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Woman Prioritizes Grieving Wife And Newborn Twins Over Mother’s Anniversary, Faces Hell From Her
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Woman Prioritizes Grieving Wife And Newborn Twins Over Mother’s Anniversary, Faces Hell From Her

Woman Prioritizes Grieving Wife And Newborn Twins Over Mother’s Anniversary, Faces Hell From HerWoman Doesn’t Want To Be In Her Grandchildren’s Lives After Daughter Refuses To Come To Her PartyWoman Is Disappointed Daughter Would Rather Stay With Her Wife In Need Rather Than Come To Her PartyWoman Misses Parent's Anniversary Dinner Over Grieving Wife, Mom Is HeartbrokenWoman Stays Home To Comfort Grieving Wife, Mom Can't Believe She Missed Family AnniversaryMom Upset Daughter Didn’t Ditch Her Postpartum Grieving Wife To Celebrate Her AnniversaryMom Starts Major Drama After Daughter Misses Anniversary Dinner Over Her Grieving WifeWoman Chooses Postpartum Wife Whose Mom Just Died Over Parents’ Party, They Are LividWoman Angers Parents By Grieving Wife's Mother Instead Of Attending Their Anniversary DinnerWoman Is Confused After Parents Become Cold To Her Because She Chose Her Wife Over Their Party
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Family comes first. But what happens when your other family doesn’t understand this? Unnecessary conflicts and heartbreak, sadly.

Two married women had been planning to go to one of their parents’ 25th wedding anniversary. However, just days before the celebration, tragedy struck: the other woman’s mother passed away.

The grieving couple informed the parents about what happened and said they were not coming to the party, hoping to receive compassion and support. But instead, their decision to skip the event was met with disappointment and even hostility.

So the first woman made a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ to find out if she and her partner could have handled the situation better.

RELATED:

    This woman canceled on her parents’ wedding anniversary to tend to her grieving wife

    Image credits: mstandret / envato (not the actual photo)

    But her mother thought the reason wasn’t sufficient enough to skip the event

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    Image credits: Prostock-studio / envato (not the actual photo)

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    Image source: throwawayhallowo

    Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    Some parents try to control their children a lot even after they become adults

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    There’s no specific age when parents start seeing you as an adult. But at some point, you do become one and start to make your own decisions. But the more overbearing a mom or dad is, the harder it can be for them to recognize and accept your independence, which makes it challenging to maintain a mature and balanced relationship with them.

    While we don’t know what kind of childhood the author of the post had, we can take a look at one longitudinal study involving 184 young people from a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds. Researchers kept an eye on them from the time they were 13 to 32, and found that “kids who had parents who displayed more overcontrolling behavior tended to struggle in tasks that require assertiveness and independence and autonomy throughout development,” said Emily Loeb, the lead author on the study.

    “So by the time the kids were adults, they were in romantic relationships where there wasn’t as much support being given … They achieved less education relative to those who had less psychological control, and they were less likely to be in a romantic relationship at all by age 32.”

    Overbearing parents may have good intentions. For example, maybe the lady from the post really wanted to organize a special evening for her whole family. But they can make you feel shameful and overwhelmed when you shouldn’t.

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    “I think the key to having a controlling parent is to have kindness and boundaries with them,” said Cara Gardenswartz, PhD, a psychologist with Group Therapy LA in Beverly Hills, CA. “Be both firm and kind, not disrespectful to them in any way, but to set boundaries in your life and choice.”

    Hopefully, the woman behind the post and her mother will find a way to get along that works for them both.

    As people reacted to the story, its author joined the discussion in the comments

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    Kotryna Br

    Kotryna Br

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea.

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    Kotryna Br

    Kotryna Br

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea.

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

    Read less »

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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    H. B. Nielsen
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All insane, but the part about so flipantly being able to say she's done with the kids over this indicates something is deeply wrong with her. To be able to say all of that on top of having nothing better to say than what she did to the wife about her mom's death...... She needs an evaluation and help. Dad doesn't care either.

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The mother is certainly way over the top. It's hard to tell how much the father cares. It's likely that he has dealt with her drama throughout their marriage and is hoping she'll get over it after a few days. On the other hand, it would have been nice if he had added some kind words about the other mother's death.

    Load More Replies...
    JLo
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the past, people went into mourning for a whole year after a family member died, which meant not attending any social events. So the OP not attending the dinner is a sign of respect to her MIL.

    Nadine Debard
    Community Member
    6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a non-native English speaker, I almost had a stroke reading the title and needed to click and read the article to understand. Edit : thanks BP the new title is better

    Load More Comments
    H. B. Nielsen
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All insane, but the part about so flipantly being able to say she's done with the kids over this indicates something is deeply wrong with her. To be able to say all of that on top of having nothing better to say than what she did to the wife about her mom's death...... She needs an evaluation and help. Dad doesn't care either.

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The mother is certainly way over the top. It's hard to tell how much the father cares. It's likely that he has dealt with her drama throughout their marriage and is hoping she'll get over it after a few days. On the other hand, it would have been nice if he had added some kind words about the other mother's death.

    Load More Replies...
    JLo
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the past, people went into mourning for a whole year after a family member died, which meant not attending any social events. So the OP not attending the dinner is a sign of respect to her MIL.

    Nadine Debard
    Community Member
    6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a non-native English speaker, I almost had a stroke reading the title and needed to click and read the article to understand. Edit : thanks BP the new title is better

    Load More Comments
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