Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Olivia

Happy birthday to you!

Now blow out the candles, and make a wish! Then we can eat that delicious cake!

Perhaps it’s just because I have a massive sweet tooth, but I strongly believe that cake is one of the best parts of birthdays. Of course you can eat cake any day of the year, but your birthday is one day where you should definitely be able to choose your favorite flavor and splurge on the most delicious cake you can possibly find. Chocolate, vanilla, carrot, strawberry, red velvet, salted caramel, whatever you like! A scrumptious birthday cake is the perfect way to celebrate one more year around the sun.

However, for one husband and father, birthday cake recently caused quite a bit of drama within his household. Below, you’ll find the story that Reddit user Am535799 shared on the “Am I the Jerk?” subreddit earlier this week, wondering if he went too far in ensuring his daughter was given the perfect birthday cake for her. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments, and feel free to share your personal stories if birthday cake has ever been a sensitive topic for you too. Then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda story where cake was at the center of drama, look no further than right here.  

After ensuring his daughter would have her favorite flavor of birthday cake on her special day, this father found himself in a heated argument with his wife

Image credits: Dark Dwarf (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)

Image credits: u/Am535799

I know what you are probably thinking: this is such a ridiculous thing to be fighting over. And you would be right! It sounds like the mother in this situation is acting less mature than a 13-year-old would. I would also guess that her 16-year-old daughter would not be devastated by skipping a piece of birthday cake; she is nearly an adult and is capable of serving herself another treat instead. Plus, the mom could have always bought a separate, small vanilla cake to satisfy her own daughter without taking anything away from the actual birthday girl. But some people just don’t understand that the world does not revolve around them, and that we can’t always get what we want.

Any time there are kids from both parents in a blended family, there is a risk that each stepparent will favor their own children. It is only natural to have a stronger bond with your own child, but stepparents have to remember that blatant favoritism can have negative effects on their children. Well, the mother in this story is actually aware of that fact because she used the risk of showing favoritism to support her point as to why the cake should be vanilla. 

But a birthday is one of the only times when it is fair to accommodate one girl over the other. When it’s Britney’s birthday, I’m sure there will be no question about what flavor of cake they will have. But if even on Olivia’s birthday she was overlooked and did not get to have the cake that she likes because her stepmother was more concerned about Britney, that could be incredibly hurtful. It would tell her that her parents don’t care about her preferences enough or know her well enough to make her day as special as possible.

According to psychologist Ilan Shrira, “Disfavored children experience worse outcomes across the board: more depression, greater aggressiveness, lower self-esteem, and poorer academic performance. These repercussions are far more extreme than any benefits the favored children get out of it (negative things just have a stronger impact on people than positive things). And it’s not all rosy for the favored children either — their siblings often come to resent them, poisoning those relationships.”

“Many of these consequences persist long after children have grown up and moved out of the house,” Shrira explains on Psychology Today. “People don’t soon forget that they were disfavored by their parents, and many people report that being disfavored as a child continues to affect their self-esteem and their relationships in adulthood.”

There are plenty of bakeries, grocery stores and shops where cakes can be purchased. If it was really such a big deal, this mother could have taken initiative and purchased a small vanilla cake, and this whole issue would have been avoided. We’d love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below: how would you have reacted if you were being told not to get your daughter’s favorite flavor of cake for her birthday? And remember, you can’t always have your cake and eat it too!

Readers have overwhelmingly sided with the father, assuring him that if anyone was in the wrong, it was his wife

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