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30 People Who Purposely Stay Single Reveal The Reason Behind It And How Life Has Been Since They Made The Decision
Many of us are brought up on fairytales. If we're lucky, people say, we will meet a charming prince or princess and live happily ever after.
But if we're not, they warn us to look out for that sad road to the grave, where only cats can soothe our loneliness.
Still, I've met single positive people who are rejecting the belief that a partnership is the only path to a better tomorrow. And I want to let you in on a secret. They do not look nor sound like weirdos.
To show you what I mean, I want to present a Reddit post by user CrypticWeirdo9105. It asked, "Women who stay single purposefully, what's the reason behind it and how's life been since you made the decision?"
Whatever formula for life you're developing for yourself, I hope that some of these answers will at least make you understand that different people want different things and have different ways of going about it.
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#1
I LOVE being single. My married and dating years were full of chaos I didn't create. It is so peaceful being single.
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#2
I got tired of babysitting men, so I'm just focusing on myself and I'm honestly the happiest I've ever been in my life
#3
My mental and emotional state while single is far preferable to that when I am not. My life's been great, I have a condo, two cats, and the whole bed to myself.
#4
Statistically, single women are happier, healthier, in less danger of physical violence, and live longer. Sounds good to me!
#5
I’ve never been as happy in a relationship as I have when I’m single. I prefer the peace, not having to compromise on anything, the freedom. I can truly focus on my most favourite person ever - me.
Yep it's Ella 🇺🇦 2 years ago
You can make a mess and not have to clean it up. You can eat the same meal straight for two weeks. You don't have to wear pants. That is why.
#6
I just got back from a 10 day European dream vacation, where I got to do all the things I wanted to do, on my own timetable, and at my own pace. I stayed in castles, slept in, took long walks in random little towns, and had the time of my life.
I am definitely the kind of person who, when I am with someone, will make sure they are having a good time at the expense of my own good time. I want to be a generous and kind person. Being single allows me to actually do the things I want to do, without feeling guilty.
In short, it's really great. I have a lot of fun. I genuinely enjoy my own company and my headspace. I have fun hobbies and I have more time to do lots of volunteer work in my town. I have supportive and hilarious friends who lift me up when I'm down. This life took effort to build (relationships, therapy, seeking the right activities) but I'm so happy with where I landed.
Busy Panda 2 years ago (edited)
"This life took effort to build." Love it! A good life took effort, either you are single or not. Being single doesn't mean you are automatically happy or having a good life, although for me it makes my life easier. It's not a one-fit-all way of living. It's not for everybody.
#7
I want to say it’s purposefully, it’s just that I am well past the point in my life where I will take any s**t from men.
Sunee Days 2 years ago
Girl, Yes! Me too. I wouldn't even know how to be in a relationship now.
#8
I like being single. I like not having to explain any decisions to anyone. Not having to text someone with updates if I'm heading out. Not having to compromise on the dinner I want because they want something else. All the little freedoms.
Plus, I won't settle for mediocrity. I want the person who I choose to date to be perfect for me and to be mature.
Spikey boi 2 years ago
I agree. That's why I don't date as well. I can focus on my work in peace. I can travel anywhere if I want to, I can do more stuff that someone dating would be unable to do. Having to agree on where to go on vacation, or what house to buy just sounds frustrating.
#9
I don’t ever want to build a life with someone and invest and be destroyed again. I hate being alone, but it’s better than used and abused.
Spikey boi 2 years ago (edited)
OP, I got no clue what your going through or what you went through, and you likely will never find this, but I hope you're in a better place
#10
I intentionally stayed single for about 4-5 years and it was a really peaceful and happy time tbh. Gave me all the space in the world to figure MYSELF out. Everything was about MEMEME AND ME!!!!!! Not what someone else wanted to do or see or eat-nothing, no one! I tried new foods, went new places, got into new hobbies, took some classes and learned new things-I came out so refreshed, I was actually adamant about not wanting to date again ever to be frank lol. But I met someone who fit into my new much more loved and secure life perfectly. and I think that's the key. Make sure you thoroughly enjoy yourself and your space first. That way you're never desperate for anything and arent acting based off loneliness. If someone comes or goes, it doesnt matter because your space is full of self love and appreciation for life anyway.
#11
I guess you could say it’s purposefully because I don’t want to be with just anyone. I’m looking for someone I’m really excited about and compatible with
Lillukka79 2 years ago
Same, I want what I want and wont settle. There have been few I could see my self with, but the feeling wasn't mutual.
#12
Well I work a lot. Ten hours is nothing. I just don't have the energy or motivation to out and have dates and meet people. Dinner - shower- bed. This is my private life and it probably won't change too soon. Better like that. I don't want all this emotional drama.
#13
I don't like men. I'm attracted to men because I'm a heterosexual woman but I rarely if ever meet a man I want to be friends with let alone date. The decision I made wasn't to be single, it was the decision to stop entertaining people I don't like which in turn has resulted in staying single.
#14
I’ve been rejected too many times, never had a date, never had a boyfriend, never kissed and I’m still a virgin at 27, I don’t care anymore, I also keep falling in love with people I can’t have, I also lost faith in my dating life because I hate the way I look and how much I weight. I also like being on my own and doing things alone so this is exactly how I like my life.
#15
I notice that when I'm in a relationship i lose my sense of independance. No matter how i try i always end up spending all my time with my partner, never doing anything alone, neglecting my hobbies and by 2 years in I begin to feel stifled, saturated and resentful.
Thing is, in realtionships, my partners never seems to want to maintain our own sense of self and have individual lives. They all want to be joined at the hip. Can't deal with that again, i have lots i want to do and I'm not putting it off or compromising anymore.
I also don't want to deal with people's quirks or have to compromise on mines so I'll stay single.
#16
I was married and my husband died when he was just 36 and I was 34. I’ve stayed single for the last four years and enjoy it as much as being married…it’s just different. I doubt I’ll ever marry again unless it was necessary for some reason.
Carolyn Stokes 2 years ago (edited)
I lost my hubby after 30yrs and have been on my own since (12yrs), only thing I miss is company to the theatre or similar 😊
#17
I love being single and giving in to every whim I have without ever having to compromise or worry my partner isn't having a good time. I love being lazy and impulsive and weird and ALONE with no pressure to please anyone but me. I watch whatever shows and movies I want, whenever I want. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and however I want. Just in the day-to-day, it can't be beat imo
Sheila Stamey 2 years ago
You know what you have the right idea on every single point. You go girl. And no matter what, when you are in a relationship, both people in order to have a good relationship, give it themselves, which means sacrifice. Maybe those of us who are single by choice, just realized that and don't want to do it right now. It's a valid, non negative choice! It's a very positive thing actually,it's way better than a bad relationship!
#18
I noticed I tend to feel more lonely in a relationship than I do when I’m single. i love too hard and the men I’ve dated don’t reciprocate. It’s like they just don’t care. And it’s hard to find guys that are actually serious about dating me instead of wanting to be f**kbuddies or those “not ready for a relationship” a** dudes that wanna do couple s**t but don’t wanna be one. It’s just frustrating. I’d much rather just enjoy myself and my peace cause men play too much
Ozacoter 2 years ago (edited)
I feel the same. I am a bit if an overcaring person. If i love you i will try to make you feel as happy as possible. In my experience with men the more you take care of them the colder they treat you. I would rather be alone than feel guilty all the time because i cant make somebody happy.
#19
Reason: No matter what they say, every man wants a mother/housewife/cook and life is all about what they want and need. How has life changed since swearing off men? Bliss! Make much more money and have a much happier life.
Ozacoter 2 years ago (edited)
Exactly. Responsible men exist but they are very rare. Most men I met want you to do everything for them, do it as they want and without asking them how they want it to not "bother them". I believe that in 90% of cases being in a hetero relation means being a maid
#20
It's just way too peaceful being single to easily give up. Not having to worry about another person’s feelings or opinions, knowing the goals I'm working towards cant be derailed by anyone but me… Would take someone very special to make me wanna give that up.
#21
I'm comfortable. The last few times I've gotten out of that comfort zone, it's been chaotic. It would take an instant connection for me to willingly disturb the peace I have now.
Jp@nda 2 years ago
Yes! Absolutely this. I have fought so hard to find my sense of balance, I guess you could say. My last relationship was so toxic, consuming, and abusive that I'm lucky I made it out alive. I fought like hell, and with a lot of therapy have a life that I am grateful for. I don't know if any person will ever be worth the peace i have.
#22
I absolutely love being single! I value my peace and have high standards for anyone I let into my life. I do not want to 'date' for the heck of it. I have to come to a realization that it's definitely not worth it to compromise on the kind of partner I want in my life.
GPZ 2 years ago
I guess the natural extension of liberation from "when are you going to have children" is "when are you going to get a partner/get married". It would seem that more and more people are stearing away from this (for a multitude of reasons) one too, or at least uuntil the right person comes along
#23
I'm currently in a relationship, but I miss my single life every day. I was my best self when I was single. I only had my problems to deal with. I was able to focus solely on my self improvement and everything about my life was better. My mental health was excellent, skin was clear, and I was at my ideal weight. Now, I just give so much of myself that there is nothing left for me
Susie Elle 2 years ago
It sounds to me that this specific relationship is the problem here, not relationships in general. OP, I hope you can identify what it is that gives you such stress, it doesn't sound like you want to be in this situation.
#24
I'm waiting until I feel that I've really meet the right person. I feel like I'm just waiting for him, but I'm also not in a rush. I'm extremely happy and peaceful on my own, and it will take a very strong and kind person to change that. I'm not willing to settle this time, and I'm not willing to be with somebody again until I feel comfortable and safe with them, which has not been the trend in previous relationships
#25
I generally dislike the emphasis placed on insular romantic partnerships, and I strongly dislike having to personally be involved in that headache.
It's overall great and I have no plans to date. Only downsides are single life being more expensive and learning as I age how many people I care about don't actually want friends once they have a long term partner.
Oskar vanZandt 2 years ago
We all learn that in the end we only ever have a small core of true friends who care about us and will be with us in good times and bad...
#26
I'm my happiest when I'm single.
All my time, money, all other resources are mine. I don't have to factor in another's opinion when making any decisions. I can just pack up and leave to live in another country if I want to.
A truly loving, supportive relationship is hard work. I don't have the patience and the will to support someone through life at this stage in my life. I don't want to worry about someone, their wellbeing, their happiness.
I love living by myself and I can't ever see sharing house with a romantic partner. Most men are gross with their living habits. I've been married before and those years were probably the most miserable of my life so far.
Being single suits me and I intend to be so as long as I can.
Lp Johnson 2 years ago
Yeah, THEN there's the just living in the same space with them. Besides all the emotional and maturity and caring and gaf issues, just LIVING with the general "man" type means things are never the way YOU want them in the house.
#27
The thing is that I have become very comfortable being with myself, I feel whole. That doesn't mean that I don't get lonely. But unless I find someone that will add to my life and make my comfort even more comfortable, I don't see a point.
I never liked the idea of finding a person that completes you, metaphorically speaking princess looking for a prince. I am a queen looking for a king lol.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Claiming you need another person to "complete you" is admitting you're unwilling to self-reflect and self-improve, but would rather blame another for you not being "complete." No. If you want a successful relationship, you need to be "complete" in and of yourself.
#28
Got out of a relationship last year and it was my first true heartbreak. I’ve always all my life had a crush on someone or was in some kind of situationship that usually ended poorly…Being in my late 20s, I realize that I need to truly take this time to not only focus on loving myself, but also working on building my business from the ground up. Also carrying this grief from losing my daughter. I am not in a space to be in a serious relationship with anyone else but myself right now.
#29
Well a lot of my reasoning is fear. I don't find myself attractive at all and I don't think any man would either even though I get that's not reality. But I rarely ever find guys attractive anyway and when I do usually they're out of my league. I also am scared of being vulnerable and I'm scared of guys just one day waking up and thinking I'm not enough. So overall I'm insecure badly and afraid of intimacy and vulnerability so I think for my own mental health it's better for me to stay single.
#30
I really enjoy being single. I love being dependent on me, myself and I. I made a decision to stay single after a bad entry into the dating world until I was 'ready'. And I accepted that I might never be ready to fully commit myself to someone else. I treated an ex not very nicely (he also wasn't a gentleman but still he deserved respect) because I wasn't ready. (My parents modelled a very toxic view of 'love' that has shaped how I navigate relationships.)
I've had to do a lot of work on myself. I also had no desire for a relationship. I love my own company haha. I wasn't happy in past relationships. BUT I actually am considering getting back on the horse soon. I am on the cusp of being ready again. But I wasn't ever sure I'd get to this point.
What do you think ?
Mike Crow 2 years ago
Not everyone wants to be married, not everyone wants to be alone. We are a very diverse species and should celebrate who we are.
Gabby M 2 years ago
Perhaps because it is more socially acceptable for a man to be single than for a woman to be single. Like how there's the whole spinster image for women, but not really an equivalent notion for men.
Load More Replies...
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
I realised I was aro ace and was only trying to be in a relationship because I thought that was what you were "supposed to do". I'm so much happier now I know I never wanted or needed those things in my life.
Mike Crow 2 years ago
Not everyone wants to be married, not everyone wants to be alone. We are a very diverse species and should celebrate who we are.
Gabby M 2 years ago
Perhaps because it is more socially acceptable for a man to be single than for a woman to be single. Like how there's the whole spinster image for women, but not really an equivalent notion for men.
Load More Replies... Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
I realised I was aro ace and was only trying to be in a relationship because I thought that was what you were "supposed to do". I'm so much happier now I know I never wanted or needed those things in my life.
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