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14YO Freaks Out After Mom Says She Has To Switch Rooms With Sis, Mom Can’t Handle It
Teen years can be tough on kids and parents both. On one hand, the teen is going through profound physiological changes. On the other, parents are getting to grips with a child who doesn’t seem to be ‘theirs’ anymore.
One woman is having such a problem with her daughter that she’s turned to netizens for advice. According to the woman, her teen has ASD and ADHD and won’t stop kicking up a fuss about moving rooms, leaving her at a loss for what to do.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
The teen years can be testing, and this woman’s oldest daughter seems intent on proving the point
Image credits: Anna Tolipova / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her younger daughter and son have shared a room for two-and-a-half years, but the woman has plans to change the arrangement
Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When she told her oldest daughter, a 14-year-old teen with ASD and ADHD, she’s going to have to give up her room to her younger sister, the teen flew into a rage
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
No matter what the woman says, her oldest daughter kicks off, leaving her feeling quite intimidated and unsure how to handle the situation
Image credits: Bettycrocker7
At a loss for what to do next, or how to persuade her oldest daughter the planned living arrangements are the best for everyone in the family, she turned to netizens for help
OP begins her story by telling the community that she and her family live in a 3-bedroomed semi with no option to move, extend, or even convert the attic. She goes on to add that she and her husband share a room, her 13-year-old daughter and 10-year-old son also share a room, while her eldest daughter has her own one.
According to OP, a couple years back her son had his own room, and the girls shared one but her eldest daughter was a nightmare to share with, so the arrangement changed to give her her own room. This seemed to keep the peace, for a while, at least. OP adds that now, though, her 13-year-old needs her own room, too.
OP offered to split the shared room into two – one for her eldest daughter and one for her son – but when she mentioned the idea to her eldest, she had an absolute meltdown.
The beleaguered mom tells the readers that her son and her eldest have ASD and ADHD and are both night owls, while her youngest daughter is a creature of routine and prefers to be in bed by 10PM every night.
OP says that, while the family has always prioritized the needs of the eldest daughter, she feels it’s time she learns how to compromise. She concludes her post by asking whether or not she’s being unreasonable in expecting the tempestuous teen to move rooms for everyone’s benefit.
Image credits: SkelDry / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The emotional roller coaster that comes with adolescence can be a topsy-turvy ride. OP’s case is further complicated by the fact that her eldest lives with ASD and ADHD, a challenging combination to cope with, even for adults. If you have either, or both, of these conditions, you can probably relate.
So, how can OP help her dysfunctional daughter come around to the new living arrangement? We went looking for answers.
In her article for Parents, Amy Morin says common reasons for teenage mood swings can include hormonal changes, the quest to establish their identity, stress, and struggles with neurodiversity.
According to a 2021 U.S. Surgeon General’s report, young people are facing a mental health crisis, one which may have “devastating” effects.
The Boomerang Counselling Center website suggests some realistic parenting strategies for children with ADHD and autism. A few of these include providing visual support, developing self-expression and communication skills, setting up a lenient home environment, and assigning your child small tasks before tackling bigger ones.
In her article for Healthline, Eloise Porter puts forward some strategies for parenting a child with ADHD. For starters, a parent can decide which behaviors are acceptable to them and which are not. They can also define the rules while allowing some flexibility, simplify and organize their child’s life, and help regulate their child’s sleeping patterns.
Maybe if the eldest daughter got some more sleep, she wouldn’t be too grumpy to see that the planned move makes the most sense.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think the tense teen is justified in her reactions, or should her mom just parent up? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers told the woman that her daughter needed to understand that she is the parent and recommended she lay down the law once and for all
Image credits: Another2Cats
What do you think ?
sweet emotion 4 days ago
Is anyone else sick of this DH, DS, DD, DP nonsense? I have never called anyone in my family "dear XX" - it sounds ridiculous - and frankly, I already have more than enough acronyms in my work world that make written communications look like nonsense.
ƒιѕн 3 days ago
It slows down my reading by making me stop to figure out wtf it means
Load More Replies...
Skogsrået 3 days ago
Was wondering the same, the diagnosis the kids have do not excuse this poor behaviour. Parents should grow a pair and actually parent their kids.
Load More Replies...
MindNumbinglyBoringJob 4 days ago
Squatters rights? F*****g kids these days are unrealistic entitled A.Hs
tori Ohno 4 days ago
I think it's too late. They've pandered to the brat just because she has ADHD for too long. She's going to continue throwing tantrums, and possibly damaging things like s toddler, because that's what she's learned works in order to get her way. Bad parenting all the way around.
Judes 3 days ago
While it's nice to have your own room as a child, it's not a necessity. And this family currently has a room that's easily big enough for two beds, so I think for most families it wouldn't be a problem. It's only become a problem because the eldest has issues.
Load More Replies...
meeeeeeeeeeee 3 days ago
I'm confused about why the child makes the decisions and not the parents. How times have changed.
Sami-Jo Ross 4 days ago
She's OP's kid. She doesn't get squatter's rights, she gets "right to live under her parents' roof".
Stacy Bender 4 days ago
Whatever happened to, Do what you're told. & I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. These kids are teens not two.
Gwyn 3 days ago (edited)
Mom and Dad really should just decide what best for the family and stick to it. Don't give in to the tantrum or she'll be awful as an adult. I know spectrum kids can be very attached to their routines and having things the same, I have a kid like this myself, but there is reasonable accommodation and there are learning opportunities that changes can be ok and fun. However, If in the end they aren't willing to move the eldest child then I'd play up all the great stuff the two kids sharing the party wall will get. Go mattress shopping. Paint colors. New cool bedding. Well if you aren't moving to a new room with a bigger bed you don't need any of these things? She might end up changing her mind. If she doesn't she'll constantly be reminded of what she gave up. Might make her think twice next time.
Alexandra 3 days ago
I think the parents are way in over their heads with 3 children in total of which 2 have ADHD and ASD. Personally, I would have given thought to the bedroom situation before having 3 kids that I don't have room for in the house. Because when the kids gets older, even box-rooms won't do in the long run.
Judes 3 days ago
I had a small room as a teenager. It wasn't a problem. I also know plenty of people who shared a room until they were older teenagers. Again, it wasn't a problem. For most families, sharing or small rooms is normal. It's only an issue here because of the ADHD/ASD.
Load More Replies... millac 3 days ago
Unless they think the oldest will physically attack the middle child for switching rooms, they should inform the kids this is happening and then make it happen. And if the oldest WOULD physically attack the sister, then she needs to be carted off to one of those specialized schools, which would solve the room issues. I'm largely wondering where everyone will sleep during construction.
MartiBob 3 days ago (edited)
How about if you just parent, say "this is how it is, tough it out", then follow through. Let her scream, she will eventually lose her voice and you can enjoy some silence. You failed as a parent to let it get to this phase. Letting them stay up all night to watch TV? Take the TV away. These parents need a smack to the head. ADHD doesn't cause this, bad parenting does.
JLo 3 days ago
Your plan sounds logical and reasonable. Don't give in to temper tantrums. That is only a short-term solution. Society will thank you for teaching your daughter that pitching a fit won't get her what she wants. Besides, it isn't right that a boy and girl in middle school should be sharing a room. Your oldest can have her own room when she pays the rent on her own apartment, lol.
The Starsong Princess 3 days ago
Yeah, this is going to end well. Moving the kid you don’t like (your post just drips with dislike) out of her room to give it to the kid you like better isn’t going to work. It would cause a big explosion even if your daughter didn’t have emotional regulation problems. Everyone needs to stay in their existing room.
Surly Scot 3 days ago
Irresponsible parents. First, why have 3 kids when you can only afford the 3bedroom house? Stop having kids you can't afford and acting gleeful about it, the kids don't deserve the nonsense that comes with it. Second, why aren't the parents actually parenting instead of trying to be their kids best friends? If i'd pulled any of this nonsense as a child, i'd have had a swift slap across the face, grounded for 2months and told if my attitude doesn't change they'll file paperwork to hand me over to the State (grandma did that one on me, she would also walk away and abandon me if I threw a tantrum in the supermarket saying "I don't want a bad child like you. I'm leaving you here for some bad man to take away". I changed my tune damn fast and learned to get with the program).
Lyoness 2 days ago
I sound my age and I'm ok with that ...their house, their rules. Parents decide who sleeps where, not kids. Just move everyone's stuff while they aren't home and put locks on all the doors. Each kid gets the key to their room. Tell the eldest if she wants to have a tantrum to do it elsewhere or you're taking the key back and she can sleep on the floor. Problem solved.
T'Mar of Vulcan 2 days ago
The way the 14 year-old behaves makes me think she's on the spectrum too. No way should a teen be screaming, throwing tantrums and kicking a car seat.
Terry Fergusson 2 days ago
Take away phones and or wifi password and compliance will be guaranteed
Katie Barnes 3 days ago
Love how they let their kids stay up until the wee hours of the morning watching tv. I was a night owl and would have loved that but my parents actually parented me and had rules in place. Sometimes I would sneak a flashlight to bed and be up that late anyways but to just let them do it and watch tv? Having ADHD or ASD is not a pass to do whatever you want without rules as a child.
Roberta Surprenant 3 days ago
LOL good job panda, same story, two different headlines, one right above the other on the feed.
Ana Gomez 5 hours ago
Is the master bedroom the largest? If so, turn that into two rooms and the parents take the 2nd largest room. I agree with those saying DH, DS, DD, DP is getting ridiculous and makes reading more difficult. OP needs to get the kids into therapy if they aren't already and family therapy.
Allison Slagle (Randomosity) 1 day ago
This is on the parents. I have ADHD and ASD and I never would've done something as childish as kicking the back of a car seat when I was 14. They're the ones who taught her she can get her way by throwing a fit, now they have to deal with it.
Sera 3 days ago
If you have three special needs children with an overbearing need for personal space and routine and you live in a three bedroom house, it’s you who doesn’t get a bedroom. You can’t even legally house two opposite-sex kids in the same room past a certain age in some places. That said, all children get attached to their personal rooms, and kids on the autism spectrum get attached to their set routines and spaces far more than most. If these parents were intent on making this change they should have been prepping for the transition weeks to months ago, not just springing it on a child they KNOW struggles with transitions. I agree with other posters as well that the whole text reeks of favoritism for the middle daughter to the detriment of all of the children. Middle daughter is no more entitled to the use of the unaltered room than any of them; mom’s weird insistence that she deserves it more is a bad look.
Snow_White 3 days ago
All I could think about it is why did she have so many kids if she doesn't have the means to support them.
Ginger ninja 2 days ago
14yr old is a spoiled entitled brat but I actually agree with her here, why does she need to swap rooms just because another kid has never had the box room?
sweet emotion 4 days ago
Is anyone else sick of this DH, DS, DD, DP nonsense? I have never called anyone in my family "dear XX" - it sounds ridiculous - and frankly, I already have more than enough acronyms in my work world that make written communications look like nonsense.
ƒιѕн 3 days ago
It slows down my reading by making me stop to figure out wtf it means
Load More Replies... Skogsrået 3 days ago
Was wondering the same, the diagnosis the kids have do not excuse this poor behaviour. Parents should grow a pair and actually parent their kids.
Load More Replies... MindNumbinglyBoringJob 4 days ago
Squatters rights? F*****g kids these days are unrealistic entitled A.Hs
tori Ohno 4 days ago
I think it's too late. They've pandered to the brat just because she has ADHD for too long. She's going to continue throwing tantrums, and possibly damaging things like s toddler, because that's what she's learned works in order to get her way. Bad parenting all the way around.
Judes 3 days ago
While it's nice to have your own room as a child, it's not a necessity. And this family currently has a room that's easily big enough for two beds, so I think for most families it wouldn't be a problem. It's only become a problem because the eldest has issues.
Load More Replies... meeeeeeeeeeee 3 days ago
I'm confused about why the child makes the decisions and not the parents. How times have changed.
Sami-Jo Ross 4 days ago
She's OP's kid. She doesn't get squatter's rights, she gets "right to live under her parents' roof".
Stacy Bender 4 days ago
Whatever happened to, Do what you're told. & I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. These kids are teens not two.
Gwyn 3 days ago (edited)
Mom and Dad really should just decide what best for the family and stick to it. Don't give in to the tantrum or she'll be awful as an adult. I know spectrum kids can be very attached to their routines and having things the same, I have a kid like this myself, but there is reasonable accommodation and there are learning opportunities that changes can be ok and fun. However, If in the end they aren't willing to move the eldest child then I'd play up all the great stuff the two kids sharing the party wall will get. Go mattress shopping. Paint colors. New cool bedding. Well if you aren't moving to a new room with a bigger bed you don't need any of these things? She might end up changing her mind. If she doesn't she'll constantly be reminded of what she gave up. Might make her think twice next time.
Alexandra 3 days ago
I think the parents are way in over their heads with 3 children in total of which 2 have ADHD and ASD. Personally, I would have given thought to the bedroom situation before having 3 kids that I don't have room for in the house. Because when the kids gets older, even box-rooms won't do in the long run.
Judes 3 days ago
I had a small room as a teenager. It wasn't a problem. I also know plenty of people who shared a room until they were older teenagers. Again, it wasn't a problem. For most families, sharing or small rooms is normal. It's only an issue here because of the ADHD/ASD.
Load More Replies... millac 3 days ago
Unless they think the oldest will physically attack the middle child for switching rooms, they should inform the kids this is happening and then make it happen. And if the oldest WOULD physically attack the sister, then she needs to be carted off to one of those specialized schools, which would solve the room issues. I'm largely wondering where everyone will sleep during construction.
MartiBob 3 days ago (edited)
How about if you just parent, say "this is how it is, tough it out", then follow through. Let her scream, she will eventually lose her voice and you can enjoy some silence. You failed as a parent to let it get to this phase. Letting them stay up all night to watch TV? Take the TV away. These parents need a smack to the head. ADHD doesn't cause this, bad parenting does.
JLo 3 days ago
Your plan sounds logical and reasonable. Don't give in to temper tantrums. That is only a short-term solution. Society will thank you for teaching your daughter that pitching a fit won't get her what she wants. Besides, it isn't right that a boy and girl in middle school should be sharing a room. Your oldest can have her own room when she pays the rent on her own apartment, lol.
The Starsong Princess 3 days ago
Yeah, this is going to end well. Moving the kid you don’t like (your post just drips with dislike) out of her room to give it to the kid you like better isn’t going to work. It would cause a big explosion even if your daughter didn’t have emotional regulation problems. Everyone needs to stay in their existing room.
Surly Scot 3 days ago
Irresponsible parents. First, why have 3 kids when you can only afford the 3bedroom house? Stop having kids you can't afford and acting gleeful about it, the kids don't deserve the nonsense that comes with it. Second, why aren't the parents actually parenting instead of trying to be their kids best friends? If i'd pulled any of this nonsense as a child, i'd have had a swift slap across the face, grounded for 2months and told if my attitude doesn't change they'll file paperwork to hand me over to the State (grandma did that one on me, she would also walk away and abandon me if I threw a tantrum in the supermarket saying "I don't want a bad child like you. I'm leaving you here for some bad man to take away". I changed my tune damn fast and learned to get with the program).
Lyoness 2 days ago
I sound my age and I'm ok with that ...their house, their rules. Parents decide who sleeps where, not kids. Just move everyone's stuff while they aren't home and put locks on all the doors. Each kid gets the key to their room. Tell the eldest if she wants to have a tantrum to do it elsewhere or you're taking the key back and she can sleep on the floor. Problem solved.
T'Mar of Vulcan 2 days ago
The way the 14 year-old behaves makes me think she's on the spectrum too. No way should a teen be screaming, throwing tantrums and kicking a car seat.
Terry Fergusson 2 days ago
Take away phones and or wifi password and compliance will be guaranteed
Katie Barnes 3 days ago
Love how they let their kids stay up until the wee hours of the morning watching tv. I was a night owl and would have loved that but my parents actually parented me and had rules in place. Sometimes I would sneak a flashlight to bed and be up that late anyways but to just let them do it and watch tv? Having ADHD or ASD is not a pass to do whatever you want without rules as a child.
Roberta Surprenant 3 days ago
LOL good job panda, same story, two different headlines, one right above the other on the feed.
Ana Gomez 5 hours ago
Is the master bedroom the largest? If so, turn that into two rooms and the parents take the 2nd largest room. I agree with those saying DH, DS, DD, DP is getting ridiculous and makes reading more difficult. OP needs to get the kids into therapy if they aren't already and family therapy.
Allison Slagle (Randomosity) 1 day ago
This is on the parents. I have ADHD and ASD and I never would've done something as childish as kicking the back of a car seat when I was 14. They're the ones who taught her she can get her way by throwing a fit, now they have to deal with it.
Sera 3 days ago
If you have three special needs children with an overbearing need for personal space and routine and you live in a three bedroom house, it’s you who doesn’t get a bedroom. You can’t even legally house two opposite-sex kids in the same room past a certain age in some places. That said, all children get attached to their personal rooms, and kids on the autism spectrum get attached to their set routines and spaces far more than most. If these parents were intent on making this change they should have been prepping for the transition weeks to months ago, not just springing it on a child they KNOW struggles with transitions. I agree with other posters as well that the whole text reeks of favoritism for the middle daughter to the detriment of all of the children. Middle daughter is no more entitled to the use of the unaltered room than any of them; mom’s weird insistence that she deserves it more is a bad look.
Snow_White 3 days ago
All I could think about it is why did she have so many kids if she doesn't have the means to support them.
Ginger ninja 2 days ago
14yr old is a spoiled entitled brat but I actually agree with her here, why does she need to swap rooms just because another kid has never had the box room?
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