and would yell at people for nothing. He was addicted to sports drinks and was always super hyper which only made him or agressive. One time he came over and bullied my brother and punched a wall in anger when I told him to stop. That's where I drew the line and cut him off.

    He lost a lot of his friends over the years and last I checked he managed a grocery store. Hope you cleaned up your act, Kyle.

    fzkhn Report

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    #34

    She was a psycho. Super controlling and never wanted me to hang out with my other friends.

    Also never got out of her weird vampire obsession phase. Remember when we were 14 and I said something she didn't like so she bared her teeth at me and hissed. That's when I thought "okay well, this pity party is over."

    ALovelyComplex Report

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    deanna woods
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is probably still in that vampire phase. Only now she probably sleeps in a coffin.

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    #35

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When you find out that people make plans regularly without you.

    Most of my friends live a bit of a way away, so sometimes, those who live close together (or with each other) do stuff without me, which is fine, but we also do stuff together on a fairly regular basis. I've had friends who have just not bothered with the second part.

    anon , [●] wim goedhart Report

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    Griff
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I get that. I frequently travel to Florida for family. One time, I was really trying to get my friends together so we could hang out and I could get some relaxation before I left (sleeping on a couch for a few weeks, being a night owl and everyone else being an early morning riser and having to deal with a one year old really makes life suck). As soon as I left (and I mean AS SOON as I left, like two days) my two friends decided to hang out together... And post pics of them hanging out without me in the group chat (it was literally just the three of us in the chat...) And basically kinda gloat about how much fun they're having. The reasoning for them not wanting to hang out when I was in town was that they were "too busy"

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    #36

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When I was young, it was because my best friend grew out of playing with dolls before I did. All she wanted to do was wear make up, and so she got new friends who all wore make up.

    It's been twenty years since I saw her last, but I'll never forget that. Young me was heartbroken.

    [deleted] , Jenn Durfey Report

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    deanna woods
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You are never too old to play with dolls and she is the one that lost out.

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    #37

    30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends I was planning my birthday party last year and when people showed up early and saw me working, nobody offered to help with anything.

    anon , rabble Report

    #38

    He broke off the friendship w me because he married a girl I slept with in the past. (I introduced them)

    albinorhino63 Report

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    Adagar
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    TBH I think it's a bit weird to introduce your friend to someone you've slept with already as a potential dating partner...

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