Family comes first. But what happens when your other family doesn’t understand this? Unnecessary conflicts and heartbreak, sadly.

Two married women had been planning to go to one of their parents’ 25th wedding anniversary. However, just days before the celebration, tragedy struck: the other woman’s mother passed away.

The grieving couple informed the parents about what happened and said they were not coming to the party, hoping to receive compassion and support. But instead, their decision to skip the event was met with disappointment and even hostility.

So the first woman made a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ to find out if she and her partner could have handled the situation better.

This woman canceled on her parents’ wedding anniversary to tend to her grieving wife

Image credits: mstandret / envato (not the actual photo)

But her mother thought the reason wasn’t sufficient enough to skip the event

Image credits: Prostock-studio / envato (not the actual photo)

Image source: throwawayhallowo

Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Some parents try to control their children a lot even after they become adults

There’s no specific age when parents start seeing you as an adult. But at some point, you do become one and start to make your own decisions. But the more overbearing a mom or dad is, the harder it can be for them to recognize and accept your independence, which makes it challenging to maintain a mature and balanced relationship with them.

While we don’t know what kind of childhood the author of the post had, we can take a look at one longitudinal study involving 184 young people from a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds. Researchers kept an eye on them from the time they were 13 to 32, and found that “kids who had parents who displayed more overcontrolling behavior tended to struggle in tasks that require assertiveness and independence and autonomy throughout development,” said Emily Loeb, the lead author on the study.

“So by the time the kids were adults, they were in romantic relationships where there wasn’t as much support being given … They achieved less education relative to those who had less psychological control, and they were less likely to be in a romantic relationship at all by age 32.”

Overbearing parents may have good intentions. For example, maybe the lady from the post really wanted to organize a special evening for her whole family. But they can make you feel shameful and overwhelmed when you shouldn’t.

“I think the key to having a controlling parent is to have kindness and boundaries with them,” said Cara Gardenswartz, PhD, a psychologist with Group Therapy LA in Beverly Hills, CA. “Be both firm and kind, not disrespectful to them in any way, but to set boundaries in your life and choice.”

Hopefully, the woman behind the post and her mother will find a way to get along that works for them both.

As people reacted to the story, its author joined the discussion in the comments

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