It’s not at all uncommon for folks in modern marriages to be step parents to their partner’s kids. There is no denying that this family dynamic comes with a whole host of possible issues, but, like with any relationship, at the end of the day, communication and mutual respect are going to come in handy.

A stepmother shared a bit of family drama with the internet, after she decided to organize a massive, expensive surprise party for her stepdaughter who explicitly told her she didn’t want one. Netizens debated the situation in the comments and the stepmom shared a sizable update later.

If a child does not want a party, it’s probably best to actually listen to them

Image credits: seventyfourimages / Envato (not the actual photo)

But one stepmom decided to spend five figures against her stepdaughter’s wishes

Image credits: djoronimo / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Square_Indication_29

Step families don’t just work out, there is a lot of work involved

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

To cut this mom and stepmom some slack, it’s by no means easy to help raise a child who has, for one reason or another, been separated from their biological parent. There are a lot of complicated dynamics and desires at play, not limited to, but including the fact that the step children most likely have very complicated feelings about the situation as well.

Researchers suggest that most stepfamilies tend to go through stages, where at the beginning of the families formation, the parents tend to have an optimistic view of what it might look like. This is sometimes called the “fantasy,” as, realistically, most stepfamilies are created by the adults entering into a relationship. As with most parts of life, their kids tend to not get a say.

Unfortunately, the parents tend to immediately assume that everything will work out, as, otherwise, their romantic relationship will be called into question. Realistically, in cases like this where there are two stepchildren, there will be all sorts of emotional issues that need to be resolved, particularly if one of the kids doesn’t like their step-parent.

As always in life, it’s important to see what’s in front of you. It’s not at all unusual that this mother would want her stepdaughter to feel like she’s part of the family, this is by all means a good thing. But it simply can’t be forced. The stepdaughter has seemingly made her feelings very clear. There is some possibility that the father could have stepped in to perhaps build some family cohesion, but we do not have the details to judge.

Actually listening to people is a lot harder than the fantasies we build in our heads

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

Similarly, setting aside the party, it would also appear that the stepmother has a very narrow view of what she wants this relationship to look like. The fact that the stepdaughter has routinely refused a party should have been one, pretty clear indication. Instead of better understanding her stepdaughter and trying to build a relationship they both enjoy, she has attempted to force a traditional daughter role on her. All too often, people make assumptions about what others feel and want, which, at best, breeds resentment.

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Some commenters note that it would almost appear that she organized the party for herself, although this might be a reach. What is more telling is the utter inability to understand why her stepdaughter felt and acted the way she did. Later, the stepmother states that she was told the stepdaughter had social anxiety. However, how did she not realize this after multiple years together?

This event should have been a learning moment for the stepmother, for her to truly sit down and think about what she wanted and what it would cost, no pun intended. The fact that she was hurt and embarrassed doesn’t change the fact that she almost single handedly created this situation herself.

Some folks needed more info

Readers mostly thought the stepmom went too far

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Later, she shared an update

Image credits: seleznev_photos / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: monkeybusiness / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Square_Indication_29

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Commenters were not sympathetic

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