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Straight Guys Are Sharing 30 Everyday Things They Secretly Do That Society Calls “Gay”
Everyone has their own definition of masculinity. And that's the beauty of it. If you're not harming anyone, there are a million ways in which you can be a man and make the world around you a better place.
But every stick has two ends. Every once in a while, someone comes along and tries to project their own vision of a man. What his virtues should and should not be.
Some time ago, Reddit user Possibly Degenerate submitted a question to the platform, asking: "What are the things every man should at least try even though they are stigmatized as 'gay' or 'unmanly?'"
As of this article, there are nearly 25,000 comments under the post, reminding us that society is still pretty messed up when it comes to masculinity and homosexuality. However, it also shows that we're growing increasingly aware of it.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My husband paints my nails and helps me do my hair. I have a condition that makes those little jobs monumentally difficult. When we start dating as teens he took a make up course in school to help me do my make up, and pick complimentary colours. He was a metal head teenager in a make up course and I think it’s the most manly thing anyone’s ever done.
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#2
Telling your male friends you love them. Just at the end of highschool my group had several deaths occur. Car accident, cancer, suicide and a couple murders. Now in my current group we say love you after most conversation. Some people think it wierd but f**k em. People aren't around forever. Better to let them know how you feel while you can.
While asking the question, Possibly Degenerate didn't think it would get that big.
"[At that moment,] I was quarantined with my roommates, all guys at around 21 years of age and I just felt like I was wasting [my time] away," the Redditor told Bored Panda about the origins of their now-viral post.
"I was talking to one of them and told him I felt like I had to do something for myself. I don't know what, just to feel a bit better. And he was like, 'That sounds f**king gay.'"
#3
Being verbally and physically affectionate (if you're comfortable with contact in general) with your boys.
I tell my boys I love them. I hug my boys. I kiss my boys before a night of wrestling and howling at the moon. Aragorn kissed Boromir. You gonna tell me Aragorn was unmanly? Good luck saving Gondor without your boys, coward.
ComfyPanda 2 years ago
My 16, almost 17, year old son rolls his eyes whenever I hug him. But I do it anyway cause I need him to know that I love him so much.
#4
Crying. Just let it out, guys. You can do it! Don’t apologize for it or hide it either.
Possibly Degenerate said he doesn't really know why toxic masculinity is so deeply rooted within our society.
"I see it all the time," he added. "In really young boys all the way up to old men. I don't quite notice it serving any real purpose as a lot of right-wing internet people keep going on about."
#5
Anything I do is manly, because I'm a man and I'm doing it.
Crying over an emotional situation. Man card punched.
Having tea with my daughter. Man card punched.
Daddy dance time with the kids. Man card punched.
A "spa day" with a straight razor shave, mani/pedi and towel treatment. Man card punched.
Wearing purple or pink, (the colors of Royalty and Pussy!). Man card punched.
Having my prostate stimulated for the best orgasm of my life. Man card punched.
If you're not insecure, you don't miss out on experiences because of labels.
#6
I pee sitting down. It's way better. Fight me.
Judging from his personal experience, the Redditor doesn't think that things are changing for the better in people his age and older. However, the younger folks seem to have a broader perception of being a man.
"I see a lot of kids who are just 16-18 being a lot more open about queer stuff and gendered things, expressing themselves in ways we'd surely got beaten up for in school," the guy, who was born in '98, said.
#7
Quality hugs for your bros. Don’t do the ol’ shoulders touch and pat on the back. Grab your friend and give them a hug!
#8
Also seeing a therapist. That s**t is fire.
martin734 2 years ago
I saw a therapist every week for almost a year after I had a total breakdown at work. I had worked as a Paramedic for over 10 years and had developed PTSD. At the end of one shift, after dealing with my 3rd fatal RTC involving children in 4 days, I just had a complete meltdown. Thankfully the NHS were absolutely superb. They allowed me a lot of time off to get over it, and then after I decided I couldn't go back to being on front-line medicine they continued to pay me and support me while I retrained as a Physiotherapist. I now love my job and have finished therapy.
Even though he's happy for the younger generation, as he said, the author of the post isn't all too optimistic when it comes to grown-ups.
"Even though friends of mine kinda joked about that before, I've had to come to terms with my own sexuality (which is bisexual), so would a straight™ guy have the urge or the interest to ask a question like that after all?"
#9
When my husband and I first started dating I turned him on to the magic of baths. We did face mask and bath bombs(which he really thought would explode) and bath salt(which he was worried would make him a zombie). Now he drags me into lush and ask if after our date nights if we can take a bath. I keep talking about "when we buy a house..." and he follows up with it needs a nice tub
#10
Try sewing. I'm the seamstress (seammaster?) for my family. Fixing clothing and making curtains etc can be just as useful as fixing a car, and comes in handy more frequently!
#11
Being the little spoon.
NsG 2 years ago
I Iove being the big spoon for my husband, and he loves it too - it means he doesn't have to put up with my hair in his face for a start!
Legolas Greenleaf 2 years ago
HEL YES I AM THE LITTLE SPOON (despite being 6 foot 7)
Load More Replies...
lenka 2 years ago
I love being the big spoon and the little spoon. Hubby and I alternate regularly.
martin734 2 years ago
I love being the little spoon. It doesn't matter what gender my partner is, I just love being cuddled.
Mama Penguin 2 years ago
Sometimes my husband asks to be the little spoon. Then I pretend to be a jetpack and starts bumping into his butt.
Enigma wrapped in a paradox 2 years ago
I absolutely hate being the little spoon. I get claustrophobic. I don't care what his height or size is. He doesn't get a choice. I've never had a guy complain about being the little spoon though. I think they all secretly love it. Men need affection and comfort too.
🥔SaltyPotato🥔 2 years ago
I like being big spoon. Being little spoon is also nice but I think it shows dominance when you are big spoon.
M&D Depensuper 1 year ago
My husband and I have to much different in length for me to be the big spoon, it's verry uncomfertible
Sidra Badar 2 years ago
We love him being little spoon Although practically he's still big But Especially during pregnancy, i used to get suffocated with his hugs so him beng little spoon rally hlped. He won't sleep until I hold him from behind
Anna Stephenson 2 years ago
Man I didn't even consider this!- it's sad that society can make men feel like they always have to be the "big spoon"- as a female, I'm happy to be either spoon- sometimes you want a hug, sometimes hugging them feels good also!
Jelena Putinja 2 years ago
my hubby is 30kg heavier than me and he snores in his sleep - I love being big spoon and he loves how I keep his back worm
UpQuarkDownQuark 2 years ago
I love that doing the wrong things with the women you love, marry, have sex with, and have children with is gay. You could be making touchdowns on your Harley while shooting moose in a war zone, but being tender with your wife is gay. Of course, the other ridiculous thing is the idea that being gay is a even problem. Stupid homophobes.
Cold Contagious 2 years ago
My ex-husband was always the little spoon for 29 and a half years. I've never known what that feels like.
#12
Cooking, f**king hell don’t rely on others for something you need everyday. Deliveries and take aways are expensive, and it’s really really satisfying when you whip up something and it’s delicious. Eating noodles and microwave meals all the time isn’t really that much better too. You can make a pretty good pasta for like $1-3 or so per portion.
And to those men who say “I’d just marry someone who cooks”, yeah right what if the “one” doesn’t know how to cook?
Cold Contagious 2 years ago
A man who can cook decent food, take care of his laundry properly, clean his home, and pay his bills, is so much more attractive than a man that needs to be taken care of.
#13
Going to the spa. D**k or no d**k, we all deserve to be pampered every once in awhile.
Cold Contagious 2 years ago
Absolutely! Spas should be equally enjoyed by both sexes and men should feel more confident about going.
#15
Skirts. They‘re comfortable and should absolutely make their way into male fashion. Kilts are great, just think of what we‘re missing out on.
#17
Anything?
Real men don't give a s**t that other people think they're being "unmanly". I'll confidently order a cosmo at the bar in my purple shirt because it's a good drink and purple is my favorite color
#18
Yo since quarantine I’ve been:
Doing face masks
Using a tinted sunscreen
Using a cerave face wash
Using actual shampoo and conditioner (not the combo garbage) and a leave in
I’ve literally never felt better about my appearance. I’m sure I look the same, but just doing something makes me feel like I’m in control and am helping
#19
Pedicures. They FEEL great and it's nice to not have to deal with your toenails and dry ass skin on your feet.
Extra bonus: if the technician jokes about painting your toenails, say yes. It will MAKE their day and then you get the extra bonus of showing them off to friends and family. They will laugh too and if they make effeminate jokes, just say you don't care and you're confident in your masculinity that some polish isn't going to bother you. And more importantly, it's FUN.
Lucinda Speer 2 years ago
My husband had diabetes, and gets pedis every 4-6 weeks to keep his feet healthy. Black toenail polish is nothing to laugh at.
#20
Y'all are not ready to hear this but: prostate orgasms. Get one of those toys made for that.
#21
Be open to the fact that you might be wrong, and when you are, even if you have argued that you were right. Admit that you were wrong.
#22
I'm all in on the bidet. Bought it for my parents as kind of a prank gift and my dad wouldn't let my mom keep it. "I don't want water shooting up my ass!". I kept it and wouldn't go back. Way cleaner, suprisingly refreshing, and I was the one laughing when nobody could find toilet paper in the stores. A roll lasts me forever now.
#23
Diffusing a situation without threatening violence. Learn how to argue with logic and how to argue one point at a time without getting overly emotional. And if it comes down to it, and you have to fight someone, you at least tried not to take it to that level. And if you go down, go down swingin and you'll still be the winner.
#24
Can’t believe nobody mentioned this but broadway musicals, plays, and show tunes in general. They rock.
I can do without the sex suggestions but you all be you.
#25
Nice underwear. Underwear with a built in pouch are super comfortable while supporting your genitals. Also the sexier cuts with less fabric are so much cooler than wearing shorts under pants, the case with boxers. I’m a big dude working in manufacturing and I know you wouldn’t expect me to be wearing a thong most days.
#26
Over the age of 30 or so, having friends and doing things with them. Most people I know, if they have friends at all, they're either work buddies, or family get-togethers. But a couple of guys being friends and leaving the wives to go on a camping trip, etc. just seems weird.
I miss having friends.
#27
Shaving your legs until they're smooth as glass, and then snuggling down under a soft, fluffy blanket. It's like you're sleeping in butter and it is a feeling everyone should experience in life.
Until the hairs start to come back.
Dave van Es 2 years ago
Tip I got from a girl, I really plan to follow through with. Laser hair removal. I'm a hairy gorrila, and I hate it, but I hate shaving more.
#28
Skincare.
I don't understand why is so gendered. Why ads focus on 'you can put this black/navy skincare product and still be manly '
It's skin, is an important human organ, and actually not that different in needs from man/woman.
Everyone NEEDS to wash your face properly and to protect it from dehydration and sun damage.
#29
Getting a massage! My SO never had one and I convinced him to get one. He felt so relieved
Scott Moore 2 years ago
I get a deep tissue massage every month and I feel great at the end of each one.
#30
Gardening. There are so many types and so many uses.
Vegetable gardening (the obvious) saves on money and is great to do with kids. Also gives an excuse for wood/metalworking on raised beds, trellises, etc. You can garden in an apartment with relatively inexpensive aquaponics, also.
Cut flower gardening. Fresh bouquet every day really livens up a house. Buy Zinnia seeds. Ipomoea pandurata, Rudbeckia sp., Echinacea sp. alone will give you plenty of blooms from late May to August, at least. That’s probably a $30 investment from Lowe’s.
Native plant/butterfly gardening. If you want to help the environment, it’s significantly more effective than avoiding plastic straws.
Plant trees. Fruit trees, showy trees, whatever. Incredible investment (in inner city, high end neighborhoods, a mature oak or magnolia can increase property values by %20, and acorns are free, so you’re looking at a huge return in 50 years). Also fantastic for the environment. Try to plant native trees as they tend to be pest resistant and zero maintenance.
What do you think ?
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Inistead of "man/woman" things, can we just call these things what they are? Hobbies. Skin care. Y'know. Peopel stuff.
UpQuarkDownQuark 2 years ago
Here’s what it means to be gay: as a man, you love and are intimate with men. That’s it. Anything a man does with a woman is, by definition, heterosexual. If you get on your hands and knees and have your wife peg you for an hour with a foot-long strap on dildo, it’s still heterosexual! Be gay. Be straight. Be bi. Be trans. Be asexual. Love and be loved. Wrap your arms around the one you love, and be held in return by them. You can still swill cheap beer and go hunting and build a deck and drive a big truck; none of those are disallowed by tenderness, self-care or sexual exploration.
Swan 2 years ago
here to say (in transexual acceting countries) same goes for transexual males ("born" female) pre-op if we do any of these things we're lebelled as females, not manly enough not reeeeealy wanting to be transexual not doing enough effort to convice the guy who judges our... transness. we have to be the veryveryvery narrow notion of a man the person if front of us wants to :(
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
In a nutshell: That sucks! My hubby bakes wonderful bread, likes cats, hates sports, and is no less "man" for that fact, just as I'm no less "woman" for liking sports, and being the one who fixes the leaky faucet. (
Load More Replies... Wintermute 2 years ago
Aside from Broadway theater and girly drinks, literally none of this stuff is considered "gay." This is just a post about resisting toxic masculinity. Who titles these things?
guesswho2who2 2 years ago (edited)
the majority dominant culture where I live is all macho tough-guy hard men... We all grew up with John Wayne and the Marlboro Man as iconic role models. I dare to be a "soft" man and do a lot of the things in this blog (but not all). Sad to say, the gossips will rage away endlessly, destroying your reputation for any of these things, (and often without any real basis, I might add, the hate counts double if it is all based on speculation) even growing award-winning orchids & roses (???when did gardening become gay???). What an amazingly dysfunctional screwed-up culture we live in? Who did this? Who is responsible? The tough guys and their women are real quick to brand someone unfairly with repugnant labels. Have you noticed that people who gossip with endless malicious gossip are eventually given over to the very same crimes they so decry? Hmm... bet they didn't count of the gearworks and grindstones of heavenly justice turning quite that way... (The grinding gears of justice turn with inexorable, unavoidable, unstoppable force, by the way.) Beware putting endless malicious gossip on someone, folks. You will eventually find yourself doing the very same thing you report them doing. Beware slamming someone with a grossly unfair evaluation, Mr/Ms. Supervisor. You will eventually receive the same. "Payday, someday". This is the cruelest and fairest justice of all.
Something 2 years ago
If expressing emotions other than anger, preparing food, making clothes, and taking care of your skin are unmanly, why would anyone want to be manly? If those things belong to women, that would make women the superior gender, to be emulated. Fortunately for everyone, the genders are actually equal, and equally entitled to those things.
firstworldbrat streams on twitch 1 year ago
i am bothered that it says "tried sewing" and the picture is knitting!!
Camilla Koutsos 2 years ago
Right. That's step one. Now let's do it openly, and flip the bird at anyone making derisive sounds.
Count Stefan Amaranth 2 years ago
I don't understand, these are normal things. Why are they considered to be "homosexual"?
guesswho2who2 2 years ago
because screwed up western culture puts the "gay" stamp on anything that the macho tough guy type men won't do...
Load More Replies...
Chelsea Bates 2 years ago
These shouldn't be "secret" men should be able to do these things and not be judged by them
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
My daughter and I recently re-plumbed our kitchen sink because it was leaking. With no male assistance. Activities, hobbies, self-care, and the like have no gender or sexual orientation, IMO.
Load More Replies...
Barbara Skolly 2 years ago
These all seem perfectly normal, especially for the Italian guys I know.
K Wit 2 years ago
Compensatory masculinity males respond to sex role threats by exaggerating their masculinity and engage in greater anti social behavior. Examples males litter more than women bc they think it's feminine to pick up trash. Males will not believe in climate change and rail against it bc it's seen as feminine to care we see this w the far right males especially
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Inistead of "man/woman" things, can we just call these things what they are? Hobbies. Skin care. Y'know. Peopel stuff.
UpQuarkDownQuark 2 years ago
Here’s what it means to be gay: as a man, you love and are intimate with men. That’s it. Anything a man does with a woman is, by definition, heterosexual. If you get on your hands and knees and have your wife peg you for an hour with a foot-long strap on dildo, it’s still heterosexual! Be gay. Be straight. Be bi. Be trans. Be asexual. Love and be loved. Wrap your arms around the one you love, and be held in return by them. You can still swill cheap beer and go hunting and build a deck and drive a big truck; none of those are disallowed by tenderness, self-care or sexual exploration.
Swan 2 years ago
here to say (in transexual acceting countries) same goes for transexual males ("born" female) pre-op if we do any of these things we're lebelled as females, not manly enough not reeeeealy wanting to be transexual not doing enough effort to convice the guy who judges our... transness. we have to be the veryveryvery narrow notion of a man the person if front of us wants to :(
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
In a nutshell: That sucks! My hubby bakes wonderful bread, likes cats, hates sports, and is no less "man" for that fact, just as I'm no less "woman" for liking sports, and being the one who fixes the leaky faucet. (
Load More Replies... Wintermute 2 years ago
Aside from Broadway theater and girly drinks, literally none of this stuff is considered "gay." This is just a post about resisting toxic masculinity. Who titles these things?
guesswho2who2 2 years ago (edited)
the majority dominant culture where I live is all macho tough-guy hard men... We all grew up with John Wayne and the Marlboro Man as iconic role models. I dare to be a "soft" man and do a lot of the things in this blog (but not all). Sad to say, the gossips will rage away endlessly, destroying your reputation for any of these things, (and often without any real basis, I might add, the hate counts double if it is all based on speculation) even growing award-winning orchids & roses (???when did gardening become gay???). What an amazingly dysfunctional screwed-up culture we live in? Who did this? Who is responsible? The tough guys and their women are real quick to brand someone unfairly with repugnant labels. Have you noticed that people who gossip with endless malicious gossip are eventually given over to the very same crimes they so decry? Hmm... bet they didn't count of the gearworks and grindstones of heavenly justice turning quite that way... (The grinding gears of justice turn with inexorable, unavoidable, unstoppable force, by the way.) Beware putting endless malicious gossip on someone, folks. You will eventually find yourself doing the very same thing you report them doing. Beware slamming someone with a grossly unfair evaluation, Mr/Ms. Supervisor. You will eventually receive the same. "Payday, someday". This is the cruelest and fairest justice of all.
Something 2 years ago
If expressing emotions other than anger, preparing food, making clothes, and taking care of your skin are unmanly, why would anyone want to be manly? If those things belong to women, that would make women the superior gender, to be emulated. Fortunately for everyone, the genders are actually equal, and equally entitled to those things.
firstworldbrat streams on twitch 1 year ago
i am bothered that it says "tried sewing" and the picture is knitting!!
Camilla Koutsos 2 years ago
Right. That's step one. Now let's do it openly, and flip the bird at anyone making derisive sounds.
Count Stefan Amaranth 2 years ago
I don't understand, these are normal things. Why are they considered to be "homosexual"?
guesswho2who2 2 years ago
because screwed up western culture puts the "gay" stamp on anything that the macho tough guy type men won't do...
Load More Replies... Chelsea Bates 2 years ago
These shouldn't be "secret" men should be able to do these things and not be judged by them
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
My daughter and I recently re-plumbed our kitchen sink because it was leaking. With no male assistance. Activities, hobbies, self-care, and the like have no gender or sexual orientation, IMO.
Load More Replies... Barbara Skolly 2 years ago
These all seem perfectly normal, especially for the Italian guys I know.
K Wit 2 years ago
Compensatory masculinity males respond to sex role threats by exaggerating their masculinity and engage in greater anti social behavior. Examples males litter more than women bc they think it's feminine to pick up trash. Males will not believe in climate change and rail against it bc it's seen as feminine to care we see this w the far right males especially
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