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After Jamina Bone gave birth to her second child, she was hit with strong postpartum depression, also known as PPD.
"It went from a very educational approach where I was constantly looking up the 'best' way to handle every aspect to being unable to move," Bone told Bored Panda. "I used to plan activities, limit screen time, and make every opportunity a learning moment. I was a Special Educator before having kids so this was everything I wanted and felt equipped to do it all. When PPD hit, it was like wading through mud or even quicksand and still being expected to do all the things."
She felt broken, unworthy of being a mom for her perfect little beings, and selfish for wanting to get away. "I kept the negative thoughts in my head and often imagined terrifying things from hurting myself to the death of my baby. Being isolated the first several months and lack of sleep were definite factors that played into depression but also not dealing with the sudden death of my mother in law to cancer when I was pregnant. I didn’t realize these were risk factors." The woman didn't realize she was depressed. She just thought she was failing.
Over time, however, Bone has managed to get out of the rut. Now, the mom-of-two is encouraging "imPERFECT moms" to ditch social norms and embrace their true badass selves. One of the ways she's doing it is illustrating everyday situations. Through her pictures, Bone reminds people that a woman can have doubts and still be a good mom. She can feel disappointed and still be a good mom. Most importantly, she can be herself, forget the pseudoperfect happy-go-lucky mentality and still be a good mom.
More info: mommingwithtruth.com | Instagram
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#1
the Kat who says ni 5 years ago
My daughter will turn 1 year old this Saturday. We still co sleep and I still nurse her to sleep... I rather wonder if I am still a good mama. Since this is not the social accepted way. (And to let your child cry itself to sleep apparently is...) I'm very torn at this and doubt myself all the time. Although our approach feels very natural to me.
Just another bot 5 years ago
Sweetheart, do NOT doubt yourself! You love your child and are caring for her, you are doing an awesome job. She is past the age of high risk for SIDS. If she is happy and healthy, you are a great mum and the best in the world for her. Do not feel guilty because of what other people do or say to you, if it feels right to you and your child is thriving, you're ok. You will figure it all out eventually, she will grow quicker than you think. Much love to you both!
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the Kat who says ni 5 years ago
Your reply warms my heart... you are not just another bot to me :) loads of love!
Vicky Zar 5 years ago
Yes she is. If she is trying to "teach" her child to sleep, that she is doing something wrong. But she is still a good Mom.
"We moms are bombarded with the 'proper' ways to parent from Google to Pinterest and perfection-blasted on social media," Bone said. "We share baby milestones with our friends and loved ones, but forget to discuss the difficulties of parenthood. Well, let's be real, motherhood. The mother is expected to give 100% of her body, most of her time, and the majority of her mental energy planning for the what-ifs and all the needs. Community is lost, support is seen as weakness, and if you're depressed, you're seen as ungrateful and selfish."
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#2
Sarah Blanche Brinsfield 5 years ago
I have abandoned the list altogether! It was hard at first, but considering I always lost my lists, the transition went smoother then one might think.
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
It can often feel like there just isn’t enough hours in the day.
Bone thinks we are a society that lifts the 'selfless' behavior of mothers up on pedestals while condemning the ones who are crying for help. We don't realize that we confuse selfless with self-hate or self-contempt. "My mother was selfless, but I would also say she hated her body, felt unlovable, and rattled with guilt for not seeing abuses that happened to her children," Bone explained. "She used so many opportunities to punish herself from not dating, not taking care of her body, to even shaming herself in front of us."
#3
Charlotte Sandoval 5 years ago
This one needs to be higher. Taking meds is so stigmatized for no reason. Take care of yourself and you take care of your kids.
Anna Repp 5 years ago
I was refusing to take meds for my chronic depression for years because I "didn't want to be dependent on a happy pill." After I learned and understood the depression and the medications more I started taking the meds and I'm a much better mom now. A lot of this stigmatization comes from a lack of knowledge, unfortunately :(
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Isabella R.W. 5 years ago
Wait, people discriminate moms who need meds??? My mom's amazing. And she has to take meds because she has a lot of bad diseases.
So, like most adults with children of their own, Bone finds herself trying to correct the wrongs. "Many of us built our adult foundation upon trauma without realizing the need for internal healing. Weirdly enough, depression was my unwanted 'gift' that forced me and my family to sort through every aspect in our lives that wasn't working in our favor. We set boundaries, went to therapy, talked to our doctors, and closed the door on every external expectation for our family."
#4
Charl Marx 5 years ago
Or wants to breastfeed. Knowing how bad my chronic anxiety disorder can get, I chose not to breastfeed. I had a horrific birth, so came home, slept it off whilst my husband did the night feeds for the first 2 weeks, then we took turns from then on. I'm so glad I made this decision, I dread to think of the consequences of my mental health if I'd have pressurised myself to breastfeed. Fed is best!
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Phunny Philosopher 5 years ago
I felt deeply ashamed and very anxious when my first baby could not get the hang of it. I kept trying, trying everything. Well- meaning people told me to keep trying but that just made me feel worse. What was wrong with me? We finally gave in to bottles. Nine months later, we found out she had Cerebral Palsy. There was a reason. I had spent so much time feeling guilty.
Erica Kendrick 5 years ago
Doesn't have to be a reason, though. Saw many experts, my son literally could not get the hang of it, doesn't seem to be any explanation why
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Isle_of_stressed_pilots 5 years ago
When my grandmother had a child, the nurses would get mad at the new mothers if they breastfed. If you continued to do it, the nurses would purposefully take the baby away and formula feed it until it was full, then give it back to you so it wouldn't drink breast milk, and the new mothers milk would dry out. My grandmother found a way to breastfeed my aunt and sister tho <3. My point is, no one should EVER have a say in what you do with your own kid, except you.
Ms Phit 5 years ago
Yes, I too had a traumatic experience with childbirth and a kid who just didn't "get" nursing...born healthy after a scary emergency c section under general anesthesia , he then decided that he was an air child...by that, I mean he just wouldn't eat! It took countless sessions with the lac. Nurse and hours of feeling like a cow hooked up to the pump, but at about 3 weeks he learned to nurse...and then didn't want to take Anything Else until 6 months when we introduced "solids".
Ms Phit 5 years ago
Shoot I didn't want to post yet. Anyhow, my takeaway from the whole experience was that expectant mothers are often told a bunch of BS about how "easy and natural" breastfeeding will be. It's a load of shiz, and it needs to stop! Moms and babies are all individuals, and they need support, not criticism_ particularly in those rough few first weeks of life.
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The down-to-earth mom describes her parenting as 'good enough' and says she is still a work in progress. "I am healing myself and trying to break the cycles of abuse and neglect my husband and I collectively had in our childhoods. I zone in on my own set of values of what I am good at. My kids feel safe and held and seen and heard, and as long as I am moving forward in my own parenting journey, I am good enough," Bone explained, adding that she and her husband communicate more now than ever which also helps share the burdens and joys of parenting.
#5
XianJaguar 5 years ago
Yelling at your kid is not always bad! Good parents yell at kids to discipline them. Not everyone is as calm as a cucumber. Good mom!
b l a n c 5 years ago
@XianJaguar, i agree but 'back when you were a kid' isn't an excuse. many parents are verbally abusive, and in some cases it's justified but i still don't think you should EVER yell at your kids. it makes them upset and feel horrible, and it's not a good mentality for growing minds. if it's something small like breaking a plate, they'll most likely not know how to deal with your anger and instead lash out with their OWN anger. i suggest just telling them not to do it again, and if they do, be more disciplined. explain to them why they shouldn't do that, but if it's an accident you should never be upset. kids make mistakes and that's part of growing up. :)) just my opinion, but i think everyone should have it too
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Hooman 5 years ago
Hold up; calling your child names like "stupid" and disciplining them; are two VERY different things. No where in this comic does it depict that this mom is calling her child names. And just because you reprimand your child, does not mean you are emotionally effecting your child to the point that they will have PTSD. Like everything in life it's about balance. If you reprimand your child, give context as to why; explain why it is wrong and move on. And if you lose it once in a while as a mum, you're only human. Just try your best.
TheHolyFatherOfToast 5 years ago
I mean my dad calls me an idiot some times but only when i do something idiotic. and we kinda understand that if i get called idiotic im not going to flip out and kill my self. so as long as your child UNDERSTANDS that what they did is idiotic or stupid, then go ahead.
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lunar eclipse 5 years ago
Scolding kids isn’t bad. Spoiling someone isn’t the only way to show you love them
Jamina Bone 5 years ago
Mom rage is not something people like to talk about. When needs are not being met, it speaks though triggers. The key is knowing that change needs to happen and moving forward in order to find healing. 💕
Carmen Elena 5 years ago
This happened to aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of us. We yelled at them and then we feel like crap for yelling...
Bone said that one of the most important steps towards overcoming the overwhelming feeling of guilt is celebrating your victories. "I developed a simple online quiz to help mamas find what they are good at. This quiz leads you to know the values that are most important to you so you can learn to turn off the feeling of guilt when you see a Karen posting her gluten-free, no-sugar-added snacks with her home-cooked meals cut out in cute shapes that her kids never complain about after having organized homeschool activities, teaching writing to her 1-year-old because it's never too soon to learn writing." Knowing that Karen has different strengths and values than you is key.
#6
Lazy Suzy 5 years ago
I find bath time really hard, I think it's cos it's so close to the end of all the kid duties and I'm knackered by that point of the day.
Cindi Hinch 5 years ago
Yes and mine splash a lot of water - and hate shampoo, and then fight getting out.
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"I'm also creating a mental health makeover for exhausted mamas coming out soon! I am really proud of this one and even received input from a psychologist specializing in maternal mental health to be sure I was helping and not hindering growth. To sit in the lies fake mom guilt leads us to believe, we often become friends with those voices and we don't know who we are without them. We begin to believe the lies over the truth and over time we forget who we are or who we are becoming. Knowing where to start in order to move past these limited beliefs can be debilitating." This makeover, called "Enough" essentially takes mamas through 5 weeks of progress and habit building based around healthier thoughts, taking control of triggers, and finding a balance that is doable.
#7
Sarah Blanche Brinsfield 5 years ago
Laundry can wait but babies grow up and need our cuddles now. I wish (for a day) that my bigs were little and that they would seek me out like they once did.
Bambi 5 years ago
Wow! Your last statement brought a tear to my eye. Someone said I'll miss those days. It's a scary thought not being needed.
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Linda McClay 5 years ago
Buy 2 weeks of under garments for everyone in the family. Do laundry when you can.
#8
Tricia Flynn 5 years ago
I was 6weeks now 37 taller than me heart problem at birth too
Load More Replies... Just another bot 5 years ago (edited)
I didn't have a preemie, but this pic reminds me of one thing I didn't like after becoming a mum, it was that some people suddenly feelt the need to give me unwanted advice, or ask questions about my personal life or parenting, feeling entitled to an opinion or to criticise. This includes strangers or mere acquaintances. Some who didn't act like this previously. I enjoy conversation and socialising as much as anyone, but it bothered me that being a new mother attracted this kind of patronising behaviour from some people.
Richard Brown 5 years ago
My mom had a short phrase for people who bombarded new mums with those questions: "F**K OFF!"
#9
Jill Nickerson-Schulz 5 years ago
As long as your baby is fed you did great. I hate the pressure we put on mom's regarding breastfeeding.
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Levity Camilleri 5 years ago
Honestly, it's one of the best things you can do to give yourself a break. 100% still a good mym and 100% a good person to yourself too.
JessG 5 years ago
So, I get it. This is saying "Dads can be good moms too", but, can't we just say "Dads are good parents too" ?
Sarah Blanche Brinsfield 5 years ago
I think this is saying that even when mom feels unable to do it and needs a break, she is still a good mom. We all need breaks and it's okay to allow someone else to step-in.
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XianJaguar 5 years ago
Hey, this is REALITY. This is what we had for most of the summer. It has nothing to do with being a bad parent. In fact, frugal parents are usually quite GOOD parents!!
ruthenium the ruther 5 years ago
I love how the imperfections of the body are drawn in this. Cartoons usually don't have any.
b l a n c 5 years ago
you mean how they actually look like human beings? yes, i 100% agree. i think especially when drawing moms w young kids it's important to show the imperfections (if they're even that because it's a NORMAL thing to have stretch marks/belly fat after birthing a baby) that moms have after delivering children. more comics should symbolize this :))
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Suebee70 5 years ago
I love this. I didn't realize as a child that my parents were struggling to keep all of us clothed and fed. When my friends went to Disneyland, Sea World, Cedar Point, etc for vacations, we piled into the car and went "up north" (to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan) to visit my grandparents. We swam in Lake Superior, looked for pretty rocks to take home, hiked in the woods, camped on the lakeshore in our little 1960s fold-down canvas-topped camper (all 6 of us) , explored my grandparents' huge yard (complete with creek to sail stick & leaf "boats" in) and simply just enjoyed life. We never, ever took an organized, formal "vacation" to a resort, theme park or anywhere outside our home state. But it was perfect.
*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 5 years ago
bruh lmfao I am not driving your a*s 1 hour to the beach just for you to fight me about sunscreen and floaties and $10 hotdogs that are the definition of scrawny
Sarah Blanche Brinsfield 5 years ago
Covid has made a lot of us be creative with our stay-cations!
Kim Hessel 5 years ago
I have never in my life met someone so entitled that when their parents pulled out a backyard pool they got pissy cause it wasn't a beach.
#11
LittleMissLotus 5 years ago
The trolls on this post need to chill. It's not like this person is saying you should feed your kid nothing but fast food, and one hamburger isn't going to kill them...
Alexis Schmidt 5 years ago
Exactly! Everything is good in moderation and it's not like that's literally the only thing that the kid's eating. Just chill, y'all. It's totally okay to eat fast food occasionally and it's also okay to not eat it ever. You do you and mind your own business. It's not like the kid's getting assaulted by a cheeseburger...
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Demongrrrrl 5 years ago
My mom was a single mother raising 2 kids and working long hours. When she had a big project that would require even longer hours, she would declare it "junk food week." Five nights of fast food. We enjoyed it, but knew that it was limited to one week and that regular meals would resume.
𝓴𝓪𝔀𝓪𝓲𝓲_𝓐𝓾𝓭𝓻𝓮𝔂 💖 5 years ago
It´s OK to treat your kids to something that isn´t junk food once in a while! Some people need to chill. What are you going to do? make your kids go on a keto diet?
Alexis Schmidt 5 years ago
It's obviously not for every meal and a concept called "moderation" exists. No one is perfect.
Load More Replies... Alexis Schmidt 5 years ago
What happened to respecting other's choices, especially when they don't have any effect on you? The illustration obviously isn't advocating for fast food at every single meal. It's fine to have fast food occasionally.
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#13
Jamina Bone 5 years ago
Everything can change after having a child. Often mamas begin to hate their body. Learning to love the imPERFECTIONS and heal is important. You are not a bad mom if you don’t lose the weight, nor are you a bad mom for loving your body around your child.
Patrick Vincent 5 years ago
I would say "still a good Mom" with tattoos, and possibly others seeing issues with body image...neither true, still a good Mom....
Well, I Tried 5 years ago
The mother in this image is shown with tattoos and people often associate that with well people who aren't fit to be parents. Obviously this stereotype is often not true.
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Just another bot 5 years ago
I can interpret this one in two ways, she is either enjoying some me time away from the kids or she has maybe put on a bit of baby weight and still feels good in her own body. Anyway, that's a happy mamma :)
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#14
b l a n c 5 years ago
i feel like this is obvious, moms (especially single ones) have to work to support their kids & families and themselves, and if their kid isn't old enough for school, childcare is a great place to put them where they can meet other kids and sort of get prepared for social activities with other kids for when they DO go to school. and even if moms aren't single, sometimes both parents work
#15
XianJaguar 5 years ago
I'm kinda shocked at half of these comics. Why in the world would anyone consider a mom "not good" for not indulging their kid in every little thing they want? Of COURSE you are a still a good mom if you tell your kid "no" to going to the playground! Kids need to learn that they do not automatically get everything they scream for.
Jamina Bone 5 years ago
This drawing was about the anxiety of your kid getting hurt or sick. This particular drawing was for a friend who’s child was abused and she feared for her child’s safety constantly.
Leesa DeAndrea 5 years ago
Telling kids no prepares them for the real world that doesn't give a hoot about what they want or even need.
#16
Jamina Bone 5 years ago
No. Just a little color but I can see why it would be interpreted that way.
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Tiger Pearl 5 years ago
This is one of the things I wrestle with. I grew up with lots of animals and pets, but do not have one now. My kids want one so bad, and I know that having a pet brings so much good. But Im so busy and am already weighed down with so many responsibilities. I can’t take on another one. I love animals, which is why I am not getting a pet. They deserve more then what my family can give right now.
Jamina Bone 5 years ago
This is a chapter of your story. They deserve a happy healthy family even if this means no pets for now. You’re doing great!!
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XianJaguar 5 years ago
These were my parents whenever I asked for a pet. You do not have to give your kid every thing they beg for.
Carmen Elena 5 years ago
This is me rn... We already have a little dog, but there´s no room for another pet.
#18
miten sasmita 5 years ago
THIS. Mom stays awake all night when baby is sick, nobody bats an eye. Dad cradles the crying baby when mom sleeps, and boom she's a neglectful mom.
Jennifer Ferris 5 years ago
This one got me. We are sharing parental leave and i feel like i am missing so much just by getting a good night sleep, or that im not as much of a mom because im not doing 100% of the work.
#19
b l a n c 5 years ago
yeah. we're mammals after all! we grow hair! what is this with people hating furless animals but loving hairless humans? it's so strange. however, that's not what this is about, it's actually about the children on the phone, and how it's okay to let your kids play on it for a bit while you have some me time :)
Load More Replies... Jamina Bone 5 years ago
Especially now during this pandemic, moms (more than fathers) are expected to stay home with their kids AND possibly run a business that may not be making enough money for a sitter. Point is, this is a chapter of your story.
Leesa DeAndrea 5 years ago
Shaving is voluntary. Only in repressive fanatical regimes are people required to conform to stringent grooming regulations.
Marvin HoG 5 years ago
I appreciate the symbolic cactus. That's exactly how my legs feel today & I don't even care.
#20
Cindi Hinch 5 years ago
I was so relieved when I realised I could put the basinette in the bathroom. I could shower with no screaming.
#21
#22
#23
Red Hair Blue Soul 5 years ago
THIS! I hate cooking! My kid is okay on my husband's cooking and will grow up just fine!!
Anna Repp 5 years ago
Im single and I HAD to learn cooking, but still hate it after 15 years of mommying...
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#25
#27
Lula Gage 5 years ago
Maybe the idea is not to feel bad that your partner is getting the kid's attention in that moment...?
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Just another bot 5 years ago
When the child doesn't want to listen to you. Like when I start singing sometimes, my 4 year old will straight away ask me to stop lol
Jamina Bone 5 years ago
When you’re struggling to get your child to listen and you know your “friend” has an opinion. Feeling judged by others about the disrespect of your child.
#29
#30
Colin L 5 years ago
What, reproduction doesn't magically grant you all the skills of a plumber, master chef, MD, and the endurance of a marathon runner? You must be human like the rest of us!
Nicole Park 5 years ago
Sadly, the world often looks upon a Mom who makes mistakes and has troubling juggling all the balls, as less than. And yes, it is expected that the mom will juggle everything.
Load More Replies... Cindi Hinch 5 years ago
How often once we reproduce does the list of chores we’ve inherited go through the roof. Enough.
Laura Valantine 5 years ago
This is so true. All the pink motherhood picture is so damaging. Feeling unworthy and a failing mother is more universal than one would think. I'm glad to see so many parents opening up about the struggles which, I hope, will help to change the perspective of what's normal!
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What do you think ?
kjorn 5 years ago (edited)
So great! finally no @#%#$ instagram sh!t with soooooooooo perfect mom who stagged everyting and pretend everyting! This is normal! WE need more of that! i'm pretty sure you make many… many moms and dads more secured about their life!
Knoxy 5 years ago
I needed this. And have shared it. As a mother, the judgement from others is intense.
Jumilicious 5 years ago
So true! And sad at the same time. It's always easier to judge, but I also experienced great support amongst mothers. It can make all the difference.
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laura gilman 5 years ago
I was born in the 60. To a hard a*s non spoiling get you a*s up and be independent kind of mom. And most moms were like that. Spoiling showed you didn't care. And now all three of us are independent smart kind and grateful adults with no depression issues or anxiety. Spoiling causes unrealistic expectations to life. And when they're on their own older life is such a harder task for them causing depression and anxietyandmoraananxiety
Lillukka79 5 years ago
Yes! Kids need dissapointments to grow. The "were best friends with my kid" mentality is pure s**t.
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XianJaguar 5 years ago
I don't understand the need for most of these comics! OF COURSE you are still a GOOD mom in any of these circumstances. I was born in 1971, and these cartoons depict a NORMAL FAMILY LIFE. Why would anyone knock any of the circumstances shown? Especially the ones where the parent tells the kid "no"? That is EXPECTED. Giving your kid everything they want whenever they ask is "bad" parenting! Most of these comics depict GOOD parenting: Not giving into every demand your kid makes, telling them "no" sometimes, allowing them to experience different situations (daycare), letting Dad deal with the kids sometimes (every mom needs a break), etc. If the author was ever given any flack for any of the situations that she drew, she should know that she is the normal one, the GOOD parent, and the people dissing her are in the wrong.
Lillukka79 5 years ago
And people should understand, that the only person giving impossible goals, is the person them self. No matter what others say or do, it's you who desides what your goals are. Stop comparing your self to others and life will be a lot happier.
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kjorn 5 years ago (edited)
So great! finally no @#%#$ instagram sh!t with soooooooooo perfect mom who stagged everyting and pretend everyting! This is normal! WE need more of that! i'm pretty sure you make many… many moms and dads more secured about their life!
Knoxy 5 years ago
I needed this. And have shared it. As a mother, the judgement from others is intense.
Jumilicious 5 years ago
So true! And sad at the same time. It's always easier to judge, but I also experienced great support amongst mothers. It can make all the difference.
Load More Replies... laura gilman 5 years ago
I was born in the 60. To a hard a*s non spoiling get you a*s up and be independent kind of mom. And most moms were like that. Spoiling showed you didn't care. And now all three of us are independent smart kind and grateful adults with no depression issues or anxiety. Spoiling causes unrealistic expectations to life. And when they're on their own older life is such a harder task for them causing depression and anxietyandmoraananxiety
Lillukka79 5 years ago
Yes! Kids need dissapointments to grow. The "were best friends with my kid" mentality is pure s**t.
Load More Replies... XianJaguar 5 years ago
I don't understand the need for most of these comics! OF COURSE you are still a GOOD mom in any of these circumstances. I was born in 1971, and these cartoons depict a NORMAL FAMILY LIFE. Why would anyone knock any of the circumstances shown? Especially the ones where the parent tells the kid "no"? That is EXPECTED. Giving your kid everything they want whenever they ask is "bad" parenting! Most of these comics depict GOOD parenting: Not giving into every demand your kid makes, telling them "no" sometimes, allowing them to experience different situations (daycare), letting Dad deal with the kids sometimes (every mom needs a break), etc. If the author was ever given any flack for any of the situations that she drew, she should know that she is the normal one, the GOOD parent, and the people dissing her are in the wrong.
Lillukka79 5 years ago
And people should understand, that the only person giving impossible goals, is the person them self. No matter what others say or do, it's you who desides what your goals are. Stop comparing your self to others and life will be a lot happier.
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